On tonight’s RHOBH Recap we have good news and bad news. The good news is that we are going to Hawaii! The bad news is it is for Camille’s wedding. I am sorting looking forward to watching LVP “pass a lie detector test” tonight though. That’s going to be hysterically bad reality TV. It’s going to be RHOBH meets Marriage Boot Camp.
Oh joy, it looks like we are starting with that. We start in some rambleshack office with John the polygraph guy. No last name. No company name. Just a janky room. And John Sessa who is carrying around a pink dog for the liar. John says polygraph tests are “nearly 100% accurate.” That’s a lie. Also, she is being asked the questions that Sessa creature wrote for her and had them in advance.
Also, while everyone else is in short sleeve shirts, LVP has on a sweater, a scarf and a jacket. John the lie detector guy puts his straps over all of that. For what? How the hell can they machine even pretend to measure perspiration and such when the contraption has three layers of heavy clothing between it an her body? But the lie detector says there is “zero chance” that she is lying. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! John tells us he has been testing people for over thirty years. In fact he said that three times in the two minute segment. My lie detector says John is lying.
Always a Bridesmaid…
On to an more serious question? Why the hell is Kyle Richard’s Camille Grammer’s bridesmaid? It makes no sense. They are not close at all. All I can think of is that someone had to do it. Flashback to the infamous dinner from hell. Kyle’s bridesmaid dress is basically a black lace tablecloth with cap sleeves. Because that just scream Hawaiian wedding doesn’t it?
Oh yeah! Hawaiian Airlines first class cabin looks amazing! What is up with the janky production on the big island? Did they hire locals for this? I noticed it when pulling photos and thought it might just be bad digital video. It’s janky on my fancy TV too!
TamaraTattles had sources at the wedding. One of the first things they said was that the hotel where the RHOBH were staying was not very nice. This is someone who was an invited guest and is accustomed to nice things. Yet, it is a paid promotion so everyone is raving about the place. Also, it’s Hawaii. It’s all beautiful.
During the hysterical lie detector scene LVP was asked about Dorit’s ever changing face. LVP replied that Dorit has had a head transplant. I was trying to figure out who the blond I didn’t recognize was the whole trip. Then the hotel employee says, “Dorit, this is your suite.” She’s unrecognizable.
So many season one Camille flashbacks.
Hang Ten or Take A Seat?
Every heads to the beach where Camille tells Kyle she’s the reason LVP is not coming to the wedding. No, Camille, her getting busted for planting stories with ROL is the reason she’s not coming to the wedding. In a weird big of editing we see Camille appear with a plate of fresh fruit she sets on a beach chair. They all jump up and swarm the platter like they haven’t eaten in years.
Lisa Rinna has a weird swimsuit on. It has a high neck and all I can think about is weird tan lines. That’s how interesting this scene is. I’m focused on the fruit platter and Rinna’s one piece. Everyone finally goes paddle boarding. It seems like they have all done it before. Kyle is not a fan and is the first to drop out. I don’t think I’d enjoy paddle boarding.
Back in Beverly Hills, Patrick Muldoon runs lines with Denise Richards. He hasn’t aged well.
Everyone goes to Camille’s fabulous Hawaiian mansion for dinner. If this is really her house why has she been living in a trailer in Malibu since her house burned down? In fact, why is she living in Malibu at all?
I’m just really enjoying this dinner scene. Everything about it is amazing. The best part was when the pasta came out in a wheel of Parmesan. I think that was the first time I’ve ever seen food actually go into Rinna’s mouth. They all ate it!
There was some sort of party favor in a white bag that said Team Camille and had the bride and grooms photos on it. So thirsty.
For some reason these grown adults went around the dinner table to say what the like most and least about their partner. Edwin said his answer was the same for both. How organized she is. I can see that being great and annoying. But on the bus Edwin is trying to smooth Teddi’s feathers about it. He tries to fix it by saying “no guy wants the playgirl model that everyone wants to fuck.” Oh Edwin, sweetie, just stop talking. Rinna who is also on the fun bus points out she is that chick. She was in Playboy twice.
Rinna has been a bit under the weather since she landed in Hawaii. She is losing her voice.
Teddi has an offer to buy half of her company. She is conflicted over whether to sell and have more time with her children or keep what she has created for herself.
What Is Maurico On?
Maurico has been a bit off for most of this trip but at the dinner before the wedding day, he’s baked. Like totally baked.
Production came up with a very elaborate story about how Kyle found out LVP was taking a lie detector test. It’s ridiculous. She found out because she’s a producer and is in on all the producer group emails. But whatever. They had to get the story in somehow. But her daughter’s BFFs construction workers or whatever that was she just said would not know why she was taking a lie detector test. It was just such a random piece of storyline. But, here we are. Back to #puppygate
Rinna who has almost no voice left brings up one of my points about how you don’t just walk into a lie detector place and says here, ask me these questions (including one about Dorits many faces) and call it a valid test. We flashback to the lie detector scene. Mauricio points out lie detector tests are not admissible in court. Teddi wins the night by saying Ted Bundy passed a lie detector test.
It’s Camille’s wedding day. Her very ill mother has arrived. Kyle pays her way more attention than Camille did. She didn’t even offer her help with makeup other than smearing some lip gloss on her.
Meanwhile, Dorit brought seven pairs of sunglasses for the wedding. Was she ever fat? Because fancy sunglasses are a fat chicks best friend. Or um, maybe that is just me.
I do not understand why Camille is going to her wedding in a teeny tiny car. This is the one time you need a stretch limo for your wedding gown. HOLY SHIT. She is hyphenating her last name with her ex-husband’s last name? Why would any man marry a woman who did that?
As usual all the housewives are late. And so is my Tamara Tattles spy right there in the circle. 🙂 Camille’s dress is AMAZING.
On next week’s RHOBH Recap, it’s Halloween. And Kim Richards shows up.