I’m going to get this Southern Charm Recap up quickly. Then I will have to hold off on RHONY. Sorry. I’ve had a very long difficult day.
The episode begins with everyone calling each other about the news of Thomas Ravenel’s arrest. Kathryn say she just left a doctor’s appointment with Saint. Thomas was there and it was strange. He was acting like nothing happened. He’s in denial. I really don’t need to see Shep’s dad bod in nothing but droopy boxers. I do love Chelsea mocking Ashley Jacobs in the very first segment.
Allegiances have shifted this season. For example, Patrica is best buds with Kathryn Dennis now. Since Thomas’s arrest, she has finally ended her allegiance to Thomas. It actually happened prior to his arrest. But that certainly sealed the deal. Plus Thomas tried to “assassinate her character” on Twitter. You know, like he did to Kathryn for years. Plus now the truth about Kathryn and Thomas’ Relationship is out!
Did Thomas Have The Kids When He Was Arrested?
Kathryn goes to visit Danni after the doctor’s appointment with Thomas. She says that Thomas has been an asshole to her ever since he got back together with Ashley. It sounds like Thomas had the kids when he was arrested. He didn’t even call her to let her know they were okay. Or even better tell her to come pick them up. Also, Ashley continues to post pictures of her children on her social media. This give the phrase “brazen hussy” new meaning.
On the way to Craig’s house, Cameran talks to Shep. Shep tells her not to be to hard on Craig. Really Shep? You are the biggest critic of Craig ever season? Cameran says her new mantra for 2019 is “Don’t be so hard on Craig.” I think Shep and Patricia both need to stop demeaning him. Cameran is impressed with Craig’s house. It’s clean and decorated! He has a dog! Yes, Cameran that is why it was so messy before because he was living in a home while renovating it. And because he’s a guy. Cameran thinks she needs to start smoking pot. She wants to know where to buy it. Craig says everyone in her life smokes pot.
Being A Mom Is Hard! Who Knew?
Cameran says being a mom is the hardest job she has ever had. Her real estate career has crashed and burned. She’s only sold once property since she had the baby. She tells Craig he looks better than ever. He spent three months in the Bahamas. It did him a world of good. I’ve always loved Craig. Even though he’s never seen How Stella Got Her Groove back.
Oh joy! It’s time for my favorite thing ever. Watching reality show participants “work out.” AKA Our first promotional for a business. It’s Naomie Olindo and her “new” boyfriend, Metul Shah. Suddenly, I remember that I don’t like Naomie. Metul is a resident physician in anesthesiology. He seems like a great guy. I like him a lot. Also, I keep hearing thing pinging sound when he is on the screen. Also, she is super co-dependent on him and didn’t go on a trip this season because Metul didn’t want her to be with Craig on an overnight trip. I predict they get married soon. She needs to marry a doctor. And he has his own agenda.
Chelsea goes to a surf shop to buy an new board. Shep shows up and they chat about her new house. It is amazing! She says it has taken up all her time and isolated her from her friends. Check out the board in her new amazing house.
Shep Is The Reigning Misogynist Douchebag This Season!
Do you remember Madison LeCroy? She is the girl who was dating Austen only to catch him in a three way with two random girls from a bar. Y’all really need to click on these links. Anyway they are back together. She’s a hairdresser like Chelsea and apparently has been doing Patricia’s hair for years. By all accounts, she is great. Austen says she makes him want to be a better man. Austen is so far down that scale that any minor improvement would help.
Oh I guess everyone doesn’t like Madison. Since Thomas Ravenel and JD Madison are off the show, Shep Rose has taken the lead spot as resident misogynist douchebag. After they roll the footage of the threesome heard round the world, Shep tells Chelsea that Madison cheated on Austen. It was after Austen’t three-way. She broke up with him, Shep. Just shut the fuck up, Shep. Where is Patricia with her quest against character assassination now? She supposed to be “friends” with Madison. Chelsea sort of calls Shep out on his disparaging comments about Madison.
Meanwhile, Austen and Madison talk about Shep trashing Madison. Austen just needs Shep and Madison to be friends. Maybe Shep should just stop trashing Madison then.
I Forget How Insufferable Naomie Is!
Ugh. Now we must suffer through a Patricia dinner. Patricia seems to think she is some sort of etiquette expert. And clearly the script includes all the cast playing along. I am in love with the hot black doctor, Eddie Irions. who arrived as Cameran’s plus one. Naomie brought her GBF. Craig brought a date, Caroline. Naomie’s GBF, Will, tells her that Caroline looks like her. She does not. Craig made a pillow in the Bahamas that he brought for Patricia’s hostess gift. I think Craig might actually be designing a pillow line for real. I don’t think that is one of them. Can’t they just lay off Craig?
Then, Shep shows up with Eliza Limehouse. Not only is she on the show this season, she is main cast member. I have nothing against Eliza, but Aaron Rothman is using her to get scenes with Ashley Jacobs. His plan backfired. Kathryn is not friends with Eliza. Eliza who is kinda sorta not really related to Thomas said horrible things about Kathryn on the show two years ago when she was struggling with her sobriety. Just more douchebaggery by Shep. Shep gives Madison a housewives greeting.
It’s Okay To Be Gay…
Okay, I lied. Eliza is horrible. Maybe Aaron Rothman brought her on to be the new Ashley. She’s unbearable in her first minute on the show.
At dinner, Austen starts the storyline about Whitney and Kathryn hooking up. Why do they persist with the myth that Whitney is straight on this show? Chelsea tells Whitney that mussels look like vaginas. My first thought was, “He wouldn’t know. He’s never see one.” Not that there is anything wrong with that. It’s just, come on. Enough with the fakery.
Apparently, Eliza Limehouse Is The New Ashley Jacobs
Did I mention Eliza is awful? How does she not know why Kathryn doesn’t want to make pleasant conversation with her? She colluded with Thomas. That’s like colluding with the Russians. Sorry. Please don’t get political in comments. I’m in a mood.
Cameran wants to talk about Shep’s sperm with Patricia at the dinner table. Because, etiquette. Cameran thinks he has to be sterile since no babies have been made (that we know of) despite his constant whoring. I was going to do a blind item reveal here. I can’t find the blind. But Shep allegedly flies in fans to sleep with him.
Patricia, ever the queen of etiquette says she wants to buy Shep’s sperm. Eliza jumps in to say that Cameran can donate an egg and Kathryn can be the surrogate. WTF? What was the point of that? Am I missing something?
Shep claims that Patricia invited Eliza and her date cancelled and she asked him to be her escort. Total bullshit. Aaron Rothman told him she would be his date. Everyone thinks Eliza is annoying. Even Shep thinks she is annoying. Eliza tries to apologize to Kathryn. Kathryn says that her coattails are worn out. YES! However, I must say I don’t remember Eliza being such a horrible person. I blame Aaron Rothman for this. He needed a new villain and she’s willing to ruin her reputation. Eliza was smart enough to get a full-time contract though. If you are wondering who Aaron Rothman is, click on the big links. I have a four part series spoiling season six. It explains everything.
Thanks for reading the Southern Charm Recap. Apologies for delaying the RHONY recap. xo, ~tt Also, please comment on the show, or the recap and not about any personal traumas? I have more than I can deal with now. Thanks.