It’s time for another RHOBH Recap. I can’t say I am excited about it as both Camille Grammer and Lisa Vanderpump make an appearance. I’ll probably just skip over that part. It’s been never ending panic attacks since another post about RHOBH last week. Then, today a lot happened at the house involving an unexpected job solicitation. Basically it involved a giant tree limb that hung over the entire length of my house that some random tree guy said was going to fall on the house and kill us all. That’s something that scares me every time there is a storm. So, I overpaid random rednecks to take it out.
Now this is what I need. Kyle Richards, her dogs, Lisa Rinna and Teddi Mellencamp jogging through the beautiful Umansky backyard. They need to burn off all the junk food they ate on the camping trip. Then they work out and giggle about Teddi Mellencamp being a know-it-all. As an actual know-it-all, I’d like to say Teddi is just someone who speaks her mind. Just like they all do.
I love Denise because she is one of the few people on any housewives franchise that knows how to pack. She is taking a small Louis Vuitton carry-on bag for a three day shoot in Miami. This is how it is done people. I’ve done eleven nights in Paris without checking a bag. I travel solo though. I don’t have to worry about looking cute for anyone. Except on nights when… well…let’s move on. Aaron is staying with the kids. And driving her to the airport. Plus, he seems great with Eloise. I imagine she needs the stability he provides when Denise goes to work.
She is leaving on the night one of her daughters has a big dance. It’s her first date. She’s super emotional about missing it. At least she gets to see her in her dress. Even if it was with the wrong bra. Seriously. Why not try it on with no bra or the one she will wear with it? Wait. Did they cut that scene out? Maybe it was in the very beginning when I was paying attention. Oh, apparently Sami was at a stylist’s house getting ready. How very Beverly Hills. So, Denise and Aaron stopped by on the way to the airport.
The RHOBH Head To The Globe To See Erika Jayne Perform
I wish I had a photo of Erika Jayne’s talking head look. It’s called FASHION, bitches. Which reminds me I have an Erika Jayne post I never felt well enough to post. Maybe that will happen soonish. Erika Jayne is such a straight shooter. She’s nervous about performing in LA because the audience will have people she knows in it. Like most of the RHOBH.
OMG! We have a Tom Girardi siting! I love him. And yes, I know about his lawsuits and Mauricio’s and they are all related their businesses and just not that interesting to me. Also, I feel like the people suing them don’t really have a case. It will all work out in the end. It’s just some rich people problems. Also, Erika and Tom are good. That was the most important thing about the story I might get to when I have a moment. It’s cute that Tom being in the audience makes Erika nervous.
UGH. It’s PEEKAY.
I hate that Kyle has forgiven Paul Kemsley. But, bless her heart, Kyle will make-up with anybody. So now we have the hottest husband sitting next to the grossest one. UGH. And Kyle’s topic of conversation, basically repeating Camille Grammer’s disgusting comments from last week’s RHOBH Recap, is not helping me get through this scene.
At the venue, everyone freaks out when Rinna arrives with a bunch of weave and a long ponytail. I’m a fan of Rinna’s iconic hairstyle. The ponytail is cute for a day or two. However, it doesn’t warrant this level of enthusiasm. That said, I’m a fan of enthusiasm and happiness on these shows. So rock on, RHOBH ladies. Rock on.
The Show Must Go On
It’s time for the show! There is a hot blond standing with Tom Girardi in the VIP section. Production deliberately doesn’t show her whole face. And that’s all I’m going to say about that. It’s none of our business.
Erika Jayne opens the show with It’s Expensive To Be Me. She was fabulous. The crowd went wild. Teddi says that Edwin wants to audition to be a backup dancer. Teddi says he is not tall enough. Erika Jayne’s backup dancers are tall. AND? Edwin is hot as hell. Way hotter than the backup dancers. I say, “Put him in coach!”
Then, during Painkiller, the sound cuts out. At first she keeps singing, but the sound is blown out on one side of the stage. Erika Jayne is clearly pissed. They finally get things going and she finishes the show like a champ. Tom loved the show and that is all Erika Jayne really cares about.
Gay Or European?
For reasons unclear to me, Peekay goes into the male backup dancers dressing room and congratulations them on the show. My gaydar is unreliable on foreign men. But, um. I’m just saying. This is some weird shit.
I’m going to need one of you fashionista types to tell me who makes that black and white t-shirt/ t-shirt dress she Erika Jayne wearing. I’m quite sure I can’t afford it. Especially after the unexpected expenditures today, and they don’t make my size. Unless the designer is Omar the tent maker. I’m just curious. Teddi and Kyle are both trying to steal Erika’s sparkly red boots. The Kyle goes to straddle her man for a make-out session. Because, Mauricio. ¡Aye Carumba! Earlier we saw Kyle ordering margaritas. I’m sure they cut out the part where she asked for Casamigos but I know she did if they have it. So she’s um, in the mood.
Party In The USA?
So Teddi Mellencamp decides to insult her man’s stamina by saying he only lasted two minutes the last time they got in on. She says they put on music and got down to business and he only lasted for one song. Dorit asks what the song was. This would not be something it would occur to me to ask. Then, Teddi ADMITS ON NATIONAL TELEVISION it was Party In The USA. I don’t see how anyone can have sex to that song. No matter how freaking hot Edwin is. Then Edwin sort of auditions for a backup slot with the tour. And, well, gulp. I need a moment.
Kyle and Teddi take their daughters for a manicure. Can just take a moment to share that on top of everything else I broke a nail this week. Not just like oops I broke a nail, let just cut everything short. But somehow I managed to break it halfway down the nail bed. I don’t really care about my nails and HATE getting manicures most of the time. I can’t be still that long. Or more honestly offline that long. But it’d annoying AF. Anyway, sorry.
They chat about how Kyle’s bridesmaid’s dress still has not arrived. And how they need nine different looks for the Hawaii filming. And Mom guilt. I only have a dog and Banjo cries so loud when I have to go somewhere I can hear him in the car in the driveway. It kills me. Kyle says she feels like she has spread herself too thin so she is going to close all but one of her stores and focus on online sales.
And thus ended the show. At least for me. Next week, the RHOBH head to Hawaii for Camille’s Wedding. Hopefully, someone other than the bride makes it all about her. Join me next week (if I survive) for another RHOBH Recap.