After what seemed to me like the most excruciatingly long season, it is finally time for the Vanderpump Rules Finale recap. Am so ready to be rid of this show for a bit. I cannot express how much I do not care about who Scheana Marie sleeps with. So let’s get on with it, shall we?
At least we get to start with Brittany’s exuberance about her enchanted forest fairy tale engagement party. I would not have expected anything less. Nor am I shocked she has her own personal array of “fairy tale themed items” to sprinkle around the location.
Are Penguins The Perfect Apology For… Everything?
But we quickly move on to Scheana whining about Adam being mad at her for sleeping around. I don’t think Adam really cares. And yet, Scheana has adopted a penguin for Adam. Because nothing says “I’m sorry I’m such a whore.” like a penguin.
James Kennedy talks to his TV therapist about blowing up on the Toms when he wasn’t invited to Mexico. Perhaps he should adopt a penguin for Schwartz. Or perhaps a swan says, “Sorry for trash talking your fat wife again!” better than a penguin? Is there a book somewhere on choosing the appropriate zoo animal for making up after a fight? Like those books that tell you all the meanings of flowers? James is full of lots of regrets, and the occasional beer. Sounds pretty normal to me.
Almost All of the Vanderpump Rules Cast Is On A Party Bus!
Jax. Brittany, Vanderpump and Ken all drove to the venue. I still think it is odd that Ken drives. He really doesn’t seem to be all there most of the time.
Speaking of not all there, Scheana is already wasted on the bus. Adam is trying to just ignore her and it’s killing her. Sadly, that is a figurative phrase and not a literal one. Scheana explains to Stassi that “the model” she slept with went down on her for thirty minutes. I can’t imagine this to be true.
ICYMI Lala Kent and Randall Were Under An EPIC Social Media Attack By 50 Cent All Weekend!
Why is LVP wearing a red bra under a cream-colored dress that is deliberately showing? It’s not a cute look. Actually when pulling photos for this Vanderpump Rules recap, I found most of what the ladies were wearing to be pretty bad. Vanderpump tries to convince Brittany’s dad that Jax really has changed. All I can look at is the bobby pin in her hair holding half her hair to the other side. Why?
Another BJ, Another PJ
Brittany feels super guilty for not having Lala Kent as a bridesmaid. Especially after she sucked off Randall to get them a PJ and a house for a trip to Cabo.
It’s time for the talk between drunk Scheana and Adam. Adam may not have signed on for Vanderpump Rules next season. Perhaps we can stop pretending like these two are a thing. Adam tells Scheana he is not in love with her. Scheana tries to rationalize screwing the model as some plan to make him realize he has feelings for her. There is a loud argument that Scheana refuses to let Adam get away from. She demands a hug and will not let go. Why is this storyline getting so much airtime? We get it, the fake relationship has ended. Just please stop.
Aw, she didn’t even get to tell him about the penguin. Then she hunts down Mamaw and drunk cries all over her. God she is so annoying.
Meanwhile Back At SUR…
James and Raquel go to dinner at SUR. I’ll take this sad and pathetic relationship over the Scheana one any day. Raquel got a job at SUR so we should probably get used to her. The hostess is also the waitress. Apparently, we are to presume they don’t have enough staff there because everyone is getting drunk in the enchanted forest of Topanga.
These two need to strategize on how to get a wedding invitation. Also, they are living together, Raquel seems to think James will stop cheating on her. James talks about marrying Raquel.
Yet Another Person Tries To Explain To Lisa Vanderpump That Insults Are Not Jokes
Why is this concept so hard for Lisa Vanderpump to wrap her head around. If you say nasty things about people, they don’t like it. And saying “It was a joke, lighten up” when confronted about it is not acceptable. The correct response is “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. Please forgive me. It won’t happen again.” And then you stop doing it. It’s not friendly banter.
Ariana tries to explain that bad mouthing the Toms in the media is damaging their reputation. This causes LVP to go into one of her condescending rescue stories about how the Toms had no experience and yet she kindly took them in to show them the ropes. Actually Sandoval has years of experience in the industry. She points out that she put their names on the building. I can’t with her.
Lisa Vanderpump Gives Her Blessing To The Couples
Fresh off having her relationship with Beau formally endorsed by LVP, Stassi chats with Brittany’s dad. Poor guy, he keeps trying to get people to tell him this wedding is not going to be a disaster. Sorry, Pops. I give it a couple of years tops. However, we said similar things about Katie and Schwartz and they are still happily married. Okay, they are still married.
Jax and his sister have a sweet moment and share a hug. Then LVP gives her official endorsement to Brittany and Jax. And we have to endure more of the red bra. Am I the only one annoyed by this bra?
Then, Brittany thanks everyone for coming. Oddly, we saw less of the future bride than anyone on this episode. Except for Kristen. I don’t think she was in a single scene at the reception.
I’m going to need a gif of LVP funneling a beer. Or maybe I don’t need it. And that concludes this Vanderpump Rules season. The reunion starts next week, and it looks like a doozy.
I never tire of watching this shit show. I cannot wait for the reunion.
Can someone please tell me what Tom Schwartz did for a living before Tom Tom? Part time model? He never worked at SUR?
Also I think the bra is part of the dress.
Tom actually manages other models and makes quite a good living doing it – its just on the low down as it doesn’t fit in with his VPR persona. Heard him on a podcast a while back explaining it – its this & his appearance money that is the regular gig aside from the VPR money.
Thank you that’s very helpful the storyline made no sense
He just seemed unemployed
Wow! Thanks! I had no idea. Very interesting. He and Katie are a train wreck.
The red bra and bobby-pin are killing me!
THANK YOU! It’s not even a pretty bra, and it doesn’t fit her properly. Why does she always seem to have her tits out? Katie on the other hand really NEEDED a bra. At one point they actually blurred her side boob.
Yes the side boob! And I saw the Bobby pin.
I haven’t watched the episode yet, but just seeing the picture you posted above annoyed me! Who does that?! Why, why, why?!!!
And what about that thing on Lala’s head?!!! What the hell was that? How much of Fifty’s money did that cost?!
I had to pause the TiVo, rewind, and pause again because of the stupid red bra! Just no!! Someone should also help Katie with a proper undergarment or a better fitting dress. It’s like the underwear police were off duty!
Sorry if this is a duplicate post. I lost the first but maybe it will post.
Lisa and the red bra. Yes I noticed. It was awful. I like Lisa but that was not enchanted.
Scheana: do you love me. Adam: no. Scheana: answer me! Adam: no. OMG
Stassi’s face when Scheana said Adam didn’t go down on her. Remember last year Rob wouldn’t kiss her?
I like this episode but not a great season. To much Lala. #fofty
For me the season was just too long. In a “How can I miss you if you don’t go away?” kind of way.
The red bra was bad. It bugged me too. I kept thinking how a neutral lace bra would’ve looked sooo much better.
TT I am so glad you wrote about the red Bra. I know that some dresses are meant for the bra to show but this was not the time or the dress. It was tacky AF especially with the red and cream. She should of either went without a bra or matched it to the dress. Was LVP drunk when she got dress?! I so do not get the outfit. Regarding Scheana she should have owned it and told Adam since you are not my boyfriend that I can sleep with whoever I want. Until you claim me that’s how it goes. I hate guys who are on the fence, they want to sleep with you but they don’t want to claim you and get pissed if you decide to sleep with one another. Adam needs to grow the FU, so does Scheana. Her trying to make Adam jealous backfired.
That entire “relationship” was fake for the cameras. Production wrote out the entire storyarc prior to filming all nicely wrapped up just in time for the finale.
Do you think Scheana thought Adam was going to say “yes” when she asked if he loved her? Like production said he would say yes. She really seemed surprised and kept asking again like she thought he flubbed his line.
Also I am tired of the “British Humor” and “it was a joke”. It wasn’t a joke she was being passive aggressive. The comment was attentional and meant to hurt. I am glad that she got called out on it.
I am also tired of the “British Humor” and of LVP in general. A woman her age should not be sporting around her boobs sticking out. The red bra was atrocious and tasteless. When she first appeared I thought O.M.G. her bra is showing and she doesn’t know it. Then I realized it was meant to be. LVP has never had good taste in clothes. She always looks either frumpy or wears something way to young for her.
And a woman that tells on a TV SHOW that a guy went down on her for 30 min. KNOWING the guy she supposendly loves will see the show is an idiot. Sick of her whining also. Wish she
and Katie would be replaced. Even Kristin seems better than those two and that is really saying alot.
I totally agree about Scheana’s being able to do what she wants if she is not in an exclusive relationship. She should not have flaunted it. Which she did in some warped perception that it would help Adam claim her. . She is real hard to relate to.
ick. who wants to be claimed?
The booby prize.
Submissives?
Lost luggage.
The red bra had a matching handbag tho so it was all good….. sarcasm font. And please ladies, there comes a time when nobody wants to see saggy, sun spotted cleavage. Then again, where would most of these housewives buy their clothing???
I totally agree about the cleavage. There are some women who can have the girls out and they look nice and perky. LVP is not one of those women. Also, what is it about the housewives that every time they hit the reunion stage or appear on WWHL they have there saggy tits out or all taped up that they look abnormal?
Here is some British Humor- they call women who dress too young and too revealing “mutton dressed as lamb.” I’ve been saying this at my TV every time a crepey decolletage
How petty to pick on a red bra and a bobby pin. She looked fine, it matched her purse. What Ariana should of said to LVP was “thank you for our careers.” Tom 1 has only been a bartender and Tom 2 a part-time model. Duh.
And that’s what drives me insane about LVP! She thinks she can embarrass these “kids” on a national tv show because she “gave” them a career. It isn’t a kind thing to do! I know they are all fame hungry so they made a deal with the devil. It still doesn’t make it ok that Lisa makes fun of them! Sandoval does have at least a decade of experience in the business, where I come from… that’s quite a bit of experience!! Get over yourself Lisa!!! It isn’t cute!! What is cute is Tom taking this amazing opportunity and trying to really better himself for his future. He’s annoying, but I really think he’s the only one who realizes this too shall pass with the VPR fame and fortune. M
Molnuts, thanks for this assesment, I totally agree with your post.
I agree with Spunky. Where are these fashion critics when Erica trucks out in her latest get up? And the contention that Sandoval has spent years “in the business?” He was a bartender. He never made a schedule, he never drew up a budget, he never hired or fired, he never developed the concept, he slung drinks. He was handed this opportunity for a minimal buy-in, he and Ariana should shut up or when this show ends he will be back bartending and then what will happen to that $2.5 million dollar house they just bought?
How does one work their way up without opportunities like this? Tom was taking it all in during those years slinging drinks and probably picked up a thing or two. I worked at a pizza place in high school and after two years I learned every job within the restaurant and understood much more about running a business and I was only 16-18 years old at the time. Why am I defending Tom?? HA! I would hope at 35 years old he is able to take what he’s seen along the way and use it to his advantage.
It doesn’t help when the person giving you the helping hand keeps slapping it away. She wants them all to grovel, which they obviously do, but at some point she should let them sink or swim instead of just tearing them down at every turn.
Doesn’t she look foolish at some point for believing in these idiots and thinking they could handle it? Why doesn’t anyone call that out? If they are so inept, why did she have them become partners… oh wait, because they are marketable… because she made them marketable… and the cycle continues. I don’t know, just drives me crazy. Again… why am I defending Tom?!
Please, managing a restaurant is not that hard, and literally everyone who does it ages into it from waiting.
The bra and Bobby pin killed me as well. LVP is slipping in her old age…. Lalas Head piece was ridiculous, she just keeps getting more ghetto. The whole engagement party and wedding are starting to look like a 12 year old girl planned this shit, for her sake I do hope Jax is changed. I do love how Stassi talked with Brittany’s dad, and mentioned flaming spikes up his ass. Brittany’s dad looks sweet, makes me miss my dad all the more. I soo cannot wait for the reunion!
Yes Lala’s head band “from the Gucci store” must have been made to wear with the fugly Gucci slides. Even Gucci makes mistakes and these items are not adequate payment for sucking Rand’s dick. Also, she was dressed like a cat burglar for the first scene in the show. Why?
I can’t think of a single decent look on anyone at the party.
I think her cat burglar outfit was her trying to look gangster chic, I could be wrong though. I used to really like her, before Rand the man. And how crazy is it that Stassi is becoming likable?
Because Lala is all about the pussy…lol.
I was brought up to treat adults with respect and Stassi’s comments to Brittany’s Dad was not respectful. The mouth on these girls blow my mind.
Yes! I felt Stassi was being incredibly disrespectful to Brittany’s dad too.
Brittany looks beautiful. Her fairly tail style may not be my thing, but she looks like a princess and the party was perfect for our little fairy Brittany.
Scheana is exhausting. I still don’t think she’s mean or vindictive but her time on the show would be much better spent being herself and having friendships rather than production driven faux-mances.
Poor James. He’s just trying to live his life. His childhood was fucked, he’s got no role models. I’m still rooting for him. He deserves some goodness in his life.
Yes me too. I root for James! I think he is going to be eaten by the lions at the reunion. I’m scared for him!
Kris, I’m scared for James too! He’s quite sensitive and he’s not the evil guy everyone makes him out to be, at least in my opinion which is formed from television rather than a real life friendship. Frosty, I want to jump into his scenes and save him from himself too!
James is learning the hard way, it’s hard to watch sometimes. When he rages at people I want to reach through the screen and put my hand over his mouth to stop him from fucking himself up.
The photo above is NOT a good angle of Britney. She really needs a stylist, and I’d like to see one dress that isn’t low cut. Just because you get a boob job doesn’t mean your tits have to be out all the time, and everything you own is a low cut wrap or draped neck.
Speaking of stylist, please Katie. Jesus, did none of the rest of the girls tell her that dress was super unflattering? Also, stop with the red bra.
Delete Scheana.
Thank you TT, for your recap was funnier than this episode. You are so right about Ken driving! I wanted to love the finale because I’m going to miss these idiots, and I felt a bit let down by the lack of drama. Although when they cut to Scheana crying over MeeMaw, I did crack up. Scheana causes every bad thing that happens to her. The rest of the VPR “kids” are my favorite Bravolebrities, so the season didn’t feel too long for me, but there wasn’t a lot to it. The highlights seemed to be Stassi’s meltdown, the fact that Schwartz can’t stand the sound of Katie’s voice, and Brittany’s wedding dress (the one she should have bought). Also TomTom, but wasn’t that revealed last season?
It was nice to see Brittany and Jax smiling throughout the night and that flower wall was gorgeous. I want a wedding re-do so I can have a flower wall. (I had a balloon heart… it was pretty… sounds tacky now, but it was 26 years ago and I loved it.) Jax is an actor and I know you can’t trust him, but he seemed genuinely happy. I have a soft spot for him and I’ll watch him on this show any day.
The reunion looks interesting. I’m worried for James.
Next year, I hope they drop Schaena and Lala. Kristen can go too, although my husband loves her. I’d rather see Peter, Guillermo & Natalie, Beau, Carter, and the chefs. James deserves his firing and probably shouldn’t work at a bar, but I’d be happy if they bring him back.
Thanks for all of your recaps, TT. I am 5 or 6 episodes behind. Your recaps are a heck of a lot better than the actual show. I’ll probably end up deleting them. I’ll definitely watch the reunion, though.
I just really need to see James crawling across the reunion stage like he did in a previous season…that was hysterical!
The red bra was KILLING me! LVP should have known better. On the other hand, I thought Stassi looked the best she has all season. I’m really starting to like her.
Stassi did look great! Happiness agrees with our girl. 🙂
Scheana’s family must be so proud.
Scheana he’s just not that into you, buying him a penguin will not resolve the fact that you sabotage all your relationships because you just don’t know how to be a girlfriend. I believe you are in need of some relationship therapy. the desperate look you so subtly ooze is not a good one.
Did anyone see the trailer where James brings up Hillbilly’s?? Hilarious!
Is it just me…I’ve been getting a gay vibe from Adam since the first time he was on my tv. And not just a slight vibe, more like a neon sign flashing “gay” with an arrow pointing down over his head type of vibe.
mmmmmm…………no opposite sex oral sex.
At least everyone (with 2 notable exceptions) looked like they were having fun, it was a rockin’ party and gave me some hope for a fun wedding.
I usually love this show. But I have to say that this season has been kind of tiresome. LVP’s issues on RHOBH have really tainted my opinion of here and my enjoyment of VPR. Also, I am totally over the bullying and mean girls stuff when it comes to James. I don’t love James but the way Jax, Katie and Kristen treat him is so awful and unnecessary. Jax and Katie are mean girls. Kristen is crazy and its not cute or something to be proud of. There is no reason for her to be so effected by James. Get over it! Lala has lost it this season and is just a terrible human. And I agree, I could care less who Scheana is sleeping with or which boy is breaking her heart. Get a new story, a new life, something to care about other than what a guy thinks of you. Also, the Jax and Brittany wedding is totally just for story. Jax hasn’t changed, at least not permanently. I give that marriage one year of wedded bliss then it will go downhill. As someone who has been married many years, I know the kind of resolve it takes to stick it out. Jax doesn’t have it. Brittany might but I do kind of feel like she is just looking at the wedding, not the actual marriage.
All in all, the only people I care about are the Tom’s, Ariana, Stassi and Beau. Brittany is fine too but from the looks of her behavior at the reunion, I will also be annoyed with her after next week.
TT- great recap! Stassi is hilarious. She said she loves Beau, wants to marry him and have him follow her around carrying her little dog then the camera shows Ken in the back ground holding Giggy. LMAO!
But I want to marry Beau and have him carry ME around…walking is over-rated. Do you think he’d mind a menopausal 55 yr old woman prone to anxiety but with a good sense of humor?
I don’t know, let’s just not tell him about our little imperfections just yet…I love Beau too and I highly desire being carried around by him. I’m gonna get in line with you sliceo’pie!
I never thought I would ever say this, but for me, this season was all about Stassi – I find myself actually liking her, heaven help me. I really hope her relationship with Beau works out – he seems to dote on her and seems crazy in love with her. The rest of them can all jump on a giant red bra and fly away, especially Scheanna – seriously, does she literally have to make EVERYTHING and every event about herself? Never mind….I already know the answer to that question.
Yes! Scheana makes every last event about herself. It’s unbelievable. She cried at Brittany’s luncheon (where Brittany announced the bridesmaids) and then went even crazier at the engagement party. Can you imagine what she might do at the wedding?!?
This girl just cannot stand anyone else having the (Adam) spotlight for even one moment. I cannot wait for the reunion!!!
what was up with LVP’S eye in the talking head at the end of the episode?
I know I’m late to the comment party…damn work. All I kept thinking as I was watching the engagement party was why is LVP wearing an ugly red bra and where in the hell is Katie’s bra? Tacky, tacky, tacky! Oh that British humor give me a break. Lisa needs to lighten up Kyle was only joking too. I can’t believe wait for the reunion looks like a doozy!
Katie was not showing side boob, it was boob-boob. It wasnt even a pretty dress.
and Raquel! She says she is majoring in Kinesiology! NFW, that is hard, and she cannot even carry on a conversation. We are supposed to believe that she knows the origin and insertion of every muscle, and can lactic acid test a gastrocnemius on a pithed frog?
I liked Stassi and Beau’s scene with LVP at the party, it was sweet. I hit me that LVP’s humor can be undermining. She’s the Underminer! And maybe LVP shares that trait with Stassi’s mom. Stas’ mom saying what she did, and then giggling, like it was just a joke.
I’ve been skipping episodes, this season it all started feeling stale. They’re grown up, buying mansions in the valley, times change. But I can’t with Katie’s HBIC act and Lala’s ghetto fabulosity is goofy but her using being “woke” as an outlet for her rage makes me want to shoot her with a tranquilizer dart. Schaena just seemed to hover at the edges of main group all season, trying to find a way back in.
Someone gots to go, and I would pick Shaena – switch her out and put BIllie in – another one who just wants to be part the group, but Billie is more interesting. Now that would be crazy fireworks.
LVP’s cleavage – the red bra is the draw the eye, lest someone on this planet overlook her tatas. Woman you are 60, either get a lift/reduction or put them away.
How crazy that some of the VPR crew are bashing LVP. I guess everybody is getting tired of LVP’s attitude.
I think Jax loves Brittany in his own stunted way, but he is so narcissistic, he can’t really love anyone but himself. You can see his annoyance in his eyes. And he keeps saying, “But what about me?” I’m sorry to say I think Brittany is in for some tears down the road.
Notice how nobody close to Brittany and Jax says that they believe in this marriage or that it will last long term. They have all been careful to say that they support Brittany and that they see a change in Jax since his father’s passing. RED FLAG.
Where I see this going- Brittany having Jax’s baby very soon (they stated on many podcasts that they’ll begin trying on their wedding night) and then Jax going right back to his old ways.
I’m assuming the wedding will be filmed at the season opener and then the proceeding downfall throughout the season? Too realitytv jaded? haha
Ariana’s says that her show of her (apparent ) love of Tom is to confront Lisa. That’s not love honey, that’s showing your controlling behavior. Again. That issue is none of your business. Sandoval should have shut her down when she brought it up to him.
Red bra fine, noticed that it matched her lipstick . Wouldn’t have even noticed it if it weren’t for your posts. Don’t remember seeing a purse.
Is anyone else going to watch Pregnant and Deadly on lifetime starring Tom Sandoval?! I don’t know how big his part is but, I’m totally going to watch.