It’s time to put all our prejudices aside regarding Porsha Williams. Because I feel like Porsha’s Having a Baby three part special is going to be hilarious. Because, Porsha. On a personal note, I’ve been celebrating Orthodox Easter by re-re-reindulging in all the alcohol I missed for my three month extended version of Lent. So I am kinda tired and a lot loopy. So you need to know better than to come for me about spelling and other grammar nazi bullshit tonight. You will be lucky if I stay upright long enough to pound this recap out.
Oh lord. It’s already starting with a really stupid fairy tale. Maybe we should skip this? But I already pulled photos so, sigh. Let’s solider on.
What Is A Maternity Photo Shoot Location?
Why can’t they do this at the house? Is this a really a thing pregnant people do now? I already want one of Dennis’ hot dogs. I hear nothing but great things about those fucking hot dogs. Another cheat day is in my future. HOWEVER, despite living super close to one of his stores, I’ve been planning to go there for a few years now. Who knows, I could be anorexic by then.
It was a cute shoot though. And I love watching a housewife that actually eats.
It’s Idiotic To Live In Duluth
It just is. I don’t know why Dennis ever agreed to it. It’s an hour and a half rush hour drive to Atlanta on a good day. It’s ridiculously far outside the perimeter. Dennis hates it. I don’t blame him. Plus all his shit is in the basement.
It’s Idiotic To Get A Belly Cast
But it’s Porsha.
Porsha And Gary With Da Tea Go Baby Clothes Shopping
I love Gary With Da Tea. He always seems so happy and normal. He and Porsha meet up to film in a heavily promoted baby store. Gary says Porsha is two hours late. Porsha doesn’t know the difference between a Ponzi Scheme and a Pansy Scheme. Which, um, there is no such thing as a Pansy Scheme. And it sounds gay. What? It does! And my imaginary husband is gay and I dress like a fat lesbian and I’ve been a fag hag for decades. So I know when something sounds gay. Save your thumbs.
/ridiculous real estate promotional
Gurl Please, Dennis Ain’t Got No Personal Chef
But apparently we are going to pretend he does. It’s time for dinner with the families. Porsha thinks she needs to be sure that the mama’s need to be at her full beck and call. Porsha says she needs six weeks off after a C-Section. She is taking three months of maternity leave from Dish Nation. Eva Marcille is taking her spot. That was dumb, Eva is GREAT on that show.
At dinner, Porsha finds out that Dennis has put an offer in a house closer to the city. Everyone is on Dennis’ side. Because he is right. But Porsha is having a meltdown. She bought this monstrosity of a house to live in Nene’s neighborhood. It’s a crap neighborhood for the price range. But she feels triggered because her first husband, Kordell of the nude gay photos made an agreement with her to sell his place and she sold hers but when he filed for divorce, he magically still had his old place as if that was the plan all along.
Porsha Plans He Own Baby Shower (with Bravo)
All the housewives are invited except for Nene Leakes. Even Kenya Moore who has some sort of previous engagement. AKA Bravo didn’t want to pay her. They didn’t even acknowledge Nene by name. It was great. Dennis suddenly thinks he is a comedian. He is not,
Porsha’s pregnancy craving is honey baked ham. I can respect that.
As it turns out, Dennis rented his super sexy bachelor pad instead of selling it. That would be concerning to me. Also, Dennis’s mother is an instigator. Also, did Porsha just slip up and admit she is leasing the house? Because I think she did.
Kenya Moore did make it and looked AH MAZING. Porsha was hours late. WTF is MARLO doing there? I loved Porsha’s dress almost as much as she did. What did you think? Sorry, they didn’t give us photos. Then the whole thing turned out to be Porsha with the giant white roses in her hair disastrous. There were ballerinas why? Kenya Moore got a shitload of good shots in. So here is hoping they can work out a contract for season 12. I’m not super confident in that based on history.
I don’t get Dennis trying to have a “roast” at a baby shower. Neither does anyone else. Then he got very touching.
UGH! All I wanted to do tonight was watch American Idol. And it didn’t tape in here. Off to watch it in the bedroom which is probably for the best but I don’t know if Banjo will join me. /sad face