By CJ Bomb
Hey everyone! First of all thank you to the Lovely Les and TT for providing the Project Runway Recap last week. I was on a five hour car ride down to visit my parents and there was no live streaming going on in southern GA on the highway. I’m bummed that I missed the last episode, it was a very cool one. I also think that Christian Siriano has seriously come into his own as a mentor. That being said we are down to ten designers and things are getting interesting. I know that people were complaining about Hester Sunshines’s design being costumey, but I thought it worked as a runway look. I got Fiorucci and Les can tell you how I feel about Fiorucci. Perhaps I’m having an eighties moment. It happens. Rakan bowed out gracefully. I do feel that Jamall is skating on some thin ice.
Champagne And Caviar With Brandon And Karlie
The designers are hanging at the apartment making breakfast. Hester is going to make the most of her immunity and go completely hog wild this next round. Don’t get cocky Hester. It’s the kiss of death. Jamall is upset and pensive now that Rakan has gone.
An invitation is dropped delivered to join Karlie and Brandon for champagne and caviar at the studio. They are told to dress up. Les texts that is sounds like my type of breakfast. I type back that if this were Lifetime it would be a bottle of Korbel and a crudite platter from Trader Joes. Sonia doesn’t get dressed up but she likes champagne and caviar.
At the studio Brandon is photographing Karlie. I’m reminded of that moment in Unzipped (the Isaac Mizrahi movie) when Cindy Crawford says you can’t fake a photoshoot because it looks silly. Everyone jumps in for a group shot, giving their best Zoolander Blue Steel. Brandon and Karlie congratulate them on being the top ten.
This week’s challenge is all about elegance. Brandon explains that elegance is about restraint. I text Les that it’s a good thing Hester has immunity if she plants to go nuts. Venny is vowing to pair things down after last week’s near dismissal. Brandon once designed a lucite handbag containing a bottle of sparkling rose. I text Les that sounds like her type of handbag. The button bag comes out and each designer get to pick a Brandon Maxwell bag filled with different objects for inspiration. They have two days and $400 (!!!) to create a look. As each designer picks their bag, they will also choose their model. This is also a flash sale challenge.
Sonia goes first and picks purple rhinestone headphones. Lela picks a miniature marble bust. Sebastian picks orchids and Bishme goes for a hand wearing gold bracelets. Venny picks the bubbly rose which is the first thing I would have gone for (for multiple reasons). On we go with Jamaal picking a pink perfume bottle, Renee choosing lemons and limes and Hester grabbing the peacock feathers.
How Dare They Have Two Normal Sized-Models?
Tessa Clark looks like one of my kids when I have asked them to clean out the pool filter: defiant and sulky. Brandon asks why she is pissy. She launches into a snitfit about having one of the larger models i.e. a NORMAL sized person. All of our love for Tessa flies out the window. I text Les that she is dumb dumb dumb. Brandon proceeds to eviscerate her telling her that it is their job to MAKE ANY WOMAN FEEL AWESOME. Les texts that she sucks a ton ton ton.
In contrast, Garo is just fine taking the tallest woman with the biggest boobs. Garo Sparo is left with a silver mirror and brush. He says that is what he wanted in the first place. Tessa is now regretting saying anything. YA THINK??
In The Mood
At Mood Christian greets the designers by telling them that their success will come down to their fabric choices. Hester is making a green taffeta gown. With Pasties. That she’s been planning in her head. I can’t.
Les and I think that is Renee, Sebastian or Garo’s to win. Lela is doing a goddess inspired dress. Les points out that she looks like a greek goddess already so this works. Venny is going to be RESTRAINED damn it! He’s doing a simple pink cocktail dress.
Les texts GO SONIA as Sonia designs evening wear. She is also buying half the fabric in the store. I text Les: 10 bucks she runs out of time. She wants to design a look for a young DJ with an asymmetrical draped kimono top.
Jamall is doing a dress top with a jacket and coat. Hopefully he does the top this time. Sebastian is talking about doing a T-shirt kimono blouse, what is with all the freaking kimono references?
Christian Siriano To The Rescue
Christian is worried about Sonia’s complex look. He’s on board with her ideas but thinks she needs to give herself time to edit and edit WELL.
Oh Hester. As she explains her elegant see-through gown and Christian is speechless. When he regains his composure he reminds her that she has to photograph this for the Flash Sale. He resigns himself to the crazy and tells her if anyone can pull it off, she can.
Tessa is worried about fitting her model. She is basing her look on what her mom wears. I hope her mom is a very fashionable cool person. Christian tells her if she’s going to design a mumu coat, she needs something tailored underneath.
Bishme wants to know which awful fabric he should use for the blouse he is making for his asymmetrical skirt. Christian thinks they both suck.
Christian Gets Serious! The Models Arrive
My favorite moment to date on Project Runway was Christian telling Jamall, “Enough with the boring jackets! Stop with the muslin! Pull out the fabric and start draping it! See what happens! Trust yourself! ” Jamall very wisely tosses the muslin. Then, hes on his big boy pants and does something outside of his comfort zone.
The models come in and Jamall drapes. He drapes well. He drapes so well Christian freaks. It is fabulous. Jamall’s confidence is BACK!! Garo is determined to give Kate (the model) the dress she deserves. Sonia has screwed herself and is out of time. Tessa is desperately trying to “celebrate her models curves”. Okay. CAN WE PLEASE STOP SAYING THIS.?
Runway Day Meltdowns
Hester looks like the unhinged cousin to the anime dominatrix Garo did last week. Which is kind of appropriate SINCE SHE GLUED THE PASTIES DIRECTLY ON THE MODELS NIPPLES WITH FABRIC GLUE. We are sure Hester’s model is quietly hating her.
Bishme is freaking out. Nothing is fitting and he’s decided he’s going home. Sonia has ditched her kimono. She doesn’t have time to make it. She has to modify it into a scarf and go with it. Sebastian losing it over Hester Sunshine’s “tits out” pasties runway look is everything.
Karlie comes out and Les immediately texts me that she needs a tuxedo coat. I ask if she also needs pasties. There is no guest judge this week.
Bishme Cromartie. Les says his outfit looks like he was pulling from a different era. I text back that he’s pulling from A LOT of different places. His forties looking blouse is draped well, but I can’t get over the fabric.
Garo Sparo Les thinks the concept, design and construction are great but the fabric choice is not. I love the top, but I hate that I can see her undergarments through the dress. First rule about SPANX, we don’t talk about SPANX. Or is that Fight Club? Whatever.
Venny Etienne Les just writes: cute and safe. I like the top of the garment but this color is not for me. Looks great on the model.
Lela Orr. Les is getting a knockoff of the Julia Roberts Valentino Oscar dress. It’s nice. That’s what I have to say.
Sonia Kasparian Les thinks Sonia rocked it. I think this is nice but boring. Maybe that top would have helped. The shoes don’t.
Renee Hill. Les thinks this looks like a Park Ave woman looking to round out her bar accompanists. I love the yellow and love the pants.
Hester Sunshine. When it comes out you hear Brandon say: Oh GOD, seriously? And green taffeta? Pretty much sums it up. This looks Rave on the top and Prom on the bottom. Les texts that this is supposed to be elegent not something for Miley Cyrus or Katy Perry.
Tessa Clark Les writes that this 150% sucks. There’s no power vibe with the bag of money, it doesn’t look elegant, professional or expensive. GO HOME. Les is having an I hate Tessa moment. I think this looks like the lame small Neiman Marcus catalogs I get from time to time filled with Joan Vass. I toss those immediately.
Sebastian Grey. Les just texts: YEAH. I think it is very elegant and beautiful
Jamall Osterholm. Le is impressed. I WANT THIS. I want to wear this with my thigh high Manolo Blahnik boots and GO OUT. THIS IS EVERYTHING!!
The Judges Top And Bottom Three
Les picks Renee, Sebastian and Jamall for top with Jamall to win. I pick Jamall. There is no other winner for me. If it doesn’t happen, as much as I love you all, I’m quitting this show. Les picks Tessa, Bishme and Garo for the bottom with Tessa to go. I pick Bishme, Hester and Tessa for the bottom with Bishme to go.
Top Three: Jamall Osterholm, Venny Etienne, Lela Orr
Nina loves that Lela Orr played with corsetry and an exaggerated hip. She is also a fan of the graphic element. But, she thinks the over the shoulder “Grecian” touch looks like toilet paper. Brandon says he’s fine with the toilet paper. Elaine loves the graphic lines and calls it elevated and regal.
Jamall Osterholm Brandon tells him” When this came out I was SO IN LOVE WITH YOU. He thought it was everything Jamall has been trying to articulate but getting stuck in his head. Elaine ask him if this look feels the most “him” so far. He assures her it does. She welcomes him to the party. Karlie tells him it is “so you”. Nina loves the masculine aspect of the plaid with the feminine drape of the dress.
Venny Etienne. Karlie loves the color and this the dress is simple and elegant. Brandon tells him that he could have done without the oversize straps but compliments him on coming back strong after last week’s disaster. Elaine thinks this is what women want to look like when they are going out.
Bottom Three: Hester Sunshine, Sonia Kasparian, Bishme Cromartie
Why is Hester up there? She’s obviously in the bottom, But, she has immunity? In the olden days the judges called out the designer for sucking and told them how lucky they were to have immunity. This can’t be in the top. And how did Tessa Clark make it through??
Brandon tells Bishme Cromartie he didn’t streamline his skirt, there are too many elements and it’s obvious he did too much because he wasn’t sure what to make. Elaine thinks the blouse is beautifully made but just gets lost with everything else going on. Nina thought the drape of the blouse was spectacular. But, the fabric sucked. She doesn’t see Bishme in this at all.
Elaine thinks Hester Sunshine had a brilliant idea but the execution fell short. Nina tells her to be careful in her design. Because, elements like pasties can make you or break you. Brandon says there is comedy in her work as a whole. But, it is also rooted in seriousness. He thinks this look is disrespectful to her other work. Karlie respects that she just said “Fuck it” and went for it.
Brandon thinks Sonia Kasparian’s dress is pretty. But, there is no idea behind it. He’s getting Kenny G concert, not hot female DJ. She explains about the missing kimono. Elaine wishes she could have seen it. No young DJ would wear this as it is way too boring. Nina just says it was too safe.
One Designer Wins Another Goes Home
Jamall WINS!! All’s right with the world. Sonia gets sent home for being boring. I think this is bullshit as Tessa should have been up there instead of Hester, who had immunity. I’m also confused because Venny’s dress seems just as simple as Sonia’s. Granted Venny’s dress has more style to it, but still.
Backstage, Christian tells Sonia her dress was red carpet worthy. I love Christian even more.
What do you guys think? Should Bishme or Tessa been sent packing instead of Sonia? Now I’m off to check out Jamall’s dress online. Have a great weekend! See you next week with another Project Runway recap! Xoxo, CJ and Les