Catfish Recap: Aubri & Brian

I’ve had these three Catfish episodes begging for a Catfish Recap since January. A holiday weekend seems like a good time to get these “evergreen” posts up. I was reminded of them today due to some fresh comments on old Catfish episodes. Apparently, I was funnier then and had more braincells. You should check them out. You don’t have to watch the show. This week’s couple both have relatively normal names so I am not setting the crazy bar too high. Also, the is no Max, which is really disappointing. Instead, we get Slick Woods, an up and coming model.

Aubri and Brian: The Background

Our time-worn tale begins as they all do. Aubri and Brian live on the same college campus, Blinn College in Texas. They have been texting but never talked on the phone, video-chatted or God forbid, met in person. A hundred years ago when I started my Catfish recaps, things were a bit different. Now, even my older brothers and sisters text everyone but me. Me, they have to call. Because, I am still holding out on that whole electronic leash thing.

So let’s pretend for another paragraph or two that this could work out. Slick Woods ain’t having it though. If I were going to start the suspect list now, I’d put Janisa on the top of the list. (Suspect #1) She is the one who wrote in on behalf of Aubri. Janisa says she is the only one who knows about Brian. This could mean that Aubri is seeing one of Janisa’s exes.

In a video chat with Janisa, who seems like a polite lovely girl says that Aubri says she met Brian when he added her on Snapchat. Janisa says Aubri doesn’t have her Snapchat ID on her other social media, so someone had to give him her user name. Also, they only text through Snapchat so she doesn’t even have a phone number to text.

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Slick and Nev head to meet the girls at their sorority house? House renovated into college apartments? Whatever it is, it’s super cute. They chat on the front porch. Aubri is super pretty. Aubri’s ex cheated on her. New suspect, The Ex (Suspect #2). As Slick says, Brian is “fine, fine.” All she knows is that Brian stays in Wheeler dorms and he plays basketball.  His Snapchat name is BJ_Hustle98. The fact they tell us this means it is for sure a fake.

The Ridiculous Simplistic Internet Search

There is an older white guy named Brian (Suspect #3) who coaches the basketball team. All the other people in this story so far are black. Janisa is part of the staff of the Basketball team. Janisa’s involvement seems a bit more likely now. Also, since she lives in the same house as Aubri, and knows her, she wouldn’t have a phone number to give her. Could she be the Catfish? Then they find the guy in the photos. His name is Isais and he has 21,000 followers on Instagram. She’s not talking to Isais.

After they leave Aubri, Slick and Nev think that perhaps Janisa is trying to get the white guy fired so she can take his job. So that’s not what is happening. It’s too soon for them to be right,

Random Investigation of The College

The two crack investigators go over to the dorms to ask if anyone knows a guy named Brian (or not) that talks about a girl named Aubri. They are summarily thrown out. Because, security. And cameras. They seem to have a last name for Brian but the girl that they ask doesn’t know him. She offers to introduce them to someone who works at the Rec center.

At the Rec center, we meet Steve, AKA Suspect #4. He doesn’t know a thing. An RA texted the girl from Wheeler dorm, and said, If they ask, Courtney don’t know  nothing about Brian.” Courtney is immediately Suspect #5. The girl doesn’t know a Courtney. They call Aubri. She says she has a roommate named Courtney but they don’t talk that much. Courtney living there might also explain why they can’t text. Though my spidey senses are still focused on the Ex, Suspect #2.

Back To Aubri’s House

This girl is never at school. Slick says they have the number from the text on film so all they have to do is call the number and see who answers. We need Slick on this show full-time. When Nev calls the number, gets Patrick, who Aubri whispers is her RA. If she lives in an apartment, how does she have an RA? Maybe the house is owned by the school? It must be because Patrick lives in the house. Patrick is also lying and is officially Suspect #6. He replaces The Ex, Suspect #2 as my top suspect.

Nev uses Snapchat to text BJ_Hustle98. AKA Brian. Brian agrees to meet up at a park that most certainly will be next to a large body of water. It’s amazing how the had the park and the time all ready to go, isn’t it? When Slick says it could still be Patrick, I decide to change my top suspect back to The Ex, Suspect #2.

The Meetup At a Park Near A Large Body Of Water

Slick Woods is missing the large majority of her shirt for the meetup with the Catfish. When you look like Slick Woods, this is not a problem. As they leave for the park. A girl comes running after them. I did not see this coming. Could it be Courtney, Suspect Number 5? 

The Confession

It is Courtney. She has something to tell Aubri. She’s Brian. Oh Lawd! And Janisa, Suspect #1 was in on it. She helped Courtney made the Snapchat to set things up for the show. That bitch! Courtney asked Patrick to call to try to stop everything. I think Aubri is in on it too. She’s not the slightest bit bothered. This looks like another time that Catfish got Catfished. Courtney gets to come out on national TV, unless she is lying about not being out.

It’s freezing. Slick, who apparently doesn’t require clothing gives Aubri her jacket. Aubri’s line delivery about needed the jacket when she is wearing a jean jacket and Slick is basically nekkid and Nev is in a t-shirt wasn’t delivered well. I’m guessing Slick is selling the jackets.

The Conclusion

Slick and Nev come down hard on Janisa since the whole thing was her idea. Courtney seems like she is not that into Aubri. She’s already ready to put her feelings aside. None of this was real. Aubri tells them both they can’t be friends but they will be cordial. I’m going to guess that during the follow-up they are all best buddies again. Are you shocked? And since the dorm is furnished they didn’t even get a nice sofa.

Oh look. The three of them all went to the movies and are besties again. Shocker.