By CJ Bomb, Les, and quite a bit of fancy wine
The stars are shining, the planets have aligned and THE LOVELY LES AND I ARE SITTING ON A COUCH TOGETHER to watch Project Runway !! Les’s son is an amazing baseball player who has games every night. So, you have NO IDEA what a miracle this is! She is the Jelly to my peanut butter. The Oates to my Hall. And, it takes us about three hours to get through one episode of Project Runway. We laugh so hard we have to stop and rewind. In my humble opinion, this is what reality TV should do. It should make you laugh hysterically with one of your best friends. In light of all the dark stuff (cough, RHOBH, cough, Nene, cough), please pretend you are hanging with us and get your giggle on.
During the short recap of last week’s episode of Project Runway, Les notices Kovid Kapoor’s model in a face mask. She mentions her husband told her he’s the only one not wearing one in Tokyo. I tell her we need to get him a Chanel mask for the next time he’s there. Then, we both start laughing so hard as we picture this that we have to pause the show to collect ourselves. It’s probably going to take us awhile to get through this…
Where Did Fashion Begin?
The new episode begins with Karlie Kloss entering the break room wearing that damn dress that’s hanging in my closet. She tells the designers to prepare to go on a trip. They are headed to where fashion had its beginnings. She tells them to bring a raincoat and pack warmly. The designers start to get excited thinking they are headed maybe to Paris? Italy? Guys. While I don’t deny that this version of Project Runway is already much better than its Lifetime second cousin, it’s WAY too early in the season for a trip like that.
The next morning, duly packed, the designers load up and head out….where are they going? JFK? Nope. THE WOODS. Huh? There are tents set up for camping. I LOVE camping!! squeals our resident sprite Kovid Kapoor. He can’t wait to meditate in the woods. Hester Sunshine wishes she had packed her hiking gear. Les pauses the TV turns to me and asks very seriously, “When do you think Hester went with Sunshine?” I lose it and we have to collect ourselves yet again. (we love you Hester).
The Survive In Style Challenge
Christian Siriano appears and asks if the designers are excited to camp. Not unexpectedly he gets a mixed response. He gets it, he’s an indoor cat himself. Shocker. He tells the designers that over 150,000 years ago humans began to cover themselves out of necessity for survival. I guess at some point a caveman turned to his mate and asked if a particular pelt made him look fat. Hence, fashion was born. They are doing survival chic! AND…it’s an unconventional challenge.
The designers can use all of the materials at the campsite and whatever they find in the woods. Someone asks Christian if he is camping with them and he’s like, bitch please, I’ve already run this gauntlet, I’m camping in a hotel up the street. They have two days for the challenge. Marni Senofonte will also be there to help with the styling. Les thinks that Marni is the Lady Gaga of styling.
It’s An Unconventional Challenge!
The designers sprint off, hunting and gathering everything lying around. Afa Ah Loo says he has never worked with sleeping bags before. Les hopes that someone will work with organic materials. Kovid steals a yoga mat from Bishme Cromartie and squeals, “Look at MEEE! I’m a hunter gatherer!” Les pauses the TV again and shouts that she has figured out who he sounds like. It’s one of the three little pigs from Shrek. More uncontrollable laughing ensues.
Lela Orr pronounces that she will be good at this challenge as she is good in the outdoors even though she is wearing combat heels. Les sips her wine and gives me the side eye and I demand: WHAT? She then looks pointedly at my shoes. I tell her to shut up. I would wear the boots, yes, but not the heels. Hester’s pile gets ransacked and she freaks. Fortunately people are nice and return the items.
Kovid is going to do something from a different universe. Of course. He’s always been forced to blend in and now he’s letting his freak flag fly. Garo Sparo is doing a corded corset gown with fishing lures. He’s influenced by time spent with his dad as a one of five boys. Renee Hill is deconstructing a backpack to make a utility dress. We not only think this is the easy way out, Les thinks dresses like this with utility pockets already exist and it isn’t very original.
Is This About Survival Or Nah?
Lela says that her woman is going to a mother nature outdoor ball. We look at each other confused, how the hell is any of this survival gear? We get the chic, we get the unconventional, but where the heck is the survival factor? Sebastian Grey is only using leaves. Also, he ate a mushroom from the woods which Les says explains a LOT about his look. Jamall Osterholm is using the puffy fabric. We like his personal story about puffers and how they represent protection for him. However, he’s not really stepping out of his comfort zone. At all. Les is like, dude, have you WATCHED the show?
Tessa Clark is currently building a loom instead of an outfit. Because, this youngest member of the Cincinnati Weavers Association is going to weave her own fabric despite the fact that she’s never built a loom before. Now seems like the perfect time to try and figure that out. Les points out that she seems pretty mellow for the most type A human in the woods. We wonder if she shared some mushrooms with Sebastian. Once again, we pause the TV due to our uncontrollable laughter. Afa Ah Loo has no idea what he is doing and seems lost. Tessa tells him to be true to himself and draw from his roots. Lovely advice.
Some Of The Designers Need of Help!
Christian and Marni begin to Mentor each of the designers. They think Hester’s alternate sketch is much more interesting than the basic cute dress she has come up with. She very wisely heeds their advice and sets out to make a gown with a more voluminous bottom. They think the belts that Sonia has come up with on her dress are very inventive. She tells them that this is just the underdress to a ginormous metallic dress that is going over it. Les and I are confused.
Marni looks confused by Kovid’s look. Christian pleads with him to edit as he has a LOT going on. Les tells him to talk to Rakan about listening to advice. They tell Bishme that his look is fabulous but safe. I love the puffer short jacket. Marni picks up actual rocks and holds them up to the garment telling him to go a little wild. They are essentially saving his butt. Rakan Aldeen is confused by all of these looks as he thought they were actually supposed to do a look that would survive in the wild. He tells them that his look is a “safe jacket.” Les says, “straight jacket?” I explain that it is for the woods not the asylum. Rakan just wants to drink more hot chocolate.
Day Two of Designing In The Woods…
The next morning someone asks, “Who doesn’t like camping ?” Bishme raises both hands and a leg. He does display his fabulous cabaret singing skills, though. Kovid is happy as a clam. We decide we could spend each episode just quoting him. Les is now getting Pee-Wee Herman from him. I do my Pee-Wee impression and she is duly impressed. Afa is now making a Polynesian survival gown and everyone is complimentary.
The models come and and proceed to freeze their non-existent butts off. Christian continues to walk around helping out. He tells Renee she needs to push her look because right now it looks like a basic dress with crap hanging all over it. He tells Rakan to keep pushing himself and make sure it’s clean after what happened last week. Bishme’s skirt splits on his model and he says he didn’t realize that his model had that much womp in her trunk. Les and I protest. We will show him womp in the trunk if he wants to see what that really looks like.
In some obvious foreshadowing, someone remarks that if it rains tomorrow they are screwed. Damn if that loom Tessa built didn’t work. She’s making a bark bustier in case her woven top falls down. Sebastian tells Rakan he is worried that his dress looks better on the form than on the model. Rakan gives him advice on how to edit the dress to make it move better. We love how everyone is nice to each other. Kovid is foraging for fabric. He trades Renee some cowhide for yellow tarp (?).
Karlie comes out and Les asks if what she is wearing is Chanel. I respond that Karlie Kloss could come out wearing a garbage bag and we would ask if it was Chanel. It it POURING. There is thunder and lightning and it looks like it is freezing. There is guest judge this week.
Hester Sunshine We both say WOW when Hester’s model walks out on runway. The bustier is perfectly fit and the full skirt it perfectly proportioned. She should send Christian and Marni a fruit basket. The boots are everything.
Venny Eitenne’s look is very Game of Thrones meets a viking warrior woman in the woods. Les thinks it is WAY too costumey.
Garo Sparo. Les is getting Luau not survival here. I have to agree.
Jamall Osterholm. Les thinks this is all over the board. I think it looks like Blade Runner in the woods.
Tessa Clark. We wonder how those bark pasties are staying on at which point Les says: Glue gun? Pause TV. Laugh uncontrollably. Unpause. We are impressed she wove the top. Let’s just say it’a good thing the pasties were there.
The Lion, The Scarecrow AND The Tin Man!
Sebastian Grey Les isn’t impressed as he just made a gown and glued leaves all over it. At least he used organic material.
Kovid Kapoor. Kovids model is going to go into battle with Jamall’s model. Les says she is getting the Lion, Scarecrow AND tin man in one outfit.
Renee Hill We shake our heads at this one. Les says that she could make a basic tarp dress and then wander the aisles of REI sticking random crap on it. Les mentions that Erin won her season based on this concept. Don’t Say The Name! If you say it two more times she appears in a banana coat.
Lela Orr’s model is going to survival prom we think. At least Renee’s is functional.
Rakan Aldeen He took theadvice and added more elements to his look, bandaging the legs to go with the top. It looks AWESOME. Braveheart redeemed.
Afa Ah Loo has made a Polynesian fishnet gown. It is very Afa. Les likes it and thinks it is interesting.
GASP! A Model Trips!
Sonia Kasparian. In a Project Runway first, the outfit is so voluminous and unwieldy that the model trips coming onto the runway. The judges rush out to help her before she falls. Sonia is mortified. Why didn’t she just send out the cool Robin Hood belted look that is under this metallic monstrosity? It looks nice walking away? Christian is like, girl I told you.
CJ & Les Choose Their Top Three & Bottom Three
We choose Hester Sunshine, Bishme Cromartie and Rakan Aldeen as the top looks. We choose Renee Hill, Sonia Kasparian and Kovid Kapoor as the bottom looks. Either Renee or Kovid should go home. It’s either going to be a case of too much or too little.
The Judges Take A Closer Look
Brandon Maxwell asks if Hester Sunshine’s skirt comes undone with the clips she used. She assures him it does. Also, she can unclip it and make him a tent. Nina Garcia thinks she used the materials very intelligently. Elaine Welteroth says it was very Afro-centric. She tells Hester that there is a thin line between cultural appreciation and cultural appropriation and she has to be careful with it. But, Hester did a beautiful job. Brandon says his breath was taken away seeing the outfit in the current setting. Karlie Kloss tells her she brought the sunshine.
Brandon says Sonia Kasparian’s dress was breathtaking when the model walked away. However, from the front she literally looked like she was duct taped, wrapped in foil and ready to stick in the oven. Nina thinks there was too much that was out of control. Karlie respectfully disagrees and says it’s the best look she’s seen Sonia do so far.
Was It The Magic Mushrooms?
They love Renee Hill’s tarp dress? Elaine is living for all of the gadgets? Nina loves it? Karlie thinks it is Troop Beverly Hills? And that’s a good thing? Nina loves the pleats and the accessories. Brandon wants to wear it? I guess this is looking more interesting on the runway than it is on TV.
Afa Ah Loo’s model, Mimi, is obviously freezing. Elaine calls it a shipwreck. She appreciates he designs from his roots but thinks there is a way to do it that isn’t so souvenir shop. Ouch. Nina thinks it’s skimpy on the clothing aspect. Karlie thinks he could have been more innovative. Brandon couldn’t find one thing to be positive about.
Nina thinks that Rakan Aldeen took something practical (the sleeping bag) and gave them something very fashionable. Elaine is very impressed as well. Brandon thinks it’s impeccably styled and wants to goth rave with the model in the forest.
Karlie thinks Kovid Kapoor’s look is not functional looking and looks unfinished. Brandon says it looks like the Tin Man, Scarecrow and the Lion. Les literally shrieks! We high-five each other. Pause, Laugh, Drink. That could be our new blog title. Nina loves the pants and that the model is warm but is confounded by the top.
And The Winner Is…
The judges crown Renee Hill as the winner of the unconventional survival challenge. Sadly Afa Ah Loo had the losing look this week.
Well, we were totally off on this one. They went with literal and choose Renee Hill. When we saw it close up we see more of the work, but still. We were also blown away that Afa Ah Loo gets sent home instead of Kovid Kapoor. We are sad. And also a little loopy.
Tell us, do you agree with the judges this week?? Let us know in the comments!! Have a wonderful weekend everyone. See you next week for more Project Runway! Xoxox CJ and Les.