I’ve been watching Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club when I can find the time. Mostly, I watch for Panos Spentzos and his hats and sunglasses. But, recapping it became so redundant I sort of gave up. I can only report so many times that Brent Marks is a douchebag. Or that Sara Dastjani is sleeping her way through the house. Or that Lindsay and Panos are trying to decided who to fire and then not really firing anyone.
That’s not to say the show is not fun to watch. It’s set in Greece and that is really enough for me. Plus, the mere chance that Lindsay might abduct someone’s child or start speaking in garbled Arabic has me paying strict attention.But
So I thought I would watch this finale now, on a beautiful Saturday morning, because I can’t seem to get motivated to go anywhere just yet. And because I felt like the season needed some closure here. I have no idea if any of you are still with me.
Let The Firings Begin!
We start with the last day of filming. Mike Mulderrig decided to do his job with no pants on the prior episode. You may remember Mike, the bisexual who didn’t want to embarrass his father by kissing a man on TV. Apparently, daddy will just be fine with him literally showing his ass and walking around with this ding a ling flopping about in front of small children.
At the final staff meeting, Panos Spentzos announces that the VIPs this week are “the ambassadors.” Everyone is on the VIP sheet except Mike. Oh, it sounds like there will be consequences! But first he gets to listen to how everyone else will be pampered. Then Panos tells Mike to pack his shit and go. He’s fired.
Now it a normal universe, people would see this coming. But these fools including Mike are arguing that it is not fair. He was just giving the clients what they want! Really? WTF is wrong with these people. Sara seems to be the only one who gets it. Or she is just sucking up to Panos. Either way, it will work. Mike doesn’t understand. He shows his ass for a living in Vegas! He’s a professional ding a ling twirler! It’s not fair! What is even more ridiculous is his little gaggle of friends acting like he is “the backbone of the house.” I do hate that am on the same side as Brent Marks. But I am team Panos. He is the hottest guy on the show.
If You Missed Any Lindsay Lohan Beach Club Recaps: Check them Out Here!
When did Kyle Marve become so annoying? Brent takes the girls bottle of tequila and replaces it with Don Julio 1492. That’s a $150 bottle of booze at the corner liquor store. They are saying it’s $500 at the club in Greece which could be true. They are a long way from Mexico. But WTF is Kyle all in his feelings about? He’s upset Brent is making the gift all about him. Um. it is about him Kyle. It’s certainly not about you.
I am crestfallen that I don’t have a good photo of Panos in his yellow hat straight of the pages of Curious George. I did a quick search with only a very low quality gif showing up. Such a loss. I should have confined my recaps this season simply to what Panos Spentzos was wearing.
Kyle Marve came for Brent Marks with his hands, so he is going home. Good. Kyle was worthless anyway.
Jonitta Wallace and Gabi Andrews both were saved from elimination and free to move on to the next… Um the next what? I doubt there will be another season of this, but it’s on MTV and I’m not familiar with what sort of cut off they use. It would not be renewed on Bravo. And Lindsay really doesn’t have these clubs all over the world that she is talking about.
The Final Four Five Are Finally Revealed
Billy Estevez got the third envelope. Clearly there is nothing inside like money or a check or a contract because Lindsay Lohan rips the final envelope in half and hands half to Brent Marks and half to Aristotle Polites.
Did Aristole gain weight in Greece? His face is twice the size of when he arrived. Did he get stung by bees? Start taking steroids?
Sara Tariq is really pissed. Alex Muffitt is shocked. Both are super bitter. I must admit during the commercial I typed that Sara and Brett got the last two spots. But I really do think Aristotle deserves it. And Sara was a suck up who screwed up her chances by having multiple romances in the house. I mean how long were they there? Six weeks? It’s not a good look. In an office dating situation, it will always be the female who loses out.
Who would you have picked to return? Farewell, Panos Spentzos. I will miss you and your hat and sunglasses game.
So that’s it! Now let me get out in this world and find a new place to waddle.
I love Panos botoxed forehead and microbladed eyebrows! Seriously when he talks, I love to watch his beautiful forehead!
I’ve kept watching but just sort of keep it on in the background because it is the same formula every week, LL talks about her brand and how important it is, the ambassadors talk about how great they are, drama, fight, drunkenness, bad confessionals, Z list VIPs, yadda, yadda, yadda.
I will miss that stunning ambassador house. And Panos eyebrows.
Ahah… So true. The whole thing is backward and makes no sense but still fun to watch mindlessly…
Panos was the only one worth watching. I know he’s not checking for me but he’s attractive, has a commanding presence and has style for days.
Everyone in the house, except for Aristotle was annoying AF. Brent was a douche, but Billy was a manipulative MF. It made me feel dirty to watch him scheme on Sara to get her away from Brent. I’m usually pro-female but I was disturbed & disgusted that she fell for Billy’s ploys and went with it when he helped himself to a kiss on her lips in front of everyone.
Mike didn’t want to kiss a guy on TV but he was okay with passing a lime to a dude via his mouth while having a cracker up his bare ass. Ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaaaa!
Hi TT, it has already been renewed for a season 2 – I think people just watch it like you do for Greece and the hope that Lindsay Lohan goes batshit.
Oh, I am quite pleased it is back may maybe I will just put put a Panos photo of the week post for discussion.:)
I need that in my life.
Did he get stung by bees? ? I’m team Panos and Aristotle. I like Gabi too.
I can’t believe someone else it’s watching this vapid show. I do fast forward a lot but I just had to see the train wreck through.
In any normal situation/job/boss I would absolutely agree with you that taking your clothes off should be cause for immediate firing and all corwokers should be outraged. To me the issue was that these “bosses” had encouraged these “workers” to do things that clearly crossed the boundaries of professionalism all in the name of “making the VIP happy”. Best example to me was Lindsay saying she doesn’t care if they have to make out as she is watching Brett lay on top of some VIP and make out with her all in front of people. And I know what you are going to say, not the same as naked. Agreed BUT telling someone make out with VIPs, rub their feet and carry them around, get drunk with them, do anything to make them happy … I can just understand why the bar of professionalism was set so low by Panos and Lindsay that something like this could happen. It seemed to me like they sent him home for TV production but of course it was not uncalled for.
Now the whole debacle of how Juanita and Gaby got to stay but Kyle got sent home was so messed up to me. Maybe production made that call. Traditionally MTV has always had a policy of you touch someone and you go home. I’ve always loved that because it makes the shows less trashy to me.
Lindsay hands out double standards as easily as she slurs her words. I definitely saw her having issue with any woman who she didn’t see as “troubled” and needing “saving”. Once a sad story was told by the woman she went from being against them to overlooking their mistakes.
Side note Mike has a YouTube channel and his and his fellow cast mates take on Lindsay and Their experience is hilarious.
I would predict Lindsay now fades into the background in Dubai yet again.