Lady Cocotte fans will be sad to know that she is not going to be recapping at Tamara Tattles anymore. She felt it was time to move on. She will be missed. So you are stuck with me recapping Vanderpump Rules and I haven’t really been playing close attention to this show, I’ll try to do a better job of getting this up timely. This week has been insane with all the breaking news.
Ah, now I remember the previous episode of Vanderpump Rules. It seems so long ago. I’m wondering why Lala still has ten fingers. I think I would have broken one of them if I were on the other end of her bizarre tirade. I remember when I used to like Lala. sigh.
Opening Night At Tom Tom
We start this episode with everyone getting ready for the grand opening of Tom Tom. I wonder how excited the Toms really are about this. I don’t believe that Sandoval actually purchased a motorcycle with a sidecar, but I shall try to suspend my disbelief. I’m really not sure the Toms even work there that much. Stassi Schroeder declares that this is like Tom Schwarz and Tom Sandoval’s wedding. I suppose it is their Bravo wedding. Let’s try not to think about how those usually work out. They are wearing matching white suits for the occasion. Because, not gay, just very, very, very metrosexual.
Tom Schwartz is thrilled that Tom Sandoval bought him a helmet with his name on it, and gloves to match his. There are bromances, and then there is Tom Tom. If only Sandoval had put gas in the bike. I wish I wasn’t so jaded about these reality shows. I miss the time when I could watch in ignorant bliss and never think about production.
The Thirst Is Real
At the party, the group sits at a long table and orders off the menu. Scheana Marie and Adam Spott opt to sit off to the side. They say it is because they are not a couple, but truly it is because they don’t really have a place at the table. They are just two thirsty media whores trying to get on camera by any means necessary. If Adam has to pretend like he is fucking Scheana, he will. And vice versa. So of course Adam is coming to Mexico.
Everyone is ordering cocktails except Brittany Cartwright. She has ulcers and can’t drink. So she is having shots of tequila. I suppose that makes sense to her, but even Jax Taylor knows how stupid this is. Let that sink in Britanny. I get you need something to take the edge of because you are dating Jax Taylor, but a line of coke or prescription pills would be more appropriate.
Has Lala Fallen Out Of Favor With LVP?
The other hot topic on the script while everyone prepared for the party was Lala Kent’s thuggish behavior at Billie Lee’s Brunch. Speaking of Billie Lee, why wasn’t she invited to the Tom Tom opening? Lisa Vanderpump has summoned her to an empty table in the restaurant for a staff meeting. As one does at the opening of a new club. Why should the owner be busy greeting customers and keeping a sharp eye on service when she can film a seen chastising a hostess for not following the Vanderpump Rules days ago?
Lisa asks her what went on at the brunch and Lala lies like a dog on a rug as production plays us flashbacks of her bullying. I mean let’s call it what it is. She has snared a rich man and embraced the newfound white privilege and honed her skills at barking orders. Remember feminist Lala? She’s a distant memory. She wasn’t aggressive at all, Lisa. It was all very civilized.
Scheana Marie Is Still Holding Most Favored Nation Status With LVP
That questionable testimony that Scheana Marie gave during the Bustillos trial continues to pay dividends long after the wedding payoff. Even though Ken and Lisa were found personally liable in addition to Villa Blanca being on the hook. Speaking of Villa Blanca, she’s been touting it on social media again recently. I guess she wasn’t able to sell it despite years of trying. Lisa Vanderpump calls Scheana Marie the most professional waitress she has ever had.
Vanderpump realizes that she has wrongly accused James Kennedy for being at fault at the brunch. She says James telling the truth is kind of a first for him. Just like her practically, but not really, saying she made a mistake is kind of a first for her.Later, we find out that James isn’t completely sober. And LVP doesn’t admit to him that she was wrong. I really need this infomercial to be over. And we think Bethenny Frankel promotes herself too much. Can we please get to Mexico?
Bubba Needs More Hubba Hubba
Katie Maloney has felt neglected ever since the Tom Tom idea came into being. At opening night, she didn’t get a fraction of the attention that Schwartz gave Sandoval. She even had to ride to the event with Britanny and Jax! She has high hopes for the Mexico trip being like a honeymoon. Since Schwartz is still high from his Sandoval wedding, I feel like they will be the ones in the honeymoon suite. Sorry, Katie.
Insert hysterical scene of Beau Clark in a T-Rex costume dancing a jig here.
Things start going poorly for Katie when Schwartz and Scheana are randomly upgraded to first class. I was a gate agent briefly in another life, so I know this happens. Generally, if they have ordered first class meals and people don’t show up for the flight, you bump people up who look like they belong there. This must be killing Lala Kent who has on no makeup and is white as a ghost and in sweats. I’m loving it. Meanwhile, Katie spends the entire flight rage texting Schwartz.
Schwartz and Katie start feuding the moment they get to their beautiful room in Mexico. Katie says she has a shitty husband. Schwartz says,”try being with a shitty wife for seven years.”
Next week on Vanderpump Rules: More Mexican vacation; The tourists flock to Tom Tom, Ariana tries to tell Lala she’s a horrible person;Jax and Kristen fight about her relationship with James; Stassi manages to find a reason to fight with Beau.
She will be missed!
Yes. LC is a gem.
Yes she will
Fare thee well, Lady Cocotte. You will be missed! Hopefully you are off writing a novel or a sitcom. Thank you, TT, for another great recap! I don’t know how you have the time or the patience! The shit is getting OLD! Fake fights, fake girlfriends, fake Rose! I wonder what exactly all of them think they will be doing in 5 years? Jax – married? With kids? Ummm – No! Any other couples married… No! Any one with a real job? Maybe the only one left standing will be …… ???
Great recap, TT. Thanks for stepping up.
LaLa…I cannot, at all, anymore.
Katie and Tom ugly fight. That’s a really bad sign, right? They better learn how to communicate. I’m sadly predicting a break up for those two.
Aw, I’m sorry to hear that we won’t get to enjoy Lady C’s VR wit and wonder anymore. She did a great job, and if you’re reading this, Lady C, thank you so much for your work!
Total agreement. Lady Cocotte painted a picture with her words. Best wishes to you The Lady Cocotte!
Thanks for all the kind words. Writing for Tamara Tattles has been a highlight of my life. A big part of that is this amazing community. But I’m not worried about you. You’re in great hands with TT. She’s a queen in this game for a reason!
I hope you are still writing, Lady C. You’re quite talented. Best to you!
Katie, Katie, Katie…first she complains that Tom is a POS that doesn’t have a job or any kind of direction. Now he has a great job/partner in a restaurant/bar (thanks LVP) and she is still whining. She will just NEVER be happy.
You are absolutely right. Stassi does the mean girl thing for the power, but Katie does it because she’s miserable. She seemed okay for a while, but either being back with Stassi or being married to Tom has sent her right back to her evil ways.
Thank you TT, seamless transition appreciated!
To me, this episode was very good! We finally see TomTom up and running and from what I’ve read (Yelp, months ago) a huge success. I’m not clear about how Tom and Tom (ref, further referred to as T&T) are paid and at what %.
Lala? Ugh. I have only offered loving support (I think) maybe none at all? She’s not easy to support right now. All the energy going towards finding a Sugar Daddy could have been spent more wisely imo. “Just” VPR, wasn’t enough? James wasn’t enough. I don’t remember, did she go to college? I am using Lala as an example, she’s gonna get older like the rest of us and sadly scramble to find money to lift and fill everything to stay in “the game?”.
Oops, hit post too soon, sorry. (Sorry if it was enough already, but I’m not done ranting.)
I feel for example, LaLa is smart and actually quite pretty naturally. Why does she have to resort to vulgar language, snobbery, elitism and shaming? Now, she’s also become aggressive not just verbally but physically invading her “coworkers” spaces? (Is she ingesting too much “pasta”?) Her lying to LVPs face? Goodness, way to make Sheanna Shay look more brown on the nose!
Omg! The TRex costume would have been met with a panty drop here! Absolutely hilarious, fun and? HE BROUGHT TACOS!
I was cracking up at Jax complaining about paying for wildflowers! He actually had a kinda cute point but no, Brittany has a firm grasp on his sack right now and I don’t see her letting go for a while. I do hope her stomach gets better, is she drinking because ultimately she’s not happy?
One more thing…I actually have about 10 more but…The Indian motorcycle and sidecar was epic! Seeing Schwartzy with his knees in his ears was hilarious. I love a good side car for puppies and maybe a lady but Schwartz? Silly beyond!
Ugh. All this manufactured crap.
NO WAY could they possibly leave a brand new restaurant if they really owned a piece. You are working 100 hours a week. I’ve opened many, many restaurants.
I still like LaLa. Something is definitely going on with her.
This was an entertaining episode. One thing about this show, they keep it moving. Lala actually lowered herself to fly commercial coach. She’s a mess. LVP riding in that sidecar at night was brave. Katie is like a Teen Mom sitting on the coach all the time.
I read about Cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome this week — vomiting caused by use of cannabis. I wondered if that could have been causing Brittney’s problem when they were on vacation.
I’m sorry Lady C is no longer recapping VPR, because she was brilliant, but Tamara, you’re not so bad yourself! “There are bromances, and then there is Tom Tom.” Haha! Anyway, thanks for keeping up with recapping VPR instead of dropping it.
I totally thought it was production (and not the airline) that chose to upgrade Scheana and Schwartz to first class–Scheana because the other girls don’t like her and would be jealous, and Schwartz because he and Katie were already fighting and this would be sure to add some fuel to her fire. Also, wouldn’t Katie and Tom have been boarding together, so it would have been odd for the airlines to upgrade a husband but not a wife? Well, I guess they might have different last names.
The sidecar business was ridiculous but entertaining. I can’t believe Schwartz thought it was cool to ride in the sidecar, haha! And when he said, “I *love* gloves!” He is like a puppy. And I really hope Sandoval didn’t really spend $18,000 on all that.
The Scheana and Adam business makes me cringe. Scheana plus any guy makes me cringe. Did she learn nothing from seeing herself with Rob, Rob, Rob??
Also, I forgot to say I think it’s a little ridiculous for either Tom to cite “opening a bar” or “owning a bar” as something they’ve accomplished. No–*LVP* opened a bar with their names on it. They are not her business partners; they are still her underlings. She is just using their name and faces.
And it is ridiculous of Katie to think that now that Tom Tom is open, Schwartz will have a lot more time to devote to her. If anything, he should have even less time.
Schwartz shouldn’t have accepted the upgrade or should have asked if his wife could be upgraded as well. Or he could have given it to Kristen who was traveling alone. That’s called being considerate. you’d think that he and Katie would have boarded together as they hadn’t fought yet. He was all situated in his seat by the time she boarded. Something’s not right. Or maybe she just went to the bathroom and ended up boarding late. I’m not a fancy drink drinker but TomTom’s drinks looked colorful, fresh and pretty. Brittany is trying to cut back on drinking to soothe her ulcer so she chooses tequila as her beverage. Someone needs to tell her that lemons and limes are citrus, something else the doctor told her to avoid.
Lala has a resting accusatory face. not soft, not friendly. so much anger there. I feel bad for her. The others are only putting up with her meanness because of her money or access to money
Looks like the whole gang flew straight from reunion to Vegas for Vanderpump opening at Caesar’s. Kristen and Scheana posted together, Lala , Brit and Jax