On tonight’s Real Housewives of New York it would suit me just fine if Luann de Lesseps and Dorinda Medley would just makeup already. Things start off looking good. Bethenny Frankel has summoned Luann to the bar to chat with Dorinda. John Mahdessian is there. Fake compliments are being dished out. There is chit chat about hairdryers and Luann’s hat.. This is a fine start. Dorinda says she misses Lu and wants to talk to her. Luann says Sonja Morgan’s Paper Magazine party is not the place. But they will another time. So far so good.
Bethenny Frankel seems to think that Luann thinks she has the upper hand and isn’t as open to it. That is because Luann deserves and apology from Dorinda, Bethenny. That’s how it works. Dorinda leaves with John after telling everyone including Luann goodbye. She tells us she is trying to be warm and friendly with the hope that she and Luann can reconcile.
A Lesbian Drive-by
Meanwhile, Sonja is declaring to anyone who will listen who is fuckable and who is not. Barbara is despite her constantly calling her masculine or butch. So that is rude. Then she says Tinsley Mortimer is like a little doll you just look at and put back on the shelf. That is also rude. I get what Sonja is trying to say, but the way she says it is not winning her any friends. I think she may be pushing Tinsley to play for the other team. And by the other team, I mean Team Brunette. It to early in the season to start losing allies, Sonja. Luann tells Ramona she better not talk trash about her anymore.
The next thing you know, Sonja is having a full on makeout session with a random extra. She calls into the VIP session asking Sonja if she can kiss her. The next thing you know they are rounding first base. And then, just like that, the mystery woman disappears. In my experience, when you start making out with other women, it’s time to call it a night. Allegedly.
A Countess In The Soup Kitchen
I’m not thrilled with this scene. Luann’s task is to ladle soup into containers, and put the top on. There are specific directions. She ignores them. Hard is it to ladle twelve ounces of soup into a bowl? Stop your bitching, Lu. Luann says that her parole officer is mean. She doesn’t seem like she understands she can’t leave town without permission. Has she gotten permission to do all to these cabaret shows?
If The Shoe Fits
Tinsley Mortimer’s mom, Dale is in town. Because Dale has never met a camera she didn’t like. She walks into the bar? lobby? With a dog wearing a sweater in one hand, and an Neverfull in the other. I’m not sure which annoys me more. I don’t think of Neverfull’s as a handbag for an older woman. They are more like something you carry your water bottle and towel in when going to the gym, or the beach. That’s just me. I got an hour of walking in somehow today and if I could lie down right now, I could sleep until next week. I can’t do that either as I have to meet with the tax man tomorrow. So I’m like a cranky baby right now, tired and irritable.
But what Tinsley is irked by is that Dale is wearing shoes from Topper’s new wife’s shoe line. Then Dale goes on and on about how cute Topper’s baby with the new wife is. With moms like this, who needs enemies.
Random Question1: Why do NYC women eat lunch in department stores when there are hundreds of great restaurants literally on every corner?
Random Question 2: Why do we have to see Ramona on blind dates? It’s excruciating and I’m not even on the date. Ramona is too good for this guy. Read that again.
And Now For The Main Event
Bethenny Frankel has decided to take Dorinda Medley and Luann de Lesseps to lunch to broker a truce. I do not have high hopes. Dorinda has dyed her hair pink for the event. Because she wants to look gangster. I don’t get it either.
Luann mentions her house upstate and mentions that it is round. Dorinda starts offering all sorts of reasons why round houses are great. This is how I am going to spend my evening? If I was in bed in clean PJs this would be fine to watch until I fell asleep. But recapping this is like recapping … well there is no good analogy for it. Let’s get on with the showdown.
Barbara shows up in a fedora. Apparently they were supposed to dress like gangsters? There are dress codes of lunching with ladies now? Barbara says in a talking head that Dorinda’s problem is that she never admits she has done anything wrong.
Then we have some footage from Cartegena. Dorinda was awful. She says she has apologized for it. She denies that she heckled Lu at her cabaret show. Basically, Luann expects an apology or ten. I think Dorinda needs to do that. Dorinda does not. Dorinda just wants to let it go and move forward. This is a problem. Luann says they can just have a truce. That seems to be as good as it is going to get.
Barbara Visits Dorinda to Talk About Apartment Renovations
I started looking for a park near my CPA during the Sonja, Dale, Tinsley scene. Sorry. I was sort of over it after they were trying to figure out how to pronounce cum laude.
Barbara Kavovit suggests painting the entire place, redoing the floors, changing out the recessed lighting, new kitchen counter tops… with each suggestion, that Dorinda asks for she seem to get a bit testier.
If I’m Drinking Kool-Aid, Dorinda’s Sniffing Glue
So from that mental state they start talking about Luann. Dorinda thinks Luann has some sort of obsession with her about an apology. She thinks Luann needs therapy. Dorinda loses her mind when Barbara says that she and Luann have two different perspectives and need to look at the other person’s position.
It’s at this point I realize Dorinda is drunk. I rewind to see how long Dorinda was out of the room when she came back to get her phone. They are drinking champagne, but a flip has switched with Dorinda. She accuses Barbara of drinking the Kool-aid. Now there is a throwback to middle school. Dorinda looks like she might pop an artery. Barbara says that Dorinda was at a lunch with some of the girls waving around the 18 page document on Luann’s legal situation with the Count and the kids. Once again, as Dorinda denies it, production plays tape of her doing it. She says that Sonja did it.
Suddenly, Dorinda bursts into tears talking about what a good friend she has been to Luann. You know, when she wasn’t mocking her arrest and treating her like total shit. Or publicly heckling her at Luann’s cabaret show. Other than a bunch of things like that she was nice to Luann. She prayed for her. She gets increasingly agitated and tells Barbara that she is not going to get sick over this. It has to stop. Then she throws her out of her apartment. Barbara says she can take her renovation and do it herself.
Next week, Bethenny Frankel has grief counseling on national television. Who thought that was wise? Tinsley has a dog show for charity. The ladies realized that Scott Kluth might not be that committed to Tinsley. Dorinda hosts Halloween at Blue Stone Manor.