I cannot believe it is already time for another episode of
#puppygate RHOBH! I feel like we just went through all of this! Where did the weekend go? I have several other recaps I planned on doing today but there was so much breaking news I am really far behind. But nothing can stop me from recapping Denise Richard’s Wedding episode! This is the last time we know of that Lisa Vanderpump filmed with the entire cast.
Boring Pre-wedding Scenes
Erika Jayne is planning a fifteen city trip with multiple costume changes and new material. I can tell you these shows do very well and every review I have read about them has been fantastic.
Kyle Richards, Dorit Kemsley and Teddi Mellencamp go shopping for the wedding. Kyle can’t go because she is hosting a huge party for The Agency in her backyard. Teddi is worried about seeing Lisa Vanderpump. Kyle tried to get the two of them together previously but neither party was interested. So this threesome springs for over $500 in tequila glasses and an ice bucket. I’m sure that Kyle and Maurico can scare up some Casamigos Tequila because I think Maurico invested in the company.
Lisa Vanderpump wants a new kitchen. Lisa Rinna has to do QVC before flying back for the wedding. Erika Jayne wears a Lisa Rinna black jumpsuit to the wedding. I don’t care about these scenes or the flashback photos to their weddings. Let’s just get to the
fighting wedding. I’m already behind so I’m just going to fast forward.
The Wedding Day
The wedding is scheduled to begin at 2 pm on a very warm September day. Forty guests were invited to the nuptials. Teddi Mellencamp and Erika Jayne both have to leave by four.
In the car ride over, Lisa Rinna and Erika Jayne both agree that Lucy Lucy Apple Juicy is fine and they all need to move on from #puppygate. And all the people said AMEN!
By the way, Dorit Kemsley published an Instastory recently that was a montage of a lot of family time spent with Lucy. The dog’s name was Camille but Jagger named her Lucy. Thus the silly name. Paul Kemsley and all the kids were shown in many different scenes loving on the dog. I’m just saying.
Lisa Vanderpump arrives after stopping by SUR for a paparazzi scene she planned with the cameras just before the wedding. Was she really that anxious to show off this fugly dress? She dresses like she is 95 years old. And it is way too hot for that long sleeved dress if it were attractive. The Internet went all in on this look and were particularly disgusted by the sun hat.
LVP gives Teddi, Dorit and Camille the Beverly Hills fake greeting and RHOBH kiss. LVP jokes with Dorit about her tits hanging out. She says her breast grew on the car ride over. She greets Rinna with an ass grab as if they are dear chums at this point.
At 2:30 Denise Richards’ gown arrives. I presume this is all production driven. Force the feuding RHOBH to hang out in the sun together for as long as possible. I don’t understand why it wasn’t a sunset wedding anyway since it is happening on the beach.
Jerry O’Connell and his wife, Rebecca Romijn, arrive. Jerry introduces himself worried that no one will know him. He says he gets confused with Jason Bateman a lot. LVP asks Dorit to save her a seat for the wedding. LVP really likes to push her luck.
Finally, the wedding begins. I don’t know about the actual guests but I’m exhausted. It’s been a long day and I had no time to eat, so I am fasting today. Let’s get a wiggle on, people! I thought I had a photo of the gaudy giant infinity symbol Aaron Phypers wanted. But fortunately for your eyes, I can’t find it. This wedding is so chill that Aaron couldn’t be bothered to tuck his shirt in. Denise, Aaron and the cute little girl with special needs walk down the aisle together accompanied by heavy metal music. I kind of like Denise’s wedding romper with a tulle skirt.
The ceremony was led by some random dude. Literally. Paparazzi helicopters fly over and paps are hiding not so discreetly in the hills. Erika and Teddi split right after the vows due to other obligations.
Patrick Muldoon was at the wedding and both Denise Richards and Lisa Rinna dated him back when Rinna and Patrick were on Days of Our Lives together. He was shagging them both at the same time. And probably ten other Hollywood starlets. He’s hot! LVP asked him who was better in the sack. Because, dignified British lady. They don’t mention it, but Patrick and Denise were about to shoot a movie together for Hallmark. This kept Denise from attending Camille Grammer’s wedding in Hawaii. Tamara Tattles had an exclusive source at Camille’s Wedding spilling ALL the tea on the housewives in attendance.
Dorit Kemsley says that Lisa Vanderpump seems to have decided to put #puppygate behind her and move forward. Lisa Vanderpump tells us in talking head that she was expecting everyone to apologize to her. Lisa Vanderpump is very big on expecting apologies. She just never gives them.
Dorit Kemsley does her best acting to pretend she is seeing the Radar Online exclusive for the first time. It’s crystal clear from the story that it came from Lisa Vanderpump or she had John Blizzard do it. He seems willing to do whatever to keep his job. Even when it ends his friendship with Teddi Mellencamp.
So now, the shit has officially hit the fan. Radar will make a public statement that no one believes that LVP had never sold them a story, or given them an exclusive. I don’t recall the wording. But the story clearly came from her camp and at her behest. The story is very untrue with regard to Dorit Kemsley. But is mostly correct about the dog.
Dorit cracks me up when she reads the part of the story that says LVP is not the kind of person to hold grudges for very long. Clearly, that was a direct quote from LVP’s mouth. And as Dorit says, “Just about everyone in the world believes otherwise.” LVP is the queen of holding grudges. We have seen this time and time again on RHOBH.
Dorit points out that the only people who knew that Lucy was chihuahua mix were LVP and her team. The dog doesn’t even look like a chihuahua. Plus, Dorit says she called LVP the next day and her response was “so she nipped at the kids” the exact same language that was in the ROL story.
Next Week on RHOBH: Kyle Richards admits to the group that LVP has a long history of leaking stories to the press. The confrontation between Kyle and LVP happens. Ken Todd gets in Kyle’s face. LVP screams at Kyle to “get the fuck out of her house.”