Tonight we’re treated to a very special episode of Vanderpump Rules. Trouble in Lala-land has the titular SUR hostess on the defense. Last night, Lala Kent announced she’s an alcoholic. Her accountability to her process bodes well for her future. Her need to get ahead of tonight’s narrative promises drama at high decibels. Welcome to Lala-land, where a BJ gets you a PJ, and Gucci slides are currency.
But, First…
James Kennedy is in the middle of a meltdown. The Toms, Schwartz and Sandoval, decided to disinvite him to Mexico in front of Lisa Vanderpump and he’s not handling it well. He yells at Tom Schwartz. He yells about Katie Maloney Schwartz. When LVP and Tom Sandoval drag him outside, he yells at Tom Sandoval. Lisa takes umbrage. James may have DJ’ed on toilet paper but he best not turn on his only ally. James seems genuinely distraught. Lisa Vanderpump slowly winds him into her web. Don’t let this affect your sobriety, sobriety, sobriety. James is too distracted to notice the silken ties tightening around his neck.
I don’t know how Stassi Schroeder did it but she has the cushiest job on Vanderpump Rules. She doesn’t have to fake work for Lisa Vanderpump. She gets to show her actual real life (OOTD Day, her book). But she’s primarily filmed sitting around her house with her cute dog and her cute boyfriend. Must be nice. While Beau Clark bedazzles a tequila bottle with an image of Scheana Shay and fake fur, Stassi calls her book editor to ask for an extension. I can’t help but compare her to the original writer girl, Carole Radziwill. Stassi has three (out of eighteen) chapters completed. She admits her inexperience but speaks with maturity and conviction. When Carole needed more time to craft a beautifully written 500 word piece on running the marathon, she was flippant and dismissive. In the battle of princesses, Stassi still has her job.
Only A Monster Uses Disposable Baking Pans At Home
Scheana Shay lures her friends to Marina Del Rey on the promise of homemade enchiladas. She’ll send leftovers back to the boys because this is strictly girls’ night. Adam Spott is included because hypocrite besties! Everyone (and I mean everyone) is annoyed that Scheana pretends they’re not together. Stassi Schroeder calls it the most Scheana thing Scheana’s ever Scheana’d. I imagine Scheana will get that line tattooed across her ribcage in the coming months.
Kristen Doute stumbles in. Late, disheveled, toting a bag of Stassi Schroeder and Katie Maloney Schwartz’s belongings like an ex after a breakup. She hasn’t spoken to Katie since their reptilian brains erupted. For all she knows, the friendship could already be over. If this is the end, she doesn’t want them walking away, saying she didn’t return things. Katie pulls her outside for a showdown. Despite her twitchy, edgy energy, Kristen manages to deflate the situation. She takes responsibility and apologizes. She allows Katie to apologize without losing her Alpha status. With the crisis averted, Crazy Kristen joins the party. She’s decided to have it out with Lisa Vanderpump once and for all. The TomTom party is her Bunker Hill and we all know how that turned out.
James Kennedy Unpacks His Sad Suitcase
Still smarting the sting of rejection, James Kennedy films with his biggest supporter, girlfriend Raquel Leviss. They both realize that reduced camera time affects their bottom line. With so many mouths to feed, James can’t afford to alienate anyone. On reflection, he regrets what he said at TomTom. He meant it, he just didn’t want Lisa Vanderpump involved. Raquel has done a bang-up job learning her lines. She points out how James’ exclusion hurts her too. James is almost able to calibrate his, “Does that upset you?” Raquel has ignored much worse. She’s not giving up over a tone. James lets his facade slip for a moment and we see the guy Raquel thinks he is. He acknowledges her feelings and apologizes. Anger management is paying off.
Kristen Doute Kisses The Ring
Lisa Vanderpump is sooo tired. She’s been working sooo hard. I certainly hope no one disturbs Dame VanderTodd in this, her hour of plum tuckered outedness. Enter, Kristen Doute. Channeling Alex McCord in all her Moroccan Herman Munster finery, Kristen swaggers in for a kiss. She’s been binging on cigarettes and mania all night. I suspect possible, maybe chemical assistance (maybe, possibly). Lisa is appalled and amused. She lets Kristen hang herself. There’s the obsequious flattery. The rebuffed compliment. By the time she begs for an invite to the much ballyhooed TomTom opening, LVP is ready to wrap things up. The Toms have a table at the party. They can fill it however they see fit. Kristen is euphoric. She did it. She slayed the dragon. “Maybe I’m winning Lisa over. Maybe Lisa likes me now.”
Lala’s Hired Friends Meet Her Other Hired Friends
Lala Kent is hard at work in the studio. She hopes the song she’s working on will release her demons. Ariana Madix admits the pain never goes away. To release some tension, they mock James and his studio sessions. The mere mention of his name is enough to turn Lala into Angry Spice. She considers her friendship a luxury. If a friend doesn’t treasure her, she can’t be expected to forgive, rinse, repeat. She’d be more convincing if she wasn’t frothing at the mouth. Ariana seems uncomfortable with her emotions. Editors explain the euphemism by running a montage of Lala screaming at Raquel Leviss and Billie Lee. She’s road raging through life. Buddha protect her fellow travelers.
The Best Thing To Happen To Brunch With Billie
The cast trickle into SUR, ready for the big shoot. Lala Kent is furious she has to work. Whose John Legend does she have to Brielle to get the Stassi treatment? James Kennedy is psyched to be back at SUR. Raquel Leviss is just happy he gets a chance to redeem himself, again. Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix are scheduled as patrons. They clearly hate each other, they just don’t know we know. Lala decides staging a fight is preferable to cleaning menus. She calls Billie Lee into the garden, brunchers be damned. Lala seems stunned Billie thinks she was in the wrong at the Housewarming From Hell. Her elitist attitude is simply confidence. Get with the program. When Billie asks after a long list of abuses, Lala can’t take the heat. She pronounces Billie a snake ? and runs away. Much like we’ve seen Lisa Vanderpump do.
Unsatisfied with that encounter, Lala paces like a lion. When she overhears Raquel Leviss mention her father, it’s on. With her finger pointing in Raquel’s face, Lala unloads a deep well of human misery. She’s cruel, belittling. She accuses Raquel of not supporting women. Raquel is drowned out. Lala’s voice is the all we hear. She proclaims Raquel stupid ? and runs away. Much like we’ve seen Lisa Vanderpump do. Brittany Cartwright is pulled off service so it doesn’t look like Lala is ranting to herself. No amount of botox is able to hide the terror and disgust on Brittany’s face. Even she knows “I’m up here and you’re down there” is a bad look.
The Final Undoing of Lala Kent
James Kennedy wants to stay out of trouble. He wants to do his gig and go home. Maybe walk the dog. Or eat a Hot Pocket on that weird flippy uppy table. Unfortunately, Brunch With Billie isn’t as easy, breezy as advertised. So, once more into the fray. James accuses Lala Kent of running hot and cold. She denies ever offering an olive branch. Anger rewrites history. There was no coffee, no promise of studio time. She dubs James a bad fucking guy ? and runs away. Much like we’ve seen Lisa Vanderpump do.
Lala ends her rampage at the hostess stand. Billie Lee, the snake, gets a double dose of anti-venom. Lala screams. She swears. She evokes fond memories of Jax’s Season 6 SUR meltdown. Once again, Brittany Cartwright is given the heavy lifting. She escorts Lala out of the restaurant. Someone better suited to customer service can seat guests from now on. Will Lala get fired for her outburst? Tom Sandoval remarks that James Kennedy would.
Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz Own A Bar
It’s the day of the TomTom opening. Tom Schwartz teaches more experienced bartenders how to make craft cocktails. Sly Cosmopoulos, Corporate Mixologist, waits in the wings. Amateur hour is just for the cameras. Tom Sandoval pulls the signed term sheet out of his sweaty shirt back. Lisa Vanderpump is officially in the Tom business. To celebrate, she decides to cash their investment checks. James Kennedy arrives to plead his case in the People vs Brunch With Billie. He reports his complete decorum during Lala Kent’s trail of terror. Lisa is stern-faced. She’d like to believe him but he’s cried wolf too many times. James is gutted. Lisa’s disappointment is worse than her anger. He informs her he won’t attend the party. As much as he wants to be included, the drama isn’t worth it. LVP recognizes his sacrifice. It goes in the rehire column.
Next week: Welcome to TomTom! It’s the most hyped bar opening since Pump. Lala Kent is called to task for her hostess stand freak out. And the crew (minus James Kennedy) head to Mexico.
Perfect analysis! Newbie here. Welsh but still British. Id embrace James, he really wants to be part if the SUR family cos his is so sh*t.x
Lala, what a made up fake fame hungry name (or her mom was just like her), is behaving terribly on camera, she knows it herself and that is why she is coming out with the whole”i am an alcoholic” thing.She has told the whole world that she is a working girl aka whore for a vacation or an upgrade from economy..Who is she to speak to Raquel like that?
Memories of Kanye and Taylor flooded my mind as LaLa eviscerated Raquel.
James is the most interesting character on the show. Mexico will be a dud without our favorite foul mouthed DJ.
You know they’re going to spend the whole vacation talking about James. Without him, no one has a storyline.
James. James. James. It’s everyone’s favorite swear word. ?
“Whose John Legend does she have to Brielle”………priceless!!!!! Great recap.
Love the Alex McCord reference, that is spot on! Kristen really is that delusional to think that Lisa actually likes her now? Too funny.
LaLa is just a little too full of herself. Was her announcement of being an alcoholic supposed to provide cover for her behavior on this episode? We already know that her and Rand had made a pact to stop drinking together earlier in the season. She needs to go on her merry way and be the “star” she seems to believe she is.
When alcoholics stop drinking without dealing with any of their issues, they often act worse than when they’re drinking. Per experienced recovery professionals, dry drunks lash out at their friends and family, put their professional lives in jeopardy and make impulsive, damaging life decisions. I’m glad Lala is getting help now. I hope all of those struggling with addiction can learn from her (and RHONY’s Dorinda) before they lose too much. The choices we make have consequences.
I know Hollywood is full of drugs, but LaLa’s physical and mental transformation is frighteningly rapid. Just two years ago she was sweet and healthy. Now she looks old and mean. Once she sold herself to Rand, I believe LaLa lost her dignity and self worth. I think she is doing a hell of a lot more than drinking and grieving. Her face as she berated Raquel was so vicious, so hideous. I think she is in real trouble.
I completely agree with you! I recently saw an episode from when she first joined the show and she looked so different So pretty. And she still had that razor tongue but she was also vulnerable in a real way. Now she seems manic, crazed, and just mean. Even when she is crying and upset she seems way too intense. She needs some serious therapy after the loss of her dad. And, if she really is an alcoholic, I hope she is getting help and not trying to deal with it on her own. Part of me thinks she just said that to get the “haters” off her back.
Also, James pretty much said the same thing on the show. That Lala comes for Raquel because she lost some of her great qualities and she sees those in Raquel and it infuriates her. I think he is right to an extent.
I think James was spot on. He knows Lala and she’s lost herself totally. I hope she can get herself together.
Yeah. James loves her. It’s too bad she has torched their relationship. We’re all rooting for LaLa, but she better pull a 180 before she loses everything.
James apparently had sex with her while she was passed out, so I’d say he torched the relationship.
That never happened
I’m appalled at Lala’s behavior! She isn’t the only one to lose a father Jax sure isn’t acting like that and that would be expected from him .I wish Billie would have knocked her tf out. I’m so curious as to how the whole Jax and Brittney thing will work out now that she can’t drink. This will be interesting.
Great recap. Alex McCord reference?? I almost spit out my bran this morning. Lala is nothing more than a common “word I can’t use” who sells her soul for $ and fame. She hasn’t realized that every form of refuge has its price. She better get fired for that display of drug/alcohol rage. This isn’t about her Dad. This is about Lala (real name Lauryn) actually believing she is above everyone else. She’s got an ugly heart, is really looking rode hard and put away wet and so impressed with herself. She’s not even a shred of what she used to be. Her 15 minutes will be up soon tho. Please fire her. Billie, Brittany, James, Tom, Ariana all need to tell LVP immediately. If she’s not fired, James has a pretty good discrimination case on his side.
You want Lala fired? But she didn’t call anyone fat.
I’ve always thought Lala was trash but this just takes the cake. Screaming “shut up, you don’t get to talk” is almost laughable with a fake nail pointing in their faces. Why do people allow her to step all over them? For a little nugget from the deep ghetto of Utah (um lol) you’d think she could back up her fake “come at me bro!” lunges she made at Billie. I’ve always been a firm believer that sometimes you just need to get the shit kicked out of you to knock you off your high horse and boy does she ever….
I never liked Lala. She almost turned me last season but clearly her Power of the Pussy feminism is just a facade. Can we cancel her? I hate watching the rest of the girls pretend to like her for the perks.
I have never, ever liked LaLa. I still don’t.
She didn’t have me fooled with her power of the pussy bs last year. That was a rouse to get into the Witches of Weho. Even though Lala is a wench, nobody likes being disincluded. I think the private jet life is a bit of bait for the witches too. There aren’t enough private jets in the fucking world to get me to blow her man, Rand. And although I don’t like Lala, I think Billie is no better. The entire “I have a right to question your character” wasn’t to me, a good enough reason to play that hand. I’ll play with what I’m dealt but she just seems super thirsty. A deep, dry heat, desert thirst…
One of my girlfriends and I were watching together and we both lost parents suddenly, we looked at each other and acknowledged that neither one acted that crazy. We were both zombies for a bit but not angry and crazy. We all grieve differently though. I used to really like Lala for being herself, I don’t likebthis new thwacked out Lala. She needs to be fired, pronto. I just keep wondering how Katie got to be alpha when Stassi was for so long…. I do not like Katie at all. I really like Beau, he is perfect for Stassi. I’ve noticed she is t nearly as up tight and cunty since she has been with him.
great recap, Lady.
Wow, what a rampage Lala went on, I was simply dumbfounded by her, she was totally atrocious. Just don’t know what was behind it, was it alcohol or something else, was it a combo of a few things and her loss in her life, or was it producer driven, whatever it was it was an awful look,not good, not kind, and not what I expect from her at all, so disappointed in her, how quickly she forgot that she was bullied by these girls for swimming naked in the lagoon that first season she was on. WOW, is all I have to say. How low the risen have fallen!
So much in this episode? How on earth did Stassi become charming and endearing? I cant believe I feel this way.
Didnt Raquel or James say Raquel was going to school for physics or something? That cannot even be possible. James breaks my heart, he is such a mess and trying so hard. I also didnt know you needed a DJ for brunch. Is James spinning easy listening music or cool jazz?
Lala is despicable. The finger in the face was horrible enough, but screaming “be quiet!” at everyone, I would have lost my mind. At least some of them are growing up and realizing how damaging drinking is for their lives, now Kristen needs to look in the mirror.
Raquel got a bachelor’s degree in Kinesiology. Per the interwebs, she’s qualified to be an Athletic Trainer. At the moment, she plays the part of James Kennedy’s athletic cup.
Omg! Hilarious observation! I love that you type your thoughts and post! I bow at your prowess of wordsmithing! Thank you for your recaps and interacting with commenters.
I mean this truly, best site for us reality and celebrity news update junkies. TT is crazy great and has an awesome crew of recappers. Thank you The Lady Cocotte!
As I was watching Lala lose her shit at Billie’s brunch, I had to wonder what her reaction would be if someone was indifferent to her rage. I feel like if you want to win that battle and piss her off to the max, indifference is key. Arguing back just fuels her fire. But I agreed with everything Billie had to say. I argue like her, I start off well and know exactly what I am going to say, but as the adrenaline gets moving I start to lose it. If Billie would have just said her piece and walked away, it would have been a lot more powerful. Have someone else kick her out, why keep engaging??? Aside from getting paid that is.
Great recap, Lady C! I say it every week, but it’s true every week.
I was amazed James didn’t blow up at Lala, that he kept his cool. I thought maybe he was maturing a little. But then last night on WWHL, he was obviously (well, allegedly) drinking. He was so rude and cocky, especially on the after show.
Lady C, do you really think Tom hates Ariana? I think he loves her, but she is not that into him.
Tom Sandoval has a hard time letting go of bad relationships. Ariana’s complete indifference has to bother him. At this point, I think he loves the idea of Ariana more than the real thing.
Back in the day Navymommy would have snatched that finger, broken it and dropped her to her knees. Now Navymommy would just turn around and walk away. Unless there was a drink close by. Then she would have worn it. Great recap as always LC. Props for the Alex McCord reference.
Lala is whining about Billie attacking her character? It is an attack on her parents? First off she has a horrible value system. Telling someone their greatest success in life is screwing her, or blow jobs for private jets and yachts. This has been her value system since Day One.
James nailed it Lala cannot stand Raquel because she is basically kind. James loves her and Lala finds her not empowering to women? It seems Lala biggest regret is she settled for D List producer instead of Harvey Weinstein. Mentioning someone is off kilter because their father died (if in fact Raquel said such a thing-Sandoval says no) is not talking about someone’s father. It is simply commenting on one’s station in life.
Lala and the Jennifer Lopez epic fail outfit-did she forget the guys from South Park parodied her look by wearing the dress? It was not iconic it was a joke. Who wears a designer gown to hostess a brunch?
She wasn’t even wearing THE JLo dress. Any schmuck with a producer’s credit can purchase Versace.
BTW I forgot to compliment on another excellent recap.
haha that was a great recap! OMG it did not disappoint. I came here after watching it today, a day late. LaLa seems as fake as her fake name. She is awful to Billie, awful to Raquel, awful to everyone. Her whole life sitch has really gone to her head. This show is kind of embarrassing to watch. I had it on in the background. It’s bad when you start rooting for James and Lisa misses whose side she should be on. It’s becoming a yawn they’re all so self-aware of their on camera time. Mexico will be boring without James.
Lala, Lala, Lala … so disappointed. Total bitch. Those fingernails, pointing in Raquel’s face! She has shown her true self. Maybe she is a better actress than we give her credit for. Thought she was a girl’s girl. Turns out she’s trash. And Brittany! I was so frustrated with her! Points for understanding that she needed to reign Lala in, but DO SOMETHING for god’s sake! Is that woman ever gonna get a backbone ??
As a small business owner I would think Lala should be fired immediately! How dare she disrupt the front of the house? I know no one cares, but this group is becoming unwatchable. I agree with other comment that it’s shocking (but somehow thrilling) that Stassi is the most endearing.
Katie … GO AWAY! EWWW.
I like you! And I have so not liked Britt for exactly they reasons you just stated.
Stassi and Beau: Vanderpump Rules version of Taming of the Shrew.
Lady, you’re a gift. I am stealing “road raging through life.”
Lala actually coined that phrase. I’m going to incorporate it into my life, too.
Oh yes. Saw that. A paragraph break would’ve helped clarify. Fits so many folks in my life at the moment!
Lisa, Please fire Lala. I don’t understand why Lala is allowed to behave the way she does. She does not empower women by talking about sex and getting things… She tries to justify her behavior by saying she is a feminist and can do what she wants. She has a trash mouth, acts like trash, insults others, is a bully, and it’s not because she is an alcoholic. She sets a very bad example for young women. Please get her off the show.
One more thing… Katie, you had better stop being so judgmental and full of yourself. What goes around comes around. You may be on top now but another year may look different. Her issues with James make her look insecure and vindictive. Katie, you are not a strong women. You don’t get to play the “insult, I’m a feminist” card when you too are such a bully. I think Lisa feels pressure by the whole Harvey movement to allow this to go on. James is the most watchable and funniest. He would say things we all wish we could say. Kristen and her hate of James is pathetic. She is just jealous that she is not back in the fold and targets James. James is more interesting… period. We want to see more of Billy and her life. We don’t want to see Lala at all and we want to see more of James.