BY: POPCULTUREKELLY
It’s Summer House Monday everyone! Well, it’s ‘that show after VanderPump Rules Monday’ if we are being honest. But hey, I will take it! (The Lady C’s recap will no doubt be better than VPR itself but I digress). Now back to our Summer House peeps. For a quick catch up on the show click here. We open with the 4th of July party winding down. Danielle Olivera and Jordan Verroi making out in front of their mortified roommates. Speaking of disgusting, Carl Radke is flirting with Paige DeSorbo. I really think Paige is too smart for this so we can blame the alcohol on her entertaining it. Kyle Cooke urinates outside, as one would being directly outside of a giant house with at least 5 bathrooms. Jordan is drunk. He is being a super douche, parading around in a speedo. He’s also hitting on Paige in front of a grossed out Lindsay Hubbard.
The Hamptons Gets A New Douche Canoe
Afterward, Hannah Berner goes to bed while the rest of the casts heads out to Montauk to party some more. They come home around 3am drunk. Danielle Olivera wants Jordan Verroi to follow her upstairs, but douchekabob says no. Danielle girl, you are dodging a bullet! At 4am, Lindsay Hubbard comes home with Everett Weston. Yes, THE Everett of the off and on,off and on, off and on Lindsay and Everett. This should end well. Lindsay puts on her best Captain Obvious outfit to tell us she is not over Everett. Danielle is shocked to see Everett, as is Kyle Cooke. Kyle is not too happy to see Everett. Turns out Everett is the one who told everyone about Kyle cheating on Amanda Batula. Those wounds have definitely not healed yet. Kyle is cool and cordial to him.
Later on, Paige DeSorbo, Hannah Berner, Carl Radke and Jordan Verroi play doubles tennis. Carl thinks that Paige is hot but does not want to have a summer fling that ends disastrously again. On the other hand Jordan is very interested in Paige. He compares Danielle Olivera and Paige to CARS. He says “Danielle would be the rental, Paige is the Lamborghini. I’m leaving the lot with Paige”. I don’t think I’ve ever hated a new cast member more. He is beyond gross.
Bonfire Of The Vanities
Next, the roommates all head out to a bonfire. Danielle Olivera will only stay for a little while as she has to head back to the city early. Before Danielle leaves she confesses to having feelings for Jordan Verroi. Jordan states (when Danielle leaves) that he is not as into Danielle as Danielle is in to him. Lindsay Hubbard calls him out on that and tells him that he better not play her girl. Jordan says that he is more into Paige DeSorbo because she is currently the one there. If looks could kill, Lindsay would have had him dead and buried. Paige states that she only likes Jordan as a friend. Lindsay and Kyle Cooke discuss Everett. Kyle feels that it should not be as hard as Lindsay and Everett are making it. Lindsay feels that Kyle is being a hypocrite because he was basically Everett when he started dating Amanda Batula.
The next morning, everyone heads back to the city. We get montages of everyone at work. Kyle Cooke and Amanda Batula go to New Jersey to taste test Kyle’s new venture. It is an alcohol drink called Loverboy. Amanda is hoping that Kyle gets so sick of tasting alcohol that he decides to quit drinking it. She would have better luck hoping for a pot of gold at the end of that drink but okay. Amanda fears that they are masking their deep issues by starting an alcohol company. The entire audience concurs.
Super Callous Fragile Ego Jordan Is Atrocious
Next, the gang head back to the Hamptons for the weekend. The girl’s plan a night out. Paige DeSorbo thinks Danielle Olivera should know what Jordan Verroi said at the bonfire. She afraid of how Danielle will react. Carl Radke is struggling at work. He wants to drink a lot. Also hook up a lot. Carl 3.0 is a myth. He is completely Carl 1.0, which I hope Paige does not fall victim to.
Then Amanda Batula is eager to get girl’s night started as she is sick of being around Kyle Cooke. The guys stay behind where they dissect Jordan Verroi and Paige DeSorbo’s history pre-Summer House. Jordan shows a screenshot of his and Paige’s texts as opposed to the actual texts. This is supposed to verify that Paige was into him at one point? It does not. What we have here is Jordan butthurt that a woman DARE to not be into him. Thankfully, Kyle is not buying anything Jordan is selling. Jordan claims that his make-out session with Danielle Olivera was a drunken mistake. Meanwhile, Danielle sneaks by the guys to get ready to go out to meet the girls. She did not seem to overhear what Jordan said, but Danielle is very in to him. This will definitely not end well.
Flirting With Disaster
Next the ladies arrive at dinner. Hannah Berner poorly attempts to flirt with the waiter. She fancies herself a savage flirter but as Lindsay Hubbard correctly points out, she is not. Paige DeSorbo has a list of things she wants in a man and it is a LONG list. None of her items are anything like Carl Radke so hopefully we’re safe. Danielle Olivera arrives. They immediately get into what Jordan Verroi said at the bonfire. Danielle is hurt and confused. Poor Danielle.
Next week on Summer House: Paige DeSorbo and Carl Radke possibly hook up. Kyle and Amanda apartment hunt. Jordan Verroi may or may not ask Carl for a threeway with Danielle Olivera. Wow. We are picking up steam now! I look forward to your comments. Hope to see you all here next week!
Jordan is disgusting and I wonder if he’s actually gay. VERY metro and it would explain his confusion
Honestly I don’t know what his issue is but hot damn does he love himself! And dislike women. And it seems Danielle is still interested in him. I don’t get it at all.
Super Callous Fragile Ego Jordan Is Atrocious
Okay, that right there is freaking AWESOME!!
Yes, I absolutely think Jordan is gay and he does this kind of thing to turn all the girls against him so he doesn’t have to pretend he likes them. WHY? Why would you hide it? especially on this show.
And then Lindsay had to tell Daniell immediately…..Don’t let her sit and relax for 5 minutes…
I do NOT miss the twins, very relieved they aren’t there. I do miss Steven a little bit.
Haha thanks! It couldn’t suit him more. Yeah I’m not understanding him. He’s a douche on a whole other level. Watches church in bed but treats the women around him like disposable trash? Ummm ok. When Danielle came
In for dinner I was like damn, can she sit down first?? ? I don’t miss the twins either. Stephen, a little. But I’m really liking Hannah and Paige.
I don’t miss Stephen at all! He’s ridiculous and its shameful what he did to Carl last season (calling him out for getting his D sucked by a guy)..
Jordan is such a tool.. He comparing the girls to cars was so fucking unnecessary.. Hope he gets his comeuppance..
I’m rooting for Kyle and his business ventures but I hope to god he changes the name lol.. I can’t imagine someone going to a bar/restaurant/store and getting the “Loverboy” tea.
Oh I forgot about Stephen doing that! That was crappy. I’m rooting for Kyle too.
I’ve come to realize that watching or going to church and being held to reasonable human standards are two entirely different things. Think about TV evangelists that have had affairs with people other than their wives (including with dudes) or those churchy guys who try to convert gays only to discover that they are, in fact, gay.
If Lindsay really was a good friend, wouldn’t she have called Danielle the day after he said that? Why wait a week and only then for the camera to show what a good friend she was?
I’ve never liked Danielle she comes off pathetic thirsty and inauthentic. Already last season I just thought she was such a loser. She’s one of those people who simply becomes whoever she’s trying to be friends with because she doesn’t know who she is. Obviously lacks self esteem. How can anyone think Jordan is straight? How? I didn’t think he would tip his hand so quickly by asking a guy for a threesome. Carl is so gross. I thought he was attractive at some point and now he just seems dirty. I reluctantly TiVo this shitshow but don’t watch until there’s really nothing else to watch so haven’t seen this episode yet. Not sure I like Jordan on the show either – she’s funnier on .
I’m not a huge Danielle fan either but I will admit to having a soft spot for Carl. I think his douchiness comes from some deep down shit, not just that he thinks he’s above everyone. I see him as lost and my inner Vanderpump wants to heal that broken bird lol.
Aw. You’re right but I would respect it more if he actually worked on it – you know therapy, truthfulness. I realize I sound so mean in my comment. I do like everyone I didn’t mention!
What is it about “young” people these days. They don’t seem to ever grow up. A male at 21 used to be a
man, and a female was a woman. These people are in their 30’s and act like children. No wonder none
of them have jobs that actually produce something. The way they drink they are well on their way to
addiction. I guess these shows all want people misbehaving like little children, ugh.
Haha I’m super old but sort of admire their ability to drink like fish on weekends but hold down good 9-5 jobs on weekdays. I look at alcohol now and it takes me 3 days to recover ?
Carl has a friendly appearance, good smile, his ears give him that boyish look. Apparently he and Scheana from Vanderpump have hooked up. I feel a little bad for Danielle, hope she learns not to count on anything a guy tells her when he’s drunk. Or sober in the case of Jordan. It’s nice to think the best of people but that’s how you get hurt. Set some boundaries in the beginning Danielle. Liked the comment made by the new girl Hannah after Lindsay admonished her for her feeble pickup lines. Hannah thinks that Lindsay is OLD and obviously must not have good pickup lines herself being that she’s old and not in a relationship. Amanda is delusional if she thinks Kyle will get tired of drinking because he wants to launch his own alcoholic beverage. Amanda, this a guy that won’t even part with his mullet wig and he likes alcohol a lot more than the wig. Paige, have some fun with Carl. Hopefully you’ve watched past seasons and know that he is unreliable and will eventually disappoint. I don’t think he checks half of those 40 “must haves” on your list. I do miss Stephen. He was funny. Wore his heart on his sleeve. He did wrong by exposing Carl’s news. wonder if Carl has participated in another gay pride parade or if that was for show.
Finally watched last night….Paige is really photogenic. I guess it’s also because she is so young.
That bonfire scene, that is what I can relate too. I’ve had many summer Sunday Fundays that were spend worrying about work on Monday. Just nice to realize people who are fortunate enough to summer in the Hamptons have the same problems as me. I’ve also had plenty of Monday mornings having to leave at 5 am to head to work. Mine is in reverse, I spend my weekends in the city and drive home to the country.
Sorry to make this post so much about myself. Thanks for the recap! This is my only Summer House outlet!
Summer House leaves me puzzled. The ladies are, for the most part, attractive & accomplished. The guys, however……huh? Why are these women falling over themselves to “get” these zeroes?? These ladies need to come out to SoCal….they’ll be dating like crazy! They’ll see clearly that bad stereotypes like Jordan & Carl might be ~”7’s” on the East Coast but, best case, hard “3’s” on the West. I don’t just mean looks, but looks + personality! Seriously….