It’s Summer House Monday everyone! Well, it’s ‘that show after VanderPump Rules Monday’ if we are being honest. But hey, I will take it! (The Lady C’s recap will no doubt be better than VPR itself but I digress). Now back to our Summer House peeps. For a quick catch up on the show click here. We open with the 4th of July party winding down. Danielle Olivera and Jordan Verroi making out in front of their mortified roommates. Speaking of disgusting, Carl Radke is flirting with Paige DeSorbo. I really think Paige is too smart for this so we can blame the alcohol on her entertaining it. Kyle Cooke urinates outside, as one would being directly outside of a giant house with at least 5 bathrooms. Jordan is drunk. He is being a super douche, parading around in a speedo. He’s also hitting on Paige in front of a grossed out Lindsay Hubbard.
The Hamptons Gets A New Douche Canoe
Afterward, Hannah Berner goes to bed while the rest of the casts heads out to Montauk to party some more. They come home around 3am drunk. Danielle Olivera wants Jordan Verroi to follow her upstairs, but douchekabob says no. Danielle girl, you are dodging a bullet! At 4am, Lindsay Hubbard comes home with Everett Weston. Yes, THE Everett of the off and on,off and on, off and on Lindsay and Everett. This should end well. Lindsay puts on her best Captain Obvious outfit to tell us she is not over Everett. Danielle is shocked to see Everett, as is Kyle Cooke. Kyle is not too happy to see Everett. Turns out Everett is the one who told everyone about Kyle cheating on Amanda Batula. Those wounds have definitely not healed yet. Kyle is cool and cordial to him.
Later on, Paige DeSorbo, Hannah Berner, Carl Radke and Jordan Verroi play doubles tennis. Carl thinks that Paige is hot but does not want to have a summer fling that ends disastrously again. On the other hand Jordan is very interested in Paige. He compares Danielle Olivera and Paige to CARS. He says “Danielle would be the rental, Paige is the Lamborghini. I’m leaving the lot with Paige”. I don’t think I’ve ever hated a new cast member more. He is beyond gross.
Bonfire Of The Vanities
Next, the roommates all head out to a bonfire. Danielle Olivera will only stay for a little while as she has to head back to the city early. Before Danielle leaves she confesses to having feelings for Jordan Verroi. Jordan states (when Danielle leaves) that he is not as into Danielle as Danielle is in to him. Lindsay Hubbard calls him out on that and tells him that he better not play her girl. Jordan says that he is more into Paige DeSorbo because she is currently the one there. If looks could kill, Lindsay would have had him dead and buried. Paige states that she only likes Jordan as a friend. Lindsay and Kyle Cooke discuss Everett. Kyle feels that it should not be as hard as Lindsay and Everett are making it. Lindsay feels that Kyle is being a hypocrite because he was basically Everett when he started dating Amanda Batula.
The next morning, everyone heads back to the city. We get montages of everyone at work. Kyle Cooke and Amanda Batula go to New Jersey to taste test Kyle’s new venture. It is an alcohol drink called Loverboy. Amanda is hoping that Kyle gets so sick of tasting alcohol that he decides to quit drinking it. She would have better luck hoping for a pot of gold at the end of that drink but okay. Amanda fears that they are masking their deep issues by starting an alcohol company. The entire audience concurs.
Super Callous Fragile Ego Jordan Is Atrocious
Next, the gang head back to the Hamptons for the weekend. The girl’s plan a night out. Paige DeSorbo thinks Danielle Olivera should know what Jordan Verroi said at the bonfire. She afraid of how Danielle will react. Carl Radke is struggling at work. He wants to drink a lot. Also hook up a lot. Carl 3.0 is a myth. He is completely Carl 1.0, which I hope Paige does not fall victim to.
Then Amanda Batula is eager to get girl’s night started as she is sick of being around Kyle Cooke. The guys stay behind where they dissect Jordan Verroi and Paige DeSorbo’s history pre-Summer House. Jordan shows a screenshot of his and Paige’s texts as opposed to the actual texts. This is supposed to verify that Paige was into him at one point? It does not. What we have here is Jordan butthurt that a woman DARE to not be into him. Thankfully, Kyle is not buying anything Jordan is selling. Jordan claims that his make-out session with Danielle Olivera was a drunken mistake. Meanwhile, Danielle sneaks by the guys to get ready to go out to meet the girls. She did not seem to overhear what Jordan said, but Danielle is very in to him. This will definitely not end well.
Flirting With Disaster
Next the ladies arrive at dinner. Hannah Berner poorly attempts to flirt with the waiter. She fancies herself a savage flirter but as Lindsay Hubbard correctly points out, she is not. Paige DeSorbo has a list of things she wants in a man and it is a LONG list. None of her items are anything like Carl Radke so hopefully we’re safe. Danielle Olivera arrives. They immediately get into what Jordan Verroi said at the bonfire. Danielle is hurt and confused. Poor Danielle.
Next week on Summer House: Paige DeSorbo and Carl Radke possibly hook up. Kyle and Amanda apartment hunt. Jordan Verroi may or may not ask Carl for a threeway with Danielle Olivera. Wow. We are picking up steam now! I look forward to your comments. Hope to see you all here next week!