I am ready for Married At First Sight to be over. It comes on at a bad time for me, and I have lost interest. That said, I can’t stop watching it because I feel the need to watch to the bitter end. I am also dying to know what Luke’s secret is. Thanks for not spoiling me. So let’s get too it!
Luke & Kate
I hate how every week Kate starts saying she is back in the marriage pretends like she is happy. She’s deluded and I am still not sure what Luke’s motivation is to even do this show. Luke took Kate to the ballet and that seems to have bought him some time.
Then, in the very next scene with Kate, she is calling Dr. Pepper to tell her about “Luke’s secret.” He has told her something he doesn’t want shared with the cameras. Wait the big news is that they have been secretly having sex? I thought it was going to be that he didn’t sleep in the apartment. Or that he doesn’t actually have a penis. Or that he is bi and has a male lover. Maybe that he has a girlfriend and she knows he is on the show for…some other reason. I’m disappointed by this information.
Oh, the reason she is ratting him out is because she needs to speak to someone about his behavior after sex. He gets up and leaves the room and ignores her for hours. That’s not good. Maybe he feels guilty for cheating on his lover?
Will & Jasmine
Oh, Jasmine, bless her heart. She’s making dinner in lingerie trying to get some “D.” Then she tries to get to know Will. It’s never to late to try to get to know the man you married. It was not really foreplay conversation though. They do a one minute kissing exercise. He doesn’t touch her. Will said the kiss felt forced. He prefers more organic romance. Then, he says he is more of a mental foreplay kind of guy and she is more of a physical intimacy type of person. Honey, he’s lying. Men are all into physical …interactions… whether intimate or not. He’s just not that into you. It should not be this hard to get laid.
Group Dinner With Pastor Cal
Pastor Cal says it is good to see all the couples touching. Jasmine points out she and Will are not touching and he jokes about it. That’s inappropriate. Then he gives him a lecture to ride the marriage until the wheels fall off. Most of these couples are down to one or two wheels already.
It’s time for the Mini moons. But this season, they are having all the couples stay in a house together in the Poconos. I think this is a place sort of built for honeymooners. When I was a kid people talked about heart-shaped bathrooms and mirrors on the ceiling and shag carpeting and such. At least that is how I remember it. I think I saw a room one with a gigantic champagne coupe that would hold two people. I’ve never been but my uninformed opinion from childhood was it was a place grown ups went for sex. This is so not a good idea. Jasmine has ZERO chance of having sex in a house with three other couples.
The Mini Moon
The Car Rides To The Poconos
It looks like the couples are going to have major conversations on the way to the house. Jasmine is on the phone snapping at Will for driving too fast. He says he is three miles over the speed limit (which is the commonly accepted speed limit). She is pissy because he still won’t give her any dick. He asks her if she thinks he talks to much. She laughs at him and asks if that is a trick question. She clearly wants less talk and more action.
When AJ and Stephanie pull up to the house, AJ is already in a shitty mood. He seems mad that everyone got there first. He doesn’t know how he is going to control his reaction. AJ announces to Stephanie that “this is going to be a bad weekend.”
At The House
Keith and Kristine were the first to arrive because they were given the key. I feel like they were chosen because they were the least likely to break up before even getting there. The house is not in fact the setting weird debauchery and sex in giant champagne coups after all. It’s a cute little cabin that is very nice, and sparsely decorated. They choose the bedroom that is downstairs away from everyone else. Smart move.
AJ Arrives And The Fun Bus Leaves
Kate and Luke arrive next. I was all set to recap their conversation in the car. I got the feeling that Kate was going to tell him about calling Dr. Pepper. But if she did, we didn’t see it. Will and Jasmine arrive next Leaving AJ and Stephanie with the last bedroom. AJ comes in and says he wants to go get a hotel rule. He starts drinking and has killed the fun vibe in the house.
Drunk AJ does not know how to read the room. He is making lots of inappropriate sexual jokes. Kristine and Keith decide to retreat to their room for some privacy. Stephanie goes to bed too. Drunk AJ says the main reason he signed up for the show was because he was drunk and horny. He asks the two remaining couples, who are visibly miserable, if they are upset because his marriage is so great.
Then he focuses in on Luke . He asks him if he is a top or a bottom. Wow. This is almost always an inappropriate question to ask anyone unless you are a gay guy thinking of asking someone out. Or on Grindr. I don’t think any straight guy anywhere has ever even jokingly asked another allegedly straight gut that questions. Then, He asks Luke if he can shave his arms. Luke walks into the kitchen and Drunk AJ slaps Luke’s ass hard. That drives Luke and Kate to go to their room. Will and Jasmine also flee.
The Next Morning
Stephanie is oblivious to AJ’s behavior the night before. AJ either doesn’t remember or doesn’t care. I am not sure which is worse.
Kate and Luke go to a waterfall. It was awkward. It was like two people on a blind date. Nothing Luke says comes out right. I’m not sure it is intentional. Kate just wants this to last forever. Kate seems to be gearing up to tell Luke about her phone call to Dr. Pepper. Then she decides to wait.
Stephanie and AJ go to a pottery making house. The female potter has a potty mouth. Its all about sexual innuendo. AJ thought that was fabulous. I find it juvenile and repetitive. Literally every sentence was a sex joke. Clearly, she is not getting the D either. Or whatever she is attracted to.
Next Week: OMG! Keith and Kristine are in a giant champagne coupé! I am dying laughing. Kate confesses to Luke on the car ride home. Will continues to be standoffish. Stephanie talks to the girls about AJ.