I mean WTF Aunt Becky? Remember when you told Uncle Jessie it was wrong to like on the twins preschool application just to get them into a fancypants preschool? What has happened to you Aunt Becky?
Ask we all know by now, Aunt Becky, aka Lori Loughlin is probably going to go to a big, full house. Aunt Becky and her husband Mossimo Giannulli, allegedly paid $500,000 in order to get their two daughters into USC. The scheme was carried out through the USC athletics department. The USC is furiously firing large number of people in their athletic department for accepting bribes to pretend that some students were highly ranked athletes. The scheme involved the two daughters, Bella (20) and Olivia (19) pretending to be superior rowers who were recruited to the USC crew team. Apparently, neither of them have ever even gotten their hair wet outside an upscale hair salon let alone rowed a boat. Both of them remain enrolled in USC.
I Want To See Their Transcripts
After the two brainiacs were admitted, their father copied their mother on an email to the person who orchestrated the fraud. Thanking him/her (that person is now a witness for the FBI. The subject of the email was “Trojan happiness.”
Both parents have been arrested.
Olivia Jade Giannulli was a popular blogger who frequently talked about how she hated school. Upon her acceptance to USC she said she was going to be in Fiji for the first couple of weeks during school “for work,”Then, she would be in NYC “working a lot.” So. she would have to talk to her deans and let them know she just wasn’t going to be there much. She said she was looking forward to the football games and going to parties. She has seen be run off the Internet completely for being stupid as fuck.
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
Felicity Huffman, aka Lynette Scavo from Desperate Housewives was arrested at the crack of dawn this morning when FBI agents with guns drawn ambushed her house. Huffman, her husband William H. Macy (Shameless) and her two daughters were sleeping when the feds arrived.
Felicity Huffman allegedly paid a bribe in order to have one of the proctors of the SATs the daughter sat for give her extra time. Then, the proctor changed many of her wrong answers to the correct ones. So, she got into USC.
Felicity Huffman intended to repeat the process with her younger daughter. But then, she decided an admission to such a prestigious school would be suspicious to her kid’s teachers and tutors. William H. Macy was not arrested. For now, it seems he was unaware of the situation as were the two daughters in this situation.
BUT WAIT! THERE IS EVEN MORE!
Thirty-three parents in all are accused of paying millions of dollars in bribes to get their kids into top schools. The schools involved in the felony activity included, USC, University of California Los Angeles, Yale, Stanford, Wake Forest, Georgetown and University of Texas at Austin. Of the ten coaches fired from those schools, four of them were from USC. The president of a Texas Tennis Academy was also charged.
In addition, three proctors for the ACT/SAT tests were also arrested. Usually, they are high school teachers who take the job as side income.
Also, three members of a non-profit organization considered to be at the center of this mess were also arrested.
Oh Let’s Look At One More Idiot Family Shall We?
Meet Jane Buckingham. She is a Beverly Hills-based marketing CEO and author. What sort of books does she write? Well, self-help books on being a good mother. Her most recent book “a helpful handbook for surviving headaches, pickles, jams, and everyday emergencies.” I can barely contain myself as I wait for her next book, How to Deal With A Sexually Agressive Cellie.
They needed a writing sample from her son, Jack. Becaus, the person taking the ACT for him would mimic his handwriting as the ACT contains an essay portion. As Jane states, “Good luck with that.” Jack scored a 35 out of a possible 36 on the exam placing him in the 99th percentile of all test takers. Only 0.195% of all test takers score a 36. Jane was thrilled and said she wanted to do the same thing with her idiot daughter when the time came. She didn’t say idiot, but what are the chances of the daughter not swimming in the same genetic cesspool?
Oh and she is good friends with Felicity Huffman.
Stupid Is As Stupid Does
This sort of thing starts out with parents doing their kids homework for them in elementary school. Newflash! If you kid can’t count to potato in my class, he is not going to be able to complete his times tables for homework. You are not fooling anyone.
Then, it progresses right on through to doing complicated science projects for the kids that can’t use an electric outlet without supervision. Next, they write the kids college entrance exams. Eventually, they pay for essays and reports for college. It’s dumb parents making their dumb kids even dumber. They take helicopter parenting to new levels. You can see them in first grade. They are the parents that walk their kid in to homeroom every single day of the year. Not just on the first day or two. Every fucking day. Then, they want to chat with the teacher with 24 first graders to get on task when they arrive.
In the end, I still say we need to sterilize most of the population at birth. I’m not kidding. It’s the only way your grandchildren are going to survive global warming. Eventually, we have got to stop breeding stupid people.
So for those asking? That is what I think.
I forgot until I went to Twitter again the number of idiots who are saying. OMG! Kyle Richards kid just went to college! And, I bet they paid for her to go! She doesn’t even know you have to clean toilets!
First of all, Farrah went to USC and graduated Magna Cum Laude. She’s very smart. Sophia is at George Washington University another great but not as prestigious school with a higher admission rate. George Washington is not involved in the scandal whatsoever.
So, that is the issue with these sort of scandals. Now, every kid and their parent is subjected to stupid fucks who want to make people prove they were properly admitted. Like I said, they need to be prevented from breeding!