I am so ready for the Real Housewives of New Jersey to just go away. I’ve had enough. We did not three episodes of this crap. I am going to try to be brief tonight because I am running very late and I just want to get to RHONY!
Let’s just get ‘er done.
We start with Teresa Giudice acting like she is not sleeping with Blake Schreck. She is blaming the kids for not moving to Italy. It would be great for the kids to move to Italy. There needs to be an adult making decisions in that house. Joe Gorga seems to think that Teresa should stay married to Joe Giudice. Oh wait. He is blaming Joe Giudice.
The Men Take The Stage
I’m bored. They asked the husbands to come up with their own taglines.
Bill Aydin: A nip tuck a day, allows my wife to spend and play.
Evan Goldschneider: I have four kids, two degrees and one kickass wife. (Teresa tried to roll her eyes out of her head. JEALOUS)
Frank Catania: I work hard, I play hard, I spend all my money on boats and whore. (Clazzy)
Joe Gorga: (wraps himself in a gold tablecloth) I don’t flip tables. I have sex on them. (Good Grief,) I’m not a plumber, but I know how to lay pipe.
Joe Josephs: If you want the job done right, ask me…and I’ll do your wife. (WTF is wrong with these people?)
Danielle Staub Enters The Fray
The ladies come after her for doing interviews with TMZ about her divorce. She also tried to sell her rings on social media.
Danielle’s lies are not worth recapping. Only Dave Quinn from People magazine believes anything she says. Joe Joesphs says he believes that Marty Caffrey was saying things Danielle Staub wanted him to say. They guys are all friends with Marty Caffrey now. Margaret Josephs says she put on a sham wedding to be on a TV show.
Kim G. From Franklin Lakes has a question! ” How did Jackie feel after Danielle hurled and innuendo at her about her and Melissa having lesbian vibes. When Danielle pretended to be gay herself? Jackie thinks using sexual preference as an insult it wrong. Danielle says she just thought they were very close. It was weird. Melissa says Danielle was like that with Margaret last season.
Teresa Giudice continues to stick up for Danielle. She says Danielle texted her every day while her grandmother was in the hospital.
Melissa Gorga and Teresa Giudice continue to fight. Melissa says that Teresa didn’t have a bad thing to say to Jennifer after she broke a wine glass. Dolores Catania did. She says usually if that happens (really? this happens a lot in your real life?) someone is getting hurt. Teresa Giudice really doesn’t give a shit. Teresa tries to say her husband is in prison. That has nothing to do with anything. Nor does Teresa Giudice give a shit about Joe Giudice now that he can’t buy her shit.
A Very Bizarre Trio of Gifts
Danielle Staub gives Teresa Giudice a necklace with her initials. She’s wearing the same one. Who is gay now? It ends with a long hug. Andy has a look on his face that sort of sums what I was was feeling. WTF? Andy points out Teresa looks a bit uncomfortable as she looks for someplace to hide the gift. Not to be outdone, Jennifer Aydin also has a gift for Teresa. This is just bizarre. It’s a pearl bracelet with a photos of Teresa and her mother.
The cast gives Andy Cohen an electric car for suitable for a five year old for his baby. They all give him a piece of parenting advice. Dolores says he is so maternal already, he will be fine. They also gave him an Adidas track suit. He seemed to really like that.