This is the episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills where if we are going to see this epic moment with Dorit Kemsley getting harrassed by Jasmine Lennard it will happen. I’m almost positive it won’t be shown, but a girl can dream. Thankfully, the link has the video. We also get to see Lisa Vanderpump’s plans backfire this season as she hands Dorit Kemsley the center stage for the rest of the season. Thanks a fuckload, LVP.
Lisa Vanderpump has pretty pajamas. But, they don’t distract me from her lies.
The Ladies Pair Off To Show All The Amenities Of The Resort
This is one of those filming days when you want to be on good terms with production so you can get a decent role in the commercial for the resort. Erika Jayne and Teddi Mellencamp get assigned to the golf course. Erika Jayne is a pro. Teddi has never played. Erika is a great teacher. Teddi tells Erika that she has proof that the staff at Vanderpump Dogs were told to tell her about Lucy. Erika realizes that LVP was trying to get Teddi to do her dirty work.
Dorit Kemsley. Denise Richards, Camille Grammer and Lisa Rinna take a boat to go snorkeling. Poor Denise still doesn’t understand the current drama over Lucy, Lucy, Apple Juicy. Camille Grammer is team Lisa Vanderpump. She tells Dorit she should have called LVP prior to placing the Lucy with another family. I agree with Camille about that. Dorit handled the situation badly. Snorkling was a bust. Rinna is so thrilled that the hostilty from LVP this season is toward Dorit she can hardly contain herself. She even pretends to care about Dorit. Lisa Rinna is pretty good at chess too! Later we see Rinna’s commercial for a Captain Marvel movie with Kris Kardashian. The girl is working.
Kyle RIchards Fills Lisa Vanderpump In On The Conspiracy Theory
Kyle Richards and Lisa Vanderpump go in town to shop. LVP wants some retail therapy. Kyle keeps trying to follow the script. And the script says talk about the dog drama. I am loving some of these fancy flowy giant tops they are looking at. I would want to focus on shopping there too. This commercial is working for me.
Later these two get the royal treatment for lunch, replete with baby flamingos. Kyle Richards tells LVP that Teddi feels set up. Meanwhile, earlier that morning, Lisa Vanderpump called John Sessa on camera. John Sessa is infuriated that anyone thinks he is LVP’s employee. As he should be. At lunch, LVP seems to be throwing John Sessa under the bus.
Lisa Vanderpump Summons Teddi Mellencamp
The first thing Teddi says is, “Am I here to get and apology?” LVP is stunned! Lisa Vanderpump never apologizes! Au contraire, Teddi. You are there to be interrogated until you fall in line! Teddi says that LVP’s staff were under direct instructions to let Teddi know about the dog situation. LVP denies it. Teddi is furious in her talking head. She has receipts. She shows LVP the text, tells her to get her story straight and exits stage left. BRAVO! Teddi Mellencamp. I didn’t know you had it in you! Erika Jayne is a great coach!. LVP literally goes chasing after to her. Point Mellencamp. LVP blames John Blizzard for all the drama.
Kyle Richards calls Maurico to clear a major purchase. She’s going to buy a Rolex. I love that she called and that they make decisions on major purchases together. Kyle has no jewelry because of the robbery and is slowly building up a new collection. Maurico lost all of his very expensive watches so he approves of the Rolex.
Teddi comes back to the suite she shares with Kyle.and updates her on what went down.
The All Cast Final Dinner
The secluded dinner table is reminiscent of the final dinner of the RHONJ season. I wonder if anyone will break a glass? I think Rinna is the only one to pull that move on RHOBH. Where they were when that happened I thought is was Italy but nothing came up? Amsterdam maybe?
Dorit’s accent is in full effect. This means lots of lies are coming. No one speaks to Lisa Vanderpump. Denise Richards has the palate of a two year old. LVP tells Camilel that she and Kyle are leaving for the airport at four am.
Teddi announces that she just can’t sit there and be fake. Dorit tells Teddi in front of Lisa Vanderpump that she believes everything Teddi Mellencamp said to her. Teddi is emotional.I pause the DVR to get up for a protein shake because I think I will need it for this scene. My screen is frozen on Lisa Vanderpump shooting daggers out of her eyes at Teddi. I wish I could capture that for this recap.In a talking head she says she was furious at Dorit Kemsley for the betrayal.
Lisa Vanderpump Excuses Herself From The Table
She will not be ignored. Shady production continues to roll footage of Lisa Vanderpump’s most unflattering scenes. They show her hissy fit at Palihouse. It’s clear whose side they are on. Kyle Richards goes after LVP. We get footage of the season where LVP made sure that Yolanda’s Munchhausen was brought up on camera. That was the same season that LVP was so awful to Eileen while she was filming despite multiple deaths in her family. Same link. Take a gander. LVP and Kyle exchange “I Love Yous” and LVP goes to bed.
Back at dinner, Teddi Mellencamp shows the table her receipts on LVP. Rinna says that Kyle needs to fill Teddi in her LVP’s propensity to lie. Production rolls more of that beautiful bean footage. This is amazing. Now we go all the way back to LVP telling Brandi to take the tabloids with bad storied about Mauricio on the cast trip. That turned out to be true but Ken and Lisa were so outraged they left the trip. Or I may be thinking of another instance where LVP was caught lying.
A Fancy Rolex Solves Everything
At this point Kyle says that is just the way LVP is. She loves LVP and it is a bad trait that she has, but what is she supposed to do? That is her friend. Rinna wants to know how many years do we have to have where LVP sets someone up? It’s true, it happens every year. When ARE they going to learn? Is this finally the year?
Kyle Richards’ Rolex arrives like the balm of Gilead to save everyone from strife.
The Next Morning
Kyle and LVP head to the airport well before dawn. Kyle is drunk because everyone except LVP went out to the club and drank and danced til the wee hours. LVP is still pissed. It’s a van ride to the airport where they are not wearing microphones! This could be good! LVP rants about John Blizzard and John Sessa incoherently.Kyle is too drunk/hungover to deal with this.
Dorit hosts a final breakfast for the other ladies. Everyone is hungover and irritated with LVP.
Back in Beverly Hills, Ken has demanded that John Blizzard print out all of his texts and give them to him. WHO DOES THAT? LVP attempts to cry to Ken about how everyone was so mean to her. While the texts seem to incriminate Teddi Mellencamp, Teddi tweeted last week that she hopes he includes the texts from Lisa Vanderpump herself orchestrating the entire thing.
Next week: LVP takes time out of her deep depression of grief to film a confrontation with Dorit with Kyle as a witness. Denise plans her wedding. This is going to get good.