Or, Mardi Gras, or you know, Tuesday at my house. As a Baptist-raised agnostic ,who loves the sounds of the Islamic prayer of muezzin, and who goes full on catholic in Paris, I started doing Lent a decade or so ago. Wow, That was a weird sentence. Let’s just say I have a weird, mostly positive relationship with religion.
So I often, but not always, participate in Lent. My personal rules and regulations are not exactly the same as the Catholic method. This year, there are 44 days in what that fool on RHONJ referred to as “The Lentil Season” which I have called it ever since.
Tamara Tattles Rules of Lent
According to my rules you give something up for the entire 44 days. Some of my Catholic friends say that Sundays are some kind of a cheat day or something. But I am all or nothing. I’m either a gluttonous eater and guzzler of booze, an incredibly strict steward of what I ingest. So I endure the entire 44 days and secretly hope I am scoring bonus points with Our Lord and Savior in hopes of balancing out a plethora of other bad acts. Like, you know, calling you all stupid cunts sometimes. Let’s just say I have a lived a long life, it’s getting late in the game, and I have a ton of shit to atone for, Like cussing and promiscuity and… well stuff.
So for those who don’t know, Fat Tuesday is when you get all your jollies out before enduring The Lentil Season of atonement. You are supposed to give up something meaningful to you. So I either give up alcohol or sugar. This year, I gave up alcohol and sugar at the end of January, and plan to push on through with that. But I don’t think it counts because I already did that change.
So, I haven’t quite settled on what to do this year. I think I will probably give up some time sitting on the couch on this computer. Perhaps I will focus on ex…exer…ex… waddling on a more consistent…daily!? basis. Or giving up my slothful nature and committing to cleaning up this house a bit every day paring down my stuff in preparation for a move. Which is sort of ex…ex…exercise. So maybe I will go with option Three. Either waddle or clean or both every day for forty-four fucking days. I am not giving up swearing. I don’t think God cares about swearing unless you are swearing at Him.
But …We Have Today For Some Last Minute Debauchery!
But today is Fat Tuesday and I designated it as a cheat day back in January. I intended to drink today. But, I am not really interested in a drinking day. It’s tax time and I have a lot of things going on both with the site and with financial planning that require a clear head. Also, I think I will get much more bang for my buck with something sweet. So, I am going to have my last coconut fruit bar (180 cal) today AND my last Oui brand mango yogurt.(160 cal) Both have too much natural sugars for my current diet. This is almost four beers worth of calories. I am going to be ruthless about my healthy eating plan for these 44 days. I need to see more movement of the needle on the scale.
So, I challenge you all to pick something of at least moderate difficulty to give up for 44 days. It’s a great chunk of time to commit to being very serious, and the bonus is, it happens right before swimsuit season! So you can get that summer body ready! Or maybe just fit comfortable in a coach seat if tragedy strikes and you can’t get in first class.
So who’s with me? Make you official commitment here in front of God and everybody.
Oh, and how are those New Year’s resolutions working out for you? Remember them?
Let’s keep this post upbeat. I this is not a place to post about your fatal illnesses, friends and families or dog deaths, your TUMAHs, or other unpleasantness you may be experiencing. PLEASE AND THANK YOU.