First of all can we get this whole Danielle Staub fairy tale out of the way? People magazine has become nothing but an outlet for D list celebrities to say whatever they want to say. Some of it is true Kenya Moore had a baby? People Exclusive. Andy Cohen had a baby? People Exclusive. And a forty minute video interview. Some of it is not. Danielle Staub says she is marrying the Queen of England? People exclusive. Twice. Calm your tits people. This new trick is some dude from some flyover state with a desk job. There is no Duke of Provence. There isn’t a wedding tomorrow. They didn’t buy a ring.
Why don I even have to explain this to you? You are my people! Have I not taught you better than this? It’s DANIELLE FUCKING STAUB! People just takes whatever story they are given and writes an exclusive. Just stop giving it the attention she wants it to have. PLEASE and THANK YOU. Do I need to start a line of Tamara Tattles Thinking Caps for you to put on?(tin foil lining optional…shipping and handling not included…offer not valid in Utah)
John Sessa was a complete hot head on a radio show called On The Rocks this week. It seems that a comment about LVP being responsible for her own employees send him into a tizzy. “So now I’m getting called out by everybody! I don’t appreciate Lisa Rinna saying [LVP] should quell her boys. I’m a 40-year-old man who has his doctorate in international business, and I’m not her employee!” That made me giggle. He’s also a mentor to budding philanthropists everywhere according to him.
The thing is that Lisa Rinna and the ladies were I talking about John Blizzard and the other chick that brought out Lucy, Lucy, Apple Juicy to parade in front of the housewives on camera. No one was talking about him. It’s just that the two Johns are confusing. Most of the program was John talking about how much Lisa Vanderpump and Ken Todd were protecting Dorit and Paul Kemsley. He claims he was the one that was mad at them. And, there was a lot about what a tremendous person he is and how he hand feeds newborn puppies from the pound. Sounds like him preparing to come clean as the person who contacted the tabloids to me. And that he has learned everything he knows about public perception from LVP.
90 Day Fiance
In more stupid people news, STILL MARRIED COUPLE (as far as I know, I try not to keep up) Larissa Lima and Colteeeeeeeeee had competing divorce parties over the weekend. Colt was papped with lots of hot females on a step and repeat. Larissa brought her boyfriend and did a private striptease for him at da club. Then she whacked a Colt pinata head with a bat. I am not making this up. Meanwhile, Colt is making moves to have Larissa’s green card revoked.
After whining on his radio show about Gage Edward leaving him, Jeff Lewis has decided to break up with Gage. Wait, what? That is not how it works, Jeff Lewis. See Gage left in a huff after one too many of your narcissistic rants and fled into the waiting arms of his gym rat. Or as you call him “the homewrecker.” You don’t get to break up with the person who broke up with you. Jeff says that Gage Edward will be working for JLD remotely from his apartment and on job sites and will not longer have to endure eating every meal with Jeff Lewis and an assortment of hired help while cameras watch him chew. You know, if there was still a show and Jeff hadn’t fucked that up too.
Andy Cohen purchased/sold (at this point it’s unclear who is paying who when it comes to People magazine) yet a third story on People to reassure us that he has not smoked any pot in the three weeks since the baby arrived. Perhaps he has put down the pot pipe, but he’s still active on Grindr. Allegedly.
Reality Legal Problems Of The Week
No Mardi Gras for you!
Sure, Peter Thomas wins this category this week by getting his ass locked up over a three day weekend. But there were plenty of other reality folks in trouble with the law.
Many sites reported that Gina Kirschenheiter has a bench warrant issued this week for failure to show up for a court hearing regarding her DUI arrest, but that turned out to be a filing error by her lawyer. Apparently, the lawyer misfiled paperwork for an extension. The bad part of that is the judge and the prosecutor showed up and they were less than thrilled.
You Gotta Know When To Fold ’em
Paul Kemsley seems to have a new legal action every week as his financial destitution continues to be exposed. This week a British collection agent filed suit over a $75,000 settlement agreement reached to pay off the balance of some old sports bets he lost. That seems like chump change compared to the other lawsuits he has against him. Those suits include, still owes $1.7 million to the Bellagio, and another $1.2 million personal loan owed to a guy named Nicos Kirzis around $1 million in state and federal taxes. That doesn’t even include the Beverly Beach fiasco. By the way, that last link goes to probably my favorite post of 2018. It is errythang.
Ducking and Diving
As it turns out, Farrah Abraham does in fact have to pay back the $12,000 she used to take her uneducated child to the Maldives. Who knew the boxing promoter would be such stickler for details?
Poor Little Rich Girl
Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott were served with notices to appear this week. They owe their bank around $220K for defaulting on a loan. They are required to come to court with a forensic report of their finances so the bank know what they can come after. Good luck with that. The couple also has a $340K tax lien according to some sites. I have no idea what they could have a tax lien on as they are living in a rental property.
This sections of the Weekend Update always makes me feel better about my financial situation. That said, 2019 is the year I get serious about money going out. Just call me Scrooge.
AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS!
I broke down and reached out to Mercedeh Javid because I was starting to worry. She told me she is doing well and that the cervical cerclage (a stitch in the cervix) on December 29th was successful. She says she is trying to follow the doctors orders and get plenty of rest. However, the downtime passes slowly! The YouTubes with Reza are back up and running. She says they were having an audio issue for a bit but you can now Kiki with Reza and MJ here.