RHONJ
First of all can we get this whole Danielle Staub fairy tale out of the way? People magazine has become nothing but an outlet for D list celebrities to say whatever they want to say. Some of it is true Kenya Moore had a baby? People Exclusive. Andy Cohen had a baby? People Exclusive. And a forty minute video interview. Some of it is not. Danielle Staub says she is marrying the Queen of England? People exclusive. Twice. Calm your tits people. This new trick is some dude from some flyover state with a desk job. There is no Duke of Provence. There isn’t a wedding tomorrow. They didn’t buy a ring.
Why don I even have to explain this to you? You are my people! Have I not taught you better than this? It’s DANIELLE FUCKING STAUB! People just takes whatever story they are given and writes an exclusive. Just stop giving it the attention she wants it to have. PLEASE and THANK YOU. Do I need to start a line of Tamara Tattles Thinking Caps for you to put on?(tin foil lining optional…shipping and handling not included…offer not valid in Utah)
RHONY
The Sheree Whitfield of RHONY announced her Ageless skincare line this week. It should be out sometime after Sheree’s joggers.
RHOBH
John Sessa was a complete hot head on a radio show called On The Rocks this week. It seems that a comment about LVP being responsible for her own employees send him into a tizzy. “So now I’m getting called out by everybody! I don’t appreciate Lisa Rinna saying [LVP] should quell her boys. I’m a 40-year-old man who has his doctorate in international business, and I’m not her employee!” That made me giggle. He’s also a mentor to budding philanthropists everywhere according to him.
The thing is that Lisa Rinna and the ladies were I talking about John Blizzard and the other chick that brought out Lucy, Lucy, Apple Juicy to parade in front of the housewives on camera. No one was talking about him. It’s just that the two Johns are confusing. Most of the program was John talking about how much Lisa Vanderpump and Ken Todd were protecting Dorit and Paul Kemsley. He claims he was the one that was mad at them. And, there was a lot about what a tremendous person he is and how he hand feeds newborn puppies from the pound. Sounds like him preparing to come clean as the person who contacted the tabloids to me. And that he has learned everything he knows about public perception from LVP.
90 Day Fiance
In more stupid people news, STILL MARRIED COUPLE (as far as I know, I try not to keep up) Larissa Lima and Colteeeeeeeeee had competing divorce parties over the weekend. Colt was papped with lots of hot females on a step and repeat. Larissa brought her boyfriend and did a private striptease for him at da club. Then she whacked a Colt pinata head with a bat. I am not making this up. Meanwhile, Colt is making moves to have Larissa’s green card revoked.
Flipping Out
After whining on his radio show about Gage Edward leaving him, Jeff Lewis has decided to break up with Gage. Wait, what? That is not how it works, Jeff Lewis. See Gage left in a huff after one too many of your narcissistic rants and fled into the waiting arms of his gym rat. Or as you call him “the homewrecker.” You don’t get to break up with the person who broke up with you. Jeff says that Gage Edward will be working for JLD remotely from his apartment and on job sites and will not longer have to endure eating every meal with Jeff Lewis and an assortment of hired help while cameras watch him chew. You know, if there was still a show and Jeff hadn’t fucked that up too.
Andy Cohen
Andy Cohen purchased/sold (at this point it’s unclear who is paying who when it comes to People magazine) yet a third story on People to reassure us that he has not smoked any pot in the three weeks since the baby arrived. Perhaps he has put down the pot pipe, but he’s still active on Grindr. Allegedly.
Reality Legal Problems Of The Week
No Mardi Gras for you!
Sure, Peter Thomas wins this category this week by getting his ass locked up over a three day weekend. But there were plenty of other reality folks in trouble with the law.
Clerical Error
Many sites reported that Gina Kirschenheiter has a bench warrant issued this week for failure to show up for a court hearing regarding her DUI arrest, but that turned out to be a filing error by her lawyer. Apparently, the lawyer misfiled paperwork for an extension. The bad part of that is the judge and the prosecutor showed up and they were less than thrilled.
You Gotta Know When To Fold ’em
Paul Kemsley seems to have a new legal action every week as his financial destitution continues to be exposed. This week a British collection agent filed suit over a $75,000 settlement agreement reached to pay off the balance of some old sports bets he lost. That seems like chump change compared to the other lawsuits he has against him. Those suits include, still owes $1.7 million to the Bellagio, and another $1.2 million personal loan owed to a guy named Nicos Kirzis around $1 million in state and federal taxes. That doesn’t even include the Beverly Beach fiasco. By the way, that last link goes to probably my favorite post of 2018. It is errythang.
Ducking and Diving
As it turns out, Farrah Abraham does in fact have to pay back the $12,000 she used to take her uneducated child to the Maldives. Who knew the boxing promoter would be such stickler for details?
Poor Little Rich Girl
Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott were served with notices to appear this week. They owe their bank around $220K for defaulting on a loan. They are required to come to court with a forensic report of their finances so the bank know what they can come after. Good luck with that. The couple also has a $340K tax lien according to some sites. I have no idea what they could have a tax lien on as they are living in a rental property.
This sections of the Weekend Update always makes me feel better about my financial situation. That said, 2019 is the year I get serious about money going out. Just call me Scrooge.
AND FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS!
I broke down and reached out to Mercedeh Javid because I was starting to worry. She told me she is doing well and that the cervical cerclage (a stitch in the cervix) on December 29th was successful. She says she is trying to follow the doctors orders and get plenty of rest. However, the downtime passes slowly! The YouTubes with Reza are back up and running. She says they were having an audio issue for a bit but you can now Kiki with Reza and MJ here.
Well the LVP cult is not going to like you for saying the truth.
Of course Danielle is a joke.
Lots of warm wishes for MJ!
I’m not worried. I gave them a doggie gif to distract them from the substance of the story. 🙂
Haha!! It shouldn’t take much. They believe her lies.
Feel free to use the one where Kyle’s little dog was humping her huge one at any point in future. I’m always up for a laugh.
Giggle! I use that “doggy” verbiage all the time at work. I have one Grandma that loves to steal ANYTHING off my medcart or deposit things like beads and little trash items she’s picked up off the floor. I always kindly say “excuse me Grandma, nothing to see here” and add “thank you Grandma” when she and her walker move away. She’s got dementia and doesn’t remember anything really, other staff have taken up the phrases as well when I’m not at the cart…thank you TT!
I love you TT, you say everything I want to!
Love these tidbits, look forward to them every Sunday!
I think it’s hilarious that people fell for the Danielle is going to be a Duchess story! Even in the people article they wrote that “according to John, he is the Duke of Provence.” My dog has a better claim to the title.
Oliver. I don’t know why I wrote John. Not that his name matters.
Best write up ever TT. I was laughing so much. The tin hats, with the disclosure about not shipping to Utah. ? and calm your tits.
I’m off to read it again to pay attention to the content more cuz you had me cracking up too much first time.
Even tho’ I have no idea what your voice sounds like TT, I “heard” the entire 2nd paragraph in what I’m sure is your voice. “You are my people!” LMAO
Glad to get the real news on MJ, tx!
TT is it true that LVP is getting a spin-off show Vanderpump Dogs? Sorry if I’m breaking a rule but you’re the only blogger I trust to tell the truth
Vanderpump is always pitching things to Bravo. She’s doing a Facebook show now so I suspect that is the answer,
Tori and Dean, I just don’t understand them. I think the mother pays for the kids’ schools and they’re still in such debt? Tori says she was raised that way. Oy. How about a 9-5 job?
Ryan Serhant (from MDLNY) just became a daddy!! So happy for him and Emilia…
Also wondering why AC still works as much as he does.. shouldn’t he take some time off to be with the baby?
PK has a bit of a gambling problem. Better be careful or he’ll be sleeping with the fishes! Who knows what he’s up to his eyeballs in at this point. There’s no happy ending. Dorit will dump his dumpy ass soon.
THIS is why we all come flocking to your site, TT! We know we can count on you for the hottest tea along with a smorgasbord of snark.
Great pick me up on a blah Sunday! I also feel so much better about my finances after some of this. So glad Mercedeh is doing well!
When is MJ due?
I think Mother’s Day but I could be wrong.
Love this tea ☕️! Dying to know why you dislike LVP??!!
It’s not a dislike of LVP, it’s just not being blinded by the pink, swans, puppies and ponies.
As always, Ms T delivers all the news we must know ???
TT your RHONJ made me spit out my water I was laughing so hard. I need to remember not to drink and read your blog. Love it!!!
More interesting that any of the John Sessa dish is that the woman who brought the dogs out & John said was trying to follow up with Dorit to check on Lucy is named Hannah. Hannah Bortz. Guess who is engaged to Hud Mellencamp? Ms Hannah Bortz. (You can see the pics on her Instagram both with Hud & at VP Dogs it’s her.)
Thanks Cold Weather! Now we know why Teddi has a connection to Vanderpump Dogs. LVP is hiring all of her relatives!
I love these weekly recaps but OMG the calm your tits line? I laughed so hard I spit diet coke on the cat who hasn’t stopped giving me the stank eye since!
TT you are an absolute treasure. Witty and wise. Erudite and entertaining. You never fail to make my day!
Can I order my tinfoil hat in hot pink? It’s my favorite color!!
Purple! TT needs a whole line of pens, tin foil caps, T-shirts w/best under 10 word observations/comments, etc. Color options (pink) will only add to her profit margin…and potential tax headache but that’s not our problem, we just want what we want!
I haven’t read any comments yet so sorry if this is repetitive…Thank you so much TT for reaching out to MJ! This is some amazing news! I’m familiar w/cervical cerclage and although effective, medical interventions aren’t very comfortable sometimes so if we need to keep her occupied while on bedrest (if she is on br), just say the word! I cannot wait to see Mercedeh and Tommy enjoy parenthood! Again, thank you Tamara for your your loving respect, I’m sure that is why you were returned with MJ’s informative response, she obviously felt comfortable with you Tamara (Tamaratattles) to reveal what’s happening in her world to you! Xxoo!
Do we have a due date?
i didn’t ask but they start filming really soon if they haven’t already so I am sure it will be the focus of next season
Let me readjust my pink tiara before I make this post. I’m pretty sure LVP will be cleared of all charges before the end of RHOBH. The really funny thing about this is all the cast can talk about “Lisa V” and she’s not even filming! Production is choreographing this dog and pony show because there are no other story lines! Come on guys! We’ve seen this a million times before. Lisa V. wins by default!
Oooh thanks for the link to Beverly Beach. What a great refresher on Dorit!
@Dilly. Agree. Kyle, Ericka and Dorit (lawsuits) and Rinna and Teddi (boring) had plenty to hide or nothing going on in their lives, so it’s LVP by default. Getting rather redundant. Also, Dr. Sessa doesn’t want a repeat of the Ellen DeGeneras mess from 10 years ago, where the shelter owner got harassed, death threats and ended up losing her business because Ellen pulled a Dorit. He is co-founder and has spoke on Capital Hill regarding Yulin. I find him credible.
This was just the pick-me-up I needed this weekend! Thank you, TT, for always doing THE BEST job on the web of spilling the tea in such a succinct and hilarious way that only you can do!
Dear heavens, when will RHBH drop Dorit and PK from the show? I cannot stand either one of them and haven’t since Day 1. Might I suggest 7 days a week Gamblers Anonymous for PK – I guess that really wouldn’t be anonymous, tho, or would it – I doubt anyone knows nor cares who that portly jerk really is if they don’t watch RHBH. I remember noticing just one thing in the episode where Dorit was thinking about “organizing” the Bahamas trip, discussing it with PK, and he was literally shoving LVP down her throat, ordering her to call LVP immediately – what, he’s hoping LVP loans him a boat-load of money and saves his sorry big rear-end from all his debt? Good luck with that, if so.
I’m happy to hear that JV is doing much better since her cervical cerclage procedure and hope the remainder of her pregnancy goes well.
Gina from the OC is turning into a train wreck, lawyer error or not. I’m no longer a fan of hers at all and I wasn’t that much of a fan of hers in the first place. Emily is still #1 for me. I can’t believe Vicki is still returning too – what, she’s going to literally put a gun to his head and force Steve Lodge to propose and marry her? I’m assuming that story line is complete BS as well and even if she does get him to do so, that marriage has zero chance of being long term. She should have stayed with Donn in the first place, although I assume he’d had quite enough of her too. Ever since Season 1 of the OC, Vicki has been so obsessed with herself. I remember a shot of her driving in her vehicle, talking to her Mom on the phone, and it was quite obvious she’s the most insecure person ever concerning her looks and has been obsessed with plastic surgery for forever too – she needs to just stop – the last 2 surgeries have done little to improve her looks and now she looks plastic.
Danielle Staub??? I haven’t watched RHNJ since the first season she was on – that has always been my least fave of the franchises. Every single one of those women are as fake as the day goes on and cannot even do a decent job of covering it either. Good riddance to her and her fake fiancee.
Again, thanks for the excellent recaps – as usual, you literally make me laugh out loud at the way you write/present the facts – by far, my favorite place to read about “celebrities” ever!
Unrelated….it’s just a nice week with Summer House and RHONY premiering this week….
Ha! After running multiple stories about Danielle marrying a Duke, Page Six suddenly realizes today that they fell for a load of shit. ‘
OH HEY THERE CHELSEA! I see you reading here for things to post at Page Six. I don’t even have to look to know it is you.