Welcome to this week’s episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta where Nene Leakes will lose her wig, and her mind by the end of the program. Until then, please bear with me through the boring stuff. Also,be prepared to clutch your pearls during Kandi and Todd’s dungeon audition scenes.
It looks like we are going to start with the “burlesque” auditions. Mind you neither Sonja Morgan nor Kandi Burruss really get what burlesque was, but that never stopped either one of them. Sixty-five dancers showed up to audition for her Atlanta dungeon party that completely sold out.
Cynthia Bailey shows up to audition and gives Kandi Burruss a lap dance. She’s hired!
Yovanna shows up at Swagg while Nene Leakes is there acting like she owns the place. Now, I’m not the one to talk about anyone’s back fat showing through their see through top. That’s not cool. But I will say, I do not understand why people who are on reality TV photoshop the life out of their Instagram pics to make themselves look like a size zero. How are people in real life supposed to keep a straight face when they meet you for the first time?
Also, why do we need a new embarrassment to black women everywhere in the Yovanna chick when there is already so much competition on this show? My goodness at the THOTwear! The boys working down on Ponce would not be caught dead in any of that!
Eva is having a meltdown over not having a wedding dress for the reception. Because, these days only the poors (or you know, people with financial peace and understanding) wear their wedding dress to the reception. Also she has 85 more guests than she planned for. She planned for 150 and 235 people have said they were coming. So she is $50K over budget. Of course this is all scripted. Bravo is paying for the bulk of the wedding.
Nene’s Wigless Party
We are only seventeen minutes into the episode. Are we really going to start this now? Nene Leakes is having a dinner party where no weave or wigs or extensions are allowed. Bitch please, I would be taking all that shit out of my hair for a dinner party if I were these girls. Nene claims she wants to show us whatever Donald Trump hair she is working with. Let’s see it girl. I think you have to be half bald by now. We all no you have no edges.
Greg went back to the hospital the day before this dinner. Greg has a blood clot in his leg. She is going to tell the ladies at the party. Cynthia and Marlo are the only ones that know because Greg texted them. Marlo says that Gregg texted her and begged her to go check on Nene because he was very concerned about her. WAIT A MINUTE! Is this Marlo’s first talking head? Has she had these before?
Who is Sam?
Who the hell is this Sam dude in Nene’s house helping himself to drinks and left to answer the door while she gets ready?
Production gives up a timetable for Nene’s upcoming meltdown as she merrily dances around her house in a headscarf with only her comb-over peeking out. They are clearly trying to show how she had a very drastic change in demeanor. Is it drugs? Perhaps that is why the streets are talking about her trainwreck that has apparently happened?
Maybe they are showing us that Nene’s house is a great location for a dance party because there isn’t much furniture to worry about.
Why’d They Have to Take My Wig?
I can’t believe these women all agreed to this storyline. Does no one remember Kim Field’s Beatless Brunch? I just cleaned that post up a little bit for you, so go take a look. That was the season when Cynthia Bailey was being SHA-DEE!
All the girls come in whining about their hair and looking lovely. Shamari Devoe brought two girls from Decatur with her. Nene comes down with her Donald Trump come-over. Just as I type that, Kandi says the same thing in a much nicer way in her tallking head.
Nene Sports A Donald Trump Do
Nene tells the girls that Gregg is back in the hospital. Eva is very polite in her talking head addressing why the hell Nene is having a party instead of being with her very ill husband in the hospital. Maybe that dancing scene that production filmed was supposed to show what a good mood Nene was in despite Gregg’s precarious health.
When Cynthia came in Kandi practically rooted her hair. She had her hair up in double buns. Nene says it was cheating because there were scruchies that the buns were covering. Also, how does Nene not know what Afro Puffs are?
Porsha and Marlo are late and Nene starts popping off about it. Something about somebody having nannies. It didn’t even make sense. Yovanna starts up with Eva right away. Nene is mean to Porsha when she arrives. You know Nene doesn’t like for people to be late. Remember her Hollywood party where she looked the door on her rental in LA and would not let the ladies inside? No mam she did not, that door was CLOSED.
Nene Is Angry That Marlo Came To Check On Her
Nene admits that after Gregg texted Marlo, Marlo drove all the way out to Nene’s house to check on her. For those that don’t know Marlo live in Atlanta. Like in the city. And Nene lives way the hell out in Decatur where McMansions are cheap even in gated communities. She refused to let Marlo in the gate.
Now with a normal person, you might think Nene was having a breakdown and wasn’t up for company. She could have at least said that to Marlo. But Nene told producers that she didn’t know Marlo was coming. She wasn’t invited. And Nene was on her way to go shopping. I can’t believe she says all of this stuff on camera. She did say at some point that she told Marlo she was going through a lot and didn’t want to see anyone. Marlo apparently went off at that point.
Bonus Tamara Tattles Exclusive
But let me tell you some exclusive tea for waiting longer than usual for this recap and reading so far. My sources say the reunion is going to have an entire package of Nene being mean to Gregg and arguing with him. Production asked Nene if it was okay to use. I wondered why she got to decide that and my source said it was because Gregg was going to be there at the reunion sitting next to her. I’m still not sure I understand why it was Nene’s decision but either way, she was fine with it. I don’t think she even gets how bad she looks. She is just upset that everyone is on Gregg’s side. He thought process is “sure he is sick, BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?!
Drama at the Ghetto Interruption There was some sort of huge explosion outside just now and Banjo is losing mind and things are a bit tense over here.
Anyway, by the time Marlo arrived less than an hour late, Nene Leakes is drunk off her ass. Nene starts right in on Marlo. She calls her baldy. She starts clapping her hands and calling her “edges” over and over and over. Is that because she has edges and Nene doesn’t? I don’t get it. She calls Marlo a big belt wearing bitch. This is way too much to recap.
Marlo says she had a hair appointment for her natural hair yesterday and she had to cancel it to come check on Nene. She had to be a standby appointment today and was there all day getting worked in.
Meanwhile, Nene’s Donald Trump comb-over is coming all undone and splitting apart and showing her bald head. She’s so drunk she can’t feel the breeze. Porsha jokes about it in her talking head, “Never mind Bye wig. It’s by scalp!” Porsha is so damn messy!
Support Me, Bitch!
Marlo reads the email from Gregg where he begs her to go check on Nene because he is concerned. Marlo says she was terrified and left her hair appointment and got right in the car to come check on her. She was really concerned because Nene wasn’t answering her phone. Gregg texts her again, “She is not in good shape Marlo.”
Marlo tells Nene that she doesn’t know what her breaking point is. She knows things are hard and she wants to be there.
“WELL THEN SUPPORT ME, BITCH!” Nene screams. Then she start crying from a really deep place. Kandi and Cynthia gather around her. It’s finally a real moment. Nene starts apologizing over and over. At this point Brent has come out with water. Production is in some of the shots. Clearly, everyone is concerned for Nene.
Marlo Tries to Leave But Nene Isn’t Done Yet
Then Nene goes right back to telling Marlo she doesn’t understand what she is going through. She tells the others Marlo doesn’t understand. Marlo decides it is best for her to leave. So she says goodbye and heads for the door. For some dumb reason Porsha tries to get Marlo to stay. Marlo is super hurt. She says she called Brent yesterday to check on Nene afterward and he told her she was fine and she had gone shopping. Brent was very sweet to Marlo. Cynthia gets Marlo to come back.
Nene tells Marlo that she is her sister and she needs to understand that her husband is sick. Marlo says she prays for Gregg every night. She texts him every day. “Don’t do that”! Nane says. Oh that is the problem. She doesn’t like Marlo texting her husband?
Nene Continues to Come Apart
Kandi hugs Nene while she cries. This is pretty intense. Nene goes upstairs to her room to gather herself, and her scalp and lashes.
The rest of the ladies decide to eat the meal that is just now coming out. Shamari gets trashed. The music starts playing and everyone starts dancing. This is probably inappropriate behavior when the hostess is have a mental breakdown upstairs in her room. Could not one of them go up there to sit with her? Oh wait. Just as I am typing Marlo and Cynthia go upstairs to take Nene a drink. I’m not sure if that is what she needs right now. But it’s something.
Hokanda Arrives At The Party
Downstairs, everyone is drunk except for Porsha and Tanya. Even Kandi seems a little buzzed. Shamari is trying to like Eva’s boobs at the dinner table. I’m pretty sure Emily Post would not condone this behavior. Speaking of Shamari, where are her two friends from the hood? Have they been sent to wait in the car like a couple of Kroy Biermann’s? Also when did production throw Yovanna out?
Shamari is officially Hokanda. She starts doing the splits in Tanya’s face. Tanya by the way is not drunk and seem a bit terrified by the entire evening. Hokanda slaps Tanya, who is wearing jeans, right on the pussy. Hard.
Kandi says that Shamari’s true lesbian comes out when she drinks. Next, production literally puts a spotlight on Shamari as she leaves the table. She can barely get up and clings to the wall headed for the nearest bathroom. No one seems to notice except the cameraman.
Hokanda Leaves The Party
When Cynthia comes downstairs to leave Marlo and Nene to talk, she asked where Shamari was. Eva goes to the bathroom to check on her. The girls go in to take her water and crackers. Shamari pukes all over Eva’s shoes. This makes Eva throw up. I get it. If I see someone throw up you better back away from me.
Suddenly, the Decatur girls that came with Shamari are allowed back in the house to carry her out to the car. You might think Nene predicted this in her talking head, but those are shot weeks after the events. It is true that though that they were there to drive her and make sure she made it back to the car.
Eva goes up to Nene to ask to borrow some clothes because Shamari threw up all over her and her dress. Nene is more concerned about her bathroom floor. As if she cleans her own floor. That’s Gregg’s job.
Nene Attacks The Crew
Everyone goes upstairs to say goodnight to the hostess and Kandi wants to see her closest. No of the girls have been upstairs before and Nene says that SWAGG was designed after her closet. Nene says it is not presentable for company. Kandi knows she will never drive all the way out to Duluth again. So, when Marlo tells her to go ahead, she does. Then Cynthia wants to see. Porsha goes in too. Nene is not happy. Then the cameraman starts going in there and Nene starts to drag his ass right out. I don’t blame her for this. This is her bedroom closet and he needs to stay the fuck out.
Well, maybe not. She went apeshit on the cameraman. And started grabbing at the cameras. The security guard had to grab her off the production crew as she was yelling about fucking them all up. Porsha seems to have gotten knocked around a bit.
We cut to black with Porsha crying. “Take my mic! I don’t wanna be here no more, I’m scared!”