Last time on Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club, Eric, Kailah and Brent went with Lindsay on a mysterious yacht. The “ambassadors” stayed just long enough to piss Lindsay off. Then apparently, Lindsay had to get back to her work on the yacht, *AHEM* and sent the three club kids back to Panos.
Kailah apparently missed a memo. The first rule of the yacht club is “don’t talk about the yacht club.” Kailah was bad mouthing Lindsay to anyone who would listen. Now that Jules has gone home, Mike pretends the relationship was building to something sexual. It wasn’t.
The First Staff Meeting With Panos
Right away Panos Spentzos asks Kailah if she is hung over. This isn’t about Kailah’s hangover. It’s her behavior on the boat. Panos is trying to let her know he is not going to tolerate it. Kailah on the other hand tells us she has things she still wants to address with Lindsay. Probably, she is going to follow her father’s advice and tell Lindsay to suck her dick. Family genetics is such an interesting field.
The VIP
The VIP today is Gloria Darling a “famous” drag queen from Greece. Panos assigns Aristotle to Gloria. Brent immediately tells us that this is a perfect match because “Aristotle does shameful things!” I am very excited to hear about Aristotle doing shameful things. Preferably, with photos. Then we realized that Brent thinks that washing the sand off some male VIPs feet makes him gay. I haven’t quite made the call on Aristotle yet. My gadar malfunctions a lot with foreign men. But it doesn’t really matter. He is smoking hot and that is what upsets Brent.
All the gay guys, including Aristotle it seems flock to Gloria when she arrives. I’m pretty sure the head shot we saw in the beginning of the show during the staff meeting is the same outfit as she is wearing. I get the feeling the VIPs all go for a photo for their fake resumes that Panos presents. Everyone is trying to out Aristotle.
Lindsay Begins The Takedown of Kailah
Lindsay is spying on the ambassadors from a palapa. She appears to be feeling really good. She picks up a microphone and starts publicly shaming Kailah for not doing her job. We haven’t seen full on under the influence Lindsay this season. But, I think we are about to. Meanwhile Kailah is embarrassed and she tells Mike that Lindsay can suck her dick. Mike’s interest in whatever Kailah is blabbering on about perks when she mentions she’s a chick with a dick. This could solve Mike’s indecisiveness about what gender he wants to be intimate with. Unfortunately, Kailah is going to get a plane ticket home in the near future. I am just now noticing how much Kailah looks like Scheana.
A Very Special Staff Meeting
Lindsay has two small kids, like maybe six and eight attend a staff meeting with her and Panos. Apparently, she want their opinion on what kind of job the “ambassadors” are doing. Because, “kids don’t lie.” Spoken like someone who has never been around kids. Holy cow, she is going to bring the employees in one by one and interrogate them for the server gossip. Lindsay focuses on Kailah. Who does this? Kailah asks the little girl,”Don’t you think that mean girls should be sent home?” “Mean Girls” is the new “Oprah” it seems.
Pride Party Planning
Also, it’s gay pride in Mykonos. I mean, everyday is gay pride in Mykonos. Panos asks Mike to plan I Pride event. Mike has never ever been to a Pride event other than as a bartender. He asks the guy Mike hooked up with before to help him. Is that Alex? How can you live in West Hollywood and never have gone to Pride? Oh apparently he has only been tippy-toeing out of the close for a short time. And, his father told him before he left to film the show, “don’t be the gay one.” Sigh.
Later, Mike calls his dad for the first time. The first thing he asks is how the girls are there. Mike only came out to his family five months ago by accident. Mike and Alex get into a fight later about bisexuality. Alex tells us he doesn’t think Mike is bi. This isn’t so much is a fight as it is Mike having a gay meltdown. He even has “friends” in the group that alert him if he is being “too gay” on camera. This kid should not have been cast on this show. He needs to deal with his sexuality off camera instead of under a microscope. Gabi is also bisexual. She sits with Mike and calms him down.
Lindsay and Panos Surprise The Staff At The Villa
While all to the staff is magically gathered around a table on the back patio for no apparent reason, Lindsay and Panos enter the front door. The house is a nasty mess. My house is a nasty mess at the moment, but I have no roommates and it’s my house. When you are living in someone else’s house? Or even a hotel room? You clean up behind yourself. This is the scene I used to pull photos. So I’ve spent a lot of time looking at still images. Every single toiletry item, bottle of booze, wine bottle, soda bottle and even the dish detergent is turned so that the brand doesn’t show. It’s just more fakery.
CHECK OUT THE RECAP AND PHOTOS OF LINDSAY’S REALITY SHOW WITH OPRAH
It’s another Oprah moment. It was Oprah who told Lindsay that she had to organize her life in order to have one. Lindsay lived in a hoarder house on that show. Click the link above. Lindsay is treating this show like Survivor or Celebrity Apprentice. Every week, someone will be fired. This week, Kailah writes down her own name on the parchment paper. Why Kailah thought that Lindsay Lohan was going to be some sort of regular club manager is beyond me. Lindsay fires her on the spot. But wait! She didn’t even tell you to suck her dick yet, Lindsay! Do you know how many times she rehearsed that moment? Kailah tosses, “Continue doing all the drugs you do, Lindsay.” over her shoulder as she stomps off to pack her knives and go.
Gabi tries to excuse herself to go comfort Kailah. Lindsay is not having it. Gabi could have waited until Lindsay left.
The Pride Party
Mike convinces Brent to appear as a drag queen at the party. It actually too zero convincing. He’s very excited about it. Panos loved Brent in drag. But not as much if Brent did. Make of that what you will. Alex and Mike kiss and make up before the party. Except without the whole kissing part.
Lindsay, much like a housewife trying to look rich at her wedding, has three outfit changes for the Pride Party. This party is clearly all about Lindsay. The best outfit by far was worn by Gabi it was a bright orange two piece with sleeves. The bottom was a thong. She looked amazing! Mike learned to just be himself at the Pride Party and Panos was proud of him.
Lindsay gets up and “does the Lilo.” She went to all sorts of effort to make this clip “go viral” by taking it on every talk show that would have her. They show clips of people doing the Lilo on social media.
This feels like a finale, but sadly, it is not.
Come on Tamara, just because Mike says he is sexuallly open to men and women does not mean he “indecisive about what gender he wants to be intimate with” or that he wants a “chick with a dick”. I can’t say you ever write anything I find offensive but you channeled your innner Brent here. You can do so much better and are so much better. Maybe it’s the fact that the show, housemates and his bosses reduced Mike to being just his sexual preference has got my panties in a wad here. I mean seriously it should be a drinking game – how much his sexuality is forced as a storyline as if he’s not more than that and an actual person.
The rest of this write up was a gem to read.
It is my opinion, as it seems to be Alex’s that Mike has not really come to terms with his sexuality. He seems very motivated to please his father. Claiming he is bisexual seems to be a compromised he has reached for now. He hasn’t even been out a year yet. Alex mentioned that Mike seem more emotionally attracted to women and sexually attracted to men. Thus the sort of offensive chick with a dick comment.
It’s interesting to me that there is still a presumption that there are straight people (the majority) and gay and bisexual people who are outliers. Even the earliest research shows that most people are bi and the rest fall on either end of the spectrum. But what isn’t common in the broad sense of bisexuality is for people to be equally attracted to two genders. Bisexuals (using say, the Kinsey Scale tend to group as higher on the poles ie mostly straight with occaisional homosexual interactions or mostly gay with occasional hetero interactions.
I don’t think Mike has fully accepted or perhaps fully understands his bisexuality. I think he is mostly gay with some hetero interactions that are strongly encouraged by his father.
I was not implying that bisexuals are sexually confused. I was saying that MIKE appears to be confused about his sexuality. This is why I said he was not ready to be on a show like this.
The chick with a dick comment was in reference to Kailah who seems to talk about her (I presume) imaginary dick a lot. But it does seem like a way to give his father an outward female and give him the sexual equipment he seems to prefer.
It wasn’t my intention to offend.
Brent just seems jealous of everyone regardless of their sexuality.
I do share Alex’s viewpoint that I would not seek out a relationship with someone who is in fact in the two to four range on the Kinsley scale either. I prefer five and sixes. Your mileage may vary. 🙂
Thanks for clarifying. We just disagree. It is not for anyone, epscially a casual viewers of a show to decide that Mike has not “accepted” or “understands” his sexuality. Sexuality is often fluid and to lie dead center of course as you mention is atypical, but lying within a spectrum of bi doesn’t make him confused. I feel like the editing pushed the Dad angle and the Bi angle because it fit a narrative they wanted to tell. He has come forth talking about how him and Jules had a several dates, making out sessions and were almost a couple in the house. He had no male relationship like that, but still he is “confused”.
Reality shows are often prime for judgement and I am right along there with it, so I don’t fault for that. This just hit a nerve because I think MIKE should be the one defining himself which he did so many times, ad nauseam.
And Brent… he is bully covering up very low self esteem. Notice he picks onky on the women and the one man who is meek and overly polite.
And our mileage is actually the same :).
I judge the media whores on my TV by the way the present themselves. Sexuality is not off limits, particular when their entire storyline is I just came out and told my parents I am bi because my father wants me to be with women.
I don’t believe that production chose not to show these makeout session and “almost coupledom situations” on the show. They seemed desperate for more sexual activity. I hope his father believes it though. I would bet that was the intended target of the comments.
Tam is absolutely correct.
This show is so ridiculous, I can’t stop watching.
Poor Linds. She comes across so dumb.
The real star for me here is Panos. I want the back story on him. Why are his lips so Puckered? Who are his parents? Is he the checkbook here? Where did he get his money? What does he do in the off season?
The two small children belong to Juliet Angus from Ladies of London.
SHUT UP! Really?
Yes, she posted a bunch from the beach club this summer. Check her Instagram.
I figured Juliet would want to be featured.
Yes. I remembered her children’s names from the show and how she mentioned she & Lilo are great friends.
Pet peeve – when you don’t shave your face for drag. Way to commit, Brent.
I clicked the link to go back to the Lindsay on OWN show…the movie she went to Sundance to promote was a movie to be produced by none other than VPR’s “my man Rand”! ??
Interesting. Can you imaging Lala and Lilo TOGETHER in one room. Or PJ?
Wonder if he made her infamous list?!
Also, people who click the links in my posts are MY FAVORITE PEOPLE. It is a bitch to include them and all I can do is hope people use them. xoxoxoxoxoxo ~tt
I was watching an old show on Jodi Arias and was thinking we need a good trial to follow again-not that I want something bad to happen to anyone-but I miss the “because Arizona” explanations!
The successful Pride at the “Brand” venue…empty empty empty.
Reminded me of someone’s speech somewhere in DC a few years ago, feels like a lifetime…
I finally watched (binged), and really liked it. Then again, I usually enjoy the first season with the ignorance of reality tv
to enjoy.
Thank you SO much for recapping this shit-show! It’s become my new “guilty pleasure.” It’s almost like driving by a bad car accident – you can’t help but gawk and stare! It’s too bad they changed the time slot of this show from Wednesday to Monday. I think that had a big factor on the ratings. I actually hope they renew this for next season!
Am I the only one who didn’t think her dance was that impressive?
Nope. She was the only one impressed by it. And the viral videos were mocking it.