On tonight’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Lisa Vanderpump’s manipulation of Kyle Richards and Teddi Mellencamp has it’s own day in the sun. There were comments in the Vanderpump Rules recap from last night’s show begging Bravo to keep Lisa Vanderpump ‘s role to a minimum and take her manipulations and side-sniping back to RHOBH, but I don’t think that is going to happen. On tonight’s episode, some of the cast members eyes are opened. So let’s see how that all plays out. Except for the LVP stans who will be watching with eyes wide shut.
No one ever thought that the poor bereaved LVP would really stay anywhere except the nicest suite on offer did they? I hate Lisa Vanderpump even more for making me feel sorry for Dorit. In reality, they are all the same layout. Erika’s Jayne’s room comes with three hot gay guys to help her step into her bikinis and figure out which sponsored sunglasses she should wear when. Kyle’s suite has a pool table! I’ll take that one! She is rooming with Denise Richards. I’m really trying to tell Denise and Teddi Mellencamp apart. Dorit Kemsley doesn’t know Lisa Vanderpump is coming for her. She is literally sleeping with the enemy. And still in her usual suck-up mode. Dorit Kemsely, ever in competition with Erika Jayne, has plucked her own glam squad from somewhere.
Dog Gone It! I Don’t Want To Talk About The Dog!
After dozens of jabs at Dorit by LVP, all the other girls make it to her suite for drinks on the balcony. Denise Richards is stunned that everyone came for drinks dressed for the Oscars. Erika Jayne with seventy inches of weave to her head by her glam squad. Silly Denise packed for a relaxing time at the beach. Instead she is in a room of women all trying to one up each other with their designer duds.
LVP chats with Kyle on the balcony. She advises Kyle to make up with Kim and not let her relationships with her sister stay estranged like she did with her brother. Rinna joins the twosome and Lisa Vanderpump mentions that her butler, Elvis is bringing his cat to her room for her. Kyle wonders if Dorit is allergic to cats. The she jokes, “Maybe she’s allergic to dogs!” and here we go. Apparently, at this point Lisa Rinna is not aware of the situation. Lisa Vanderpump of course “isn’t going to talk about it.” At least not to anyone but the tabloids. Or the people at Vanderpump Dogs who can sell the story for her. Lisa Vanderpump goes to great lengths to pique Lisa Rinna’s interest.
Teddi, Kyle and Rinna Get Angry
The next day, in Teddi and Kyle’s room, the two of them walk Lisa Rinna through the situation. Rinna immediately sees that Lisa Vanderpump is setting Dorit Kemsley up. And she is manipulating Kyle Richards and Teddi Mellencamp to do her dirty work. Look I love Kyle and Teddi seems like a nice girl, but they are the easiest two for LVP to wind up and send in to do her dirty work. She knows damn well Lisa Rinna won’t fall her fakery. Teddi Mellencamp is pissed that Lisa Vanderpump would try to use her to do her dirty work. Thus, her tagline this year.
The promotional tour of the new hotel continues with a short boat ride to their private island, Long Cay. I have to admit it really is making me want to go there. During a massage, Denise Richards tell LVP that her an adopted child has a chromosome disorder and she some degree of aphasia.
The Airing of Grievances
At the first luncheon, Lisa Rinna announces that Dorit brought them all together to basically air their grievances so they could all come together in perfect harmony. So some shit. Let’s call it what it is, round one of the RHOBH Vacation Smackdown.
Camille Grammer kicks off smackdown with a mild jab at Dorit for her abhorrent behavior in general and forgives her for nasty comments at a dinner last season. What Camille is there? She’s lost in the background even more than Denise. Dorit is glad someone is apologizing for something and quickly grabs the olive branch before Camille changes her mind.
Lisa Vanderpump turns on the crocodile tears, turns to Kyle to bring her into her attack on Erika, and then says she is hurt Erika didn’t call her after her brother died. This from the woman who didn’t call one single woman at this table to tell them she was bailing on the rest of the season of filming. At what point was LVP ever that close with Erika? Erika says she sent her a very personal note from her heart. She’s clearly offended. Who tells someone in front of a group that their condolence card was not good enough? Erika Jayne makes it clear to LVP that she is not to be messed with. She let’s Lisa Vanderpump know she will defend herself “down to the bone” if she attempts to come for her again. And that is how you handle Lisa Vanderpump. Eventually, Lisa Vanderpump makes up with Erica.
Lisa Has A Pity Party For One
OMG! Just when we are ready to move on, Lisa Vanderpump does a talking head to let us know that the other ladies in the group sent flowers. Whatever LVP. Who whines about not getting flowers from a co-worker on national TV? And the flowers apparently didn’t curry any favor from you either. Your manipulative behavior seems to have escalated. Someone was watching a marathon of RHOBH today. She commented that it was clear watching the scene about Yolanda Foster’s Munchhausen, that Lisa Vanderpump was the one leading the others to say the word. This is her modus operandi
Erika insists that Denise reenact a James Bond scene in the water to cheer her up after the tense lunch. Erika Jayne has a girl crush on Denise Richards. And can you blame her?
Your Condolences Weren’t Good Enough!
Erica Jayne and Lisa Rinna talk about Lisa Vanderpump’s odd reaction to receiving a hand-written note of condolence. This is how we do it in Georgia. And Erika is our Georgia peach. She’s also NYC street smart so she took a photo of the hand written note. Because, as she tells production, “It’s always a good idea to have backup when you are dealing with someone who is slippery.” Last year she sent condolences about Pink Dog dying and was told she didn’t send her a text about that. LVP requires quick and abundant condolences for every drop of rain in her life. Or, there will be public humiliation involved.
Everyone Calls Lisa Vanderpump Out
After a wardrobe change, the smackdown divas arrive for the main event. The dinner fight. We start with a team meeting in the ladies room for Rinna, Dorit and Camille. This gives Kyle and Teddi the opportunity to explain they are uncomfortable with all the behind the back conversations about Dorit. Lisa Vanderpump of course claims that has all been resolved. In fact, while on this very trip, I imagine John Sessa, who last name LVP always seems to pronounce differently as if he uses a fake name for the show or something, is on the phone with Radar Online.
Teddi Mellencamp informs Dorit that she has known about the dog situation for over a week. When she and Kyle were at Vanderpump Dogs, Lisa Vanderpump “pranced her dog out and told her and Kyle” about the situation. Dorit’s mouth drops wide open. And we go to commercial.
Oh apparently, the guy who was in charge with prancing Lucy out for Kyle and Teddi to see was John Blizzard. Is that not the same guy as John Sessa who is on the Vanderpump Dogs board of directors? Teddi now realizes that LVP was setting them both up by conveniently bringing out the dog and having John ask them both several times if they recognize the dog.
Lisa Vanderpump Denies, Denies and Denies
Of course LVP claims she has four hundred employees and can’t control them all. That reminds me so much of Kim Biermann’s delusions. She can’t stop her employees from publicly bad mouthing someone to her friends while she is sitting right there flapping about whimpering about how she just can’t possibly talk about it? Really now. Only abject morons believe her shit at this point. Even Dorit is starting to catch on.
When LVP tries to blame Dorit for not telling her, Dorit points out that she did tell her he day after it happened. Erica Jayne says Dorit told her the entire story. Production shows the playback of the conversation she had with Dorit about the situation two weeks ago. I love shady production this season.
Nobody Is Buying What Lisa Vanderpump Is Selling
Lisa Rinna tells her that it was clearly a set up. In her talking head, Rinna wonders if LVP is slipping because this set up is so fucking obvious. Perhaps it’s her grief that has her unable to function at her usual level of covert evilness?
Vanderpump makes Dorit cry and everyone comforts her. LVP wonders why Dorit is so upset. I think sometimes LVP really doesn’t understand the trauma she causes. Oh who am I kidding. The bitch lives for it. Only Camille remains on LVP’s side.
Lisa Vanderpump pivots her attack says that she never though Teddi would be gossiping. IT WAS YOUR EMPLOYEE LISA VANDERPUMP! Teddi is furious at Lisa Vanderpump’s accusations and she leaves for her room. LVP tosses a smartass “good night Teddi” in her wake.
Next week, Teddi refuses to let Lisa Vanderpump off the hook. And Lisa is the one who leaves the table and most likely runs back to Beverly Hills.
Look what Teddi Mellencamp just tweeted!
Yaaaaaaas, Teddi! Bring those receipts!