It’s time for the Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion. Of course this is news to me because I don’t remember last week, so everything is a surprise in my life. So, yay! It is reunion time! Tonight features Margaret Josephs coming of Jennifer Aydin as the appetizer. Then we move on to the main event where Jackie Goldschneider reads Teresa Giudice for filth, Let’s get started. It’s an explosion of sequins!
Before we even start, they do a bit of a promotional where they show them getting ready and Marge tells Melissa that Jennifer is already drunking. OMG! Please let it be tequila! A sloppy drunk Jennifer Aydin getting her ass handed to her by Marge Josephs would be fabulous! Jesus take the wheel! I am mesmerized and it hasn’t even started yet. Is it possible that the worst season ever will have the best reunion ever? I feel like they told them the season sucked and the reunion was make it or break it!
But first, let’s start with some pleasantries. Andy Cohen welcomes the first Turkish housewife, Jennifer Aydin and the newbie who took on Teresa Guidice and lived to tell about it. He tells Jackie Goldschneider it’s good to see she didn’t end up under a flipped table.
Fancy Meeting You Here!
Andy points out that he just ran into Teresa Giudice on the beach in Miami. Do these housewives stalk Andy in Miami? He asks how Joe Giudice likes her new body. Teresa lies and says Joe said it looked really good. She hasn’t been to see Joe in over a year. Teresa might have gone for Christmas but I doubt it very seriously. Teresa is done with Joe now that she knows he will be deported. She hired a divorce attorney a year ago. She is already parading around with other men and has been for some time. Wow! Andy goes straight to Joe being deported in the introduction! Go Andy!
Next, he talks to Dolores Catania and immediately brings up Frank Catania’s disbarment. Andy Cohen immediately asks Margaret Josephs what work she has had done, She says she did get a “generation lift.” It looks like it might have just been her neck because her face wrinkles are exaggerated by the three inches of makeup. Andy inquires about other people plastic surgeries and Dolores says she has had a facelift and fat transfered to her butt. Jackie has had a tummy tuck.
Margaret Josephs v Jennifer Aydin Round One
Andy starts with Marge. Marge says that she showers with Joe every day. Andy gets distracted and polls everyone about how often they have sex. No one cares, Andrew. Nor do we believe anyone every answers this question truthfully, Andy’s hair is very short. Andy says there were rumors Marge’s house was in foreclosure. She blames the Vineyard Vines lawsuit. She lost a judgement for $610,000. Then she says she didn’t have to pay the judgement. So many lies right off the bat tonight! She does not mention the $200,000 loan she hasn’t paid her friend back. That loan has a lien on her property. It doesn’t put you in foreclosure.
Andy asks Margaret if she gave the new girls any advice. She said she told Jackie just to be herself. Then out of nowhere, Jennifer chimes in to answer Andy’s question to Jackie about having preconceived notions about her cast mate. She basically says how happy she was to be on Team Felon this season. Then she says she was very excited to go on a girl trip, but she wasn’t happy it was Oklahoma. Oh here we go…She goes on and on about how much she hated Oklahoma.
I skipped all the discussion about the kids because I find it inappropriate. Especially pointing out how bratty Jennifer Aydin’s kids are on national TV. It’s not necessary.
Dolores says that she was feeling very vulnerable after all the kids were gone and that is why she wanted to leave the house behind. Since then, she is rethinking the move. Frank Catania is build a house for Dolores’ Catania’s boyfriend David. Andy Cohen and I both think that is weird. Dolores says she and David are a lot closer and have been spending a lot of time together. They also went on a vacation to together. She says that she is not moving in with David unless he puts a ring on it. There is a lot of admiration for her charity work. She talks about being a correctional officer. She also says that she loves talking trash to and about Melissa Gorga.
Margaret Josephs v. Jennifer Aydin Round Two
A viewer tells Jennifer she is kind of a mess when she drinks. She agrees. The run a montage of some of Jennifer Aydin’s dumb comments. It includes Marge’s monkey’s asshole comment and her allegations about Bill Aydin. Marge admits to having an affair with her new husband for a year and a half. Jennifer denies that she said her brother should sleep around with American women but marry a Turkish one. The tape was rolled. Teresa Giudice says she didn’t even know what a mail order bride was. Because Teresa.
Jennifer Aydin admits that brought up Marge Sr. to get back at Marge Jr. She says she doesn’t feel bad about it. She supports the wife of the man she was cheating with. Sorry, Jennifer, there is a reason that parents and children are off limits. It’s so bitches like you don’t trash talk them on reunion shows. Then she calls Marge Sr. a homewrecker.
I’m Not A One Upper!
Andy Cohen brings up Jennifer’s lips looking like a monkey asshole. The camera pans to Jennifer’s lips that now look like a baboon’s asshole. They seem three times bigger than usual. It really is gross. Somehow we are back in Oklahoma talking about Jennifer’s rude behavior. Jennifer tries to say she wasn’t bragging about the sixteen bathrooms. Because, she has so much more, a basketball court… there is an elevator…and… I’m not saying that to brag… Andy interject, “It sound like you are.” Andy goes on to point out she brought of the sixteen bathrooms a lot. After some more bragging, she declares she is not a one upper! ROFLMAO This woman is delusional.
Jackie Goldschneider v Teresa Giudice Round 1
Jackie talks about her background. She has a law degree from Fordham. Jackie practiced for several years while writing as a sideline. She landed her own column in a newspaper and she’s been writing ever since. If she means the Jersey newspaper, that doesn’t pay much at all.
The entire time that Jackie is giving her testimony, Teresa is either muttering or saying outloud things like,”Yeah, she likes to write about other people!” I wish Jackie would rip out her column and ask Teresa to read the first paragraph outloud. Teresa is functionally illiterate.
Jackie says things are much better with her sister. She and her family have hung out with her sister and her family a lot. She mentions her brother has a disability. Andy asks what that has taught her. She says it taught her to stand up for other people when they are being bullied. Jennifer jumps right in and says, “So you are calling Teresa a bully?”
Teresa tries to say that Jackie’s article was bullying. As Jackie points out Teresa didn’t even read it. It was actually complimentary to Jennifer’s children. Teresa starts mocking her for not speaking to her sister in response to Jackie saying Teresa is not her kind of people. She doubles down on how she wants nothing to do with someone who fights with her sister. This coming from someone who has treated Melissa like shit for the majority of the time they filmed together. AND she didn’t speak to Joe Gorga for months at a time. This is hysterical.
She’s Stalking Me!
Teresa claims Jackie wants to be her. She calls Jackie a stalker. The basis of this accusation is that Jackie went to one of Teresa’s book signings and they took a photo. Jackie put it on her social media and showed it to Teresa when they met. Andy is doing better than usual moderating this fiasco. He asks Jackie the background of the photo. She says she was out shopping and she passed a bookstore where Teresa was doing a book signing. There were only about four people in line, she was a fan of the show so she went in to meet her. Teresa says that she just has to point out the four people in line. She doesn’t even deny it. She calls her a stalker again.
Teresa says that Jackie was so excited to be standing by Teresa when they started filming. Melissa points out that both Jackie and Jennifer were very excited on the first day. Jennifer was it was surreal to be standing there with them.
She’s Hungry! What? Oh. She’s THIRSTY
Jackie says that Teresa seems very threatened by her. This sets Teresa off. Then Jackie says, “You’re not going to win a war of words with me!” And even dumb Teresa Giudice knows she should be insulted. “Ya wanna bet?” Why yes. Yes I would like to place a wager on Jackie. Where to I find the bookie?
Teresa talks about Jackie going from lawyer to blogger. Jackie suggests if Teresa learned how to read she might like some of them Jackie points out that Teresa thinks that people that come to her book signings are stalking her and suggests they not come since it bothers her. Then, Teresa seems to mock Jackie’s eating disorder. Melissa tells her not to do that. Jennifer interpret’s Teresa’s comments like the person who interprets in church when someone starts randomly speaking in tongues. Jennifer says Teresa is trying to call Jackie thirsty
but she is too dumb to manage it. That last part was implied. Andy Cohen cracks up.
Jackie says she loses brain cells talking to Teresa. Try recapping this nonsense, Jackie. And people wonder why I can’t keep the names straight…
After what I hope to all that is holy is the final break, a reader asks Jackie why she stood up to Teresa. She says because she stands up to bullies. Teresa’s head explodes Then she seems to threaten Jackie with, “Thank God you are so far away.”
Melissa Points Out Teresa Is Threatened by People Who Can Think Rationally!
Andy Cohen’s note cards say to ask about Jackie’s article, because there is a montage. It apparently doesn’t matter that we have already been over this. Andy asks if she feels like other people are afraid to confront people. Jackie says yes, Teresa likes to try to scare people. She points out that she reminds them that others who tried to come for her are not on the show anymore. The look on Teresa’s face is priceless. She is literally speechless. Jackie essentially broke the fourth wall.
Another viewer writes, “Teresa, you husband is in fact in jail. Why is she wrong for stating a fact?” It looks like we have come full circle this episode. Teresa says it is wrong for her to say that, “She has no compassionate.” Jackie corrects her grammar and even though this has taken me two and a half hours and I am so desperate to publish this shit I have to stop to crack up laughing. When I regain my senses, Dolores is sticking up for Teresa. Jackie says Dolores its the biggest “yes man” she’s ever seen. A viewer asked why she didn’t back up Teresa when the Joe is in jail comment was made. Melissa points out that Jackie was defending Melissa because Teresa was yelling at her about her husband.
WOW! Melissa says the issue with Teresa and Jackie is that Teresa gets very threatened by people who can think and reason rationally. This just keeps getting better. Teresa wants clarification. Did Melissa just say she can’t think rationally? Melissa doubles down on the truth. Teresa is PISSED.
What Were You Saying About Family, Teresa?
Melissa and Teresa go after each other. Melissa Gorga also calls Dolores a yes man and calls her out for agreeing with the way Teresa Giudice treats her family. Then, Melissa Gorga says if she doesn’t start treating her family better she won’t have a family. Then Teresa starts screaming at Jackie saying she is a cold-hearted bitch! I am dying here! Teresa lobs a nasty insult again about Jackie and her sister. She is literally in an argument with the closest person to her sister she has right now on national TV. And, the argument was about Teresa trashing her brother to his wife. WHAT ABOUT FAMBILY? Teresa Giudice is the dumbest person ever to be on a reality show.
It’s The Teresa Show…According To Teresa
Teresa keeps frantically messing with her Ariana Grande ponytail extensions. Then Teresa tells Jackie to remember what show she is on. It’s the Teresa show. And she is a best-selling New Times York Selling Best Author. Jackie point out she didn’t even write her book. (nor could she read it.) So, Teresa seems like she wants to get up off the couch and attack Jackie.
We never even got to hear what Alex from Lakewood said!
Next time, Teresa admits she is going to divorce Joe Giudice. Jackie continues to slaughter Teresa. Teresa keeps saying this is her courtroom. Jackie asks if she is still on parole.
P.S. I love how all the reunion photos have the housewives pointing their fingers. (click that link…ha hah)