By CJ Bomb (& Les)
It’s been a rough week Project Runway lovers. We have lost one of the giants in the industry, the great Karl Lagerfeld. In a world of throwaway “fast fashion,” Uncle Karl was a shining beacon of taste, quality and many verbal bon mots. He was a prolific artist who created fourteen shows a year. In addition, he also found time to write books and be a professional photographer. Karl Lagerfeld was an all around renaissance man. He did what he loved until the day he died. He was one of my heroes and Les and I will miss his presence in the world.
Moving on to these aspiring future “Karls,” we start this week off by heading to JCPenney. A place where Karl Lagerfeld likely never tread. Michelle reminisces about shopping here as a kid which explains her love of a Brady Bunch color palette. Les and I are TOGETHER this week so there is much wine and laughter flowing, I will try to make as much sense as I can. The challenge this week is to take three different daytime separates and turn them into a nighttime look. They have to grab a live model in the store and use what she is wearing and then grab one more thing they can use off the racks. I’m still trying to figure this out, but luckily I have Les here, and she was a math major at a very prestigious university so she can explain it to me.
The winner gets a two thousand dollar JCPenney shopping spree. That’s a LOT of poly blend people. Irina laughs, barely hiding her contempt. Michelle grabs her regular model not caring what she is wearing, she wants to stick with who she knows. Anthony thinks this is a dumb idea because you should be choosing for the fabric. Anthony you aren’t in Mood. ALL the fabric is going to suck. Madness ensues. Everyone is having a tough time finding things. Dmitry is outside his comfort zone. We want what Christine is wearing, at the store and in her interview. Evan is ready to win with his evening gown/might be a jumper. Les rolls her eyes. We are confused by most of these sketches. If Dmitry and Anya had a baby it would be Sean Kelly’s sketch.
Les doesn’t think Cynthia’s look looks like evening wear. None of this looks like evening wear. We are getting kimono from Biddell. Christina is having a rough time and Biddell has no sympathy. Anne walk in and Les tells me that she never gets “high fashion” from Anne. I have to agree. She LOOKS like she’s dressed in a JCPenney dress and you just know that this woman doesn’t own a single thing from that store.
Anne doesn’t understand what is nighttime about Cynthia’s vest thing. Les yells at the screen to throw it over a black bra with jeans, But Cynthia sadly does not hear her. She’s not sure that Biddell’s “cleansing of the palate” kimono is going to blow the judges away. She tells Sean Kelley his bold mixing of print choices could be very fashion forward or a hot mess. At this point Anne has come to terms with the fact that Dmitry will always do ruffles and zig zags. Ruffles with a swiss dot? On trend? Oh Anne…the green JEANS he has are what you are worried about?
Les yells that the top is the exact replica of the curtains of the house she rented from VRBO in Blue Ridge GA. I’m guessing this is not a compliment. She assures me it isn’t. It’s like the eighties threw up all over this look. Les quotes Uncle Karl…”If its trendy, its tacky.”
Anthony Ryan assures Anne he’s not making another blue jumpsuit and that he will give it pizzazz. As much as we don’t care for Irina as a person, using the buttons of the shirt up the arms of the dress is brilliant. Anne agrees. She tells Michelle to highlight the silver in her look. Anne tells Christina that she can’t make a jacket out of a jacket and needs to rethink her look. Finally, Anne tells the designers to get a move on.
Whatever Happened to Home Economics?
Christina is now making a jacket out of her jeans instead of the jacket? Biddell is going to change his dress into a jumper? Anthony Ryan is feeling sorry for Christina and her “cha cha” pants. There is some Charo going on here since we are referencing the eighties, but not in a good way. It’s NOT Christina. Dmitry and Michelle, best of friends, trash each others looks in interviews. I pause and tell Les about my other Home Ec look in 1984. I have already shared my mini-dress overly long armed disaster which Anya did when she was eliminated. Dmitry has made my Home Ec skirt. It was bad then, and it is bad now. He probably sewed it better.
Les muses on the disappearance of Home Ec. I think teaching us basic skills like cooking and making bad outfits should be a rite of passage. Biddell decides to channel Norma Desmond since he has so much free time and do a turban. Christina is quietly losing her shit and getting annoyed by Michelle and Sean Kelly’s slap happy loud conversation about hotcakes. Dmitry tells them to zip it. The next day,
Sean Kelley steps in to help Christina and Biddell thinks everyone should be focused on their own looks rather than helping anyone else out. Especially since he thinks Sean Kelly’s dress is mediocre. I mean it’s a WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP. Sweetie the CFDA is World Championship. You are being sponsored by JCPENNEY. We tell Biddell he is a dick. He doesn’t hear us. Irina hates Michelle’s look. Shocker. We wonder how Biddell managed to make a 120 pound model look like she has droopy boobs. Les thinks that Christina is TOO focused and TOO intense.
Alyssa looks nice from the neck up this week. The guest judges this week are Vanessa Williams (seriously…does this woman AGE?) and supermodel Jasmine Tookes.
Les thinks that Biddell’s model looks like a bride for a yeti. I say Ali Baba and the too long sleeves. That turban….why? I have never trusted anything in my life the way that model is trusting that top to hold in her boobs. We are okay with Sean Kelly’s Anya Caribbean nightlife dress. It’s JCP people. Throw us a bone. Les thinks cargo jeans and lace curtains threw up Dmitry’s look. This look represents everything that was wrong with the eighties.
We think Anthony Ryan’s concept was good but he was done in by fabric choice and color. Les doesn’t think Christina’s is an evening look. I don’t think it is a sane look. Les thinks Michelle’s look is an easy way out. I think it’s the best of a bad situation. I think it’s a better version of Biddell’s look. At least she isn’t wearing a fucking turban. Les says that Irina’s is elegant and poofy. I think it’s eighties in a good way. Although, that slit is high. Cynthia’s office nighttime look will keep her safe, according to Les. I barely remember what it looks like after it leaves the runway.
We decide on, Irina, Anthony Ryan and Michelle for the top and everyone else for the bottom. Sadly we think Intense Christina is headed back down under.
Everyone loves the shirt opening as a sleeve and skirt on Irina’s dress. It’s not Jasmine’s cup of tea but she likes the color and neckline. Georgina is getting fiesta in a good happy, too much tequila way. She thinks the shoulders are a little heavy handed. Georgina loves the denim on the shoulders and is getting a galactic vibe. Did Georgina smoke a joint before taping? Isaac loves the back and wishes it was the front. Vanessa wrote “raw edge, needs to be finished off.” Jasmine thinks you would wear it to a “space party” and doesn’t get it. Did she split the joint with Georgina?
Georgina tells Christina that she tried too hard to be on trend and she should stick with her own personal style. Isaac says if you are going to do a flamenco fantasy pant you need to go big or go home. Vanessa said she wouldn’t be caught dead salsa dancing in these. Jasmine loves the pants. But doesn’t think they are a nighttime look.
What Did The Judges Expect From This Crappy Challenge?
Vanessa thinks Cynthia’s vest is frumpy and matronly. Georgina wants to see it without the jacket. She thinks she should have spent more time on what was underneath.
According to Isaac, the third tier of Sean Kelly’s dress ruined the look. Georgina thinks he should have been more aggressive in mixing the patterns. Vanessa thinks he did a good job making cheap fabric look expensive. Jasmine just wants the waist cinched more. Alyssa wants to like it more than she does.
Jasmine LOVES Biddell’s disco base jumper outfit. We question her taste. Vanessa thinks its retro and yet still modern. Isaac loves the sophistication of the bronze accents. Georgina thinks his commitment to go super different worked. Now we feel like we smoked a joint.
Who Won? Who Went Home?
Evan Biddell wins?? WTF? We pound our wine and agree this JCPenney challenge SUCKED. It’s down to Christina and Cynthia. Boring or Crazy? They choose to send boring home. Goodbye Cynthia! We never got to know you but you seemed very, very nice.
We love you all and hope to hear from you in the comments! Now I’m going to stagger home and pop some Advil in preparation for tomorrow’s slight headache. MWAH! CJ and Les.