The Party Preparations
It is finale night on the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Tonight, there are a lot of storylines to be wrapped up. Next time on the reunion, I don’t expect much closure. Based on the current rumors, the reunion will be turned all the way up.
The two felons, Teresa Giudice and Danielle Staub go shopping for new red gowns to wear to Jennifer’s engagement party. Does anyone seriously go shopping for ball gowns to wear to the anniversary party of someone you just met? They are literally shopping at a bridal shop for a party in Paramus, New Jersey. Is this normal? Should Teresa really be flashing as much money as she has this season? Danielle asks Teresa to have her back with Marge Jr. at the party. Teresa agrees.
Jackie plans to meet with her sister and bring her family back together. Later, she takes her mom to get her beautiful white hair dyed blond. I liked it white. It looks really pretty both ways.
Marge’s family situation and Dolores’s home renovation seem like boring filler for this episode. It’s late and this is making me sleepy. Dolores says she is moving out of the old family house. What does this mean for Frank?
Melissa Gorga takes a DNA test in an attempt to locate her sister. How is this going to wrap up in one episode?
The Main Event
The ladies with husbands that are not incarcerated and on the verge of deportation, chat with their mates about the party. Danielle is the main topic of conversation. I’m super bored. Is it just the lateness of the hour, or is this an incredibly slow moving finale? The show is half over and I have barely come up with three hundred words.
The party decor in Paramus is gaudy. Jennifer’s dress is a monstrosity that is beyond description. It sort of reminds me of a Dolly Parton costume that she might were to perform in the canteen as Dollywood. At the party, there are hookahs and gambling with fake money.
The Women Try To Talk Sense Into Teresa
Marge Sr. came with Joe and Marge Jr. Later, Danielle arrives, and she hugs and kisses everyone including Marge Jr. Joe is still pissed off at Marty. When Marty tries to approach Joe, he wants nothing to do with him.
All the girls try to convince Teresa to get rid of Danielle but she continues to support her. Why? What does Danielle have on her? Word on the street is that is hanging around another felon who is about to be deported to Italy. He is not in the detention center, which I find odd. Instead, he has an ankle monitor. Allegedly, Teresa is trying to line up some employment for Joe in Italy. I presume Joe will not have to fill out tax forms for this employment.
Joe and Marty Take Things To A New Level
Before the brawling begins, the crowd enjoys some middle-eastern belly dancers. Melissa and Joe’s marriage seems rock solid this season. Danielle and Teresa sit by the fire pit and talk. And by talk I mean Danielle trashes Danielle while Teresa listens.
Joe Gorga convinces Marge Jr.’s Joe to try to work things out with Marty. They talk perilously close to the pool. Marty seems to still think Danielle is some prize. He tells Joe that he (Joe) likes to stare at Danielle’s tits because Marge doesn’t have any. I never really pay attention to other women’s boobs unless they are hanging out of their dresses. But, I am pretty sure Marge is a curvy girl, right? I don’t think either of them is going to win Mrs. America. The bloom is off both of their roses at this point.
Later, Marge comes out and Marty is a dick to her. The argument escalates. When Marty says that Marge Jr. emasculates him, Joe shoves Marty into the pool. Actually, it looks like Marge got in the push that sent him over the edge. This had to be scripted. Who fights that close to a pool? Where was Marty’s phone?
Lines Are Drawn Concerning Danielle and Marty
After the fight, all the other ladies side with Marge. However,Teresa stands by Danielle. In addition, Jennifer seems to be sticking with Teresa. As a result, everyone decides to flee Paramus.
Margaret Josephs got a facelift. Jackie Goldschneider has been spending time with her sister and getting to know her niece. Eventually, Dolores Catania is hoping for an apartment that will take five dogs, a chinchilla and a three-legged guinea pig. And a boyfriend. Until then, why doesn’t she just move in with her boyfriend?’
Melissa Gorga’s DNA test shows she is 97% Italian. In the end, there was no match for a sister in the system. Jennifer Aydin is planning her brother’s wedding. She will attend with her husband where they will spend time with their families. Teresa Giudice is awaiting the final decision about Joe’s deportation.
In conclusion, I don’t think there has ever been a more boring finale in the history of the Real Housewives franchise.