Do you ever watch a Bravo show and wonder where the story is? Does presenting a series of events, edited in the order they occurred, qualify as a show? I only ask because tonight’s Vanderpump Rules felt like a forty minute paean to LVP’s jeans. Here’s the thing: I take Vanderpump Rules very seriously, so it offends me when Bravo thinks they can just do that. I’d be a little more understanding if the episode eased seamlessly into a TomTom spinoff (like they did with RHOBH) but they blew that opportunity. Instead, I have to write a funny recap of a boring episode. Thanks, Andy Cohen.
A Day In The Life of TomTom starts with Lisa Vanderpump at her wit’s end. Their paid party is nigh and the restaurant isn’t ready. Tom Sandoval stresses over the busy work Lisa gives him. Luckily, Ariana is babysitting. “Just get through this season, just get through this season.” I hope every dollar she makes from Sandoval’s association goes towards her Montana fund. Ariana might not realize it but I have her future mapped out. Once she dumps the zero, she can run off with her only-in-my-imagination true love, Kristen. They’ll ride horses and raise German Shepherds. It sure beats whatever she has going on right now.
Across town, James works on his apology letter to Lala’s ManRan. Or as James calls him, “big, fat, fucking Randall.” He’s an amazing TV villain but you get why he has no friends. Up to this point, Raquel has always encouraged James to reunite with his castmates. But between the bathroom ambush at Pride, girls’ night, Stassi and Ariana’s birthday, and Lala’s “I’m sorry for calling you a twat. You’re welcome,” Raquel is done. As she searches for the right words to explain her frustration, a familiar tune plays through the corners of her brain. “Tubby little cubby…” Her pulse starts racing. James stares at her with big eyes. “All stuffed with fluff…” Words are gone. All Raquel can do is squeak. James is confused. He sees his girlfriend melting down but doesn’t know why. With Raquel preverbal, James makes the bravest decision he can. He crumples the letter and swears to stay away from Lala. Raquel is his top priority and he’ll do whatever it takes to make her feel safe, even if he doesn’t understand it.
Schwartz stops by because you need 2 fulltime cast members to make a scene worth shooting to work on music for the TomTom party. He laughs off the awkwardness of Katie’s James-icide. James pretends it’s all good. He’s glad SUR is thriving without him. He’s Zen James. At the mere suggestion of Raquel attending Girls’ Night In, his paper thin veneer cracks. He screams at Raquel. How dare she consider supporting Katie after he gave up Lala! When Schwartz tries to calm him down, his paranoia blows. He accuses Schwartz of spying for Jax and runs out of the apartment with the practiced ease of a true drama queen. Raquel and Schwartz take a beat. Neither have the emotional complexity the situation requires. A calmer James reenters. He admits that he’s not okay. With being fired. With Katie taking his night. With the crucification of DJ James Kennedy. It’s just not fair.
Lala treats Scheana to coffee and advice. She suggests, in the nicest way possible, that Scheana limit her conversation around Stassi and Katie. To, you know, limit the annoying. Scheana’s big eyes well with tears. She so desperately wants to be liked by the Witches. En Vogue says it better than I ever could.
Katie’s second Girls’ Night In is merely the backdrop for conversations that don’t earn their own scene. Just as James feared, Schwartz regales everyone with tales of his break down. Contract-averse LVP gives the Toms paperwork and a handshake. Schwartz likens it to joining the mafia. If Lisa doesn’t get you, Ken will knock you spark out. Lala tells the Witches Expanded Pack she’s taking them to Solvang in the PJ. Dumb, dumb, and dumber.
The night of the TomTom party is bonkers. Schwartz cleans toilets. Sandoval orders ice. Lisa Vanderpump runs roughshod, a lion tamer herding guinea pigs. Their guests primp and preen, excited to celebrate the Toms. It’s all happening, at least for two of them. Production waits until Kristen is almost ready to have Schwartz disinvite her. She’s devastated. Her night of drunken carbo loading is Lisa’s final revenge.
TomTom’s sky high DJ booth isn’t wired for sound so James’ triumphant return takes place in a tiny kitchen closet, sitting on toilet paper rolls. Every other song he runs to the DJ booth window so the party can vibe off his energy. The effort is wasted. No one notices him. As the party progresses, the Toms flex their pride. Their friends are impressed. Their paid guests are entertained. And their fearless leader is schnockered. All of their hard work was worth it. They are now moguls.
If Daily Mail TV is your drinking word, congratulations! You just won a trip to the emergency room.
Next time: For the TomTom crew, work never ends. The Witches take their first PJ. Jax is emotionally shut down in marriage counseling. Crazy Kristen enjoys Solvang. James is unable to manage his mother’s crazy.
was it only me or was schwartz even less interested in katie tonight? like he could care less if she was there. and jax… he jealousy over james is like… beyond. as if!!!
Toward the end of the show it was very obvious that Schwartz has little interest in Katie. She was trying her best to hug & kiss him and he sort of kept pulling away.
I liked this episode. I also enjoyed your fresh perspective on what I just watched. We agree that Lisa took revenge on Kristen. Lisa teaches her a lesson for past insubordination and pandemonium.
You are right. An opportunity was missed for a spin off with a new cast of characters dovetailed with the current cast. That could have been good.
I felt sorry for Ken. The guys and girls were fussing over Lisa about the opening of the restaurant. We see the guys thanking her but Ken’s role was barely acknowledged at all. We know he is just as involved as Lisa. He had nightclubs in the UK, correct? It bugs me a bit that he was omitted from most of the filming and interaction. He looked good at the party.
I think it was wrong of Lisa to exclude Kristen. I get she’s a handful but she has given all the crazies so many chances when they act like asses, ie Stassi , Jax , James , the list goes on . And everyone knows Sandoval cheated on both her and Ariana, so why does she give him so much grace ? It’s such a double standard.i guess she favors her toms metrosexualism. Wanted you to vomit at the scene where she was shamelessly drunk flirting with the Toms. She uses them like dumb cabana boys . Used to be a fan of Lisa but her true colors continue to be revealed .
Correction – I * wanted to vomit
LVP has made big bucks off Kristen’s crazy. Kristen wasn’t a total lunatic in Season 1, but production ordered crazy and Kristen served it flaming hot season after season. So in my book, LVP owes her.
Oh, interesting. My husband thought he looked mad. I didn’t even think of this as the reason.
I noticed he was very red in the face.
He was red in the face because he’s a drunk. He’s always shuffling around and mumbling a la Ozzy. I have a friend who used to work at SUR who confirmed he was always drunk.
I never knew he had a drinking problem…this explains so much! Thank you for the inside info!
this was a typical LVP move. Someone wrongs her she will get her knife into their backs. There was no reason for Stassi to be there either.
Can anyone explain to me why LVP still has a specific hate on for Kristen when other staff seem on par in terms of antics? Or is it fake? Wouldn’t it be better for ratings/bringing in money to let her do her crazy thing? Far less interesting watching someone sulk. Can someone fill me in on what I’m missing? Please and thank you 🙂
I always wonder the same thing. LVP is so vindictive and petty in very indiscriminate ways!
I feel like it’s usually just women she holds a grudge against.
Lisa listened to Billie during that staff meeting. Billie said Kristen comes in to cause trouble, especially to James, which is true. Lisa didn’t need Kristen drama that night. Loved seeing Kristen moaping around and was hoping the dogs would pee on her.
Good for the Toms’ insisting on a signed contract, if they really invested money. Lisa can keep her handshake.
Jax is the one who cut off his mother. He was mad that she didn’t have a crystal ball to predict when his father would pass. Jax was suppose to visit the next day but too late. Now Jax is playing victim that mommy didn’t call on his 40th birthday. Yes, I believe he’s 40+.
Lala is just trash.
TomTom is beautiful.
Disagree with everything you said . The end .
No kidding. Me too
Lol . Figures you would comment that we don’t watch the show .
Ha! Spunky is our “special” commenter. We love her, but, you know… she’s that relative. 🙂
LOL. I guess you don’t watch the show.
Ummm obviously we do……..
LVP was hating on Kristen before Vanderpump Rules began. She made a few snide comments in the beginning. At the waitstaff meeting (they split tips — I HATE that) she was looking at the tickets and chastising Stassi for low figures because she was lazy. She begrudgingly gave Kristen a backhanded compliment, saying the only reason she kept Kristen on was because she was a good waitress and brought in the most tips. Not long afterward, she said Kristen was a busybody and a potstirrer. (Maybe not her exact words.) So SOMETHING had gone on before we were introduced and I still wish I knew the details.
There is a MeeMaw’s Beer Cheese IG account. The “cheese” is coming soon. The logo is hideous. Cluttered and cutie. Just like Britt.
Oh my god! Nanette, you just made my week. I’m looking immediately; cluttered and cutie are perfect descriptions of Brittany as well.
It seems that I am watching a diferent show. Kriten is a bully and I am happy to see her Karma. That woman is fake and a hypocrite. She always says James is the worst. Please he hasen’t slept with his best friend girlfriend. The end? To me the worst person in that show is by far is Jax. To me Jax is a sociopath. Those women tolerate Lala for one reason only free vacations and PJ.
Amen sister. Completely agree. A little karma to Kristen made my day! She better have more coming as well as Jax. What a hypocrite!!!!
Thank you, Lady C! I didn’t watch yet and your recap is better than the episode I am sure.
The cast is past their expiration date. Time for new blood! After all the spilled tea on LVP, I find her hard to watch. And ‘cuddly Ken’ isn’t that either.
I liked seeing Lisa drunk. It made her seem more human. I think TomTom must have been a tougher open than Pump because Lisa really let her hair down and showed us a vulnerability heretofore unseen. Plus it was effing hot in LA when TomTom opened. She looked sweaty and undone. Another good look for LVP.
Lisa is human like all of us. If someone called me sweaty and undone and said it was a good luck I would question their sanity. It was funny in a gross way to see her sloppy drunk fawning all over Tom and Tom, with their wives and girlfriends kept in their places by her. I haven’t watched Vanderpump rules in a couple years but it seemed incredibly fast pace and forced, is this how it is now? Also WWHL was a shit show. It was insane how fast and unnatural it went. I felt like Raquel was going to have a panic attack.
.
I am a tad crazy, so questioning my sanity is a perceptive move. ?
It wasn’t their opening, it was a specific party. Their opening was a few weeks later.
I was so disgusted by the (Aquafaba) canned chick pea liquid in the drinks -particularly the opening of it in and dumping it into that giant container. No one had gloves on and what an unsanitary mess. Was the AC working? Were they dripping sweat? What WAS THAT? Why is that in a drink?
i have never heard of that stuff before either and it sounded gross BUT when i visited Chile & had pisco sours, the bartender gave me the ingredients and it consisted of egg whites in powder form to avoid salmonella & the pink drink at TOMTOM looked like a pisco sour
It was gross. I also laughed when Schwartz drank from one of the bottles of booze, and realized just before pouring it into the bucket that there were cameras watching him share his backwash with the public. He quickly decided to “save it” for later.
On another subject, is anybody dumber than Raquel? Her eyes are empty, as she struggles to keep up.
She denied being dumb a few episodes ago, so there’s that proof she’s not.
And then when she asked James, he said she wasn’t… after a very long pause. I hope for her sake it was editing, but she looked concerned. He just looked bored.
My vegan expert told me that it is an amazing egg white substitute when whipped with cream of tartar -its frothy like egg whites and is used for baking and cooking (and drinks)
I’m just sickened at the way Tom Schwartz was pretending to actually have a part in the running of a business (now what does he do for a living) surely he has not food prep or restaurant experience right?
Agreed Mary, Kristin IS bullying James. I feel shes jst doing it for a storyline. The thing is I feel this season he really needs the money so its unfair. That girl clique is so mean. I mean they all are forever members of the show. They’ve made tons of money and they are all using it as a platform for their own ventures. James is young, his family is in big financial trouble, hes alone in terms of emotional support, he hasn’t been to college, he doesn’t know who the hell he is. Those girls prey on the weak! Mean girls!!
Totally agree, Kris. It was a dick move when Jax asked James twice if he wanted a drink while he was DJing. Glad Lisa gave James the job at Tom Tom and kept Kristen away; otherwise the whole cast would of gone in on him. She knows he’s carrying the show and sympathizes with his family mess. I feel for James. He has said some rotten things but hardly ever initiates it. What he said about Lala’s boyfriend was totally wrong though, and should apologize.
What I learned from this recap is that I might not have aged out of this show and that it was in fact boring as hell. I was doing some work on the site that is sort of mindless and redundant and generally doesn’t interfere with whatever I am watching.
I kept realizing that large stretches of this show had passed and I had no idea what I missed. I’d rewind abit, get back to work realize fifteen minutes later I again had not paid attention to a thing.
When cleaning out all of your photo files and reviewing your security settings is more interesting than the show.. it might be time to put these old fuckers out to pasture before we start having scenes about all of the health issues and hip replacement surgeries.
That is very funny and I couldn’t agree more.??
Couldn’t agree more. I used to run home from work on Monday’s to watch. Now it’s on, but nothing more than background noise.
My heart went out to Kristen – its hypocritical of LVP of give everybody else second chances (Stassi called her an old woman, remember – among other things), invite the whole cast except her. LVP came out looking mean and petty. And I usually like LVP *sigh*. Also, none of the ‘Witches of WeHo’ seemed to care for Kristen who seems like a ride or die friend!
Hoping that the Caesar’s place will be filmed for Bravo. Las Vegas could be good.
The more I see of James’ mother the more I understand how/why he was with Kristen, very Freudian
Totally. Poor kid. I want to strangle him, then comfort him.
Whoa. Just watching this snooze fest now, and noted LVP’s T-shirt that reads: “Checkmate Bitch” and her name underneath. An obvious dig at Kyle, who called her Bobby Fischer at an earlier reunion. This friendship has definitely gone cold.
Some folks lament the loss of friendship between them, but I am doubting they ever had much of a real bond. Being friends shouldn’t be so much work. Lisa seems to demand so much loyalty from Kyle and doesn’t return the favor.
We’ll see soon enough.
Now that I watched the entire episode, am thinking everything was filler leading up to the big TomTom party. And even that was kinda so-so. The bar is gorgeous, though.
Who isn’t an alcoholic on that show? I don’t mean that as a put down because people do have genetic predispositions for these things. Rather, who doesn’t have a drinking problem?
While a lot of them seem to exhibit characteristics of an alcoholic, the one person that seems to stand out the most with it is James. He clearly uses it as a coping mechanism. I think Katie uses it as a coping mechanism as well as Schwartz at times. Granted, many people in that group aren’t great with their consumption habits, but alcoholism is a heavy diagnosis that I don’t think applies to all of them. They act out for sure, but that would be a long comment dissecting each cast member.
Is Lisa taking makeup tips from Lambchop?
I don’t think I’ve missed an episode since day one, and I’m having a hard time hanging in. I did the SAME THING TT……iI kept rewinding to see if I missed something. VPR is on its last legs. They need to make them management and get new hosTesses! ? (James again!!). They need to revamp. It’s BORING!!!
They are 34-40…..too old to be bullying one another and making people cry!