It’s been a pretty sad day today around here. I am hoping that this show will be a bit of a mood lifter and brief escape from reality. I am determined to make fetch this show happen and to convince you to give it a chance. Who doesn’t like the backdrop of the Greek Isles and hot guys (and girls), weird as hell “VIPs,” a quirky gay boss with a boss sunglasses game and a tad of the crazy Lindsay Lohan thrown in?! Why do I have to beg y’all to watch this with me?
We start with Lindsay on a beach bed getting multiple spa treatments. One of them involves a vibrating vest. I am not sure what that is supposed to do but it looks hot. Like sweating on the beach in a bulletproof vest hot. And who wants their nails done while on a sandy beach? But, hey, that’s Lindsay.
Lindsay is worried that her minions are not miniony enough and are spending to much time thinking for themselves and getting laid in the house. She wants full control of them 24/7. So she brought in someone to threaten their jobs last week. A new hot half-Greek (that’s enough for me) guy, Alex. Alex is gay and has had a fling with Mike who is bisexual has been playing around with Jules.
Last week Panos changed his tune about Jonitta and she now his favorite. At least of the girls. He keeps giving the guys the VIP cabana. This week the VIP is “Big Shaq.” I check Instagram to see if this “rapper” has millions of followers. He doesn’t even have an account. The people hired to be VIPs for this show are laughable.
They minions are also tasked with creating a specialty drink for Lindsay. While this is happening we get the sob story backgrounds of some of the minions. My heart bleeds for them. Oh no it doesn’t. Jonitta did well in this challenge.
When Big Shaq (Personally I would have gone with Big Sack if those were the only two options for his rapper name) arrives, one of the guys greets with my name is Willie. At least that is what I heard. I guess it must be Billy because there is no Willy on my tag list.
Panos lets us know he doesn’t like May and she is the weakest link. He’s also over Jules. And while Brent knows how to work with the clients his attitude toward the rest of the staff is unacceptable. The girls all hate Gabi because she inserts herself everywhere and tries to horn in on everyone else’s clients.
The editing begins to prepare us for Alex to cheat on his boyfriend with Mike. It’s going to happen. Sorry, Johnny. Jules is not going to take being Mike’s professed back up plan well.
Lindsay loves to tell the story of her abusive ex boyfriend who attacked her on the beach and she decided she would own that beach one day. Except she doesn’t own the beach. It’s public property.
It’s time for Big
Sack Shaq to perform on the beach. Instead of actually hear him perform, we instead get Panos telling us what a good job Billy is doing with Big Sack Shaq. Really all I saw him do was take orders for water and have a waitress pass the some bottled water. Then we hear ten seconds of Shaq making noises apparently simulating gun fire and ending with something like ticky ticky boom. Not exactly riveting.
After a hard say of bickering with their co-workers and handing out bottled water, the minions are rewarded with a day off the next day. So the drinking should be epic tonight. It looks like instead of going out the night before their day off, they go out the night OF their day off. How dumb is that. Jules is looking forward to another night with Mike. She loves him. Mike loves their easy breezy no-strings relationship.
On the way to the club we learn that Jonitta continues to please Panos by inviting a rich guy she thinks could be a VIP client at the Beach House. There literally is not time off from pimping yourself out for a dollar. Gabi runs up to the target guy and gives him a hug. Then May does the same thing. Jonitta is all like “These hos need to get their own johns and leave mine the hell alone. This is my mark!” Plus Jonitta really hates Gabi.
Mike and Alex are all over each other right away. They may not wait until they get back to the house to hook up.
Back at the house Jonitta confronts May and Gabi. Gabi’s defense is they are in Europe and kisses on the cheek are typical greetings. She’s right but Jonitta is not having it. A ridiculous argument ensues with Jonitta slapping the living shit out of Gaby and following it with a left hook to the face. Gabi just laughs. Then Gabi goes outside and tries to pull herself together. None of the minions go out to check on her. Instead they all laugh and chat with Jonitta. If this were the Real Word or even the real world, Jonitta would have been fired and sent home. Instead, Gabi is worried that her job will be in jeopardy. She collects her stuff and goes to a hotel.
The next day Alex and Mike sit outside talking about the previous night and Alex shares that he feels really guilty about kissing Mike. Apparently, that is either all that happened or all that they admitted to on camera.
Meanwhile, Panos was sent a video of Jonitta punching Gabi in the face. For some reason Gabi meets with Panos first. She greets him with the customary kisses. The exact same act that got her punched in the face the night before. Gabi doesn’t explain her side of the situation and when Panos said she was provoking her she sort of agreed with him and that is not what happened. Jonitta was provoking her. After they talked in a seated position, Gabi got up patted Jonitta on the knee and turned to go to bed. It was then Jonitta who started provoking Gabi screaming “TOUCH ME AGAIN! TOUCH ME AGAIN!” until Gabby patted her knee again causing Jonitta to start swinging.
Panos comes to the villa and calls a house meeting. One of the guys who I don’t think is in my list of tags says in confessional that he thinks if Jonitta goes home Gabi should go home too. He’s a fucking idiot. Gabi is not there because she is at a hotel. Panos talks to Jonitta first and she is defiant and attempting to justify her behavior. Panos is pissed. Jonitta continues to scream at Panos because he says that Gabi should not have been punched and he feels badly for her. Jonitta is writing her own ticket home. Panos says Jonitta is not sorry at all. Jonitta just happens to have packed a T-shirt that says “SORRY” on the front and “NOT SORRY” on the back. That sums up her entire attitude. She tells everyone in the house that she will not apologize to Gabi.
Panos goes to talk to Lindsay. It looks like Lindsay is going to send the both home. Which is better than keeping them both but I don’t think Gabi did anything other than verbally defend herself from Jonitta’s fucked up allegations.
Gabi shows back to the house at about 5 pm. The guys in the house apologize to Gabi for letting things escalate that far without stepping in.
The episode ends with Lindsay showing up to deal with the situation. To be continued…