Bravo ran season one of RHONJ today in a marathon. It was amazing how from day one everyone was accusing Danielle of doing the same things she is doing this season. Nothing has changed. Also, from the first season Teresa was trying to get Gia into acting and took Milania on a go-see to Wilhamena Models.
The good trio, Marge, Melissa and Jackie go to a jewelry store to buy a present for Teresa to celebrate her bodybuilding competition. They plan to bill the evil trio for their share. I despise when people do that. When I taught at the elementary school level there were of lot of differences from when I taught middle school, high school and college. One was every fucking body was shooting out babies left and right and every time someone did or someone got married, I would receive a bill. Here is your bill for Muffy’s bridal gift we bought her all her china. Etc. No. Just No. But if you refuse to contribute you are “difficult” and “not a team player” etc. It was the worst. I have a feeling the evil trio will not be thrilled that they are supposed to buy Teresa a $2000 gold necklace with diamonds that spell out the word “strong.” Even if it doesn’t cost them anything since it is a gift in exchange for promoting the store. Who is going to let Teresa know what it says?
Speaking of promotional time, we go to Jennifer’s husband’s plastic surgery office. Jennifer says she goes there to make her presence felt among the other females in the office. Jennifer is setting us up for the upcoming feud with Marge in Mexico about her brother’s mail order bride.
Melissa and her sisters sit down their mother to inform her that they may have another sister. This is all based on an alleged psychic reading Melissa had. Her mom and her sisters arrive a bit drunk. Her mom doesn’t believe the psychic story. She thinks her husband would have told her because she forgave him for all of his other transgressions. She is fine if they want to check the story out and if they have a sister she is interested in the situation. But she might have to kill her whore of a mother. Alrighty then.
Teresa’s form with weights is terrible. But her body is very muscular. I admire her ability to stick to a strict diet and workout schedule. In her quest to take down Tan Mom as the most hideously tanned person on the Internet, Teresa goes to get spray tan the day before the competition.
I’m really far behind so I am fast forwarding through Marge’s party planning for her charity event.
At the competition, Frank rubs even more fake tan on Teresa’s ass. Frankie comes in first in his division. Theresa comes in third in the 40+ female competition. There were four competitors.
It’s time to go to Cabo. Why Cabo? That is a long flight to the west coast for a Mexican resort with beaches that you can’t really swim in. Tulum? It is closer and nicer. It’s raining when they arrive. The hotel is beautiful. Teresa puts the good trio in a room together. The other three have their own suite and Teresa is sharing hers with Danielle. That is interesting. The room hare fully stocked with full sized bottles of everything. This could be a problem. Teresa and Danielle start doing shots right away. They start talking about Marge.
At dinner, some girls plan a shopping trip for the next day and some plan for a day at the pool. Teresa plans to continue eating clean. Lean meats and vegetables. That is basically my diet currently. No alcohol, no sugar. I must admit I feel so much better on it. We’ll see how long it lasts. When Jennifer sees the necklace she is furious that they didn’t go to her brother. Frankly, it would have been a better choice and they could have gotten the family discount. There is about to be a big fake fight over this even though the girls didn’t really by anything and it was all a scene by Bravo in exchange for promoting the store. I can’t. Marge saying that Jennifer’s lip liner makes her mouth look like a monkey’s asshole is all Marge though. Jennifer shoots back with, “A monkey’s asshole that you fucking suck, probably.” Sometime I question my choice of occupation when I have to recap shit like this. I’m just saying. Can’t we watch Masterpiece Theatre or something?Is that still a show?
When Jennifer leaves the table, Danielle and Melissa chase after her. Oddly Dolores stays with the good trio and listens while they trash Jennifer and point out that Teresa right in front of Dolores, who is example A of Teresa’s poor judge of character. To be fair to Teresa, she doesn’t know what character is so she has no way to judge anyone’s character.
Next week: More tequila. Camel rides on the beach. Round two with Marge and Jennifer. Marge announces at dinner that Jennifer’s husband sleeps in the pool house. Based on Jennifer’s reaction, that appears to be a fact. Danielle screams at Marge that her kids don’t want to be around her. You know, the usual trash talking that y’all thing makes shows “interesting.”
Frankie won 1st out of 2.
True. I forgot to mention that.
Maybe but damn, he looked hot.
There is something intriguing to me about Jennifer. Maybe it is the monkey ass lips? Her accent and inflection is interesting.
I’m liking Marge more and more this season.
My BFF and her hubs spent Christmas in Cabo in a hotel room on the side of a cliff that had a private pool and a private outdoor fireplace on their terrace. She brought me back a bottle of the best tequila ever.
Honestly Danielle to me is like Ashley on Southern Charm.
Yes, TT, Masterpiece is still a thing and right now they are running Victoria. If you need a cultural cleanse, I suggest you give it a watch. It is beautifully filmed and the acting is very good. The costumes are beautiful, with expensive,detailed fabrics. It is everything that the Housewives are not. Catch up on the previous seasons. It really is worth it.
I am so glad you recommended this because I didn’t want to buy the first two seasons. But I just loaded Prime and the first two seasons are free on Prime.
I have both seasons and am dvr’ing this one. What are the best shows on PBS in a very long time
Yes, Masterpiece Theatre is still a thing. Victoria is much better scripted, yet reality based. Bravo could take a couple of notes.
You really will enjoy it Nanette. I promise.
Thanks. I am so pissed I missed Poldark and now you have to pay for it.
Coco Chanel is rolling over in her grave.
That woman is so vulgar and gauche but is convinced she is all that. Danielle is the same yet more heinous. The only two that even approach the quality of women from northwest Bergen County are Jackie and Marge. I do adore Marge’s house manager.
‘Who is going to let Teresa know what it says?‘
? ? ?
I’m dying……
Quick question: if Teresa was “keeping the body building a secret” and “visiting Joe weekly” can someone explain how both of those statement can be true?
Teresa completely transformed her body which is something Joe might have noticed when he saw her so frequently
Who said Teresa goes weekly? Even Teresa has admitted she doesn’t go because she doesn’t like the prison environment. LOL.
maybe she was saying she emails him weekly? I just find it odd that he wouldn’t notice her changed physique or that she would believe that she could and should hide this from him.
I am liking this season. I know you all hate Jennifer but I oddly like her for some reason. She is like a less annoying Dorit. Plus her drunken outbursts make the show interesting, for me at least.
I am from NJ living in San Francisco now so maybe I am just homesick.
I reallly like Jennifer. I thought I was the only one. I love her drunken outbursts. I was dying when she said told Marge she cant relate to women cheating on their husbands in response to the mail order bride comment. Besides Marge can’t say the woman’s lips looks like a monkey’s ass and not expect a reaction.
Street Marge sounds both repellant and enticing. Maybe enough to watch this episode.
Watching the aftershow with, Joe Gorga, Joe and Frank is kind of the best thing ever. I feel like things are heating up, because Danielle and Marge were fast friends. I’m kind of into their storyline… I’m just disappointed that Teresa is actually taking Danielle’s side.
Currently on a HW cleanse … but, wait, did you say Teresa took Melania to Wilhelmena Models? bahahahahahahahaha
I think she was, and still is, trying to take a page out of Kris Jenner’s book by making her talentless daughters rich. Nothing wrong with that, if you can pull it off. It still amazes me how rich all the Jenner/Kardashian girls are, especially considering that none of them seem to have any particular gift in any one area. I kind of like Teresa’s kids, even Satan’s spawn, Milania. She’s grown on me recently and her rap video is quite cute and well done; even though she can’t sing, she can entertain. I remember when Milania was 5 or 6 years old and what a major brat she was, but she seems to be growing up OK. I thought by now she would have been in Juvenile Hall, but so far she’s escaped being in custody.
By the way, is Joe still scheduled for deportation next month? I’ll be really shocked if it really happens. That would be quite an adjustment, spending almost your whole life in a country and then being kicked back to the place where you were born. It didn’t seem to me, when he and Teresa went to Italy, that he had a very good grasp of the language, but I suppose he’s had over three years to bone up on it. I wonder if he regrets committing all that fraud, considering where he’s ended up, or if he just regrets getting caught.
Yes, the girl certainly has spirit, I’ll grant her that … but model? Talk about setting your kid up for a major identity crisis!! And honestly? I thought the music video was cringe-worthy in present tense and can’t imagine growing up a little bit and looking back at that! And where did the money come from to make it? Tomorrow on the Fame is a Bitch podcast, AJ is revealing some exclusive tea on Teresa … can’t wait!! Are the Feds closing in????
Omg, I have px’s my parents took of me, my sister and friends over the years putting on shows! Thank God film was expensive to develop and only a few of our elaborately staged events were captured on film and printed. We all had fun but never expected stardom! (Well, maybe we did but…)
Maybe you did because you were kids with a dream… but your parents KNEW BETTER. Milania as a model is a further stretch than Alana , aka Honey BooBoo as a beauty queen. Tre’s idiocy keeps shocking me. How low does that IQ go?
I believe, shockingly low. I’ve had offers, I’m tall and blonde, I did do a hotel shoot a long time ago but I was so uncomfortable, never pursued.
I am really silent about my achievements, here I feel comfortable for some reason.
Joe will be to an ICE deportation center in March. They are really terrible places. It usually takes a year or two before they get on a plane. That is because lots of federal prisons don’t allow aliens to start their deportation challenges until they get to the deportation center and the process takes years. So Joe has already gone through his appeals and really doesn’t have many other legal avenues to try. This was deliberate so he would get to Italy ASAP instead of spending two more years in the deportation center.
So be prepared to be shocked. He will be deported. He is not a citizen and has no right to live here and will never be allowed back into the country.
I would think he will be deported. Has been detained with ICE quite a while now. With the government shutdown over immigration, why should he be an exception?
It was Gia when she was 6 or 7. It was on the first season I just rewatched it yesterday Melania was still 2
OK. That makes a little more sense. A LOT more sense. How did Gia come out with so much more sense than her mother?
TT, I admire you with the no alcohol, no sugar thing. I can do the no alcohol thing, but can’t stand morning tea with no sugar. Keep up the good work!
I’m on a RHONJ cleanse right now, but faithfully read your recaps every week. Thank you for reminding me why I stopped watching. Thanks for the Greek god picture of Frankie, too.
Try the Monk Fruit sugar. It’s really good. No after taste.
I use just a tad of agave in my coffee. I don’t really like coffee but I have been drinking it every day on this eating plan and I do have more energy.
Danielle said she would suck Jennifer’s monkey asshole as they walked away…. Probably not the first time!!!?
I’m not mentioning names, but somebody’s youngest acts just like her mom.
Throws tantrums when she doesn’t get her way.
Spoiled rotten brat!
Can’ stand that kid. I know her parents created that monster but it’s not just the material stuff. She’s disrespectful. Jennifer claims how old school she is but she’s not raising old school kids.
A wise lady (DORINDA) once said, money talks, wealth whispers. Jennifer is ALL MONEY and acts like a petulant child when she doesn’t get her way!
So did anyone notice during the marathon ( yes I watched some of it) how Teresa said at the reunion ” my dad always gave me everything I wanted and I turned out fine”
I thought that statement was very telling. I also think its interesting with this season and the way that Jennifer is being accused of spoiling her children. There are a lot of similarities between Jennifer and Teresa I noticed. There are also major similarities with Danielle who took a plea deal for her crimes. So when I saw the three of them sitting together at the end of this episode, I wondered how aware they are of their common bonds?
You mean as greedy grifters and entitled twats?
Jennifer DOES spoil her kids, but the slippery way Jackie called it out was totally inappropriate. I dislike both women.
I agree, I would never criticize another person’s parenting, especially not passive aggressively. Nobody knows what really goes on in anyone’s house. Jackie comes across very desperate anyway.
She was NOT criticizing Jennifer or the kids? She was speculating about a commonly held opinion and she ended her column with a very strong compliment to those kids. Those idiots all must have failed at reading comprehension. Or maybe they have ADD because either none of them read to the end, or they didn’t get it.
I don’t understand why an east coaster would ever go west for a tropical vacation. As a west coaster, I’m extremely jealous of east coasters flight times to the Caribbean, Bahamas, etc. Yes, we have Hawaii, but it’s over rated, over priced, and over populated with tourists.
All I can think of is that Cabo is used to doing promotional exchanges with US production companies. I am sure Cabo is lovely and if I lived on the west coast, I’d surely visit, it just seems like there are better options for east coasters a lot closer.
We do anything on the sea of Cortez, it’s quick and we love Mexico. We drove down and spent a week in San Carlos a few years ago, that was really nice, small and very sleepy…easy enough drive as well, I’ll admit I was a little nervous about the drive, but we’ve driven to Porta Pinasco before and that’s easy so we did it, I’d love to go again soon.
If RHONJ were really good they would have gone to Punta Mita. Beautiful west coast Mexican destination where the RHONY and RHOBH go. Same latitude as Hawaii-Cabo’s waters are cold and it is just okay as far as resort living.
A little side note apparently if and when Joe is deported Teresa has claimed they will go their separate way, according to People Magazine. I would think Joe would establish a nice Caribbean homestead and invite Teresa and her family down. The woman is such a snore, my guess is to keep her place she will start dating some new thug.
Could he get a home in Mexico? That would be an easy solution…
Some old friends of mine own Tropicana in Cabo de San Jose. I should email them about Bravo vacations.
It was Gia when she was 6 or 7. It was on the first season I just rewatched it yesterday Melania was still 2
Funny recap, thanks! Whatever you’re doing with your eating, keep it going!
Could he get a home in Mexico? That would be an easy solution…
Few things. That horrendous song is still stuck in my head and it won’t get out!! I was actually laughing out loud in shock at the dinner scene at the end of this episode. How embarrassing! Finally, does Margaret have children of her own?? I can’t remember her ever saying she did, I must have missed it. I know about the stepkids and her deep love for them which is so sweet, but I’m blanking on her discussing any biological kids? Tiptoeing around the wording because I in no way want to minimize her relationship/love for Jans kids:)
Who let Danielle out of the nut house to film this season? My god she is one ugly horrible woman. I loved the phrase (if Tre could read it) re: the necklace which Jennifer made such a huge deal over. She is beyond annoying. She is cloying. And yes, Coco is rolling over in her grave. Margaret went over the top with her insults about the lipliner. Why yell that out? Nevertheless, we watch this garbage…. came out in the news today that Tre said if Joe is deported she is filing for divorce. Will be interesting to see what happens if he is not deported.
All the Housewife shows are about the same. Just yelling and screaming. They have run their course.
Jennifer seems like a coddled, spoiled little girl – just like her bratty kid. Who throws a tantrum like that because they didn’t go to your brother? Then she says the necklace was ugly and would have been better if her brother did it. If her ugly house, tacky furniture, and polyester wardrobe are indicators, the girl has no taste.
Jennifer hates her husband and her kids and it all comes out when she is drunk. I said it and I’m not sorry.
Its going to be minus 13 here this week. Wind chills below 40 degrees. All this talk of Mexico is a beautiful thing.
I’m inspired to get a bottle of tequila and limes to down the cannolis as I binge The Sopranos. Diets be damned.
I liked the recap SO MUCH that I had to read it again! So funny and spot on.
TT is so right about people buying a group gift then sending the bill. Jennifer’s reaction was over the top. She is so rude and obnoxious. Maybe she is not as wealthy as she claims to be. Something is seriously wrong with her. Saying that the necklace is ugly in front of Teresa and everyone, and fighting about paying for it in a public place? She almost makes Tre look classy by comparison, if that were possible.
Marge just cracks me up! She pushed Jennifer’s buttons until she went off like a volcano. Jennifer acted like a psycho fool. Good job, Marge. That girl deserves to be made fun of at every opportunity after her bad behavior in Oklahoma.
I actually feel sorry for Jennifer’s husband for scoring such a dud.
TT’s comments about Tre are the funniest ever.