Bravo ran season one of RHONJ today in a marathon. It was amazing how from day one everyone was accusing Danielle of doing the same things she is doing this season. Nothing has changed. Also, from the first season Teresa was trying to get Gia into acting and took Milania on a go-see to Wilhamena Models.
The good trio, Marge, Melissa and Jackie go to a jewelry store to buy a present for Teresa to celebrate her bodybuilding competition. They plan to bill the evil trio for their share. I despise when people do that. When I taught at the elementary school level there were of lot of differences from when I taught middle school, high school and college. One was every fucking body was shooting out babies left and right and every time someone did or someone got married, I would receive a bill. Here is your bill for Muffy’s bridal gift we bought her all her china. Etc. No. Just No. But if you refuse to contribute you are “difficult” and “not a team player” etc. It was the worst. I have a feeling the evil trio will not be thrilled that they are supposed to buy Teresa a $2000 gold necklace with diamonds that spell out the word “strong.” Even if it doesn’t cost them anything since it is a gift in exchange for promoting the store. Who is going to let Teresa know what it says?
Speaking of promotional time, we go to Jennifer’s husband’s plastic surgery office. Jennifer says she goes there to make her presence felt among the other females in the office. Jennifer is setting us up for the upcoming feud with Marge in Mexico about her brother’s mail order bride.
Melissa and her sisters sit down their mother to inform her that they may have another sister. This is all based on an alleged psychic reading Melissa had. Her mom and her sisters arrive a bit drunk. Her mom doesn’t believe the psychic story. She thinks her husband would have told her because she forgave him for all of his other transgressions. She is fine if they want to check the story out and if they have a sister she is interested in the situation. But she might have to kill her whore of a mother. Alrighty then.
Teresa’s form with weights is terrible. But her body is very muscular. I admire her ability to stick to a strict diet and workout schedule. In her quest to take down Tan Mom as the most hideously tanned person on the Internet, Teresa goes to get spray tan the day before the competition.
I’m really far behind so I am fast forwarding through Marge’s party planning for her charity event.
At the competition, Frank rubs even more fake tan on Teresa’s ass. Frankie comes in first in his division. Theresa comes in third in the 40+ female competition. There were four competitors.
It’s time to go to Cabo. Why Cabo? That is a long flight to the west coast for a Mexican resort with beaches that you can’t really swim in. Tulum? It is closer and nicer. It’s raining when they arrive. The hotel is beautiful. Teresa puts the good trio in a room together. The other three have their own suite and Teresa is sharing hers with Danielle. That is interesting. The room hare fully stocked with full sized bottles of everything. This could be a problem. Teresa and Danielle start doing shots right away. They start talking about Marge.
At dinner, some girls plan a shopping trip for the next day and some plan for a day at the pool. Teresa plans to continue eating clean. Lean meats and vegetables. That is basically my diet currently. No alcohol, no sugar. I must admit I feel so much better on it. We’ll see how long it lasts. When Jennifer sees the necklace she is furious that they didn’t go to her brother. Frankly, it would have been a better choice and they could have gotten the family discount. There is about to be a big fake fight over this even though the girls didn’t really by anything and it was all a scene by Bravo in exchange for promoting the store. I can’t. Marge saying that Jennifer’s lip liner makes her mouth look like a monkey’s asshole is all Marge though. Jennifer shoots back with, “A monkey’s asshole that you fucking suck, probably.” Sometime I question my choice of occupation when I have to recap shit like this. I’m just saying. Can’t we watch Masterpiece Theatre or something?Is that still a show?
When Jennifer leaves the table, Danielle and Melissa chase after her. Oddly Dolores stays with the good trio and listens while they trash Jennifer and point out that Teresa right in front of Dolores, who is example A of Teresa’s poor judge of character. To be fair to Teresa, she doesn’t know what character is so she has no way to judge anyone’s character.
Next week: More tequila. Camel rides on the beach. Round two with Marge and Jennifer. Marge announces at dinner that Jennifer’s husband sleeps in the pool house. Based on Jennifer’s reaction, that appears to be a fact. Danielle screams at Marge that her kids don’t want to be around her. You know, the usual trash talking that y’all thing makes shows “interesting.”