It’s a good thing I am on the healthy living plan this week because there are a TON of things to recap tonight! Big Brother was great but time-consuming and I am so ready for this episode of Below Deck. Something really weird went on with Bravo ratings last week. Below Deck lost half of it audience for last weeks show. I still can’t believe that was possible. Perhaps it was due to the premiere This is Us? And RHOA had a series high in views and this was NOT the Tokyo episode but the one before that was so boring I can’t remember a thing about it. Ratings are strange animals, y’all.
We start this week in a most frightening fashion. Two of our gay guys were on one jet ski and they did not plug in their kill cord as instructed. So when they both fell off into the water, the 900 pound machine just kept right on going with no driver, not steering, no brakes and no way to shut it off. It’s always bad when Captain Lee jumps in the Tinder for a rescue. Luckily everyone lived to have some more sparkling unicorns.
Tyler is apparently in love with Rhylee. That was fast and will end just as quickly. Tyler asks Rhylee out on a date instead of going to shore leave with the crew because, “their parts fit together so well.” Oh mhy God. Rhylee should be with Ashton and Tyler should be with Laura. Tyler tells Rhylee to dress to impress. Before date time even comes, Tyler gets pissed at Rhylee for talking about their plans after charter. He wants to sail in Alaska. So she says something about her fishing skills and his sailing skill being a good match. He is pissed because she is “inserting herself into his future.” WTF? Didn’t he just profess his love to Kate and Josiah? This guy is a trip.
Ashton and Laura are still going strong. Laura has caught feelings and Ashton is enjoying himself. Laura asks Ashton questions about his childhood. It was very rocky. It makes him want to be a good dad. Because he answers Laura’s question she extrapolates that to mean he is opening up to her due to his undying love. The things we tell ourselves about men…
Dinner is a wig party of some sort. The guys and the crew are all wigged out. Adrian is still bitchy. He serves crab and one of the guys is allergic. As Josiah says, Adrian clearly didn’t to his yoga this morning because he is cranky as a motherfucker. But he still has time to crack sex jokes with Laura.
These guests are so polite. All of these guys ordering Bloody Marys make me want one. But I am on the healthy diet plan so perhaps I’ll just have a V-8 and pretend. When it comes time for them to leave, they don’t want to go and Kate actually has to prod them. And by prod them I mean to tell them to get to steppin’, Josiah had no issues with the guys on this episode. I guess it was just a one episode script last week regarding his traumatic experiences with hot gay men. He did carry it over to social media for more attention though. So there is that.
They have less than twenty-four hours to flip the boat. I can’t believe next week is the last episode before the reunion. They guests left $17K and he thinks it is light considering “what they put everybody through.” I presume he means the jet ski thing. I think it was an innocent mistake and a lesson learned. They seemed like great guests otherwise.
Due to the quick turn around Captain Lee says there will be no partying tonight, just a quick trip off the boat to grab some dinner. Everyone is excited about Rhylee’s date with Tyler. Tyler told her to dress to impress so she wore cutoff jean shorts with stringy hems and long shirt. He wore a button down and dress pants. Tyler is a mumblemouth and says something about a comment he made to the Captain. I can’t read lips when he is not looking at the camera so y’all are going to have to fill me in. Basically, Tyler is dumping her. They finally give hims some subtitles. Ah he asked Captain Lee if “he knew” when he met his wife and he said “Fuck yeah.” Tyler says he hasn’t felt that yet and that’s why he wants to pump the brakes with Rhylee. Why does Rhylee cry when she gets back to the boat?
While Rhylee is getting dumped, Captain Lee holds the last preference sheet meeting. It’s all females. That is always bad. Even worse the primary is named Crystal and it’s her birthday. I feel the Stassi Schroeder vibes already. Check out that link for the Stassi’s birthday with Jax fighting in his chunky white sweater in 2013. My entire viewpoint on Vanderpump Rules was the total opposite of what it is now. It’s crazy!
Anyway, sorry. The birthday girl primary has me nervous. Plus she is turning 30. That is sure to cause drama. Kate and Captain Lee think it will be an easy charter. I disagree.
The entire crew goes out to dinner. That must have been a lunch date for Rhylee and Tyler. Ashton is the first to notice that Rhylee is in a bad mood. Ashton and Laura go to talk to Tyler about what went wrong. Tyler is a douchebag and isn’t good enough for Rhylee. Marinate on that.
When the birthday girl and her posse arrive, they are already criticizing the choice of garnish for the first round of drinks. One the first night, the birthday girl makes one of the girls, Chelsea cry. She’s a real bitch about it. She says she can go home, she doesn’t care. The problem with that plan is that they are adrift at in Tahiti. We quickly have screaming matches in two different parts of the ship causing Kate to run straight to the drama to watch with Laura in her wake. Kate and Laura laugh hysterically as Chelsea screams about Crystal being a whore. They take bets on who will win. Kate goes with Crystal who she has dubbed “Bitchface Killah.”
The dinner conversation is dominated by snotty Crystal and he snotty reminiscing about other times she has spent daddy’s money. Chelsea is tired and gets up to head back to her quarters. Crystal drinks to the point of incoherence. Then she passes out at the table. When the only two girls left with the body try to gently prod her to leave the deck and get into her bed she starts punching at them. She has wrapped herself in a cocoon of shame and they just go to bed without her. Chelsea is the last friend remaining and Crystal tells her to go away and talk to someone who gives a fuck about her.
If Kate and Josiah can’t get the bitch back to her room they have to stay up all night and watch her so that she doesn’t go overboard. Kate wants to get the hose out and hose her down. She is not kidding.
To be continued…
The final episode More drunken birthday girl drama. (With Jax as the birthday girl) and the crew has a party to say farewell to Tahiti. Laura tells Adrian his jokes were in appropriate. So he goes snorkeling for penis shaped “decorations” for the dinner table.
Pretty sure the Bravo viewer loss is not because of Below Deck but because so many are disillusioned by Haymaker, their affiliation with Bravo and manufactured storylines.. Just dumped my Bravo. Actually, even cancelled my entire TV Cable Service. Depending on Tamara to give me the 911! #muteHaymaker
Haymaker has nothing to do with Below Deck. They are produced by 51 minds. They are the fine production company that cast that dating show many years ago and one of the guys went on some sort of murderous spree or something.
I remember that! The handsome Canadian who hung himself in a hotel room after murdering his beautiful girlfriend and tossing her body parts into a dumpster just weeks after being booted from the reality show. Without hands (for fingerprints), she was identified by the serial numbers on her breast implants.
That;’s the one. That is the production company for Below Deck/
Was that show Megan wants a Millionaire on VH1?
Yes it was the TV show Megan wants a millionaire
Jasmine Fiori was her name. All I can think about was HIS parents saying it’s HER fault he went crazy.
Ugh, that woman Crystal was very rude. I’m surprised she has friends all with her attitude.
I hope they did get the hose & hose her down to wake her. What a bitch
Well I’m thrilled to see this shit show charter carryover to next week! I can honestly say no one has ever had to tell me to “be an adult and get to bed” and I’ve never had a shame cocoon. I need to invest in some narcissism. Kate was me when she told Josiah to get the hose. Best bad idea ever. Adrian’s sea penises, I just can’t with his creepy passive aggressive anger. He totally devolved!
I have to tell myself to be an adult and go to bed every night. I never listen. I actually tried to make up my bed with the memory foam topper I bought a month ago tonight because my back hurts so bad from sleeping on the couch. As it turns out you have to let the foam decompress for 12 – 23 hours so it’s one more night on the lumpy couch for me tonight. I just took a hot shower and now it hurts in new places. Argh,
Set up a BIG screen tv in your bedroom so that you can watch it all and write from your fluffy down-filled comfortable bed. A Tamara Tattles Writing Room Remodel! 🙂
TT get a memory foam, gel-cooled mattress, not just a topper. It will change your life! I did 8 years ago and will never go back. No more aches and pains on pressure points at night. No more back pain from pinched nerves. The DH severely injured his back 1.5 years ago and that mattress was a quality of life saver while he healed. Take DillyDilly’s advice and give yourself the gift of a bedroom sanctuary. Luxe bedclothes, soothing colors and calming scents are small, relatively inexpensive changes to improve your environment and mood.
Hi, which topper did you buy? I’ve had so many back surgeries after a chiropractor fractured a couple vertibrae & ruptured a couple of disks. It’s been years of surgeries, epidural injection procedures, a spinal cord stimulator implanted & an SI joint fusion in December. I have a great mattress but a little firm so I need a topper that’s cool. Like Tamara, I’m on the couch right now propped on pillows. I need to get to my bed. Thanks in advance!
Tamara, enjoy your topper soon…Zzzzzopp
My heart breaks for you, back pain is the worst.. prayers to you & TT.
Thanks Wanda. I don’t like taking medication OTR or otherwise but I am taking Motrin and that fixes it. Also sometimes it feels fine until I lay down and try to turn over and then I get sharp pain and can’t move and that sort of freak me out. It’s only intermittent pain though. I’m just being a baby. Complaining is my favorite form of medication. lol
The toppers are great!! Got one a few years ago-absolutely Heaven!! Enjoy and hope your back feels better!!
Aww. I hate trying to find the right mattress/topper/pillow combination. I have yet to achieve it. I suck at sleeping too. Always have. Maybe one day I’ll get a sleep number or some fancy mattress like that. I hate spending money on myself so much so it’s doubtful.
Costco has one of the best foam mattress topper. It’s like sleeping on a cloud in heaven and was a fair price. I spent 100 on mine for a queen bed. I never want to get out of bed now.
Now I have to save money to get myself a mattress topper. The one I currently have came with the bed, all in one. So now it’s all lumpy all over. And since I’ve had several back surgeries, I desperately need a New mattress. I can’t afford a whole new one, but I can afford that $100.00 topper. Thanks Kelnlola!
I bought mine on impulse at Big Lots. I figured for $50 it was worth a shot. I also bought a bed pillow by the same brand Zeopedic that I sit on and sleep with my hip on on the couch.
I had the worst back pain I ever had in my life last night. I was screaming and could not get off the couch. Banjo was freaking out. I don’t take pain killers, even over the counter unless I really need it. I usually take ONE aspirin and it does the trick. Last night I wished for Motrin and took two aspirin. Then I found the Motrin and took one of those two. That tore my whole system up and I’ve been a bit unwell all day.
I did just manage to get the mattress topper back on the bed. I’m going to force myself to sleep on it tonight. I love my bedroom, I do not know why I insist on sleeping on the lumpy couch I just bought six months ago. I think maybe because I don’t have DVR access in my bedroom.
Adrian’s “jokes” are so gross. I have been in Laura’s position before and it is super uncomfortable. And the guy never seems to realize that he is doing something wrong.
This main guest chick is the WORST! I do have to say that when I get together with my college girlfriends, we get super pissy with each other really quickly. We lived together for 4 years and relationships are constantly changing. I just always remind myself to stay zen and not engage. Clearly, none of these girls have figured that one out. The crew is going to get a crappy tip.
Lol . . . the Bravo focus on every sexual remark that comes out of Adrian’s mouth leaves me questioning the edit process. Surely, during a six/eight week Bravo film fest, Adrian says other things!
In my friend group we have one of these chicks, well not so much anymore. Most of us got really fucking tired of her drama and shit all about the same time. It became so ridiculous with her tantrums and vague passive aggressive Facebook posts that we all were just done. Now she has found a new group of friends, she gets to be HBIC of this group because they haven’t figured it out yet. I have to say that all of our parties and gatherings have been so much more pleasant. I hope Kate gets the hose, spray that nasty twat off the deck. I do feel sorry for Rylee, she seemed to be much happier with her thing with Tyler going. She was not nice before, and Ashton. I don’t even get him. Adrian has made some super creepy comments that I would probably slapped him for, hard to equate his beautiful food with this creeper persona he has going on. His food is gorgeous, not only beautiful but if the guests are to be believed it tasted amazing also and I kind of feel like someone who can make such beautiful food can’t be creepy. Does that make sense?
You are getting names mixed up. It wasn’t Chelsea who stayed with Crystal, but Kam/Cam. And I thought the person screaming whore was Crystal? I’m so confused.
Crystal is the birthday girl in the shame cocoon. Chelsea was the girl with the long hair who she cussed out and dismissed. Chelsea went to her room and started screaming about Crystal to some friend that was in the room while Kate and Laura snooped. Chelsea was calling Crystal a whore.
The person that was screaming like a lunatic was Crystal, the birthday girl. She screams, ” I dont want to ruin the rest of MY trip with this whore!” Crystal is the primary host. She also yells, “she tried to apologize in a whore way”! Chelsea was apologizing to Crystal earlier. Plus, this scene occurred before Chelsea goes downstairs. In the end of the day, Crystal is a c$nt…..
I dont know how each episode continues to be so amazing. It feels like 2 seasons ago Chandler and Caroline was involved in the drama. This by far is the best crew of all the BD seasons. I hope most or all of them come back next season.
I hope 51 Minds pays attention to the awesome dynamics flowing with the inside crew, without incompetence (now, with checklists).
I was laughing my ass off at them getting caught at the door.
Happy birthday dear Cuntface, happy birthday to you…
Not many more…
Cuntface Crystal better hope Daddy never cuts off her money because if he does she can kiss her friends but-bye.
I sure hope Josiah comes back next season.
Love your version of “Happy Birthday”.
Josiah is the best thing that ever happened to BD and should be brought back next season – absolutely.
I totally agree!
I’m still not over the Tyler/Rhylee FIRST DATE.
He tells her their parts fit together so well he would like to take her on a date away from the rest of the crew. Dress to Impress! Makes a huge out of it.
And then summarily dumps her because he doesn’t think she is the one. This first date, Rhylee is to tell you there will be no second date. And it’s not because cutoffs says “Dress to Impress” to you, it’s because you said that your fishing skills and my sailing skills would mesh together well. You are inserting yourself in my future by pointing out this point of compatibility! This is like summer camp. We will never, ever, ever see each other again.
What the fuck, really?
Tyler really is dumb and a garbage person. No tact.
I still cant believe that he went as far to tell her that you know when you’ve met the one and he “obviously hasn’t felt that yet”. He was already being rude and that was just a slap to the face on top if it all. I can’t believe she managed to stay so calm and collected. I would of left immediately after him saying that to me.
I caught the first season of Below Deck yesterday (2013) and WOW! Several cast members just call the Captain, Lee and badmouth him like nobody’s business. This would never, ever fly in present day.
It’s really interesting to see the transformation from nothing show to must see TV.
And the tips significantly increased from seasons past.
Rhylee reminds me of a lot of modern women who talk about booty calls and NSA sex for fun. But the second after she sleeps with the guy, she wants to get a boat together. As the old cliche goes, “women need a reason to have sex; men need a place.” Male sexuality and female sexuality are different. Rhylee wants a boyfriend, and Tyler wants to have sex. Neither is necessarily wrong but both should be on the same page before jumping into bed together.
Ladies: If ANYONE makes a sexual comment to you like Adrian has to Laura, say something the first time and say it loud and clear. If it continues, take it to your superior IMMEDIATELY. Remember: you deserve what you tolerate. In this country (or on that boat), you have freedom to say what you want and the freedom to stop someone from saying things to you. Period.
That charter guest in the shame cocoon? Ugh. I hope they use the hose on her. Surely, they didn’t expect Josiah and Kate to sit there and wait for her to wake up.
Your advice is probably well intentioned, but unrealistic for those of us who have to work in male dominated professions, and have to rely on referrals/work for our livelihood. Reporting someone to a Supervisor for an Adrian level comment gets you iced out. I can’t bill time if no one will give me work. We’re not talking sexual misconduct. Me too backlash is real.
Gone are the days of the office romance, lunch alone with a male colleague…. and mothers of sons have to caution them to watch their backs.
I love Josiah. He seems like a nice person. I’d love to know more about his back story. I look forward to seeing him on the reunion.
Love love love this show! Wondering if anyone else has been following the Ross/ Rhylee incident on twitter today? Is Ross dating the shame cocoon primary guest?!?!?!?!?! Wtf?!?
Also, I’m not a huge fan of Rhylee (although I fully recognize that what I dislike in her is exactly what I dislike in myself ?♀️?) but I think it’s BS that she is getting labeled a “clinger” by people on twitter just because she mentioned future plans with Tyler! He was the one who said he loved her! Labels like that are misogynistic!
The previews for next week look soooo good. Can’t wait to see what that whole sea slug thing with Adrian is!
Today’s Below Deck news is that Ross is “romantically involved” with Crystal from Below Deck based on a photo from Instagram. I think Crystal is just a fame whore. She’s supposed to be married with children. But who knows.
What I know is between Ross hanging out with Joao, getting arrested, and now sidling up next to this cuntsatchel, I think we may need to reevaluate our opinion of Ross.
Yes it was the TV show Megan wants a millionaire
Oops sorry I don’t know why this was posted twice
I think that Chelsea was more then just tired, she looks like she had a few Xanax under her belt, not that I blame her, Crystal is a nightmare. She looked older than 30 though . I love how it bonded the crew though, that made it even more entertaining . Those boys on the show are just that, boys, and Adrian is crossing a line. I do sorry this show is ending, it has become my favorite by far .
The Below Deck streak continues – each episode better than the last! This cast is perfect and proves that we mean what we say when we say we just want to watch people doing their jobs. No manufactured story lines needed. Just let Ashton be hot, Kate in a good mood, Ross the perfect guy, Captain Lee studly.
I’m glad you were confused about Rhylee & Tyler too. I kept trying to figure out what I missed and where it went wrong.
Oh, those guests. Can you imagine having the $ to waste ruining this trip?
Im late to the party but some of these comments have me shooketh!
Tyler was rude. Period. He jumped to major conclusions and didn’t make much sense. Hardly no one has said this which is sad.
J Farmer – Stereotyping is alive and well isn’t it? your just as confused as Tyler about “modern women”.
KD Wagz- mothers of sons should worry more about teaching their sons how to treat a lady instead of warning them to watch their backs.
Rhylee made a comment pointing out their compatibility. Basically saying you want a boat I’m a captain of a boat and so on. Come on people. How did THAt get translated into let’s get married go into business together and have babies? Am I brain dead here? How’s it different from Tyler saying our parts fit so well together? For Gods sake the man said he loved her (didnt seem like he was joking) after maybe 2 weeks and SHE’s the stage 5 clinger!!?
Drunk girl Krystal has left her husband and is now with Ross! Rhylee posted pics on Twitter.