It’s a good thing I am on the healthy living plan this week because there are a TON of things to recap tonight! Big Brother was great but time-consuming and I am so ready for this episode of Below Deck. Something really weird went on with Bravo ratings last week. Below Deck lost half of it audience for last weeks show. I still can’t believe that was possible. Perhaps it was due to the premiere This is Us? And RHOA had a series high in views and this was NOT the Tokyo episode but the one before that was so boring I can’t remember a thing about it. Ratings are strange animals, y’all.
We start this week in a most frightening fashion. Two of our gay guys were on one jet ski and they did not plug in their kill cord as instructed. So when they both fell off into the water, the 900 pound machine just kept right on going with no driver, not steering, no brakes and no way to shut it off. It’s always bad when Captain Lee jumps in the Tinder for a rescue. Luckily everyone lived to have some more sparkling unicorns.
Tyler is apparently in love with Rhylee. That was fast and will end just as quickly. Tyler asks Rhylee out on a date instead of going to shore leave with the crew because, “their parts fit together so well.” Oh mhy God. Rhylee should be with Ashton and Tyler should be with Laura. Tyler tells Rhylee to dress to impress. Before date time even comes, Tyler gets pissed at Rhylee for talking about their plans after charter. He wants to sail in Alaska. So she says something about her fishing skills and his sailing skill being a good match. He is pissed because she is “inserting herself into his future.” WTF? Didn’t he just profess his love to Kate and Josiah? This guy is a trip.
Ashton and Laura are still going strong. Laura has caught feelings and Ashton is enjoying himself. Laura asks Ashton questions about his childhood. It was very rocky. It makes him want to be a good dad. Because he answers Laura’s question she extrapolates that to mean he is opening up to her due to his undying love. The things we tell ourselves about men…
Dinner is a wig party of some sort. The guys and the crew are all wigged out. Adrian is still bitchy. He serves crab and one of the guys is allergic. As Josiah says, Adrian clearly didn’t to his yoga this morning because he is cranky as a motherfucker. But he still has time to crack sex jokes with Laura.
These guests are so polite. All of these guys ordering Bloody Marys make me want one. But I am on the healthy diet plan so perhaps I’ll just have a V-8 and pretend. When it comes time for them to leave, they don’t want to go and Kate actually has to prod them. And by prod them I mean to tell them to get to steppin’, Josiah had no issues with the guys on this episode. I guess it was just a one episode script last week regarding his traumatic experiences with hot gay men. He did carry it over to social media for more attention though. So there is that.
They have less than twenty-four hours to flip the boat. I can’t believe next week is the last episode before the reunion. They guests left $17K and he thinks it is light considering “what they put everybody through.” I presume he means the jet ski thing. I think it was an innocent mistake and a lesson learned. They seemed like great guests otherwise.
Due to the quick turn around Captain Lee says there will be no partying tonight, just a quick trip off the boat to grab some dinner. Everyone is excited about Rhylee’s date with Tyler. Tyler told her to dress to impress so she wore cutoff jean shorts with stringy hems and long shirt. He wore a button down and dress pants. Tyler is a mumblemouth and says something about a comment he made to the Captain. I can’t read lips when he is not looking at the camera so y’all are going to have to fill me in. Basically, Tyler is dumping her. They finally give hims some subtitles. Ah he asked Captain Lee if “he knew” when he met his wife and he said “Fuck yeah.” Tyler says he hasn’t felt that yet and that’s why he wants to pump the brakes with Rhylee. Why does Rhylee cry when she gets back to the boat?
While Rhylee is getting dumped, Captain Lee holds the last preference sheet meeting. It’s all females. That is always bad. Even worse the primary is named Crystal and it’s her birthday. I feel the Stassi Schroeder vibes already. Check out that link for the Stassi’s birthday with Jax fighting in his chunky white sweater in 2013. My entire viewpoint on Vanderpump Rules was the total opposite of what it is now. It’s crazy!
Anyway, sorry. The birthday girl primary has me nervous. Plus she is turning 30. That is sure to cause drama. Kate and Captain Lee think it will be an easy charter. I disagree.
The entire crew goes out to dinner. That must have been a lunch date for Rhylee and Tyler. Ashton is the first to notice that Rhylee is in a bad mood. Ashton and Laura go to talk to Tyler about what went wrong. Tyler is a douchebag and isn’t good enough for Rhylee. Marinate on that.
When the birthday girl and her posse arrive, they are already criticizing the choice of garnish for the first round of drinks. One the first night, the birthday girl makes one of the girls, Chelsea cry. She’s a real bitch about it. She says she can go home, she doesn’t care. The problem with that plan is that they are adrift at in Tahiti. We quickly have screaming matches in two different parts of the ship causing Kate to run straight to the drama to watch with Laura in her wake. Kate and Laura laugh hysterically as Chelsea screams about Crystal being a whore. They take bets on who will win. Kate goes with Crystal who she has dubbed “Bitchface Killah.”
The dinner conversation is dominated by snotty Crystal and he snotty reminiscing about other times she has spent daddy’s money. Chelsea is tired and gets up to head back to her quarters. Crystal drinks to the point of incoherence. Then she passes out at the table. When the only two girls left with the body try to gently prod her to leave the deck and get into her bed she starts punching at them. She has wrapped herself in a cocoon of shame and they just go to bed without her. Chelsea is the last friend remaining and Crystal tells her to go away and talk to someone who gives a fuck about her.
If Kate and Josiah can’t get the bitch back to her room they have to stay up all night and watch her so that she doesn’t go overboard. Kate wants to get the hose out and hose her down. She is not kidding.
To be continued…
The final episode More drunken birthday girl drama. (With Jax as the birthday girl) and the crew has a party to say farewell to Tahiti. Laura tells Adrian his jokes were in appropriate. So he goes snorkeling for penis shaped “decorations” for the dinner table.