I
t been raining in Atlanta since around June 2018. I just want to sleep and snuggle under blankets. I started doing set up for this show and I suddenly became super excited for the episode. I was watching something on TV and during the last two minutes before I was ready to flip over to DVR and get started the power went out. Now I have to wait for everything to reset. I guess I better go get my lantern just in case. With all this rain trees are falling everywhere. Did I mention I live in a tar paper shack surrounded by trees planted in the 1950s? Let’s try not to think about that.
I really should not be complaining about my situation because poor Clint has been waiting at the altar for his prison soulmate for hours with no sign of her. I still think having to reset all the damn clocks in the house is pretty traumatic.
Britanny & Marcelino
In Vegas, Britanny has been out for eight days and unbeknownst to Marcelino, she has already had contact with two of her former female prison girlfriends. They are still in the motel because Marcelino’s apartment doesn’t allow felons so Marcelino arrives on the patio with breakfast for his true love.
Today they are going to see Britanny’s three-year-old son who lives with his father. She has not seen him since he was one year old. Did I mention this is day eight? I guess the girlfriends were more important. Marcelino is worried about being a stepfather because his stepfather was horrible. He father was awful as well. He has no role model to be a father. He is worried about screwing the kid up.
Megan Michael & Sarah
We start with Michael and his wife Sarah and his girlfriend Megan. Michael has his wife pick him up from prison and has spent the last two weeks with her and his daughter while his girlfriend Megan wonders why he has been out of prison for two weeks and she still has not seen him. She is flying in to Buffalo, New York to meet Michael for his big surprise. She is hoping for an engagement ring. We meet Megan’s father and he is not happy. He looks like a man who does not play.
The good news is that Michael is shopping for an engagement ring. The bad news is that he shopping with Sarah. Megan calls during the ring shopping and Michael sends her to voicemail.
Megan arrives to find a driver waiting for her. Who paid for that? Megan or production? Meanwhile, Sarah is driving Michael home from the ring shopping excursion begging him for a $2,000 ring. Is she on crack? This boy doesn’t have two dollars? Michael needs to start a fight so he can leave and get to Megan. Being player seems very complicated.
Megan’s driver is taking her to Niagra Falls where apparently they are staying together. Apparently, the car that Michael and Sarah are in belongs to Michael. So he takes the car and heads to Niagra Falls to be with his queen.
Caitlin & Matt
The two lovebirds are enjoying their new home. It comes with a cook and a laundress and a maid. Matt’s mother talks to use while doing their laundry and Matt gets drunk in the backyard and Caitlin wonders where he is. Could you imagine folding your thirty-something year old son’s girlfriend’s bras and underwear? Day five and the honeymoon is over. Matt is having a six pack for breakfast. Hopefully, Caitlin is apparently waiting for Matt’s mom to make breakfast. Caitlin wants Matt to take her out to dinner. I suppose Matt’s mom would have to pay for that. Matt is quite content until anyone suggests he do something productive.
Matt is enjoying being outside so he tries to find ways to look like he is working in the yard. Like breaking all the yard tools and cussing a lot. After five minutes of that, they get dressed up to go out to dinner. Matt is perplexed by the Uber. Matt has borrowed money from his mother. Why do these prisoners feel the need to tell everyone they just got out of prison? Caitlin has to teach Matt how to use silverware and napkins. Caitlin asks if Matt has any outstanding charges she doesn’t know about. He says, “You never know.”Matt says he loves committing crimes because he is an adrenaline junkie and it makes him feel superior. The bill is $133 and he isn’t going to pay it. He wants to dine and ditch. Caitlin refuses. Matt tries to drag her out with him. This of course causes quite the scene. Then Matt says he was just kidding. He’s not going to go back to prison over food and they go back to the table. He puts his mother’s credit card on the bill. Caitlin is suddenly concerned that she married a criminal.
Tracie & Clint
I wasn’t expecting this marriage take place as St. Mark’s Cathedral, but did we know they are getting married in some sort of honkey tonk bar with a whole bunch of drunk witnesses? That is if she shows up. She is already four hours late. I was certain she had taken off but since the venue is a bar, perhaps there is some hope for ole Clint. Clint still believes she is coming because she got her name tattooed on her arm. Why would she run from such a gesture of true love? Will he eventually be the next Jax Taylor or Dennis the hot dog mogul?
It’s Clint’s lucky day! True love prevails and Tracie waddles in a mere five hours late wearing a purple glittery dress worthy of the Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion. There is no time for an explanation this pastor wants to get this shit show on the road. I’m sure he needs a drink or six about now. Clint is so happy he is probably peeing himself. Tracie commits to her role. Clint reads his mushy vows from his iPhone, as kids today apparently do. It is long and full of promise. Tracie was apparently unable to add an iPhone to Clint’s credit card just yet so her vows are on paper. Her vows are literate and she seems fairly sober. Que the dramatic kiss, and the crowd goes wild. Now she has the fancy diamond ring. It doesn’t fit.
Clint could stop talking about how happy he is to be married and how he can’t wait to get home and have sex with her. He also wants to be buried next to her. She says they would be having sex whether it was their wedding night or not and he says it would be a crime not to have sex on their wedding night, and she can’t be committing no more crimes. A dark look appears on her face and she says, “I need a drink.”
They had a call time the day after their wedding and when production arrived they found Clint crying and empty shot glasses and high heels strewn everywhere. Tracie has bailed. The producer offers to let Clint use his phone to call his mother. Apparently, Tracie has a phone now, and probably all of his credit and debit cards. It appears she got herself some crack on her five-hour excursion. When Clint found out about he took off on foot at five and a.m. and when he got back she had stolen his phone, his wallet, and his car. Clint says he still wants to be with her. He is worried about Tracie. His mom suggests an annulment but he is not having it.
Next week: Mike goes off the rails. I guess mom didn’t get her credit card back.
I LOVE this show and can’t wait till next week! I can’t wait to see it all play out!
Thanks for the recap. I just can’t help myself with this show.
Clint- bless his heart. I’m amazed it took her that long to get high. Why can’t his mother buy him some clothes that fit? The two sweaters he has worn so far are four sizes to big.
Matt- I never paid much attention to him at first. In the first ten minutes he had me ticked off. Put us out of our misery and just go on back to prison.
Michael- Both these girls, not women are stupid for fighting over him. Another thing, where is his money coming from? Drivers, limo, hotel, rings..
I miss Scott and Lizzie.
Michael feels superior because he is a skin head. Aryan Nation. His AN tats are usually covered by a bandage during filming, but someone got a peek and ratted him out.
I think you mean Matt. Michael is the one lying to his wife and the virgin.
Thanks for the correction. Michael is slimy, but not AN.
I was waiting for this recap like Clint waiting for Tracie at his bar floor wedding…
Sorry for the delay, I was out looking for crack and a glittery purple dress. You still love me right?
Lmfao….even more now!
Always.
Oh dear Clint, did you really think it would last?
Caitlyn said “in case food flies out of your tooth hole “…. dear gawwwdd
That had my spit out my coffee (even past all my teeth)! Lol
How can there only be 7 comments! A women bought crack on her honeymoon! This is the best garbage tv there is.
You’re right. Genuine reality tv is rare these day.
It blows my mind that this show doesn’t get five million or more views an episode. It’s epic TV.
I love u recap this show! This is my guilty pleasure, well it’s just pleasure to watch this! Poor Clint he’s just on another planet of love. She is a horrible woman! Then again drugs will do that….I can relate(many moons ago)
I can’t believe Clint’s parent’s don’t have a conservatorship on him. Matt needs to go right on back to prison for the rest of his life. That is all he is fit for. Caitlyn needs to fix her stupid but apparently you can’t. Meghan too. And Sarah. We didn’t see any of the older guy and the junkie prostitution whore. That is the couple I am most interested in. Y’all are right. You just can’t make this shite up!
I felt like I was missing a couple but it didn’t occur to me who. I think they got left out because SO MUCH happened with Clint that another clip of the guy and the prostitution whore would just have been repetitive filler.
Clint crying to his mom was too much! Was there some kind of accident in his life? Could he have some kind of a drug related incident himself? We all saw his level-headed, normal seeming, ex wife, ( who I believe was also his second ex wife?) in past episodes.What went wrong in this mans life?
Caitlin bringing attention to the fact that food does indeed fall out of Matts tooth hole. Viewer gold.
There should not be an episode allowed without Scott and Lizzie imcluded.
I’m completely floored by the fact that all these people except for Sarah met their partners on prison pen pal websites. It boggles my brain almost until it hurts. This is by far my favorite train wreck reality show. Each “mark” has deep seated self esteem issues. They must find some sense of security in finding a captive partner when they meet. They live in a fantasy world. I can understand being in a situation where you’re loved one “goes away” (ala Tre Guidice) but why any sane human being would choose this lifestyle is very sad. 😢
This show is too much. I was on the floor when Clint and Tracie’s story played out. I cannot lie, when he was in the bathroom and told his mother about her addiction to crack, I threw my shoe at my TV. I cannot wait until next week and the week after. I could never get tired of watching this show. Thank you for the introduction and recaps TT.
Clint on the phone sobbing to his mother in a gigantic sweater was pitiful, entertaining but pitiful.
I love how his mom had indeed been texting an calling him all morning the day after his wedding night. And if she didn’t get on the phone and shut off the credit cards whether Clint wants to are not, she’s an idiot too. You know the cards are in her name.
In other news, Someone here reported that Clint was in jail for taking pot cookies to the jail to visit his goddess. What I have read says he came to the jail reeking of pot so the cops searched his car and what do you know, there was some so he was locked up in the same jail as Tracie. It looks like Tracie got out first. The jail was FIVE HUNDRED MILES from Houston in Seminole Texas.
Good Grief.
Another one for the brain trust.
Just pray that he and his crack,princess don’t breed.
yes, the show is pitiful, but entertaining. and it makes us all feel a little better about ourselves.
Britney has 3 children. The first two she gave up for adoption. Lizzie & Scott will be looking for a house. Scott found the perfect 3 bedroom home for them and their children. But…Lizzie wants a 4 bedroom because she wants her OWN bedroom. She does not want to share a bed with Scott, nor have sex with him.
I live for this show… My Friday night is carefully planned out with bologna sammies, cold beans and white bread served on a compartment plate just like is prison…not – more like pizza and beer. Thankfully I have no tooth hole to spew from. Clints mom needs to stop treating him like a toddler.
Bologna sammies,beans and white bread! I spewed past all my teeth when I read that! Anita. I am laughing my ass off!
Bologna sammies,beans and white bread! I spewed past all my teeth when I read that! Anita. I am laughing my ass off!