When Tamara told me Andy Cohen had all the mean girls of Vanderpump Rules on #WWHL, I knew I had to tune back in. For the past few years, my life has been mostly Watch What Happens Live-free. I’m not a fan of softball questions or misogyny so I just don’t watch. Occasionally, drag queen bartenders or particularly spectacular guests grab my attention but I usually regret it. The definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting different results. Let’s just say my expectations are low.
Andy opens the show, “If you don’t like this clique, then you can suck a dick.” Why is he so desperate to be cool? Who hurt you, Andy? Seriously. And just when I think things can’t get any more stupider, he announces “She” is the drinking word. What is this show? How did I let myself get caught up in this again? We move on to a recap of Scheana’s Bachelor life. It was annoying the first time around, I don’t need to see it again. 89% of viewers (or a Bravo intern) think Scheana wouldn’t get a final rose. She giggles and poses. She’s really matured in the past few months. She doesn’t even know who that woman is anymore. Or so I assume from her trademark head tilt.
The rest of the show is clip packages, viewer questions, and games. I’m too distracted by Stassi’s new face to focus on a second viewing of her birthday meltdown. Is that from the Kybella? Ooh, Stassi, step away from the needle. It’s not your friend. The camera pans each girl’s face during the Dayna clip. They want to milk every ounce of cringe they can. Most of the cast obliges except Katie, who busts out laughing. Because, evil.
For the first time in #WWHL herstory, the viewer questions are actually pretty good. Someone asks Lala how she justifies the summer body comment given her treatment of James. She starts out belligerent. That happened years ago (Andy points out it’s only been two) and she’s over it. Just as I’m about to write her off for good, that tiny piece of humanity she keeps locked up in her right toe pokes its head out. She explains that when she apologizes, it means she won’t repeat the behavior. I’m shocked and stunned. She’s absolutely right and I wish we’d see this side of Gangsta Kitty more often.
The rest of the questions are answered by the Hive. With the acquisition of Ariana and Lala, the coven is complete. They think with one brain. They speak with one brain. They are stronger together and they know it. When a viewer asks why they ganged up on Raquel (since most of them have stayed with men who cheated), their Stepford voice rings loud. They didn’t bully her. They were trying to help her. Will Katie take ever accountablility for slutshaming Lala? She has. Move on. How does Carter feel about Kristen’s obsession with James? She’s a social justice warrior, not a nut job. If Carter ever opened his mouth, he’d agree. The witches think their prepared statements and canned humor blinds us to their machinations. Sorry, ladies. We see you.
The games are as stupid as ever. In First Come, First SUR-ved, they’re asked to fantasize opening a bar with Lisa Vanderpump. Stassi nominates Scheana the girl most likely flirt with guests. Katie thinks Kristen would be the Schwartz who annoys LVP during planning. Scheana says Stassi would have a drunk fight with Beau. Kristen wants to say Brittany would invite someone she shouldn’t but she can’t (I’M ENGAGED) so she names Scheana. Ariana gets around the Brittany embargo by saying she’d get too drunk to remember, “but not in a bad way.” Andy asks Brittany who would demand people do body shots off of her and Brittany names herself. I imagine it’s takes a lot of pasta and alcohol to live with her decisions.
Rate That Tantrum is pretty self-explantory. Kristen punching James at Scheana’s wedding – 35 points. Ariana freaking out at Sandoval after tapegate – 33 points. Scheana playing victim at Pandy’s spa party – 29 points. Stassi backhanding Kristen – 25 points. Lala at the lake – 21 points. Schwartz’s dick doesn’t work – 20 points. This changes everything, you piece of shit – 19 points. I disagree with the outcome and the survey practices. I think we can do better.
Andy’s mazel goes Anna Faris for offering to officiate Chris Pratt’s wedding. He suggests Stassi do the same for Brit and Jax. Brittany laughs, secure in the knowledge she already has the perfect anti-LGBT preacher on lockdown. I miss the jackhole because I’m in the middle of a monsoon but that’s fine with me. I’m ready to put this experience behind me and take a Silkwood shower. How is this show still on the air?
I cannot remember the last time I watched WWHL & enjoyed it ! Even when they have great guests it still sucks.
I didn’t watch this yet.
But I just need to vent.
I have really been disliking Brittany lately.
I’m not even sure why except that
she has just really been reading fake to me.
Ive never been a Brittany fan. Something about her as always irked me. I don’t see any chemistry between her and Jax either. I don’t even think Jax is that interested in her. I think he’s a people pleaser and he has more friends when he’s with Brittany than when he’s not so he’s keeping her.
Wtf did Stassi do to her face?? Jesus.
Of course he’s not interested in her.
Agree. She is starting to get on my nerves a bit. Even Jax says they got along better prior to the engagement.
Let’s give her credit for holding down her job at SUR, and for doing her best to please Lisa (and Jax) to stay on the show. My sense is that she is hoping her engagement to Jax will result in extra money per episode.
Credit is due for working on a product to sell like everyone else on TV tries to do. I mean, I would too. Thank goodness it isn’t a boring t-shirt gig.
I hope she doesn’t end up being an alcoholic. This group does a lot of partying. Booze is particularly hard on women.
I don’t think Brittany’s relationship with Jax is real. I think it’s a TV relationship for the show.
You’d have to hope so right? If it’s real… yeesh.
Unfortunately I think it’s real. I also think neither has any role models to teach them what it takes to build a happy healthy relationship. Wait. I said “teach” in a comment regarding Jax and Brittany. 😂🤣😂 Apparently I’m the dummy!
I really like Lala and saw though the tough, hood attitude from the get go. Watching her truly be there for James and offer him support was heartwarming. Watching her sit amongst the coven of WeHo really made their differences obvious. I think she is a good girl with good intentions and than she’s maturing into a great young woman. Obviously not as great as Kristen since Dayna wishes her child could grow up to be half the woman Kristen has become. I know it’s been days but that will never leave my mind; the horrid spectacle or “dabockl” as Dayna so eloquently posted to Instagram was the icing on the crazy cake.
Almost a Hamberder dabockl. 🤔 I mean god you can google any word and get the correct spelling in 5 seconds
My phone won’t even let me type dabockl without changing it to sabotage or David several times. Let me try hamberder; yep, that was as difficult as a thought.
This coven of meanness should be off the air. If we keep watching them, they may think they deserve to be president some day.
I would rather have any one of them than the current POTUS. At least they remember what it was like to be a “common folk” depending on a paycheck. And likely they would make better choices for the Cabinet.
Oh, my! Miss politically correct defines herself by Trump bashing. Why am I not surprised? Your indignant comments about the blind item told us that you cannot stay on topic. Please spare us your endorsement of open borders.
If Orwell were alive today it would be sheeple like you who would get him kicked off of social media for not falling in line.
Shut up, Susie,
Ha!
Shut up Nanette.
He’s a piece of shit and so are his followers. I’m done with being PC to those who still support this cretin and yes ANY pump rules cast member would be an improvement.
stassi would shut down the government every other day for a meltdown or a celebration. She would have no idea that being the president isn’t like being Queen. OMG I would LUUVVV it. Not really just that she couldn’t cause more of a shit show. She would go to world dinners yelling drunk “omg everyone shut the fuck up and its my biiirrrthhhddaaayyy.”
Does anyone think Stassi just did something to her face or possibly pregnant? She mentions I don’t care what order it is and when they ask about babies, Kristen looks at her. She also didn’t seem to have a drink but the rest did. And now she posted herself in a white dress and said never been one for tradition. Either way I would be so happy for her she deserves to finally find love. And so far Beau looks like he treats her we’ll def compared to every other jerk she’s been with.