I finally talked to my source about RHONJ last night. According to TamaraTattles exclusive source, Bravo was very pleased by the reunion and think they have enough compelling footage to make a three part finale. I really would not believe this but this is TamaraTattles same source that said that RHONJ was disappointing this season and that they cut down the number of episodes in post production. The same source promises that RHOA “gets better.” So… we shall see how the reunion works out and if RHOA does indeed get better. I mean it couldn’t get much worse right? This is a solid source so I will try to muster some hope. And at least we are going to Tokyo.
Back in New Jersey, I fear we are going to rehash Jackie’s story about rich people spoiling their children a billion times this episode. I’m in a down mood tonight because I broke one of my “treasures” tonight accidentally. It was one of those things that happens in slow motion. Hopefully these fools will take my mind off of it. 🙁
Tonight all of the ladies are going to visit a winery. There are few things I admire about Teresa Giudice, but her ability to stick to a very strict diet while going to all these events is admirable. That will likely be my first and last compliment for this non-repentant felon who continues to live a life of excess…somehow.
Jennifer asks to use the bathroom at Jackie’s so she could see her house. Nice move to collect ammunition for the trip, Jennifer. She compliments the house to Jackie’s face and then mutters, “What a dump.”
Meanwhile, Teresa isn’t sure how fruit grows. Trees? The ground? Remember gentle readers, I have been told that editing has been told to make Teresa look LESS dumb. Can you imagine the raw footage? Jackie opens up on the bus saying she was a fat brunette in high school. I love Jackie. I was skinny as hell in high school and am the size of a bus now. I would have chosen to have it the other way around if I could. I wanted to be a LITTLE old lady, not LARGE MARGE. No offense, Marge.
Teresa calls the disbarred lawyer Frank to ask if she can wine at the winery. He says no. Did the other trainer fire her for being “too fat”? Frank is going to tattoo Dolores’ name on him. No one understands this relationship. As Teresa munches down on grilled chicken, Jennifer points out that it is almost impossible to find chicken in Turkey. I have never thought about this before but I don’t think I ever ate chicken in Libya. Perhaps that is why we ate so damn much chicken in my later childhood back in the US. I mean we ate a lot of chicken. My mother’s recipe file must have 200 ways to cook chicken. I thought it was just my very frugal parents being frugal. Now it all makes sense. It also makes sense that I crave schwarma (what you call gyros, more or less) all the time and it is my go to food in Paris. Sorry oversharing again.
Jennifer got everyone gifts except for Marge who she somehow knew referred to his brother’s fiancee as mail order bride. I mean she kind of is in the American sense of the term but arranged marriages remain very popular in other parts of the world. She gives Jackie a Turkish knife so that the next time she wants to stab her in the back she can see it coming. I have to say, I am liking this snarky Jennifer. The usual sides were taken when Jennifer and Jackie fight over the article. The article did not say anything disparaging about Jennifer’s kids at all. Jackie apologizes for hurting Jennifer’s feelings. That was not her intention. Jennifer accepts the apology.
At the wine tasting, Teresa is dying drinking only water. She talks about Milania’s listening party and Jackie points out this is not a parenting decision everyone would make. Marge shares a story about going on dates with her Marge Sr when she was dating a married man. This is a segue so that Jennifer can come for Marge about her infidelities. Jennifer is a loud drunk and is very drunk. We are back in Oklahoma when Jennifer was so rude to the ranch owner.
After the commercial break, we are abruptly back from the winery and Teresa is visiting Danielle and Marty. Danielle made fish and steamed veggies for Teresa. She’s good. Teresa says she just came back from seeing Joe. Are we finally going to mention the elephant in the room? That would be great but I don’t believe she went to see him. I almost believe she went for Christmas to say good-bye with the kids but she has said many times herself she doesn’t go because she doesn’t like prisons. Teresa says in confessional she never talks with Joe about deportation. They just talk about what they will do when he comes home. Because Teresa lives in some sort of alternate universe that is heavily funded by money from somewhere. Supposedly,she already has a boy toy on the side. Or three.
When Teresa invites Danielle to Milania’s “listening party” that no one wants to listen to, she mentions all the girls are invited. Immediately, Danielle starts trashing Marge and saying that she told her not to trust Teresa or Melissa. Lie.
Jackie wants to reconcile with her sister before her parents start getting sick and they are stuck in a hospital waiting room together. Marge encourages her to fix it. Jennifer and Dolores go for a walk. Jennifer and Marge still have a lot of conflict.
Milania meets with a dance coach the day before her listening party. Because, why practice? Melissa comes to support her but Teresa doesn’t seem to appreciate her presence. Milania’s dancing is worse than her “rapping.” This sad to watch and no parent should put this on TV. The listening party is going to be the final shit show of the episode.
REMINDER: MILANIA IS TWELVE. And has three inch stiletto fingernails and a hair and makeup crew. This is so wrong. She is in either sixth or seventh grade. I imagine she gets bullied A LOT for this shit. If I were a parent of a twelve year old, I would not allow Milania at my kids birthday parties on the nail issue alone. Let along the felonious parents. Despite all the inappropriate crap that Teresa is doing to try to make up for having felons for parents, Milania is still sad. Apparently, Joe emailed her his undying support for rapping and hanging around Fetty Wap whose breakout single, Trap Queen, is about teaching a woman how to cook crack on a stove. He has an arrest record a mile long and hangs out with people convicted of underage sex crimes. Such great parenting skills. Even if she was 18 this would be inappropriate. #ShadeOfRKelly
Some of the moms arrive with their kids but not until after Fetty Wap is off set though one of the kids got a photo with him outside. Le sigh. This just really triggers me as the snowflakes would say. Parents are supposed to protect their children, not put them in the room with inappropriate people for children, knowingly. I actually expected better from Gia, the seventeen year old than Teresa but she is there in support as well.
The saddest part is morons will buy and support this song. And not just twelve year olds. The very autotuned song is very cute though. At least what we heard of it. In other disturbing news about children, the juvenile delinquent that was on Dr. Phil got a $900K contract with some cosmetics(?) company today? I predict she will be dead or in jail before she ever sees 18. Sad, but most likely true. What the fuck is going on in the world? We also have adult women twerking on the roof of an SUV during rush hour traffic. This is real news! I just don’t get it at all.
I hope Jackie writes an article.
After Teresa’s competition, everyone is going to Cabo. But first, Melissa need to confront Danielle and Marge may have a few choice words as well. Danielle says that Marge told here not to trust Melissa and Danielle. Marge says she told Danielle not to trust anyone and she is twisting her words. Meanwhile, Marty is sticking up for Danielle with the guys and Joe is sticking up for Marge. This should go well. Marty tells Joe that Margaret doesn’t want to walk into a room with Danielle because no one will look at Margaret. Wow. Love is blind. Joe wants to swing on him but Joe Gorga stops him. Meanwhile back at the female fight, Dolores said that Danielle did the same thing to her last year and that is why she can’t be around her.
Next week: Teresa finally competes after Frank turns her into Tan Mom. Melissa’s “I might have a third sister” storyline develops. And they finally get to Cabo and Danielle is there. Marge and Jennifer get in to it. Will a cake be thrown? Marge says something looks like a monkey’s asshole and Jennifer loses her shit. Le sigh. How many more episodes of this crap do we have?