I can’t take another minute of this Sugar Bowl, so writing this stupid recap has suddenly become more attractive. I have a bunch of little niggling things like this on my DVR I need to attend to. So it is finally time to say goodbye to these clowns. And we won’t even have the normal people on boat two to keep us company.
We just need to wrap up the storylines. Spoiler alert, Dr. Jeff has been posting in comments and let us know that Danielle did move to San Francisco and apparently the two lovebirds are still together. Dr. Jeff is captaining another cruise really soon, as in they may already be there, and Barrett and Danielle are coming. He did say she would be the first Dick of The Day on this trip though.
It’s the last day for boat two. Quentin prepares to depart from his brother Max. It seems they have become closer. Quentin once again offers Max a stable job at his company. Max remains a bit hesitant about all the adulting involved in taking a real job.
The group does some quasi scuba. I am claustrophobic just watching this.I snorkeled a lot in the med as a kid and was often really freaked out by what I saw. Our little cove had a lot of surprising creatures just a foot or two away at all times. I remember “nearly drowning” once but in reality, I wasn’t allowed to swim out past the second reef and I probably could have just stood up. Now when I go to resorts in St. Lucia or Curaçao I often consider snorkeling and then remind myself that I probably do not want to know what is out there. On TV it always looks like beautiful salt water fish… like an aquarium. But that has not been my experience. Plus, I was a tomboy as a kid and the fish would all come such on my cuts and scabs. Let’s move on from my odd childhood memories and get back to these people.
Danielle loves the fake scuba machines because she doesn’t have to be around all of those girls who are beneath her. The others are just glad to have some peaceful time underwater without Danielle’s constant whining. Then Danielle whines to Barrett about Evan calling her on her shit. Barrett is concerned because as he tells us, “Danielle is not a feelings girl.” Translation, Danielle doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings but her own. And her only feelings are about her.
Max seems a lot more open to a relationship with Vanessa. It’s kind of sweet. Albie seems to be opening a window, but not a door for Rachel. I feel like if I guy is really into you, he will do whatever it takes to make the relationship work. On the other hand, I suck at relationships and generally do not take my own advice so what do I know? Rachel loves him but knows he will never settle down. And she is going to move across the country for more of his push-pull behavior. It’s so easy to see when you are not the one in that relationship.
Danielle and Evan try to talk things out. Why did Chelsi decide to sit in on this sit down with a stank face? It should have just been Evan and Danielle. Danielle continues to deny responsibility for all of the sturm und drang on the boat. Barrett tries to mediate, but Danielle is unwilling. But through the magic of editing, Danielle apologizes and they agree to all be friends.
Chelsi has tons of neon and wants to end with a neon night party. I wouldn’t mind a neon party with Chelsi. Everyone looks ridiculous and for once it seems like they are all in on the joke.
The issue of whether or not Max will be in Miami for Vanessa’s birthday party continues to loom. Will he or won’t he? Vanessa is starting to think she needs to just cut bait and go home. Besides, every time I see the chyron “Max Law School Graduate” I’m unimpressed. The dude is in his thirties. Those are some big earning years and he’s still dicking around in school. I am being very hypocritical because I never wanted to leave college either and spent quite some time there getting my undergrad across several different colleges. Don’t ask I was joint enrollment my senior year and totally not emotionally intelligent enough to handle the situation and almost didn’t graduate high school because I was sitting in the student lounge playing chess with the guys and um, playing some other reindeer games. It took me forever for my overprotective parents to “let me” go off to UGA even thought they were not paying for it. I always figured I’d return for my doctorate at some point but even now misery of grad school has not worn off. But that is me. I need to be with someone who has their shit together and has a job and health insurance, and is not still sucking their mama’s teat in their thirties.
Evan seems like a stable dude. Why is he not with any of them? And he cooks!
Rachel apologizes to Danielle for boning Barrett. The producers seem to have explained to Danielle they need a resolution to all of the relationships and that she is looking like a dick (of the day) for not doing it. So she apologizes for how she handled the situation with Rachel.
After everyone leaves, Captain Jack has a good cry about Lenny and throws him a message in a bottle into the ocean.
Max changes his flight at the airport to surprise Vanessa and Chelsi. I am not sure why the hell they have to come through Atlanta to get to Miami, but he is going to be on the same flight. And be in Miami for her birthday.
I am loath to admit it, but I’m going to miss mocking these fools, but I am pretty sure we’ve seen the last of them.
Special shoutout to Dr. Jeff for stopping by to leave comments for us! All the best to you, even if you don’t like me very much. 🙂