I suppose that recapping these two episodes is better than trying to get some dishes done. I was feeling pretty energetic and all ready to be productive and then I felt all chills and feverish. That lasts for a few minutes and then I feel good again. Later, rinse, repeat. And despite getting a good night’s sleep last night, I am already sleepy. So I’m not feeling particularly snarky toward these fools today, but hopefully that will change.
One of the problems with this show is their whole Bucklust thing. It’s kind of the same reason that Bravo doesn’t film at Coachella. There is just too much shit going down and too many people to keep up with. We need seven or nine people on one boat. That was their first mistake.
Today we say goodbye to Korey at the beginning of the episode. We will actually miss him since he was probably the sanest person on the boat.
The surviving crew members are off to Major Bay Cay for a family reunion with their wiser more intellectual family members, the pigs that swim on Pig Beach. The shipwreck story they are telling about how the pigs got to the island is folklore. Apparently, in the 1990s a couple of guys decided to ride the whole Y2K conspiracy out on Big Major Cay and brought the pigs with them for food. Then when Y2K didn’t kill us all, they just left the pigs there.
Danielle thinks that she and Barrett are just like George Clooney and Amal. I’m just going to let y’all marinate on that .
At Evan’s request, the crew apologies one by one to Jack for being the horrible people they truly. This seems to appease Jack. Until it gets to Danielle. She claims she didn’t know about Lenny and thought it was her day. Or something. She’s just awful. Jack cries again because Danielle is so clueless. Then he just falls to the ground sobbing. The guys all go to support him.
Everyone goes back to the boat to eat bacon and sausage. I’m not kidding. I feel like there should be a few hours in between swimming with pigs and eating them.
Danielle wants us to know she has tons of friends and all of her loving family that she is leaving to move to San Francisco with George Clooney.
Jack stayed on the other boat to avoid being around Danielle for the night and did not go with the group to dinner. Rachel made a lovely toast at dinner. Danielle just gave a sour look in Rachel’s general direction. When Chelsea and Vanessa both shared their pig pictures and made pleasant dinner conversation Danielle started to be come unhinged. Again. How dare her friends be cordial to her sworn enemy at the dinner table!
It’s the day for the pirate treasure hunt. Jack has decided to stay behind for a day of solitude. The treasure hung looks really fun. They all have to perform a variety of goofy tasks to get a step closer to the pirate treasure. Task one is get to the bar. It is there that Danielle begins to suck the fun out of the entire thing. She needs the wifi password to “talk to her real friends.” You picked a real winner here, Barrett. About the time I am typing that, little Danielle the funsucker shows up to tell him he should not be chicken fighting and playing all the pirate games since he has a bad back. This whole show would have been so much better without Danielle. Even Chelsea isn’t so bad when Danielle is off pouting somewhere. Chelsa and Rachel have fun and make-up.
At least Barrett found the buried treasure which appeared to be just a bunch of inflatable crap. Still, it’s more valuable than Danielle.
I need one of y’all to come take this bag of pistachios away from me.
On the way to an island to feed some sting rays and see some sharks, the group takes two charters. All of the girls except Danielle in one and Danielle and her negative energy ruining the boat ride with the guys.
Max attempted to taunt a shark into biting him and was successful. His brother is pissed he didn’t get bitten. Chelsi gets to pet a manatee.
We get a lot of sad little couples conversations where the girls seem really desperate to take things further than their partners would like to take things.
With the trip coming to an end, Chesi and Vanessa try to talk Danielle about her sour attitude. They start by letting her know that Evan said something to the effect of she is not longer part of the trio. Vanessa says that Danielle has been very distant toward the girls the past few days. Danielle says she never even talked to Evan. Vanessa and Chelsi just want everyone to be friends. Danielle basically says that Rachel is dead to her. Chelsi says Danielle has ruined the trip.
Back at the dinner table, Evan is pissed that Danielle lied about their conversation so he confronts her. Evan tells Danielle that she was the center of all of the drama and negative energy on the boat. Evan brings up the pain she caused Rachel and Jack. Danielle continues to deny and deflect. She basically says she doesn’t care about all the pain she caused others. Evan says that he doesn’t want to be her friend anymore despite knowing her since high school. Danielle’s response is, “Okay, whatever. See you never.”
She decides to go back to the boat where Barrett has been recuperating from a hangover. On the way she comes across Jack and decides to give another half-assed apology but Jack is not letting her off the hook either. Then she apologizes for “not being a good apology person.” She doesn’t understand that is the entire problem.
Rachel doesn’t seem to pick up any of the vibes that Albie is putting off. Albie is not ready to commit and probably never will be. He does tell her they can be Facebook official though.
OH dear God. There is one more episode. Next week. Please don’t let it be about Danielle. Spoiler alert: It’s about Danielle.