Below Deck was the highest rated show on Bravo Last week with 2.11 million views (if I recall correctly). It even surpassed RHOA, who FINALLY broke two million THIS week for the first time all season. Below Deck surpassed every show in their timeslot (including broadcast TV) in the coveted 18-34/18-49 timeslot (I forget which one). This is a bigass deal and means we probably have at least five more years of this show. Let’s see if this episode can lap RHOA again.
The titular comment was made by Laura to Kate. CLEARLY her ass is going to be fired. I do not doubt it for a second. But not until Ashton hits it a few times.
What exactly is a drop cloth? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Why are there 46 hours before the next charter? Why is Rhylee telling folks what to do? I guess it was the new guy. She loves bossing people around by her own admission.
At the end of the first night setting up the boat again, Ross and Ashton have a talk. Ashton lets Ross know that when he got back on the boat and Ross hugged him it made him feel safe and at home. Aw. Ross is still struggling to talk about the accident to this day. Why does the new deckhand think Rhylee is his boss?
We get another delightful shot of Ashton’s ass as he pulls on jeans with no underwear. Ross questions his decision and he replies, “Easy access.” Ashton is a scoundrel, but his ass if fine. I need to rewind as to not miss all the good stuff while recapping.
I love that we are starting with the first shore leave since the accident. Laura orders tequila. TEQUILA, BAD! Says this drunk. JUST SAY NOT TO TEQUILA! Laura starts holding hands with a confused Chef Adrian. I am not sure Chef Adrian does the sex with anyone. I think he might be the A In LGBTQIA… and I am pretty good with this stuff. Then he says he is in an open relationship with his girlfriend. I think that is because he doesn’t have sex.
Tyler, the new deckhand, shares that after high school he was headed for college “for track” not for you know the education, but simply to run around in circles. Sadly he was in a car accident with lots of his buddies and they went over a cliff. No one died but it ruined his athletic career. I am not making this up, I too went over a cliff in MY CAR that my boyfriend was driving. I may or may not have been um, paying very good attention to him. My car was totaled and we were not seriously injured but did go the hospital. He broke up with me shortly afterward because his mother hated me for, among other reasons she was VERY anal retentive and had wet trash and dry trash in her kitchen and while trying to help I fucked up the system somehow. And I as a bit older but not by much and we both worked at Macy*s. I was selling ties and he was the scrawniest security guard on planet earth. We were coming back from a trip to I think Myrtle Beach for spring break and he had a migraine the whole time NOT MY FAULT I SWEAR! He was very fragile! And I basically did my own thing the whole trip while he would put cold towels over his eyes.
My brother and his wife had to come get me. I was sunburned and wearing one of those LIFEGUARD white tank tops with my tits hanging out and no bra, and they were GOOD then and caused the whole issue. And his parents belonged to Mt. Paran. Anyway, I was pretty banged up because I had taken my seatbelt off and also I was drinking in the passenger seat so thing were not lined up properly. My car was totaled and his mother refused to let us date. He got super pissed that I was too injured to go to his church baseball game, but really it was his mother. She was a cunt.
Um, moving on? #Overshare
Tyler says he got road rash everywhere (we landed UPSIDE DOWN) and he was picking gravel out of his skin. I was picking out glass from beer bottles that were in a styrofoam cooler between my legs. I think passengers could drink then and he did not drink due to his migraine meds so he was sober and I was drunk and the cops were confused as to why he lost control of the vehicle which was mine. (AHEM. …)
Tyler explains that he lives every day like it is his last and that is why he is a firefighter.
Kate shuts down whatshername during dinner saying that her opinion on whether to go out again is irrelevant. Ashton decides to hook up with Laura. IN THE URINAL. Tyler asks Ross ( I am confused) if he can hook up with Rhylee and Ross replies “You’d be doing me a favor.” Somehow Rhylee hears from the girls room and is pissed at Ross.
Jesus this post is already too long and we are nine minutes in. I am going to be very brief from here on out.
Tyler and Josiah confront Laura about being such a rude cunt after she talks shit about them. Laura drunkenly complains to Ashton about being mistreated. Laura and Ashton fuck. Rhylee and Tyler fuck. Adrian is confused because he held hands with Laura. THEY HELD HANDS Y’ALL!
Josiah tries to get on good terms with Laura. This furthers her course to be fired. Ross and Rhylee make up. The next night Rhylee and Tyler hook up again. Adrian seems to be into Laura but talking to his girlfriend. Guys suck.
Unfortunately during all of this, the guests are arriving. Adrian seems to have the hots for Laura.
Kate starts using Rhylee as a server instead of Laura. OUCH! Tyler drops anchor instead of Rhylee. Drama. Chauvinism! But they keep on hooking up on the job!
Everything seem to be going well… And then… Am I confused about Laura? I am suddenly scrolling up as I am lost. I am having back spasms a lot. I could be telling this all wrong!
Once again, Laura sucks at turn downs and Kate goes off on Laura. Then Laura goes OFF on Kate and tells her she needs to check herself. Guess who is fired now?
Next week: The lovers and haters continue to fight.