After that tense episode of Below Deck on the high seas are you ready for another half hour of riveting television in the Caribbean? Well, tough titties. We’ve got this crap. I’d probably stop recapping it but we are having so much fun mocking this hot mess in comments and just chatting about random shit that I am soldiering on. It’s kind of like a secret off topic forum in comments without any sad sack comments about death and cancer and surgeries and fires. Let’s get through this together and find something fun to talk about.
I am beginning to understand why we rarely if ever see these people hoist a sail. They can’t even hoist an American flag without a debate over whether the stars go on the top or the bottom of the flag. That cannot have been a serious question, could it? It was the British Royal Duke of Dumbassery who was asking and Lord knows they seem to think they know everything there is to know about American politics, so surely they know what the flag looks like. It’s true most of us don’t really care what their flag looks like, because, we are not obsessed with them. They are obsessed with us. They are hoisting the flags during a lightning storm. Chelsi wonders if there is metal on a boat. I am not making this shit up.
Guess what guys? The motley crew rent a villa on the island because the weather is bad and they can’t leave the dock. Still no sailing.
I hate Danielle the most I think. In yesterday’s comments some anon fool tried to comment about how horrible the recap was (technically true from a strict recap perspective) and that I should have done my research before I said that Danielle and Barrett won’t make it because she has moved to California and given up her practice to be with him. Their point was they have totally made it. Oh goody for them!
Danielle and Chelsi, who I think I will call Pug, because…. um… it is the first three letters of her last name and it is easier to remember, make sure to let Vanessa know that Max is just not that into her.
On boat 2, the new girls hate Danielle and the girls on the original boat. There may be hope for these girls.
As it turns out, Rachel hooked up with Barrett before Danielle did. THAT is why these girls are so vile toward her. Danielle is furious about that. Danielle was not even seeing Barrett. She just wanted to be.
Max and his brother Quentin (Q) go out to a bar to talk about how wealthy and southern they are. Neither of them have a southern accent or seem the least bit southern. Apparently, they are damn yankees, the kind that come down from wherever these two are from and squat and try to be southern. Max says that his father would probably not even acknowledge Vanessa. She is just way too uncouth for them. Have they ever even been to Alabama? This is an entirely nonsensical conversation. How does your southern daddy feel about all of those earrings in your ears? In the meantime, Max continues to lead Vanessa on and deny to the guys that he is into her.
Danielle and Pug seem very confident about their looks.
HOLY CRAP! WE ARE SAILING! THE SAILS ARE UP! The are moving almost FIVE NAUTICAL MILES to a new dock! Actually, I don’t think they really put the sails up. It looks like another short motor boat trip to the new parking lot. I think they just cut in some photos of the boat in open water with the sails up.
Korey, the only good-looking guy on the boat may have to leave early because the guy who is overseeing his accounts while he does this show is quitting.
It just keeps getting worse.
Just when you think this episode is not nearly as bad as last night’s, Danielle wants to call out Rachel for sleeping with the guy she liked. BEFORE THEY EVER EVEN DATED. She is with him now but is apparently so very insecure that she wants to belittle Rachel publicly. Let’s drink every time Danielle is a being a cunt. Danielle says it is not three against one with her and Pug and Vanessa. Bitch please. Yes it is. You are out to shit talk her this whole trip because you are pissed she fucked Barrett before you did and she really didn’t even want him. Now she must pay. Rachel in her confessionals is like, “Really? It wasn’t even good sex. I could have done without it.”
Danielle immediately runs to the other two heads of the snake to say she is not making up with Rachel. The three heads of the snake bitch about Rachel prior to a boat party. They decide she never going on any more of the trips.
Danielle, the Pug and Vanessa are cunts who can’t even have a good time on vacation.
I stayed on topic way too much for this episode. Have you ever gone on vacation with friends that didn’t end well? What horror stories do you have? I may share stories of a crazy trip to the Keys with y’all that involved drunk driving, strip club stops, and alleged trespassing on a property owned by or possibly just visited by a former POTUS. I presume that guy is dead now so it is okay to discuss. I visited him jail a couple years later for something else. Allegedly. What are your travel horror stories?