The bizarre choices Bravo is making in stacking their shows lately and moving things all about, Unanchored is suddenly the only show I have to recap on Mondays. This is great for Banjo because it is his favorite viewing night of the week. He gets two hours of music and sometimes his tone deaf mama sings along. The Voice is really good this season!
I would prefer if I only have one recap to have it at 8 rather than ten. The difference between 8 and 10 is the difference between three hours of happy hour and five. I’m just saying. Plus these people are insufferable.
Plus there are way too many people to keep up with. So bear with me as I point out how horrible they all are, because they really are. I’ve somehow managed to attract a few rich people into my life and could not be better people. I have no idea why they are nice to me. But “these ones?” not so much. And they are pretend rich. The one girl keeps saying she is a big time hairstylist and not a cheap hair cut girl. Um, you know who never says that? Chelsea on Southern Charm who you could probably not get a hair cut with for the next five years. These people think very highly of themselves for spending all their money on vacations. I am a huge advocate for vacations. You only live once. Go as much as you can possibly go and spend as much as you can possibly spend. But after the age of say, 25, perhaps you should expand your horizons past drunking beach hookups and see …Kenya or Pari or Istanbul or Casablanca or do a Nile tour or go to South America. Going to the fucking Bahamas three times a year is ridiculous.
Moving on.
I hate these idiots. I don’t hate them for what they want to do. If their entire travel journey is the Bahamas, then that’s fine. Some people aren’t made for real travel and the Bahamas are lovely and safe. I hate them for thinking this is somehow accomplishing things in life. Or somehow traveling. They could basically swim back to Miami if need be.
I’m not sure they have even put up a sail. EVER. This is like that cove on Lake Lanier I vaguely remember when all the boats hook up and get drunk. They seem to think this is “completely unique” and is a special thing just for them. Because, drunken boat hookups never happen anywhere. I CAN’T with these fools.
I CAN NOT with the “shocking BDSM.” Welcome to yachting 101.
I don’t think anyone will get this, and I think this all displayed in a ridiculous way. This is like summer on Lake Lanier if you have a boat. With bigger boats on the Bahamas. Not that I would know. I got over it at a very young age. Allegedly.
Suddenly, we are docked. Why? So bored.
Rachel’s boyfriend is a douchebag. And he has showed up for the cameras.
Captain Jack cleaning the boat is my favorite part so far.
I predict Danielle and Derrick(?) won’t make it and she is an idiot. None of these couples will make it. They are all horrible people.
Back on the boat, still no sailing. Just motoring around the islands. And yet they still manage to run into the dock. Brilliant “sailing.”
Oh look, was that a small sail?
In terms of sailing, this is like moving from one parking lot to another. And still having an accident.
A possible real sail boat joins. Many one up stories begin. It’s hilarious. I was going to be a brain surgeon but then I thought, no, I should really recap really shitty TV shows. So here I am. Also, my parents were the Queen and King of Sheba and they went to Harvard and I give the commencement addresses at Harvard/Radcliffe every year.
I can also spell spontaneous.
I would stop recapping this but Lady C recaps VPR so this is all there is for me.
We are spending a lot of time in a ladies bathroom for a show about sailing.
I let Banjo out and some chick refused initiation. Good for her. These people over estimate themselves.
I think Monday nights may be my new night off.
Barrett is an idiot. Danielle is awful.
This show is ridiculous. They have yet to sail, and most everything happens on the beach. When do they start to sail?
I hate this show.
They don’t even SAIL! They barely motor around from dock to dock. SAILING might be more fun but they don’t SAIL anywhere. And they all suck.
I don’t even watch the show anymore . . . I’m just here for your recap. It was totally worth it. You’re at your sarcastic best tonight. Being tired works for you.
I haven’t watched and I haven’t made it through the recap but cracking up quietly until…”they could basically swim back to Miami if need be.” Now I’m cracking up loud and for all to hear, thanks TT!
Here for the recaps only!!!
Your grudge fuck recaps are life. There is zero human redemption here. Every last person is hideous.
I’m trying, I’m really trying… Luuuurd I am trying. I am a Gen X’er. I parent a millennial and I parent a Gen Z. My spouse is a baby boomer. I’m still mortified that anyone past 27 still gets black out cunty bitchy drunk.
I feel like it’s 2 am last call and the bouncers want you the fuck out so they turn the ugly lights on. All I see is bad extensions, horrific for supposed 20 something’s laugh lines and dudes with highly manicured eyebrows that make me feel like they are still exploring men and women. Every single soul or face that we’ve seen is horrid. I had hoped for the Demi Lovato chick but then she fucked beady eyed dude and proceeded to beg his ass to stay and convince her she’s not fat and very pretty.
I’m weird. I’m a tomboy. I give zero fucks to if the dude thinks I’m hot. Like ever. I blaze in state my goals and if we gel awesome. If you get twitchy and stupid I’ll pet you for a bit but I’m out when you whine cry beg and have needs. True story call my hubbie and all prior exes. If you don’t like my gut my nose my ways then kick rocks.
I was hoping the earl of sammich capn was a beacon of maturity but he’s super exhausting.
My millennial boy child works at Victoria Secrets while going to college now. My Gen Z can put a chicken coop together alone at 9 in two hours. He’s also very versed in gender pronouns and teaches his parents how this world goes forward. Not spoiled… not getting herpes and not bed hopping at 35. That was my job Goldicocks for my SATC chicas.
I’m feeling it’s a one and done show for bravo. Bring back ppls couch. Excited for the new manscaping show. Hate Dirty John. I did not need to see Eric fucking Bana dressed as every fucking middle age dad in white new balance and khaki shorts. I checked out when he popped up looking like a middle age tourist in Europe. I’ll never forgive Bravo this transgression.
BAHAHAHAHA LMAO drinking game alert
Anytime TT Wright’s hate or sailing everyone has to take a shot ????
I watched the second episode since you recapped the first one, TT. I found myself wondering who are these vapid twats? Now that you have recapped the third, I can safely erase this shiteshow from my dvr. I am loving Bravo’s Saturday night line up. Sweet Home actually had me laughing so hard the hub came out to see what I was watching. We have very different tastes. His shows are Mega Alien Nazi Disastrous Golden Machines in Alaska, mine are shitty reality shows or high brow, educationally edifying dramas or documentaries. So we watch separately, except for the news. Oh, and if you think Banjo is demanding, do not get a cat. I have 10, yep, count ‘em, 10 rescues. If you do not stay on schedule, the stank eye is epic and they might claw your face off when you sleep. I call them Al Catta. They declare a weekly fatwa and then go all jihad on you if you do not meet their demands. I love those little assholes.
A behind the scenes look at how this recap was posted.
Start the recap off with a few introductory lines. Drink wine. Wait for something to happen. Drink wine
Drunk post about how vapid they all are and how nothing is happening. Drink wine.
Start to wonder why they never actually sail. Drink more one. Comment about not sailing. Deeply contemplate why they never leave the cove. Drink a lot more wine. Forget everything I have said in the recap.
Wait for them to start sailing. Drink wine. Comment about the lack of sailling.
Decide the name of this series should have been Constantly Anchored And Hammered. Realize you are now hammered.
Comment about the lack of sailing.
Drink more wine…. etc
That was more interesting than the episode.
The fact these people are not completely horrified by themselves leave me little hope for their generation. Ugh who raised these people. Wtf
A duke and a duchess! PAY ATTENTION PLEASE! lol. #JollyOleEngland
That made my evening, Tamara. I’ve never watched this apparent shit show but I’ll definitely read your recaps, Especially your recap of your recap. Thanks for making me laugh; this week has already kicked my ass thoroughly. As Shannon would say, “I’m having an emotional day!!” But I have two kids (one who is old enough to care for herself but isn’t keen on that idea), a household, and plenty of financial business so I can’t have my emotional day. Argh!!
This show doesn’t hole my interest at all. As soon as it comes on I start finding other things to do. I haven’t noticed a single cast member that I identify with or can feel sympathy for. They are all unlikable and unwatchable.
What an unlikeable bunch. Hope they arn’t paid much to sit around and drink.
It has to be hard to recap such a vapid group of do-nothings. Just how did Bravo think this was going to attract viewers. I can’t watch past 10 minutes and that’s stretching it.
Whoever talked the exectives into buying this “show” should be fired.
Think Bravo has lost it’s mojo.
Impressed with your concentration, Tamara.
This is the perfect recap. It must be written in stages with wine or the recap could not be done at all because this is the most pompous show about docking a sailboat on Bravo.
I am not sure my liver will survive tonight’s episode!
I keep hoping they my sail somewhere cool. IT COULD HAPPEN!
Maybe they don’t know how to hoist the sails.
We could just have a secret little meeting in these posts. LOL.
Danielle and/or Barrett are not happy with this blog and want us all know that they have made it!
Also, this blogs sucks and I write like a three year old. That’s some bullshit right there. Three year olds don’t blog while getting shifaced on Merlot. That would be illegal.
It would also make for better television than these fools. I attempted to watch and literally did dishes instead. If I’m handwashing dishes while your show is on, you are not very fun to look at.
OMFG, this is everything! Thanks, TT. I’m catching up now (long story, and that involves my boring work subjects), and I’m mainly just watching for the pretty scenery and the occasionally hot (well, maybe warm-ish) man candy.
I was wondering how these entitled, spoiled brats were going to be able to run their own catamaran. Now, we know: They just take it from dock to dock as they “sail” down a seemingly never-ending stream of terrible life choices. As Drag Race royalty Tatianna would say, “That was a choice.”
And now, I’m questioning why I’m still choosing to watch these ridiculously ratchet people continue to make poor life choices. At least I feel better (and smarter!) when I come here to read your reviews.
I’m sort of looking forward to recapping tonight. Now that the bar has been set so low for both the show and the recaps, I can just do a drunken stream of consciousness recap.
As if that isn’t my usual plan. lol.
Please do! Hell, I might drink tonight as well. The wine will probably help us digest all the terrible life choices these spoiled brats are making on national TV.
I feel like these recaps are drunker than most because of the hour, and because it is one of those shows where you are sort of looking at the TV but thinking about other things. I’d totally zone out and then think WHY AREN’T THEY SAILING? Pour more wine, realize I don’t know any of their names. Ponder what they might be. Zone out. Remember I am recapping and type. These people aren’t sailing anywhere. Drink some wine and wonder why they are off the boat…
etc
As I keep watching last night’s episode, I now see why. In fact, the only thing stopping me from drinking right now is the story draft I need to finish this afternoon.
So they have some new additions, and the newbies just as bratty as the rest of them. I’m shocked that Max’s brother Quentin wasn’t kicked out of the bar following that insane shitshow. Sure, the Alabama football game was on, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to ruin everyone else’s night with your unnecessary yelling and screaming!
Korey is pretty cute, and he clearly doesn’t mind baring it all in front of the cameras. Maybe he’d make for a fun one-night stand, but I don’t think I could date any of those man-ho’s.
Who are these people? And, how old are they? Do they have jobs? I use to think days and nights of non stop drinking was fun, but then I graduated from college, and got a job to start on my career. These people don’t look like teen agers, or even college aged. They all look pretty old for this kind of life. It’s looks boring. Plus I hate women who are so desperate for a man that they beg for his attention. Looks like Vickie from Orange county.den
Anyway it’s boring.
Also women in their 30’s who hate it when a girl who is pretty is around. That girl who was like ‘get on your knees and chug it, not that difficult’ all bc she wants a rich bf and needs to make sure he doesn’t look at any other female made me want to reach into my tv and choke her. What an insufferable twat. She’s a low budget cross between Miley and Scheana.
It’s Jersey Shore on boats with money. That’s it.
This is going down as my all time favorite recap of any show ever. It’s perfect in every way.
The ONLY good thing about this show is the recap. And the recap of the recap of the recap.
This show makes Summer House look like an HBO-level show.
I think I have a tougher than normal time watching this show because a very kind and sweet former fiancé of mine was killed by a drunken docker while tying up his sailboat. (He hit his head after being rammed.) I always think “at least he got his dream of having his own sailboat and a nice wife,” but these assholes piss me off.
The big girl Chelsi needs to put some damn clothes on. I mean they’re all vapid, horrible people; those who swim in the glory of the 1%. And I agree with the rant, these sad people wait all year to gather on boats because they refuse to be adults & then they sit around crying about how they don’t have adult relationships? These are privileged little shits who spent their early years being coddled by their rich families and are now
looking for life experience… in their 30’s… haha, ok. With any luck, they’ll sail into the Bermuda Triangle and the world will regain some oxygen. But I’ll end this the way I started it, the big girl needs to throw a layer or two on in front of the camera. There’s something about big, fat rich people that makes a person want to gag.
These misguided fools have a skewed sense of their importance. The animal onesies the multi colored leggings and the endless array of costumes are things my 11 yr old daughter wouldn’t be caught dead in much less these 30 something delusionals.What’s next? Sucking Rum Runners from a Disney bottle?
This motley crew gets more unattractive with each episodes — especially the sea hags.