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You are here: Home / Entertainment News / Top Chef: The Fastest 2 Minutes In Cooking

Top Chef: The Fastest 2 Minutes In Cooking

December 7, 2018 by tamaratattles 60 Comments

Quick fire!

It may just be my current piss poor attitude, but I am not optimistic about this season. I feel like all the city slicker judges coming to Kentucky will produce an overly stereotypical season of the state. Also of the fifteen cheftestants only two are from the south. Kelsey is from Alabama and Sara is the token home state chef. Both of them will need to escape the usual Tom Colicchio vagicide. But let’s see what the first episode looks like. It is a welcome reprisal from Real Housewives recaps at least. I should probably buy some bourbon for these recaps.

The first quick fire the group divides into teams of three. In honor of the Kentucky Derby, which is known as the most exciting two minutes in sports, each team will have only two minutes to prepare their mise en place for the dish. After two minutes their knives will be taken away and they will have twenty minutes to complete their dish. They are not messing around this season.

Kelsey is already getting too much air time. This doesn’t bode well for my southern girl.

Everyone did well on the quickfire. It looked for a minute like the Kelsey’s team would win, but Sarah’s team somehow pulled it out with an egg dish.  So far so good.

The elimination challenges is super twisted. The teams all stay together but they will be competing against their teammates. Within in each trio, one will win, one will place and one will show. The winner will come from the five winners, and someone will be eliminated from the third place finishers.

Lord, even more Kelsey air time. She’s probably toast. Hopefully, I am just noticing her more because she’s my favorite.  Kentucky Kaitlyn is making a tomato cobbler with store bought grape tomatoes. Quelle Horreur! I thought it was Sara and I was mortified for her. I am definitely not imagining the heavy focus on Kelsey. She is making deviled eggs. Kelsey and Kentucky are already making a Dixie Alliance.

Eric

Since the quickfire, Brandon has stepped right up to take on the dickish, dictator role. He will not shut up and every word is disparaging his opponents.  I’m not the only one who feels this way. I think we are all hoping for a first boot, but the assholes never go first. Kaitlyn and her gross looking tomato cobbler is high on the list to be the first evicted.

I really like Justin from Minnesota. His choice of shrimp and grits was smart. We love it and you really can’t fuck it up. There are eleventy billion ways to make it and they are all good. #ForestGump

Kelsey’s team is judged first. Eric made a scallop West African style. Kelsey’s deviled egg was a hit. Kaitlyn’s tomato cobbler was the clear loser. Kelsey won!

Kelsey!

In Brandon’s group, Nini a Vietnamese style chef beat out Brandon. He came in second and the chef he was berating the entire time, Adrienne came in third. I hope she sticks around long enough to beat Brandon.

Chef David, who I was not paying a lot of attention to, made some sort of masterful soup that was described as an umami bomb. That’s their favorite word when they are picking winners.

Justin is in the last group and they like his shrimp and grits. Hometown girls Sara is also in the last group, she did bourbon braised pork belly with BBQ spiced carrots and pickled pecans. They liked it but Tom said that she should have played up her pickled nuts in the presentation. Wow, Pablo is also in this group. He’s very good. He did a tilapia crudo with a green apple vinaigrette. Sara is in trouble. Pablo won, Justin was second and Sara has to go to the elimination round. Sara’s group was by far the most competitive.

Oh wow. We are going straight to judges table.  I’m nervous already. Natalie, from the white group I found too boring to comment on, somehow beat everyone with her ceviche.

Sara did not end up in the bottom three! She is safe. I am quite sure cobbler girl will go home. It was awful from the beginning. Yep! She is a goner. The first victim of the vagicide. She’s off to last chance kitchen. I knew she was fucking up in the checkout line of Whole Foods.

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Filed Under: Entertainment News, Top Chef Tagged With: Adrienne Wright, Brandon Rosen, Bravo, Brian Young, Caitlin Steininger, David Viana, Edmund "Eddie" Konrad, Entertainment News, Eric Adjepong, Gail Simmons, Graham Elliot, Justin Sutherland, Kelsey Barnard Clark, Kentucky, Kevin Scharpf, Michelle Minori, Natalie Maronski, Nilou Motamed, Nini Nguyen, Pablo Lamon, Padma Lakshmi, Sara Bradley, Tom Colicchio, Top Chef

About tamaratattles

Come for the tea. Stay for the shade. Not for the easily offended. You're a special snowflake just like everyone else.

Comments

  1. Scout says

    December 7, 2018 at 3:55 pm

    Cincinnati is a 2 hr. drive from Louisville. It’s a 15 min. drive to Kentucky. I was ready for Kaitlyn to go home from the moment she first said that she was going to make a typical Kentucky dish, tomato pie or cobbler. She needed to do her homework. It’s Carolinian. Hurricane Matthew chased us off Folly Beach before I got a chance to try it. Had to look it up when we got home. I live in Louisville and never once have I seen it on the menu. Top Chef is one of my favorite shows and I’d been really looking forward to this season but I think I’m gonna be shouting at the T.V. every episode.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      December 7, 2018 at 4:37 pm

      Shouting at the TV is the best part. Which one was from Cinncinnati? Was it Kaitlyn?

      Reply
      • Scout says

        December 7, 2018 at 6:18 pm

        Yes. That’s the one. They’re supposed tp be at Maker’s Mark next week. Got a bottle in my cabinet I wish I could get to you to recap with. my houseboy’s name is Mark so it seems like he got that as gifts alot

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          December 7, 2018 at 6:38 pm

          American’s have houseboys? I haven’t had a house boy since I was a child in Libya. Please send the houseboy and the bourbon. Thanks in advance.

          It’ just occurred to me I really, really need a house boy. This could solve all my mental health issues.

          Reply
          • tamaratattles says

            December 7, 2018 at 6:41 pm

            I’m not sure what is up with the random apostrophes. Brain farts.

            Reply
          • T D says

            December 7, 2018 at 6:47 pm

            No, that would be a pool boy.

            Reply
            • tamaratattles says

              December 7, 2018 at 6:53 pm

              No a houseboy is a real thing. Just not in the US. Though I really need a houseboy, I don’t have a pool. LOL.

              This entire conversation is going to be followed by SHOCKED AND HORRFIED comments. LOL. Technically, we didn’t have a houseboy in Libya but every single other house did. My parents were afraid they would steal from us so they didn’t let anyone in.

            • T D says

              December 7, 2018 at 6:59 pm

              If you had two minutes alone with a pool boy and a margarita I have no doubt you would shrink said pool boy like a spider on a hot skillet. The same skillet folks your shrimp and grits. That”s how to make the best time of two minutes.

          • SJU says

            December 8, 2018 at 3:27 pm

            Lol

            Reply
  2. Lynn Duncan (Seamonkey) says

    December 7, 2018 at 3:58 pm

    Should I watch this on Demand?

    I love and eat grape tomatoes every day, but it seems like there would be lots of skin to deal with. That does sound gross!

    I assume they only had the option of shopping at Whole Foods, so store bought was the only option?

    I read that Gail was pregnant during the shooting of this season. I wonder if they have to avoid certain foods due to this?

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      December 7, 2018 at 4:36 pm

      Nope. Gail is only on for a few episodes and the the editor of Food and Wine takes over. I am not even sure it was a Whole Foods there probably aren’t tons of them in Kentucky. The thing is, tomatoe pie is a SUMMER DISH. If it is summertime in a southern grocery store there will be heirloom tomatoes by the pound or at least local vine ripe tomatoes. WHOLE ripe tomatoes are necessary for the dish. It cannot be made with plastic containers of grape tomatoes like she purchased. I got the feeling she had never made the dish before. It doesn’t lend itself to giant pans. She put way too many biscuits on top that didn’t have room to expand and burnt on top. The entire concept was ridiculous.

      A tomato pie would have been a better choice but I would never serve Tom or Padma tomato pie. It has a shit ton a mayo and that’s not how you win over the yankee’s hearts. The people who were not southern cooks who did their own style with a wink and a nod to the south won the top spots.

      You should always watch Top Chef!

      Reply
      • Old Jane says

        December 8, 2018 at 10:06 am

        I’ve been craving tomato pie for weeks. Can’t make it for myself because I make a pig of myself so I think I will make it for a book group party.

        Reply
      • Lynn Duncan (Seamonkey) says

        December 8, 2018 at 10:41 am

        Yes, I should, and I will watch!

        I eat, but I don’t cook.but I do love this show.

        I have read Gail’s book (and Padma’s), so I know a bit about them, to make it more interesting.. And it would be a good idea to read those books and others before competing on this show, just to get an idea of what they like (In food, that is).

        If I had Havarti cheese here at home, it would be consumed all too quickly!

        Reply
  3. cjbomb says

    December 7, 2018 at 4:55 pm

    I love reality shows where people have actual skills. This is my fave.

    Reply
  4. Jaded says

    December 7, 2018 at 5:52 pm

    The only problem I have with this show is the season is always over too quickly! So far I’m loving Pablo and Kelsey but it’s early.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      December 7, 2018 at 6:24 pm

      I love them two. I also like the Guyana guy with a beard from… Minnesota? And I think the other black guy with a beard too I forget where he is from.

      Reply
      • SEKirks says

        December 9, 2018 at 3:47 am

        Me too. On really liking these two. Also like Pablo. I had to look up what umami means. I like the chef from New Jersey, Tom’s hometown too. Kelsey, like. Ni-ni like but spell check keeps changing her name so don’t know if it will come through. I especially liked her comment about wanting to basically read that dictator Brandon with her cooking. Which she did….I’ve already watched this on rerun 3 times to try and register who the contestants are. As usual there aren’t enough women. I thought the judges looked pretty ridiculous in those hats. I really liked your recap & how you are calling the results. Did you all watch Last Chance Kitchen? Episode 1 is up for viewing….

        Reply
  5. Alexa says

    December 7, 2018 at 5:56 pm

    Real, live Kentuckian here, and I’m quite excited to see our state represented as something other than in need of dentistry work. The problem with Kentucky “cuisine” is you don’t find the good stuff in restaurants. The absolute best meals are at family tables in the height of garden/harvest season. The type of food we love is simple: fried corn, green tomatoes, and cornbread. Spicy Sausage gravy over flaky biscuits, hot browns, and aged country ham and pimento cheese sandwiches… all shoes away from in this world of over the top dishes. But they should not be ignored and must be eaten at grandmas to experience properly.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      December 7, 2018 at 6:34 pm

      I don’t know what Hot Browns are but all the other things are southern staples. I personally never liked pimento cheese though the rest of my family loves it. I eat almost anything but something about that I never cared for. I think as a kid I didn’t like the word pimento. I do love me some cheese.

      I’ve recently learned something about cheese. Shut up. While cheese from Murray’s cheese is the best, if you look in the “expensive” cheese section of the grocery store, you should pick the one or two cheeses that are not in cellophane but more of a wax papery kind of wrap. They are almost as good as the super expensive kind. There is one havarti that is really good and a chunk is like 8 bucks. The rubbery crap is about four. The fantastic kind is about $30 and the $8 kind has no postage and is really almost as good as the SUPER EXPENSIVE kind.

      Reply
      • Alexa says

        December 7, 2018 at 7:07 pm

        Yes most of those things are decidedly southern! A hot brown is basically an open faced club sandwich smothered in a Mornay sauce!

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          December 7, 2018 at 7:41 pm

          I’ve seriously never heard of this! I need to know more!

          Reply
          • Snow Bunny says

            December 8, 2018 at 8:12 pm

            Toast, turkey, smothered in cheesy white cream sauce. Broil it until the top in brown. Serve topped with bacon, scallions and sliced tomatoes. Pretty darn yummy.

            Reply
            • Kipper says

              December 8, 2018 at 11:34 pm

              Oh man, that sounds devine!!!

            • tamaratattles says

              December 9, 2018 at 10:35 am

              Yes, I would like one of those right now.

            • Jim says

              December 9, 2018 at 3:51 pm

              God I’m hungry!

      • Rmicu says

        December 8, 2018 at 7:45 am

        Havarti is great, my sister introduced me to it. My sister can eat an entire chunk ( or two) in one sitting ! She loves cheese.

        There’s is a goat cheese with herbs I had at a friend’s house. It was delicious. I thought it was from some fancy place but she got it from Aldi!

        I’m going to look for the goat cheese at my regular grocery store. It was so tasty.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          December 8, 2018 at 8:32 am

          Goat cheese is great. I don’t know why I stopped buying it. It’s okay to buy goat cheese in the plastic tubes, just not hard cheeses.

          Reply
    • Navymommy says

      December 7, 2018 at 8:15 pm

      Or you find a little hole in the wall off the beaten path that serves homemade food with their product from the surrounding farms. Not so many of those around anymore. My ex used to go every working day to Miz Moseley’s, a direct descendant of slaves,who only served breakfast and lunch from her old farmhouse in the county. She would have a lunch special of three entrees, two sides, biscuits, sweet tea and a desert. All soul food made by her own two hands and help from her daughters and granddaughters. Some of the best damn food I ever ate. She grew most of it, from veg to proteins.

      Reply
    • LA_in_KY says

      December 7, 2018 at 8:57 pm

      I am excited to see when they go to Lake Cumberland and The Gorge! At least I think I read somewhere that those where two of the areas here that are featured.

      Reply
    • GertieKat says

      December 8, 2018 at 10:24 am

      A tarheel here. I completely agree with you about the best food of the state isn’t found on top of white table cloths. The best barbeque in NC is found in stops beside the road where the health department hasn’t been too picky to fine for infractions. And I’ve always found the best cookbooks come from churches. Well written and the food is the kind your doctor warns you to stay away from but it’s too dang good. Now I want a pimento cheese sandwich. When are y’all serving supper ? My motto is have fork, will travel. 😉

      Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        December 8, 2018 at 2:08 pm

        OMG Southern Church Cookbooks ARE THE BEST. I have several. Even with Google you can’t get those recipes!

        Reply
        • GertieKat says

          December 8, 2018 at 3:53 pm

          And they are written correctly! Easy to follow. Clear directions. So many things you can do with tater tots!

          Reply
          • Sam says

            December 9, 2018 at 1:33 pm

            I have a stack of great church lady cookbooks. My granny’s tea cakes recipe is in one of them – still can’t get those right. Also have a stack of old, old cookbooks that belonged to my MIL. Some of those recipes are so timeless, I just love to read them.

            Chuck roast is in the crock pot and I can’t wait to eat it.

            Enjoyed the Top Chef reruns that come on before this new episode, too.

            Reply
            • tamaratattles says

              December 9, 2018 at 3:19 pm

              Southern Church lady recipe books are the best. I made off with all of my mother’s recipes and I don’t use them nearly enough. She cooked a LOT of chicken. Like A WHOLE LOT of chicken and has hundreds of different recipes. If I wasn’t so lazy I’d compile them into a book for my nieces.

  6. Kipper says

    December 7, 2018 at 5:58 pm

    I loved that they didn’t send someone home immediately and had them do the illimination challenge after the quick fire. I thought for sure David’s soup was going to win.

    Big mouth Brandon got on my nerves out of the gate and I’m already ready for him to go home…

    The house they are staying in looks amazing!

    Tickets to the Derby? What a fun prize, I’ve never been and would LOVE to go!

    As per usual Padma looks yummy! This season looks to be very good. Thanks for recapping Tamara, this is the best program on Bravo imho.

    Reply
  7. Ingrid says

    December 7, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    I have never tried tomato pie or cobbler, Yankee that I am, but I do make a pie in the summer that is so good, with thinly sliced fresh tomatoes, sliced zucchini, in a pie crust with herbs and gruyere cheese. It is amazing, tastes like summer. My original point was, since tomatoes and zucchini are so watery I roast them for a few minutes first, then pat them dry, and I have much less extra liquid when I bake it.
    I dont know how much they are going to get out of Kentucky, since they are already using the Derby and Maker’s Mark in the first two episodes, but I love this show, and would watch it if it was based in Newark. (no offense to the people of Newark, they have a great airport there)

    Reply
  8. Kelnlola says

    December 7, 2018 at 10:43 pm

    Padma is so stunning and I have the wildest biggest crush on Tom. I would stutter and fall over my words if I were ever to be in his presence. I get hot just thinking about him.

    I love this show so much. And I thought that soup for sure would win over another ceviche dish. The tomato cobbler looked kind of unappetizing. I knew she was going to have a problem when she said she could make the dish in her sleep. You’re there to push yourself to the limits girl, not make a dish you can make in your sleep!! Oh well.

    Thank you for recapping this. I love your recaps of this show. Matter of fact, I’m going to go down a rabbit hole now and look up your old reviews bc that’s how much I enjoy reading recaps where you really love the show you’re recapping.

    Have a great weekend everyone!

    Reply
  9. Vicki says

    December 8, 2018 at 12:01 am

    Tamara I love your recap. Top Chef is one of my favorite shows on Bravo anymore. Please continue to recap. I too like the same chefs you do. Really liking Kelsey and already sick of mouthy pompadour hair guy Brandon. Think we all need Kentucky Bourbon for the show next week ?

    Reply
  10. Vicki Jensen says

    December 8, 2018 at 12:02 am

    Tamara I love your recap. Top Chef is one of my favorite shows on Bravo anymore. Please continue to recap. I too like the same chefs you do. Really liking Kelsey and already sick of mouthy pompadour hair guy Brandon. Think we all need Kentucky Bourbon for the show next week ?

    Reply
  11. Nanette says

    December 8, 2018 at 3:49 am

    I had never heard of tomato cobbler, but it sounded really good, until she started shopping.i was thinking “NOT small tomatoes,” especially grape, too much skin, not enough moosh. When I googled the recipe, all the crappy wannabes copied each other, same recipe, all using cherry tomatoes. Except the Food Network uses BIG tomatoes. I will try that next tomato season.

    Padma’s white dress and hat were divine.

    Pompadour needs to go. Soon.

    Reply
  12. Rmicu says

    December 8, 2018 at 7:56 am

    Happy to have Top Chef back.
    I was worried about Kelsey too, she had a lot of screen time.

    The other Black guy with the beard is from Ghana. He said he will infuse some African flavors in his dishes.

    Side note, remember Trey? He was on Married at First Site this season. He was the chef at the cooking class the couples went to for a group date night.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      December 8, 2018 at 8:38 am

      SO MUCH SCREEN TIME! Hopefully it means she wins and isn’t the next in the Collichio vagicide.

      I like both the black guys with beards but not sure who is who yet but yes the Ghana guy from MN is really good.

      Trey who? I am missing something ? What couples date? I’m sofa king confused!

      Reply
      • Rmicu says

        December 8, 2018 at 11:44 am

        Trey is a former Top Chef contestant. Few years back, black guy, cute.
        He was one of the better chefs and did very well.
        I can’t remember who was on that season with him.

        This season of Married at first sight had an outing. Trey was the cook/teacher.
        The couples went to this place on a “cook a meal” group date and Amber (insecure, neurotic, blond hair black roots) was a nervous wreck.

        Reply
        • Bridgett says

          December 8, 2018 at 12:05 pm

          Trey was also in the first season of TC all stars that Richard Blais won. I was sick Thursday and they did a marathon of that season, so I watched it all day leading up to premiere.

          Reply
  13. GertieKat says

    December 8, 2018 at 10:31 am

    TT, in my Below Deck haze I have ask if I saw Captains Lee and Sandy in the “This season on Top Chef” collection of video tidbits. Am I dreaming this up? Did anyone else see them?

    Reply
    • SJU says

      December 8, 2018 at 3:30 pm

      I saw them!

      Reply
    • SEKirks says

      December 9, 2018 at 3:52 am

      Yes I saw Capt Lee and said what the ….?

      Reply
  14. SJU says

    December 8, 2018 at 3:34 pm

    It’s funny bc I am probably the plainest eater around. I wouldn’t go near anything ever made on this show. The only thing I allow on my food is catsup. But…I always like Top Chef and watch it every year.

    No spoiling here as to the winner of Last Chance but 2 of the returning chefs from last year are Brother Luck and Carrie. Thankfully, I remember them.

    Reply
  15. NeverBeenJaxed says

    December 8, 2018 at 4:40 pm

    I love this show as it’s one of the few Bravo shows I watch these days having successfully weened myself off of and fully detoxed from all things Housewives. And of course after watching I come here to read the recap from my favorite blogger. Great recap TT !

    Reply
  16. SEKirks says

    December 9, 2018 at 4:11 am

    Justin (full beard) is from Minnesota. Eric (Ghana) is from DC. He worked with Kwame from a prior season. (I was BIG fan of Kwame). Someone already shared Brother is back in Last Chance Kitchen I HOPE he does well.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      December 9, 2018 at 10:37 am

      It is only the first episode and already with the LCK spoilers. Le sigh.

      Reply
      • Karma Grant says

        December 10, 2018 at 10:02 pm

        That sucks. I don’t watch LCK because I want to be surprised at who returns at the end of the season.

        Reply
        • SEKirks says

          December 11, 2018 at 7:18 am

          The LCK winner is never revealed until the 1st episode of the finale. So if you did watch LCK you’d know only who the last 2 or 3 winners of LCK were. LCK has gotten really good since they started the chance back in competition. No one here said who won the first LCK. This will be my last comment on this blog. Wishing everyone the best in life & health. Thanks for the great reads & insights.

          Reply
  17. Betsey LaFoy says

    December 9, 2018 at 5:44 pm

    Love Justin. Hate Brandon.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      December 9, 2018 at 6:14 pm

      I hate the first few episodes where Tom culls the women down to nothing. There are usually two or three he likes and they are not the southern ones.

      I just need Sarah and Kelsey to last long enough until Tom starts hating some of the guys. They both seem to be doing well and they wouldn’t dare get rid of homegirl Sarah in the first three episodes.

      Reply
      • SEKirks says

        December 9, 2018 at 8:38 pm

        Agree! Also promise not to comment on LCK again. I don’t think anyone said who won. So love your perspective. Someone needs to say it & you so. I’m so happy you’re recapping TC!! The comments are great. And only 1st episode.

        Reply
        • SEKirks says

          December 9, 2018 at 8:41 pm

          You do. Not you so.

          Reply
      • Betsey LaFoy says

        December 10, 2018 at 9:12 am

        Agreed. I was looking at the statistics of women winners in top chef. The numbers are startling:

        There have only been 4 women winners out of 15 seasons. So that means 11 men to 4 women… And 3 out of the 4 times a woman has won, the runner-up was also a woman, so 3 out of 4 times it was guaranteed a woman was going to win and they couldn’t pick a man over a woman because it was down to two women.

        Isn’t that crazy!!!!! Complete vagicide.

        Reply
  18. KSayer says

    December 10, 2018 at 11:03 am

    I’m so glad to see your recap of this show. Love reality tv, but this is the only show that I will always immediately re-watch an episode back to back. No matter how much production seems to intervene, the talent always shines through on this show.

    Your favorites are my favorites too, at least so far.

    I do see Natalie lasting, as she seems to start very well, and reminds me of a winner 2 seasons ago – I think. Yet, she seems to have one of those resting faces that’s always frowning – all I could think about is STOP, your wrinkles will be even more pronounced!!!

    Reply
  19. Karma Grant says

    December 10, 2018 at 10:05 pm

    So glad this is back, needed something to watch with hubs on our off days. I didn’t mind Brandon and his take charge attitude. After all the complaints about eat cerviche too many times in previous seasons, I was surprised that’s what they chose to win the episode.

    Reply

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