We start this week with Jennifer and Teresa at a trampoline class. Jennifer is a bit self-conscious doing a class with Melissa and her prison body on steroids. It would be easy to make fun of Jennifer’s uncoordinated efforts here, but it would also be hypocritical as my fat ass would have fallen off that teeny tiny trampoline in one bounce. I’ll hold all my Jennifer vitriol for when we get to her tacky monstrosity of a house. If it is who has the tackiest house in Jersey contest , I feel like Jennifer has a good shot at winning.
Melissa has managed to get her sisters on the show. Have we seen them before? Apparently she has two that she knows of and she has called them to the house to let them know there may be a fourth sister. According to some medium that Melissa visited, her daddy has a love child that they don’t know about. The sisters knew that their father cheated on their mother, but the possibility that he had a baby out there they don’t know about is something they never considered. The fact that the medium says it is a sister makes me think it could be true because he did seem to be a guy, much like Joe Giudice, who fathered only girls. I mean dawtuhs.
Over at Marge’s house, Danielle arrives with green smoothies for herself and the two Marges. She apparently stopped by with one while everyone else was in Oklahoma but that footage landed on the cutting room floor. Once again this season, Danielle struggles to get face time. When Marge thanks Danielle for checking in on Marge Sr. While she was in Oklahoma, Danielle responds with, “Well, why should she suffer because you’re a bitch?” Really, Danielle? It’s not Marge’s fault you are not allowed to play all the reindeer games? That’s totally on you. Marge plans to stick up for Danielle around Dolores in order to appease her. I don’t see this détente lasting.
Giacinto has had cataract surgery so Joe is dropping by to check on him . Nono wants to do a quick shot with Joe. And that is pretty much all they do. Joe has to go back to work. No one is quite sure where Joe works, but he seems to do it a lot. So of course Teresa is pissed. It looks to me like it was time for Nono to lay down anyway. After Melissa gets him to his room, Joe takes her out to the garage to try to talk to his sister. It ends with Joe telling Melissa to shove it up his ass and him screeching out of the driveway. That went well. Joe is much better at his angry scenes than Melissa is at her crying scenes at least.
Jennifer sums up her parenting strategy thusly, “It’s easier to just give in than make them follow rules.” People like this remind me of a man I saw in the airport when I was working as a gate agent. He had a small child with him who was throwing a flinging fit. He was exasperated and everyone was staring at him. Near tears himself he took at his wallet and offered the kid who was about two one hundred dollars if she would just stop crying. It was sad and funny all at once.
I have to say, Jennifer’s enormous house is really pretty. Everything is very white. How does that work with five kids? Teresa only brings Milania to the party. Gia is too old for the group, and the other two are not particularly down for the cameras anymore.
This entire episode has been rehashing Oklahoma and so it all comes to a head at dinner. Teresa accuses Melissa of getting Joe all worked up. She apparently thinks Melissa is not allowed to recount the discussions in Oklahoma about Joe to Joe. Dolores and being the mouthpiece for Teresa.
Jennifer, who has to beg permission of her husband to go away for the show for a weekend decides to for the second time this episode to use the old saying, “The husband is the head of the family, but the wife is the neck that turns the head.” Teresa apparently heard this for the first time at the gym. It’s like these people live under rocks. Then Dolores tells Jackie that this is an old-school way of thinking and she doesn’t have the capacity to understand it. Really Dolores? I think Dolores secretly wanted to be on Mob Wives.
Jackie steps in to point out to Teresa that if she thinks Melissa should be able to control Joe’s behavior, then why didn’t Teresa stop Joe from committing dozens and dozens of crimes?
Milania was eavesdropping on this entire conversation and comes in to stop it. She tells her mom she needs to go. Teresa gets up to take her home, because Teresa might be the head of the family at the moment, but Milania is the neck.
I like the Melissa, Jackie and possibly Marge trio this season. Teresa, Dolores and Jennifer can kick rocks and all need to be gone next season. If there is a next season.
Next week: There will be way too many Danielle scenes.