Day three of the trip is New Year’s Eve. It’s the first real sail of the bucketlust portion of the voyage. Just a short hop to an island cay with all the sailboats in formation. Max wins Dick of The Day for sleeping in for the third time in 24 hours. He is stuck wearing a life vest for the entire day.
Max is immediately playing with the water toys and reminds us that he was in law school but he is just not meant for a desk job. He’s been to travel off of his parents money. He seems like Dick of the Decade.
Rachel’s sort of not really boyfriend doesn’t seem that into Rachel. She refuses to acknowledge this blatant fact. Then some other girl he used to bang shows up and talks about how great he looks now that he is single. Rachel is a crying drunk. Perhaps it is just a NYE thing where everyone is sort of paired off. But crying drunk is never good. I can get there really easily when I drink liquor which is why I strongly limit any liquor drinking whenever possible. Otherwise, I am a drunk that loves everyone– in like an annoying AF way. Danielle is a mean drunk. And she is making Rachel even more upset. No one likes a mean drunk Danielle. Actually, she’s a bitch in her confessionals sober as well. She’s the Tamra Judge of this show, a bad friend. She also told us on this episode she broke off her engagement to a guy she had dated for 7 years just a few months before the wedding. Now she is closing her practice to move to San Diego? San Francisco? San Somewhere, with Barrett. This is the 15th day they have ever spent together.
On New Year’s Day, everyone sleeps late and is hungover. Rachel wakes up crying over Albie who ditched her on NYE while Danielle was telling her how fucked up she is. Korey, who hasn’t had a ton of camera time comes down to check on her. Clearly there is a great guy right under her snotty nose.
Max got drunk and screwed some random girl on the beach on NYE and Chelsi, gem that she is, slags on the girl calling her all sorts of derogatory names as if it is all her fault. Max is the one whoring around, but nary a bad word about him. She’s just hoping he gets together with Vanessa. Vanessa if I am counting correctly has rolled around with three “men” in two episodes.
As the first day of the year winds down, our merry mob of sailors all head back to the boat and don animal onsies. As one does. The girls talk about the guys who meet the 666 rule: six inch dick, six figure salary, six feet tall. Captain Jack, who sort of has an eye on Vanessa through his half-cocked pink pussy mask, asks her why she broke her 666 rule for Max.
Rachel apologizes for staying on the boat crying all day and promises to make them all dinner. When they get back to the boat, Rachel wants to make meatballs and pasta and Chelsi makes her play for Dick of the Day by asking her why she didn’t buy anything to make dinner with. Where the fuck was she supposed to do that on New Year’s Day late at night? She said she would make dinner. This is not good enough for Chelsi because they already had the meatballs and pasta purchased from the group fund. I’m finding it hard to find the redeeming qualities of these people. Chelsi says that meatballs and pasta is her recipe with Vanessa.
Korey seems to be the only decent guy on the boat. He offers to help Rachel make some pizzas. Chelsi and Danielle, both of whom are dreadful people, continue to bitch about Rachel while she is making their dinner. Danielle calls her sensitive. Danielle and Chelsi are both cunts. Danielle tells Rachel that she “put in a whole hour of her New Year’s giving a fuck about her crying.” She wants credit for her shitty one hour holier than thou lecture? Barrett needs to run for the hills. Chelsi laughs as Danielle is shitting on Rachel once again.
Meanwhile there are even more really horrible choices being made by females. Vanessa is snugged up in a cabin with Max. She tells him not to snog any more random bitches on the beach. Why shouldn’t he? He knows she will come right back to him.
Chelsi seems to think she is apologizing to Rachel when she says the bottom line is she will never eat a meatball made by a blonde. Rachel should have decked this bitch in her smart mouth an hour ago.
On the morning of the second, it is Barrett’s birthday. Captain Jack gets terrible news. His best friend in London has passed away. He hasn’t said anything yet. He is just quietly watching all the reindeer games by the morons. He finally pulls Rachel aside to tell her privately because as he says, “she’s taught kindergarten and has feelings.” The unlike these other fuckups part was strongly implied. Captain Jack is struggling with the need to go home and the fact that he is the Captain of the ship that they have all looked forward to being on for so long. His friend was only 25. After Barrett finally passes out from his birthday party, Vanessa goes to snuggle with him.
So this episode we have identified the Cunts of the Caribbean, Danielle, Chelsi and Vanessa in that order. Vanessa may be an actual human being if she weren’t around the other two. They are irredeemable.
Korey, Rachel and Captain Jack and Max are the only likable people on the show.
I’m still in for next week because I want to have some sort of witch drowning experiment with some of these bitches.
I feel bad there are no comments . Thankyou for the recap. I enjoy reading your recaps on my lunch break at work. I started to watch this shit show but I fell asleep. Is banjo a corgi?
You are very sweet Maureen.
I’m am very unaccustomed to people being nice to me. Thanks.
I will probably watch this one.
It does not matter what you recap, I will read every one. I also read every review. I read the reviews of Killing Eve throughout the entire season, then watched it because I enjoyed the recaps. I would have missed a great show if TT didn’t tell us about it. Seriously, it doesn’t matter what you recap, we will continue to stalk your site for new recaps. Plus, I enjoy you calling people out for their bs.
I’m glad you’re recapping this show because I watched the first one and found myself hating everyone on the boat. I don’t plan on watching it but I sure will read your recaps to see if everyone is really as awful as I thought they were or if anyone has even one redeeming quality.
It is hilarious how special these people think they are. I live in the fucking ghetto and manage to travel a lot at least until I had this dog I do not want to live and my passport expired. I need a new one and I just can’t be bothered because I can’t leave him again.
I know what you mean, Tamara. I limited my time away from my Yorkie until she passed away.
I felt them way. A bunch for walking STDs.
I tried. I watched an episode and a half. But when the question (Why am I watching this?) reared it’s ugly head I knew it was time to go.
I too started watching the first episode and half way through thought, I am not the audience they are looking for. It reminds me of the series Summer House that I won’t watch either.
I would be embarrassed if my children behaved like these young adults….but then again, they would be embarrassed if I behaved like many of the Real Housewives!
I watched the first night, and didn’t realize it was on again last night until it had already finished. I will probably watch it on demand some time, but it’s definitely not top of the list. It’s like Jersey Shore on boats with money.
I kind of want to spend my days trolling these assholes on twitter. I guess I assumed if you were going to be as massive of assholes as some of these women are that they would be flawless looking, educated and rich but most of them are money hungry, mediocre looking, moronic inbreeds. Your recaps make me go to the happy place most of the time though because you’re about the same level of bitch that I am.
I looked a few of them up on Twitter. Chelsi AKA the Master of Meatballs has been tweeting and even retweeted someone who said they didn’t like the show but liked the 666 thing. Mostly it’s been the people who run Bucket Lust tweeting.
I am loving to hate watch these assholes. I cannot staaaand Danielle or Chelsi. They are such mean mean girls.
It looked to much like the summer house series and I never cared for that one, and really, how much Bravo can I watch? I have a full time job and a family for crying out loud! I end up watching half of them at 5 am while getting my make-up on, this is enough for me, the Housewives, Below Deck and Top Chef, is pretty much it. (oh and Survivor, and the Bachelor….) I may have to quit my job.
Omg I think you’re my twin! My name is Ingrid and I watch bravo at 5 a.m. while getting ready for work. I half thought I might have left that comment until I saw the bit about Survivor.
Read your first recap TT and just watched the second episode. After half an hour, I was asking myself”Who are these twats.” So, in the immortal words of Vicky Pollard, yeah…no.
That one girl with the dark hair has really weird boobs.
Question on the 666 Club. Does it mean a dick the MINIMUM of 6 inches? Or do they consider 6inches LARGE? I will take the Kelly Dodd PHD, thank you.
I’m baffled at the age range and the debauchery they jam on. When I was the age of the cast there is no way in hell my body could handle the binge drinking and wanton sex. That was my early 20’s. I have tried to get lit.
Ya know what happens after shots of tequila and bottled beer to access the sex fiend my husband fell in love with… him, our kid and my ass are sitting in the ER for fluids and pain meds. How the fuck do mid 30’s still do this?
I like the show it’s mind candy in the background while I plan the next day.
The Demi lovato chick has a boner for Max. Girl code ?. I like the resturant guy. I like the guy trying to finger comb his hair. The rest are seriously suffering arrested development. I can say that because my 62 yr old spouse still thinks he’s 22. It’s annoying AF…I’ll keep watching just to hate watch. As always I’ll keep marching on for the TT blog comments.
I’ll probably catch hell for my comment, but
I thought Danielle was being quite honest with Rachel regarding the “he’s just not that into you” conversation. Danielle was spot on with her advice. I wish there were more conversations on tv regarding this subject.
If a man is interested in a woman he will make an effort to let her know.
There would be NO insecurity about when will her call next, or come see me next, or whatever.
He calls, he comes, he leaves important things to her know he will be back, he fixes things for her,
he buys her things, he puts his arms around her upon first seeing her, and not the other way around.
Rachel put her arms around that guy, but he pulled back. Her whole conversation was awkward and needy. He soon ditched her. Quite simply, Just NOT that into you.
I thought Danielle was trying to help Rachel distinguish between fantasy and reality.
The guys? I can’t imagine my hubby making plans to be with these guys how many times a year?
Hanging out in skimpy bikini’s with the crack of their asses showing, sitting on beds together,
leaning onto each other’s shoulder’s, with intimate laughing bedroom scenes?
Who is interested in whom on this show?
“It’s the things that make you go, Hmmm”.
P.S. I just wish people were more honest about who they like and not mislead others.
You forgot evan. He told rachel to stand up for herself. Also a great guy
I like this show. It’s kind of like a car accident that you don’t want to look at but can’t help yourself. I am just in awe at how clueless and and immature these “successful professionals” are. I think Chelsi, Danielle, and Vanessa are just mean girls and that Rachel is an easy target because she is pretty, and seems nice so far. You could see when they were talking about their high school experience and Rachel said that she had the total opposite experience and was friends with everyone that she was going to be a target.