Tonight, according to the synopsis, there will continue to be no mention of the felon by Bravo who is currently in prison and waiting to be deported. In real time, Teresa and Joe have been spending time with Nono in the hospital. It’s unclear if he is still in there but Teresa took the girls to Turks & Caicos where they are staying at really nice hotels and living the high life. It’s almost like Teresa has more money now than she did when she got arrested on 41 federal charges. Crime not only pays, but it pays really, really well.
I am as usual, “dying of a thousand ailments” tonight. I was sort of playing on trying to write a recap tonight that makes this episode sound interesting even though I don’t expect it to be. I do enjoy a road trip to anywhere though, so there is that. Let’s get to it and hope for the best. I’m already a bit behind because Survivor is two hours tonight and this is one of the best seasons, maybe ever.
Margaret has a great line on the van ride over to the restaurant for dinner in a talking head, “Let’s just have a good time tonight. Haven’t we embarrassed ourselves in enough places?” I ask myself about you guys every episode. Let’s just set the bar low and try not to throw any cakes.
Jennifer never shuts the fuck up about how much better she is than everyone else. Teresa never stops showing us how dumb she is. “What is a moat?” It’s where the swans swim, Teresa. Margaret suggests they play two truths and a lie. Margaret admits her ex-husband used to lock her in the closet when he was mad at her. Dolores had sex on an airplane with a guy whose name she doesn’t remember. Jennifer went out with a girl dressed in BDSM attire and was her submissive for the entire night. It was a dominatrix theme night. I’d love for Jennifer to be forced to wear a ball gag for the duration of this boring ass season.
Polly has entered all of the girls in a heifer show. They will each have to groom and show their own cows they get to choose. There will be a party afterward.
I don’t know why we need this scene of Marge Sr. being waited on by Joe. Joe has no idea how to give a foot rub.
Back with the heifers, Jennifer manages to insult Marge’s friend, the hostess of the ranch, because she doesn’t find the ranch up to her lofty standards. The loser of the heifer beauty pageant has to sleep alone in the trailer.
There are two housewives per heifer. So what happens when the team loses? They flip a coin for the trailer? My money is on the black cow. Only one of them can show the heifer so it is Delores,Jackie and Melissa doing the actual showing. Jackie won, Melissa was second place, and Dolores will stay in the trailer.
/ Googles large mass on lower back upper butt cheek area. Answer: cancer.
Joe takes the whole family including Melissa’s mother and his father out for pizza and drinks. Nono has a history of being hard on Joe and tonight is no exception.
Back in Oklahoma the girls go to a hoedown to learn to two-step. Jennifer refuses to couples dance with a man who is not her husband.
Melissa calls home and finds out that Joe is having dinner with her mom and Teresa’s dad. Teresa is pissed about this for some reason. She wants us to think she is home with her dad all the time. She’s rarely in New Jersey anymore. I do have to say she is taking her diet very seriously. Jennifer gets drunk and even more obnoxious. Do you think this is all an act or is she really so uncouth and rude? Ah, Teresa says she thinks Jennifer is just joking around. It’s not funny. Especially when Jennifer insults Polly to her face. Polly gives a very kind speech about Marge and her charity work.
Back at the house, everyone raves about how much fun they had except Jennifer who mocks the country music. Then she gets into it with Marge. Marge says that Jennifer’s shitty manners embarrassed her. Polly herself says that Jennifer is offensive and insulting. Jennifer seems to think she is a shock jock humorist like Howard Stern. Jennifer gives Polly a half-assed apology and then storms off mad and says she is going to go sleep in the trailer. Teresa and the others were very gracious. I think Jennifer was assigned the obnoxious shit stirrer role this season. No one can genuinely be that ill-mannered.
Next week: More of the same back in Jersey with Teresa complaining about having to be the primary caregiver of her father. I think Jennifer is going to give us a tour of the sixteen bathrooms, if her husband gives permission. I hope all the rest of them take huge dumps in as many bathrooms as possible.