I literally forgot this show was airing until I was sent photos today. Then I could remember if this was the first episode. Then I had the horrible flashback to the geriatric vaginal rejuvenation. Yep, it back and the Jersey kids have a snow day in March! Heck we are planting tomatoes in March down here. Plus it takes a lot of snow to get a snow day up north. When I lived outside of Chicago I walked to the bus stop in chest high snow uphill in both directions to get to school.
Margaret’s husband Joe is getting his ring finger tattooed with his wedding date. I think fingers probably hurt a lot. Margaret is designing hospital gowns for children. That’s a new one. Also, Margaret’s mom is getting a facelift and will be recuperating at Marge’s house.
Tonight we get our first look at Jackie. Melissa has invited here over with her kids to hang out. Jackie has two sets of twins. Two boys that are ten and a boy/girl pair who are seven. Melissa’s basement is essentially a children’s gym. The kids must love that. The girl seems used to playing with boys toys. Jackie’s twins are as unruly as Melissa’s kids. So, naturally she writes a blog about parenting.
Gia, Teresa and Teresa’s father go to the nail salon. He’s getting a pedicure. I remember my sister and I taking our father for a pedicure when he was in assisted living and it was mortifying. I hope I don’t have to see his toes. Teresa and Gia are setting up the whole Joe doesn’t see his father enough storyline.
Dolores and Frank are flipping houses. Dolores is unhappy that Marge is friends with Danielle. Frank gives her sage advice when he points out it is only a matter of time before Danielle turns on Marge. Meanwhile Danielle is talking to Marge about Dolores.
You know what would be a really good idea for RHONJ? Some where in some production meeting somewhere took place where people actually decided to put the housewives in a room and give them all hatchets to throw. No really. This is happening. It was also determined that Dolores would be the token hostess of the event. Apparently, Danielle was not invited and she is pissed that Marge is going to go. Really? When did Marge and Danielle become best buddies? Danielle tells Marge that she is hurt that she is going to the party. She goes into full victim mode and also starts hurling insults like the only thing Marge and Delores have in common is a divorce caused by infidelity.
Dolores is the first to arrive at Stumpy’s Hatchet House. The ladies bring wine, because wine pairs nicely with hatchets. Teresa was unavailable because one of the girls had a dance competition.
Jennifer has recently moved in to a home she built with her plastic surgery husband. It has nine bedrooms and SIXTEEN BATHROOMS! How ridiculous. She has five kids. I do not envy her life at all. It seems dreadful to me. Just like the hatchet throwing. The only one who managed to make a hatchet stick was Dolores. Dolores tells Marge that she is Danielle is a professional victim.
Marge invites all of the wives to Oklahoma for her hospital gown thing. I don’t understand why you would need to go to Oklahoma for that but they did. That link is when I told you about the new housewives. Jackie tries the hatchet and lands a bullseye.
Jennifer’s Turkish husband is quite strict and is not happy with her going to Oklahoma. Really not happy. Neither are the kids. Her little girl, who is adorable bursts into tears at the news.
Teresa goes to her body building coach and has to come out in a very tiny two piece. She looks amazing, like a normal person. That is not what the coach wants. She wants her to be solid muscle and look like a man. She will get there. She has just over two months to do it. The couch threatens to quit on her if she hasn’t lost four pounds in two weeks.
I can’t with this facelift stuff. It just makes me sad. The surgery was about seven hours. Marge has to go to Oklahoma so Joe will be taking care of Marge Sr.
It’s time for Easter dinner with the Gorgas/Guidices. Joe’s dad goes straight in on him about not coming around enough. He even throws in a “fuck you” for good measure. Then he goes after Melissa for not spending time with him. He ends every rant with a scary Game of Thrones type, “SHAME!” I doubt this is making anyone want to spend more time with him.
Teresa fixed a huge feast and all she can have is chicken and asparagus. Papa Gorga starts to make a toasts but ends up crying. The toast was “happy Easter to my wife.” Wow. This is depressing. Way to bring down the room, Grandpa. Then Teresa asks Joe if he is going to start seeing his dad more. As Melissa points out, this is not the right time or place for that. Joe says he works all of the time all day every day.
The adults get ready to hide eggs. Joe is pissed that Teresa keeps bringing up not visiting his dad. Melissa and Joe want Teresa to support Joe. Melissa says Joe is a ticking time bomb getting ready to blow. Gia comes in to support her mother in the argument. Gia asks Joe to pick one day to make time for his father every week. Teresa continues to push it.
Next week, the girls go to Oklahoma! where the wind comes sweeping down the plain! Melissa and Teresa fight about Joe not spending time with his father. Lay off it, Teresa. You’ve made your point.