We begin this recap with Kenya Moore. I predict this will be a frequent occurrence. Just like last week when she dropped the news about Brooklyn being born on the day of the premiere, this week we are getting our first photos of Brooklyn. I see you Kenya. I can’t wait until next Sunday when maybe we will get a tiny little foot! Does anyone else see the giant eyeball and monster in this photo or is it just me?
Moving on to less interesting things, I have very little memory of last week. I recall Gregg being dragged out like a show pony and the odd relationship between Porsha and Dennis. I also remember craving hot dogs as I will probably do every episode of this season. The Original Hot Dog Factory is right up the street and I keep meaning to go there and get a couple. They sound delicious.
This week’s episode starts with Dennis giving Porsha a Rolex. I can’t wait for Kandi to spill the tea from Mama Joyce’s streets about Dennis. I believe that happens next week. Meanwhile, Porsha is chowing down on meat again. As if we ever thought she was vegan. I want that coconut shrimp. I never got around to eating much today. Again. Porsha’s dress is choking her neck with a tight collar and she’s miserable. She should really consider men’s PJs from Target. Problem solved.
On to Miami where Nene is opening up a new SWAGG Boutique location. NO SHE IS NOT. She doesn’t even own the one in Atlanta. This is a Pop Up shop on South Beach for the summer months. My spy who went said it was about the size of a postage stamp and have very little merchandise. Then Nene talks on and on about her business acumen and says she hasn’t told anyone about it because she has learned to “move in silence” over the years. I am now officially behind on the recap because I had to stop to laugh for several minutes. Where was I? I can’t even remember all of the businesses that Nene has claimed to have opened or she was planning to open that never materialize. This is all a lie. Of course Brentt is there under her skirt. At least he is not in jail. She apparently dragged Gregg down there as well.
I can’t believe that Brandon idiot finally managed to get his as on a reality show. He tried it with Adrienne Maloof and even goes by the last name Maloof now. He follows Nene all over the place. He’s a crazed super fan and Nene will get what she deserves with this one. He is also running all of her social media accounts when he is not busy pressing her panties and laughing at her jokes. It’s also August in South Beach and they are all dressed like it is the dead of winter. Just when you thought Nene’s white t-shirt could not be any more disgusting, this is the second episode where she has tied it up in a knot to show off her muffin top.
I can’t keep recapping Porsha and Dennis. Why do they have so many scenes?
Kandi, Cynthia,Eva and Marlo are in town to surprise Nene at her comedy act. OMG! Back to Porsha and Dennis. It’s already starting, Dennis went out the night before without Porsha. He claims some guy he knows is staying in the same hotel. Episode 2: The Tomfoolery Begins. He was out of the room until dawn.
YET A FOURTH scene with Porsha and Dennis. Now she is apologizing for asking him where he was all night
We have the usual fake hotel room drama when Marlo tries to steal Porsha’s suite in the hotel.
The Maloof kid is Nene’s new purse carrier. At least she realizes Gregg can’t wipe her ass for her every day right now. Sadly, it means The Hoof will be standing around in every scene with Nene. I’m just going to call him The Hoof from now on.
Nene wears the same white shirt ensemble to do her hosting act that she wore all day working at the pop up shop. Loni Love cries with Nene about Gregg backstage. How much longer do we have to see this hideous talking head ensemble?
After the show all the girls go out for drinks and snacks. Even though Dennis is not there, Porsha takes center stage to talk about Dennis. And the toothbrush incident that was too gross to recap the first time. Marlo says Porsha needs to snatch Dennis up before he gets away. Kandi tells her not to lead every conversation with how desperate she is to be married.
Then they head off to see their rooms only to discover that Marlo is all settled in to Porsha’s room. Nene tells Marlo she can live in a small space, she’s from the projects.
The next morning it’s time for the phone calls home. Eva calls home to see her kids an fiance. Cynthia calls her boyfriend. And Kandi has a talk with Todd about the Dennis situation. She knows a few people who have been with him. Todd tells her to stay out of it.
Apparently, Porsha and Marlo went out until four am with Dennis. Marlo loves Dennis. Sounds like birds of a feather to me. They bond over giant breakfasts. The two are going to be BFFs this season? Maybe we can get rid of both of them next season.
The entire gang heads over to the pop up show where Nene is selling her t-shirts and some Dollar tree sunglasses. It’s two are three blocks away so they are walking. Porsha and Marlo don’t understand why they can’t take an Uber. Kandi is in high-heeled sandals that pinch her baby toe. You would think none of these people had ever been to Miami before. Also, Marlo’s clothes become progressively more circus-like with each scene. It may or may not be expensive but it sure as hell ain’t cute.
The finally arrive at the shop and there is barely room for them in the store. As my spy said, it’s a very tiny space in a hotel lobby. Everyone is clearly there to see the housewives. Gregg is overwhelmed by all the people in such a small space and says he is feeling faint. No one pays any attention except for the cameraman that follows him outside. No body brings him a glass of ice water or takes him to an air-conditioned room. Nene comes out and asks if he got too hot and he says yes and she just waves her hand at him. Finally Marlo of all people comes dashing out with some ice and starts to fan him. Clearly, Marlo knows how to deal with old men.
Next week we meet Shamari. There is more drama with Dennis…perhaps Porsha should have checked his body for other girls names. He’s like the Jax of Atlanta. We have to go to a cancer appointment with Gregg where Nene asks about the survival rate because nothing is sacred.
Y’all. Sorry about the recap, but are you feeling this season? Is it just my sad sack outlook on life right now or is this a shit show?