Another season of this nonsense has finally come to an end. This was literally one of the worst seasons ever. It really needs to be the last one, but I don’t think it will be. There is always a mix of fake relationships like Kim and Wynn and Aubrey and Paulie thrown in with other couples who may or may not even still be together at the time of filming. But tonight is decision night.
After a fake scene where the girls hear the guys bragging about what a great time they had on girls night out we get to my favorite part of these shows. Anytime a producer is on camera? Something huge is happening. In this case it is Chris trying to get production not to show the results of Desiree’s lie detector test on the show. Desiree failed the lie detector when she said that her husband Chris was her first choice to marry on The Bachelorette. Oddly she is still friends with her first choice and Chris hangs out with both of them.
First up is Ernest and Mama D. They choose to stay together. Kim and Wynn of course split up, because they were never together. Wait, the both put rings in their box. Despite you know, not having rings, or a relationship. Wynn says he wants to have sex with her basically. Kim says she is down for that. They have an awkward old people kiss. I know, I know I am always chastising you guys for saying older people should not wear this or do that. But this was the kind of kiss your great great grand pappy gives your great great grandmother. Their lips don’t even match up. He’s smashing her upper lip and she is smashing his chin and both mouths are so closed you could not stick a piece of straw between their lips. How old are they? This makes them both look about 104. Dr. Ish says, “Have you ever seen a more awkward kiss?” No Dr. Ish, there has never been a more awkward kiss.
Puma and Quani are up next. Quani seems to have a baby bump. I googled first to see if she was pregnant because would hate to say that if she was not pregnant but she is. The problem is, Puma’s ring box is empty! Puma, what are you trying to pull now? Oh Lord, she stormed off and he was joking with her. Not funny Puma.
Chris and Desiree are next. I thought we were going to see Brooks on the show. Chris is creepy. He gives Desiree four red roses. I think she is might be creepier. She does a whole will you accept the rose kind of deal. These two…
And clearly Aubrey negotiated her contract to be the final couple. The whole thing is ridiculous. Aubrey has “his ring” in her box but it’s a “ring on a string.” Someone watches too much Vanderpump Rules. So the box wasn’t empty but she also didn’t give him the ring. It’s very Tom Schwartz. Paulie’s box is empty. I hate how Dr. V always speaks like she is announcing a golf game or in a porno or something. I think this may be my last season of this crap.
In the updates, nothing changed for Mama D and Ernest, he’s still a Mama’s boy. Shockingly Kim and Wynn did not work out. The Bacherlorette fakery continues as usual. Desiree is having their second child in January. Quani is due in February.
In the producers updates, we learn that Mama D and Ernest have separated again. There was supposed to be a clip of Kim lying on her lie detector and the lengths she went to do so, but it was not shown.