Yay! It is time for another season of Felons by Bravo. And this season some more felons and felon adjacents come out. This is hardly a distraction from politics anymore. It’s just Mob Wives Jr.
First we set the stage for the fights between Melissa and Teresa that are mostly amped up for the show this season. Remember they filmed at a weird time, no one was happy with this season (despite what Andy keeps saying to anyone who will listen) it was a bad season that had to be cut down and in post production. They weren’t sure what to do with it. Either Andy only saw the “fixed” episodes or he is just hyping it up because it sucks so bad. Knowing Andy, it’s probably the second one. Though Danielle is batshit crazy and gets married and files for divorce in one season, that shit is real and has to make up for all the mostly fake drama with Teresa and Melissa.
“Teresa and I used to struggle,It was hard for us, we used to butt heads.” [Insert montage from Melissa and Teresa fighting in previous seasons] “It was a horrible, horrible time in all of our lives. It was scary, I mean we were in a really bad place. Once you go through that, you never want to feel that way again. So it was like a crazy time, but we worked through it and put it behind us, and Teresa and I have come such a long way.”
Teresa is furious that Joe isn’t helping out with her father. She says he wants to see him more at a table where her father is sitting right there. Teresa is currently on a publicity tour while her father is in the hospital again. I get it is her job. Do you know how many jobs I turned down because of my parents health?
Three Months Earlier…
OMFG. Really? It’s going to be the season of what a great mother Teresa is making brown bag lunches for her high school student and apologizing for being late? The reality is she takes Melania to Fetty Wap concerts to play on the fact that they came from the same city because her favorite rapper has 69 tattoos all over his face and body. I CAN’T with this fakery already. Milania’s idol is a moronic rapper with face tattoos that just got REALLY LUCKY only getting four years probation in a child porn case involving videos of sex with underage girls.
I am two minutes in and so done with this bullshit. Holy shit. Milania is 12 years old with long fake finger nails and dyed hair. Teresa says they see their dad “average once a month.” I doubt they have been to visit since he move to the new prison so that he could expedite his deportation. Anyone who thinks Teresa didn’t know Joe was getting deported when he moved to the other prison is a fucking moron. That was the whole reason he move was to expedite his deportation which is inevitable.
Margaret used to be my favorite. I still defend her right to wear pigtails to her grave. But I’m annoyed by this scene. I should mention, I am on politics burnout at this point and I don’t care much about anything else right now. I’m doing my best. It’s a really bad time to piss me out in comments if you ever want to comment here again.
Delores still lives with Frank, at least for TV. Dolores comes clean about Frank getting disbarred. That was allegedly when he had nowhere to live an moved in with her. SO SHE KNEW. He was disbarred for stealing from a client’s account and then “forgetting to pay back the loan.” Girl please. Delores has no problem with disbarred attorneys. She and Siggy both had another one as there “agent” or whatever on the show. The same one that is connected to the website currently being sued by Luzanne Otte for their slanderous comments about them. The same one that had something to do with Leeanne Rimes and Brandi and the social media attacks on her. The same one that was in cahoots with Thomas Ravenel. The same one that tries to come for this website all the time. The house of cards is falling on all of them. The disbarred attorney has served me with a cease and desist. You are not allowed to practice law when you are disbarred. Even I know that. Forces are all coming together for good, and Delores is not on the side of good.
Does anyone want to see Teresa be a bodybuilder? Noe. Noe. They. Do. Not. Even Joe doesn’t want her to do it. It is her first move to distance herself from Joe.
I’m sorry, I am very behind due to Survivor, it is a great season you should watch and Cho’s recaps are amazing. So amazing it breaks my heart sometimes because he remind me of someone else who you to write here with all his details. With that said I draw my line at old people vaginal rejuvenation scenes.
Delores is pissed because she found out that Frank was disbarred on the last reunion. Girl please, the blogs have been talking about this for years. You are just embarrassed because your finances are comingled with his. Again fast forward.
Joe and Melissa and Joe and Margaret do a set up for Danielle’s wedding and some advertising for Marge. At a dinner where Teresa and Dolores go to dinner, Teresa tells her that Danielle is talking about Frank being a #FelonByBravo. I do not care about any of this fakery.
I don’t even care about this first birthday party. I know it will just be a bitch fight. I am as drunk as they are at this point. I don’t think I ate today with all the election stuff. Oh wait I had grits and prosciutto at some point.
Oh and then we meet Jennifer. She’s from Turkey where all the women are named Jennifer. So we can believe everything she says. Like it was an arranged marriage. I need this fakery to be over.
Then Danielle shows up. Everyone scatters so as not to have to talk to her. So far so good. Everyone is drunk except Teresa. Melissa is wasted. It is he birthday. She tells everyone this year they can throw her cake if they want to.
Worst premiere ever. Thank God I put in some interesting disbarred lawyer shit. LOL. I anticipate exhibit ZZZZY in the court case. 🙂