Yay! It is time for another season of Felons by Bravo. And this season some more felons and felon adjacents come out. This is hardly a distraction from politics anymore. It’s just Mob Wives Jr.
First we set the stage for the fights between Melissa and Teresa that are mostly amped up for the show this season. Remember they filmed at a weird time, no one was happy with this season (despite what Andy keeps saying to anyone who will listen) it was a bad season that had to be cut down and in post production. They weren’t sure what to do with it. Either Andy only saw the “fixed” episodes or he is just hyping it up because it sucks so bad. Knowing Andy, it’s probably the second one. Though Danielle is batshit crazy and gets married and files for divorce in one season, that shit is real and has to make up for all the mostly fake drama with Teresa and Melissa.
“Teresa and I used to struggle,It was hard for us, we used to butt heads.” [Insert montage from Melissa and Teresa fighting in previous seasons] “It was a horrible, horrible time in all of our lives. It was scary, I mean we were in a really bad place. Once you go through that, you never want to feel that way again. So it was like a crazy time, but we worked through it and put it behind us, and Teresa and I have come such a long way.”
Teresa is furious that Joe isn’t helping out with her father. She says he wants to see him more at a table where her father is sitting right there. Teresa is currently on a publicity tour while her father is in the hospital again. I get it is her job. Do you know how many jobs I turned down because of my parents health?
Three Months Earlier…
OMFG. Really? It’s going to be the season of what a great mother Teresa is making brown bag lunches for her high school student and apologizing for being late? The reality is she takes Melania to Fetty Wap concerts to play on the fact that they came from the same city because her favorite rapper has 69 tattoos all over his face and body. I CAN’T with this fakery already. Milania’s idol is a moronic rapper with face tattoos that just got REALLY LUCKY only getting four years probation in a child porn case involving videos of sex with underage girls.
I am two minutes in and so done with this bullshit. Holy shit. Milania is 12 years old with long fake finger nails and dyed hair. Teresa says they see their dad “average once a month.” I doubt they have been to visit since he move to the new prison so that he could expedite his deportation. Anyone who thinks Teresa didn’t know Joe was getting deported when he moved to the other prison is a fucking moron. That was the whole reason he move was to expedite his deportation which is inevitable.
Margaret used to be my favorite. I still defend her right to wear pigtails to her grave. But I’m annoyed by this scene. I should mention, I am on politics burnout at this point and I don’t care much about anything else right now. I’m doing my best. It’s a really bad time to piss me out in comments if you ever want to comment here again.
Delores still lives with Frank, at least for TV. Dolores comes clean about Frank getting disbarred. That was allegedly when he had nowhere to live an moved in with her. SO SHE KNEW. He was disbarred for stealing from a client’s account and then “forgetting to pay back the loan.” Girl please. Delores has no problem with disbarred attorneys. She and Siggy both had another one as there “agent” or whatever on the show. The same one that is connected to the website currently being sued by Luzanne Otte for their slanderous comments about them. The same one that had something to do with Leeanne Rimes and Brandi and the social media attacks on her. The same one that was in cahoots with Thomas Ravenel. The same one that tries to come for this website all the time. The house of cards is falling on all of them. The disbarred attorney has served me with a cease and desist. You are not allowed to practice law when you are disbarred. Even I know that. Forces are all coming together for good, and Delores is not on the side of good.
Does anyone want to see Teresa be a bodybuilder? Noe. Noe. They. Do. Not. Even Joe doesn’t want her to do it. It is her first move to distance herself from Joe.
I’m sorry, I am very behind due to Survivor, it is a great season you should watch and Cho’s recaps are amazing. So amazing it breaks my heart sometimes because he remind me of someone else who you to write here with all his details. With that said I draw my line at old people vaginal rejuvenation scenes.
Delores is pissed because she found out that Frank was disbarred on the last reunion. Girl please, the blogs have been talking about this for years. You are just embarrassed because your finances are comingled with his. Again fast forward.
Joe and Melissa and Joe and Margaret do a set up for Danielle’s wedding and some advertising for Marge. At a dinner where Teresa and Dolores go to dinner, Teresa tells her that Danielle is talking about Frank being a #FelonByBravo. I do not care about any of this fakery.
I don’t even care about this first birthday party. I know it will just be a bitch fight. I am as drunk as they are at this point. I don’t think I ate today with all the election stuff. Oh wait I had grits and prosciutto at some point.
Oh and then we meet Jennifer. She’s from Turkey where all the women are named Jennifer. So we can believe everything she says. Like it was an arranged marriage. I need this fakery to be over.
Then Danielle shows up. Everyone scatters so as not to have to talk to her. So far so good. Everyone is drunk except Teresa. Melissa is wasted. It is he birthday. She tells everyone this year they can throw her cake if they want to.
Worst premiere ever. Thank God I put in some interesting disbarred lawyer shit. LOL. I anticipate exhibit ZZZZY in the court case. 🙂
Delores referencing not seeing her son enough …”it’s the most eviscerating feeling I’ve felt in a very long time”. WTF?? Teresa butchers a word in damn near every sentence but I at least I can usually figure out what she is trying to say so I’m out for the season if I have to deal with another grammatically- challenged dingbat on this show.
Here all this time I thought Frank was such a great guy supporting Dolores and now he’s just another in a long line of losers by Bravo.
Margaret in full drag makeup in bed??
I think she was looking for “excruciating”
I thought she was trying a fancy way of “it feels like my guts were ripped out”
I’m happy for Frankie doing well Sacred Heart Univ. It’s a very nice school and I’m glad he’s away from those disfunctional parents. Get a clue Dolores why he doesn’t come home to visit!
Well, I actually watched and it was like time stood still. Spent most of my time looking at the clock.
Thanks for the recap! Think I’ll just stick with reading and forget watching.
Loans from client accounts? Puh-leeze…..it’s stealing. Disbarment? Both NJ con artists formerly lawyers deserved jail time
I feel your pain, sister. These shows seem more and more moronic every day in light of the festering pile of shit we deal with daily in the real “real” world.
But grits and prosciutto sounds yum.
I vowed that I will only read the recaps on this travesty of a show. I WILL NOT watch these people on my TV, so thank you for the recap!
One and DONE for this New Jersey housewife (who is current on all bills, has never had any legal issues and is massively embarrassed at the criminals and blatant Italian stereotypes)!
Thanks for the recap TT. Between Dolores’s inability to let go of her criminal ex husband and then to do business with him, and Joe Gorga’s absolutely revolting, misogynistic sexual comments I felt my blood pressure rise. He is a revolting PIG and he says those disgusting, debasing comments for her 12 year old daughter to head and watch.
I really hope no one thinks anyone on this show represents or is even a part of the upper class of NJ. Hell, Snooki and the Situation from Jersey shore are better than these slobs.
Tamara you do your best blogging drunk! excellent recap and we disagree with almost everything. I do agree that Dolores knew from the second the reunion ended.
Cheers!
Oh and also— F Bravo for the constant vag rejuvenation and plastic surgery scenes. Tonight was an all time low. Seeing a woman in her 70s was just too much. I can’t with all these insecure fools constantly objecting their faces with poison, the asses with god knows what, their breasts filled with saline… it’s outrageous to me. No, Deloreses, most real NJ housewives don’t go to plastic surgeons expectfor Botox and even that disgusts me.
Side bits— I am guilty of wanting to try Kyebella which is what Brittany from Vanderpump tiles used for her double chin but there’s not enough research done on the drug for me to try it.
Just had to put in a good word for Kybella, even though I always think it’s a new Kar-Jenner nickname when I hear the name. Anyhow! A good friend had several treatments done at a reputable plastic surgeon and I noticed results after the first treatment. She looks great and feels great! Go for it! I definitely will in the future.
Thanks! That’s good to know! I’ve had their website open in safari on my phone for at least 6 months. Maybe it will be my holiday gift to myself!
No problem! I think that’s a great idea! I’m all about the non invasive procedures. I do Botox for migraines but I’d like to try a TINY bit of juvederm for lip plumping! Dangerous lady here!
Moderation is the key. I have friends who have used a bit of Botox. The manufacturer of Botox, Allergan was a client back in my working days. They’ve managed to keep the drug from going generic because they keep finding new uses for it— migraines, decreasing excessive sweating and I think ED.
I enjoy watching Teresa w/her father.
I feel that’s the only truly genuine relationship and dialogue. I’m prob.wrong and he reads the cue card in Italian. I like Margaret but shes still running her man as the hired help. He must have BDE cuz he smarts back. Another fkn vadge renovation. I’m all for it but really!
Let’s go zap our vaginas cuz the male in the house will just go bonkers over our newly zapped crotch. Every fkn housewives show follows the same shit. Laser your vadge, have a cancer scare of different body parts. As a side note I am a Catholic and I pray for Greg Leakes to heal. Like a drug I can’t kick I’ll hang like an asshat so I don’t feel stalkerisj coming to the blog and cracking up over comments.
Please bump RHONJ to to 10pm slot and bring Dallas to its original time slot. They didn’t deserve to get bumped for this mess that is New Jersey. Why is Bravo afraid to just cut its losses with this city. It’s getting worse and worse every year.
Now Wanda, Andy Cohen says it is a great season! LOL He’s trying so hard to make us like this mess.
When they show a vag reguveration in the first episode you know it will be a bad season. Gorga was plain gross tonight. Delores is so hood and sure kissed up to Andy tonight. Tre and bodybuilding is stupid considering she is so busy. I guess she needs some storyline. Agree, TT, of course she’s known for a long time Juicy is being deported.
Can someone please explain the reason Marge sr. Would need a ” vaguvanation” and more importantly why we would want to see it im sure andy thought it would be hysterical and will have plenty of questions for the ol gal.
I am no longer watching the show, but wasn’t one of Marge’s storylines last year her mother, her mother’s dating and sex life? They were all amused by it but it was gross.
I’m loving all this hot tea you’re serving today! Thank you TT. That other site (Tea) was the first reality show site that I discovered when I started reading blogs about these shows. I never understood why it always seemed like they were on a campaign to smear Kathryn, Margaret and Brandi. When I would read the recaps I would wonder if these people were watching the same show as I was. They would post unflattering pics of Kathryn and insinuate that she was out getting wasted and I would get so pissed because I knew she was having custody issues with that creep Thomas. I don’t believe for 1 second that Delores didn’t know about Frank. I hope Siggy, Delores, and Thomas and the disbarred lawyers get what they deserve. Can’t wait till you can share more info. BTW I’m a Jersey HW too. (Hey Meredith! ) These women don’t represent me or any other NJ Housewife I know. We need a whole new cast. IMO
Have yet to watch so thanks for recap. Giancito cooking bacon is all I need to see. I love that sweet man. I bet the girls love having him there! Keep yr head up regarding court case twin. You got this & I got you. Prayers for strength you are the fiercest woman I know ! Xo spirit animal 1968
I feel so badly for him – but I sometimes wonder if he gets why his son doesn’t treat him like his daughter does. That if you play favorites with kiddos, and demonstrate the ability to cut family out of your life (like he did with his sister, Kathy and Rose’s mother) – you’ve taught the kiddos how to treat you later on.
I’m not a huge fan of Joe Gorga, but I do think the father/son issues are real and that he has had reason to be hurt by both his sister and his parents (for taking sides, etc.).
Agree. He does favor Theresa & I am sure that must hurt Joe. Sibling rivalry is brutal.. My heart goes out to Giancito. He loved his wife very much. Hope the grandchildren make up for some of the loss & hurt. The only reason I watch this is for the Guidice Gorga children who I have literally watched grow up on television. Even when their behavior is outrageous I really like those children. Reminds me of growing up in my Italian household.
I just remember the first season the Gorgas were on and the fight broke out… at one point Joe was crying screaming “You’re my father!” and that there was some issue about Joe Gorga working too much or something.
I’ve noticed that they seem to have matured ( i.e Tre, Melissa & both Joe’s) I never liked watching them fight but loved watching them make amends.
aand I think I see the answer to that wonderful blind you posted right here in this recap!
Also Pleeze stop with the vag rejuvenation, Bravo! I think it has been done on every RH show this year! So gross.
Perfect example of what annoyed me the most about seeing Teresa on WWHL—the photo for this post! WE HAVE REACHED PEAK EYELASH-YES?
Just gross. I hope she doesn’t try to drive with those fake eyelashes. Cannot even see her eyes. ICK. Blleeeeegh!
I agree with TT’s exact words-boring!
She looks like Lamb Chop 😬
Why in the hell is vaginal rejuvenation still being promoted on the HWs – is there some sort of sponsorship deal?
How is Frank Snr. going to get a line of credit to start flipping houses with “loyalty is my middle name” Dolores, when he was disbarred for fraud / misappropriation of funds / a harmless loan from an unknowing client (however they want to spin it) ?
Why am I still watching this?!
So many questions! I agree, this show is Bravo’s answer to Mob Wives.
I am so tired of the Teresa vs Melissa storyline. The Margaret in bed with hubby scene was….strange.
Teresa looked horrible on WWHL. Face so puffy her eyes were closed. Andy was asking questions about Joe’s deportation and when Teresa just gave him a blank stare, he had to answer his own questions. Horrible.
Yes. To anyone thinking of lip fillers, please watch WWHL. I decided last night while watching, that I will never ever do this.
I think she had fillers put in by the plastic surgeon of the new house wife from Turkey. He screwed her face so his wife will look better on the show than the others.
Any real old school Italian mother that witnessed the disrespectful behavior that Antonia showed throwing utensils on the table, would have stopped her in her tracks and read her the riot act! Melissa is the biggest fake poser always claiming how “old school” she is.
Oh boy TT thanks for taking one for the team and suffering thru this with us 🙂 Hope you’re feeling better! xo
Teresa needs to STOP fillers and the blond hair, oh my gosh she looks terrible! And why the body building?? Its not a good look for her…Melissa is over doing the lip fillers too…How long until Teresa says shes copying her? LOL
Dolores looked great. She is really pretty. But pretending she didnt know about Frank….come on!
I can see Teresa as getting into body building and enjoying it. Lots of women do and sometimes it seems to be the most unlikely women.
Dolores said something along the lines of not talking about personal information and it not being cool. I think she was talking to Teresa regarding Danielle. Anyway, I kind of understand that cause where I come from, that’s the way it is. If someone isn’t talking about something that’s general knowledge, it means they don’t want to discuss it. But then I remembered when Jacqueline and then Caroline tried to get Teresa to talk about her crimes on camera, years earlier. They all act as though they live by a tough, Italian “code” but most of them don’t. It’s ridiculous.
As appalling as Milania’s nails were, it may actually be a trend with the girls her age. I think they’re plastic and they look even more horrifying in real life. I saw them on some yong girls this past summer. I couldn’t stop staring. I guess it’s better than the real thing? I don’t know. If I had a child her age, the answer would be NO.
A lot of moms would probably compromise with the Lee Press on Nails… you know Theresa is letting her get expensive acrylic nails or whatever damaging thing they do now.
Yeah, Lee Press On nails are much more acceptable than those talons! I had to laugh when I read your comment – I remember my brother giving those one Christmas when we were in high school, lol, I had forgotten about that. I can’t wait to remind him! (They had just come out on the market.)
Can Bravo please bring back Melbourne??????? I’ve missed Geener, Jackie and Janet so bad…
How is Teresa paying the mortgage taxes and upkeep on her house? Anyone?
Do they draw straws to see who is going to get the free promo saggy vag proceedure for each franchise?
I am beyond over it. I was hoping that Marge was a one and done…she will make it very hard to for me to watch this already absmyl season.