Just to be clear: I was obsessed with 90 Day Fiancé well before the Vanderpump Rules kids discovered it. I don’t know why that matters to me, but it does. Very much. And with that said, surprise!, I’m now recapping 90DF. It took some serious arm twisting (and a few hours chained to Tamara’s radiator) but I’m finally ready to write about my private obsession. If you’re not watching, now’s the perfect time to start. Last week’s Season 6 Premiere introduced us to a whole new batch of Americans looking for love overseas. By dangling a green card via the Fiancé visa process, our sad sack compatriots attempt to lure younger, better looking partners desperate for the American dream. Since this is reality TV, the pathos and heartache is replaced by levels of delusion usually reserved for soap operas (and Bravo). It’s the show that everyone is talking about. You know you’re going to end up watching so you might as well join us. Or you could just watch Stassi and Beau watch it…
JONATHAN, 32 (Lumberton. NC) and FERNANDA, 19 (Mexico)
Overgrown party boy Jonathan is making a killing in real estate. He had no plans to settle down until he met fiery latina Fernanda. He’s been paying for her apartment, college, and living expenses for mumblemumblemumble years. Once her K1 visa was approved, he bought her “new boobies.” In case you need more proof that Jonathan is a douche, he uses the word boobies. Then giggles. Total nightmare. Fernanda is insanely jealous of Jonathan’s past, probably because he’s “robbing her of her youth.”
Previous dating issues: Jonathan was a college baseball star and has been swimming in kitty kat ever since
Where they met: Mexican vacation
Age difference: 13 years
How many days spent in the same time zone before engagement: The math is fuzzy due to Fernanda’s age
Worried friends/family: His former wingwoman (and probable friend with benefits) seems put off at the pedophelia age difference
Last week, Jonathan brought Fernanda home and their 90 day marriage window opened. Despite Jonathan getting rid of everything he owned so Fernanda would never have to see, touch or smell anything related to his past, she found a pair of his ex’s panties. It led to the biggest fight of their relationship, spanning two whole episodes. Realizing how isolated she is from everyone she knows, Fernanda finally decides to forgive Jonathan. Newly recommitted, the love birds set out for a fancy dinner party with Jonathan’s adult friends. She’s nervous to make a good impression and finds the North Carolina accent challenging. TLC tries to create controversy by having them discuss the age difference and US/Mexico politics. Jonathan’s friend are nice, normal people so they refuse to take the bait. Fernanda brings out her most mature charm and they all seem won over. Anyway, it’s just Jonathan. No one expected him to get married in the first place. So what of he has a divorce or three.
ASHLEY, 31 (Mechanicsburg, PA) and JAY, 20 (Jamaica)
Bartender Ashley is a self-described “strong woman” so you know she’s needy and desperate. Jay is overly sexualized, bragging about losing his virginity at 8 and dating older women for money. Neither partner seems to care how their marriage will impact Ashley’s young children. Momma wants her boy toy.
Previous dating issues: Ashley was cheated on (a lot)
Where they met: Jamaican vacation
Age difference: 11 years
How many days spent in the same time zone before engagement: 8
Worried friends/family: Ashley’s friend overheard Jay boasting about cheating on her but “she doesn’t have proof, only her words”
Ashley races to Jamaica for Jay’s visa interview. If all goes as planned, she’ll be flying home with her fiancé. But Jay’s interview is no slam dunk. In countries with large amounts of marriage fraud, the visa process is intense and difficult. If he gets denied, the relationship is over. So, no pressure. Luckily, Ashley has a completed marriage binder, full of photos, receipts and affidavits proving their undying love. Jay teaches us that Jamaican men are romantic, have a heavy sack and come tall. Ashley tells us her plan for an enduring marriage is sex on demand. How could any nation deny the love these two share? They don’t. Jay gets his visa and Ashley’s getting married. As the reality of what she’s done sinks in, Ashley wonders if it’s time to break her third engagement.
COLT, 33 (Las Vegas, NV) and LARISSA, 31 (Brazil)
Software Engineer Colt loves video games and his cats Baby Girl, Cookie Dough, and Sugar. He shares his home (and car) with his mother but it’s unclear who takes care of who. Larissa is a skilled gold digger that can’t hide her disgust at her fiancé. But the joke’s on her: Colt pinches all the pennies. No matter how much she rages, pouts, or wields emotional blackmail, Colt’s stands firm. Wasting money isn’t rational.
Previous dating issues: Dating American women is hard
Where they met: International dating site
Age difference: A shocking 2 years
How many days spent in the same time zone before engagement: 5
Worried friends/family: Cousin John thinks Colt must have a 12” penis to get a girl like Larissa
Colt worries about his first best friend, Mother. Instead of addressing her feelings about their change in living arrangements, they share an awkward, staged scene figuring out how to keep from walking in on each other. Debbie acknowledges she needs to disengage and allow Colt a life but it’s going to be a slow process. Colt greets Larissa at the airport and she barely musters a smile. She’s gobsmacked he didn’t bring flowers, chocolates, something. Colt tries to enjoy their icy reunion but every conversation returns to his lack of flowers. Hot, depressing Vegas does nothing to lift her spirits. But the silent car ride home gives her plenty of time to update her life goals: marriage, green card, then a car with AC. I predict throwing Mother a bon voyage party will soon top the list.
KALANI, 29 (Rancho Santa Margarita, CA) and ASUELU, 23 (Samoa)
Bootleg Kardashian Kalani is from Real Housewives of Orange County territory. Her Samoan father told his daughters to marry white guys so naturally she got knocked up by a foreigner. Being Mormon made the unwed pregnancy especially awkward. Her family hates Asuelu. Maybe it’s because Kalani lied about cheating to garner sympathy. Maybe it’s because he’s Samoan. Either way, entitled princess Kalani is determined to make it work without losing her family’s financial support. Expect baby Oliver to be used as a pawn.
Where they met: Samoan vacation
Age difference: 6 years
How many days spent in the same time zone before engagement pregnancy: Maybe 8
Worried friends/family: Kalani’s sister thinks Asuelu got her pregnant to get a green card
On her 30th birthday, Kalani prepares for the arrival of her fiancé (and baby daddy) Asuelu. Her entire future as an acceptable married lady rides on the next 3 months. It’s a lot. As Asuelu emerges from the airport crowds, I’m struck by how young he looks. He reminds me of a huge baby duck, waddling towards his love with a huge, dopey smile. He sings to Kalani, wrapping her in a lei. Before she can react, he whips off his shirt, ties on a sarong and performs a welcome dance. He jumps, shouts, slaps himself. Kalani is horrified by the display of Sam-wa pride but the rest of us fall in love. An airport worker offers to take him if Kalani doesn’t. Asuelu walks out of the airport, triumphant and barefoot. He is officially the best of Season 6.
As someone who has never left Samoa, Asuelu is impressed by everything. The roads are so wide. The airbnb is so fancy. The door key pad is so clever. But mostly he’s excited to start his family with Kalani. She explains they complement each other because she’s serious and he’s silly. He says it’s because she’s the hardest fiancée and he’s the easiest. They’re not wrong. The first family member he meets is also the easiest: mom. Asuelu’s sweetly genuine greeting completely wins her over but things aren’t so easy with Oliver. No matter how often he Facetimed with his son, the baby doesn’t know him. Kalani is sweet and encouraging. For the first time I see her trying to make something work instead of just whining about it. This relationship might have a chance. At least until Kalani’s father and sister get involved,
ERIC, 40 but looks 50 (Baraboo, WI) and LEIDA, 29 but looks 39 (Indonesia)
Former Marine Eric lives in a crappy apartment with a roommate, his 19-year old daughter. I say roommate because that’s what it’s called when two people split rent and utilities. After too many bad experiences with American women, Eric was ready to move to the middle east to fight Isis. Instead, he placed an ad looking for someone who wanted to move to the US. Leida popped right up. Med school grad, teacher, model, actress, 5th runner up at Miss Indonesia 2009, she seems too good to be true. And Leida is rich, bitch. Like cashing Peter F Gontha checks rich. It turns out Eric has omitted key details about his lower middle class lifestyle, as one does in a mature relationship. Hopefully Leida will be too distracted fighting his court ordered child support to notice.
Previous dating issues: American women don’t like Eric
Where they met: International dating site
Age difference: 11 years
How many days spent in the same time zone before engagement: 2
Worried friends/family: Eric’s family is genuinely confused why Leida is leaving the sweet life in Indonesia for him.
Leida is desperate to get away from her controlling family. She arrives in the US with her son Allessandro and completes one of the better acted airport reunions I’ve seen on this show. Eric thinks it’s love. Her sister Reina, sent by the family to decide if Eric’s life is good enough for their princess, sees the performance for what it is. Eric doesn’t want the family to see his hovel in Wisconsin so he meets them in New York. Leida is ready for the Four Seasons but Eric has something cheaper in mind: a dingy rental cabin in Pennsylvania. Leida is pissed but reins herself in. If she makes a fuss in front of Reina, she’s on the first flight back to Jakarta. She white knuckles her way through breakfast without maids, cooks and drivers. The level of catfishing these two are doing on each other is astounding. Reina worries Eric doesn’t know how awful Leida is. She doubts her sister’s ability to care for her son. But she demands that Eric prove himself to the family. I’d be more worried about how quickly Eric flares up when confronted, but that’s just me.
STEVEN, 20 (Bowie, Md) and OLGA, 20 (Russia)
Finally we get the last couple. High school dropout Steven was all about party after party after party. His parent’s kicked him out at 16 and he’s been couchsurfing ever since. The best times of his life took place in Ocean City, Maryland’s Jersey Shore. But everything in his life changed when he met Olga. It was the kind of love that quickly turns into an unplanned pregnancy and long distance parenting. Except Steven, who lost his dad when he was 7, don’t play that game. He’s going to be the father he lost, the father he wished he had. He’s going to bring his family home, to the United States. Somehow. Someway. Hopefully they don’t require a home. Phase One of his brilliant plan is flying to Russia for the birth of his son. The only family willing to film with him are his hippy grandparents. They give him gruff love and encouragement but remind us he’s an immature mess. Steven thinks the baby is a happy accident. Maybe it will led him to love of his life. I guess anything is possible.
Previous dating issues: They’re both too young to have much history
Where they met: Ocean City, Md
Age difference: None
How many days spent in the same time zone before engagement pregnancy: A whopping month and a half (good going, kid)
Worried friends/family: Grandmother worries Trump’s Russian boner will impact Olga’s K1 visa
Next week: Ashley and Jay land in America; Steven and Olga prepare for their baby’s arrival; Larissa meets her new roommate: Colt’s mother.
So excited to read this recap – hilarious! I love me some 90DF ?
Yay! So excited to watch with you.
Oh Lady C, THANK YOU! You’re recaps of 90DF are and will be a hoot!
Finally. Great recap. I love 90 days It is such a Great show I laugh so hard with all the craziness in that show. I love everything and every couple this season. The dance in the airport was sooo good.
I’m so glad I’m not alone about the dance. Asuelu is wasted on Kalani.
Fabulous recap!
I have an instant dislike to Steven, almost akin to my dislike and hatred for Jesse… Something about him just doesn’t sit right and I am already worried for Olga.
Colt and his mother give me the heebie jeebies, eek! Co-dependant with a splash of Norman Bates.
Olga thinks Steven is an upgrade from Russia. I’m not sure he is.
I have a feeling it will turn nasty…
Not before she gets her green card, but it will get ugly at some point.
I’m excited for your recaps. It’s almost sad that those looking for love suspend all logic and really believe their relationship is genuine.
I think Kahlani’s fiancée is genuine.
Time will tell.
Colt and his mother..something is just off
This recap was on point. Also, very happy for the 90 day recap. Would love to hear your thoughts on last season of Before the 90 Days, that was one for the reality TV books.
Before the 90 Days… woof. The only show I had to watch same night this summer. Paul and Karine. Jesse and Darcey. Ricky and Melissa/Ximena/His wife/A Male Producer (allegedly). It was hard to choose the biggest train wreck. I actually loved Michael (I did the BJ) and felt so bad for Hazel (something bad happened to that girl). What did you think?
IMO Jesse n Darcey were the biggest train wrecks. The fake tan on Jesse at the tell-all was over the top cringeworthy?.
Thank you so much for recapping 90 Day Fiance, My Lady! I am downright addicted to any version of 90DF – some of the best entertainment on TV in years, in fact, probably the best. I agree with you about Hazel – she has the eyes and demeanor of someone who has been through some horrible experiences.
Love this new season. I think Steven should get a paternity test, along with a job, a place to live, and his frontal lobe. Eric is supremely creepy and very evasive when it comes to the truth, but I think he met his match in Leida. Jay is disgusting and I can’t imagine what’s wrong with Ashley to fall for someone like him – gross. Colt, his mom and Larissa are going to be unimaginably awful – I can’t wait. Jonathan and Fernanda? I didn’t realize he had been paying for all her expenses. He practically bought himself a child bride if the rumors of how young she was when they met are to be believed.
Love, love, love, love this show. So excited to see it represented on TT.
Your advice to Steven (get a paternity test, a job, a place to live, and his frontal lobe) is spot on! So glad you’re in the family.
Oh my goodness…I and SO happy this show is being recapped!!! Thank you!!!
Yahoo someone else who shares my obsession!!! Colt and Mom…yeah ok just scream something diabolical!
I think they’re playing it up for the cameras but I might be biased (my mom is my best friend). Larissa has no idea what she’s walking into and it couldn’t happen to a nicer lady.
WAIT! Your mom is WHAT?
I should edit that to: my mom is my best friend I share a time zone with.
Colt gives me serial killer vibes. Did anyone else notice that Lelani ends nearly every sentence on a high note? Like she is asking a question? It drives me up the wall. Her mom does it too. Colt is young, dumb and apparently full of baby making semen, because it was only “one time” . That Indonesian chic will need to figure out if what is worse controlling parents with maids versus a poor American dude. I think she will be running back to Indonesia or try to find herself a rich American. And the Jamaican with the single mom, that is an STI and divorce waiting to happen.
I’m a bit obsessed with 90DF ?
Kalani has what is known as vocal fry. Super annoying, the unofficial accent of California, made most famous by the Kardashians. It’s a nightmare. I almost died when TT pointed out I have it (hangs head in shame).
You realize I remember very few of our conversations, right? I can pass a lie detector saying I never said such a thing.
Dearest Lady…A million thank yous for recapping what my husband calls, 90 Day Fuckups.
I like that name.
Yay!!! I am so glad someone is recapping this show. I LOVE it! Colt is odd, but he’s no dummy. He doesn’t back down. This is the first man I have seen do this on this show.
I love Asuelo. He just seems like a genuinely nice person. I think Kalani is absolutely gorgeous with flawless skin, but a lot of Twitters think Asuelo is too good looking for her. Harsh.
And….I can’t help but love Jay right now. (That could change). He is so confident! I can see where she found him slightly hard to resist.
I’m from NC and the accent was hilarious. My husband and I both said she got it right. Not a fan of Jonathan’s yet.
Steven and Olga are just young and dumb. Wish them the best though.
And Eric. ugh. BUT….I can’t wait to see if she (Leida) is all she says she is. The sister is something else.
This show is so great and I have watched all the seasons. Another person mentioned Jesse from the previous episodes. Good gracious, he drove me crazy!!!!!!!
Okay….Thanks SO much for recapping. I’ll be here for every new recap.
I’m happy you see Colt the same way I do. He’s odd but no pushover (which is a nice change). I think Jesse is probably the biggest villain of the whole franchise. Nightmare. He was so awful, you almost didn’t notice how bad Darcey was.
Jesse is awful but I dont think anyone can ever top Mark (the old man with the 19 year Filippina Nicki) as biggest villan of the franchise. I worry about that girl.
@astrowaffle
Yes! Mark was odd!!! But, could he really be as bad as David?? He mooched off his friend for so long and never worked. He favored Dracula a bit. NTTIAWWT. Annie was his wife. He still owes for her Dowry. THAT was a mess.
HAHA! Yes, Darcey was awful too. However, Jesse was so controlling and narcissistic that her BSC-ness kind of went to the back ground.
I’m so over the real housewives. Good to see something else recapped. Good job.
Thank you SO MUCH for recapping this show. I have been a diehard fan since the beginning. Now… where do these people crawl out from? Colt and his mom?? Something is off. She needs to let him go and he needs to grow up and cut the apron strings. Larissa will last about a week at the Bates Motel circa 2018. And enough about the flowers already. Steven and Olga? He can’t take care of himself much less a baby. Won’t end well. Ashley is an idiot. Jay will cheat on her in a heartbeat and she will kick him out HOPEFULLY. Eric and Leida? OMG, where to begin. He looks beat up at 40 and she’s going to be a handful. Not seeing this working out at all. The sister comes to check him out? How childish is this Leida? Is this another example of children having children? My favorite couples are Kilani and Samwa. He seems sweet but I don’t see him fitting in anywhere in OC (I live there) plus her father hates him already. He’s got a long road to carve out. And then Jonathon and Fernanda. He is sketchy to me and she’s too good for him from what I can see already. Bottom line is that the foreigners just want to get in the USA and they don’t care what they have to do to accomplish this. They even say that. None of these couples are “in love” so for them to put themselves on TV is beyond me. Again, what rock do these people crawl out from???
Yes, yes, and yes. I wonder how many (if any) of these pairings will survive.
They will survive long enough to get a green card. Hopefully, some of the marriages work out beyond the years it takes to get a green card.
I knew someone who was the perfect wife until she got her green card, then she totally changed. She stayed out all night, dated other men, etc. She got a divorce, is now working and doing well. She told me her sister did the same thing. It took less than 5 years, well worth it her, from what she said.
Did you see what Annie put up with from David ? He had no job, his adult children were older than her, he relied on his friend for money/ housing, etc. She stayed.
Apparently, getting a green card is worth it. There are people who outright pay Americans to marry them in order to get a green card. They receive 1/2 of the money upfront and the rest when green card is received.
I’ve worked in major cities with large immigrant populations and have seen too much. People fell comfortable confiding in me and tend to over share.
I wonder how Juan and Chantel are doing? Her family was something else.
This show is the best, and I am so glad you are recapping! I hope we can convert TT and get her to at least watch an episode or two. These people are nutso!! The only ones I really have much hope for are Jonathan and Fernanda and Kalani and Asuelo. For some reason, I feel like they will make it work. But, Jonathan will have to step up in a major way and prepare to be a big source of emotional support for Fernanda, as she seems like she will be very needy. With Colt – I just CAN’T….Him and Larissa are this seasons version of Jorge and Anfisa! He isn’t giving in to her requests for material things, like Jorge does for Anfisa, but that doesn’t mean Larissa will quit asking. She isn’t going to stick around with him for long – who would? And I have a really hard time even watching Eric and Leida. Such a mismatch. How does he not see it? I feel bad for her son and for his kids. I look forward to commiserating with everyone on here about these train wrecks!
I tried to get TT into Before the 90 Days because it was so boffo but she has too many shows she has to watch. Her roster of pleasure shows is short. Maybe now that we’re all talking about it she’ll reconsider. And a huge shoutout to all the kids on the show. They don’t deserve any of this craziness.
Ugh I actually hope Jonathan and Fernanda dont work out. Shes so young and hes such and gross slimey greaseball. I cant stand him.
Love this show! Great recap! Thanks Lady!
Thanks for the recap Lady C. This is one of my favorite shows.
This show is such a trainwreck…i love it! Thank you Lady Cocotte for recapping, you are doing the lords work. Now if only Tamara would start watching my life would be complete.
Thank you for recapping this show! I can now voice my “what the hell” to several people instead of just to my cat. I only got to see the Samoan morman, weird mix, couple. I will watch the rerun soon.?????
Totally understand Nadia! I always follow Twitter live while this show is on. SO FUN!!!
On what planet is Eric 40 years old? Not here on Earth ! Also Fernandas southern accent was really good! Like some one else said above, I can only see Jonathan and Fernanda working out and that’s only if he isn’t some super douche.
Yeah if Eric is 40 hes lived a real rough life!
One of my favorite shows, Ever!
Thank you for recapping?!
Yay! You have no idea how happy I am this show is being recapped!
Any one else thinking that Reina might actually be the nanny/help for Leida?
Ok, you got me! Now I have to watch this show.
Yay! Welcome to the family.
It sounds like this show has more fuckups than most. I’ll give it a shot. The best thing is that the comments are just so positive! It’s like the antidote to all the housewives comments! I LIKE IT!
Thanks Lady C!
Yay! I can’t wait to hear your take on all of these characters. You won’t see a single fight about champagne coupes or pantygate. And they’re all so horrible, they deserve the torture they put each other through.
Here are MY people! My husband walked in, shook his head, walked back out. I love these train wreck, before the 90 days, during the 90 days, happily after the 90 days? I will take them all
If’m watching On Demand and may or may not get through the first LONG ASS FUCK episode before 7:30 when I have two shows taping. I don’t understand the half Samoan sisters fight. Did our favorite Samoan cheat or not? I MUST KNOW THIS ENTIRE STORY.
TT! You are being hooked! I actually took a whole season (or series of a season) off but started this season because it showed up on my DVR and then OMG it is now here!!
Anyway the Samoan baby daddy/fiancée did get with another woman and his baby mama told her family he cheated.. BUT.. they had broken up at the time he strayed. So now she needs to backpedal since they reconciled…
There is a Samoan presence in Orange County, even south county. I wonder if baby mama’s family is connected, since Dad was so adamant that they marry someone not Samoan…
Thank you. And I would comment on this more IF I COULD GET THE FUCKING UPDATES ON POSTS I DO NOT WRITE! It’s MY SITE FFS and I still cannot figure out how to do it.
Also the guy with the Mexican child reminds me of Jax.
Jax is trolling Jonathan and his Mexican child on social media. He thinks he’s found someone he’s superior to. They’re definitely equally horrible.
OMG
They look like relatives to me.
I’m so glad you’re recapping this! I’m hoping Colt, Larissa and his Mom can find common ground and make things work. And yeah, I’m also hoping they’re playing it up for the cameras as well. I think he said on the last episode Larissa was aware he lives with his Mom and has no problem with it. We’ll see.
I’m so glad you’re recapping this!!!!
Also. Colt is creepy AF. Like serial killer creepy.
I’m glad the cameras are there for Larissa’s safety.
The Samoan guy is adorable. I can’t imagine going from living a rural life in a house with no walls to Orange County. He & Lailani seem really committed to their son. I hope they work out!
I can’t wait to see what Leida does when she sees that apartment in no wheresville Wisconsin. She’s going to flip.
I am OBSESSED with all the 90 day shows! And I’m extra excited for this season because Aseulu is my hands down favorite participant from all seasons. Hes just so sweet and happy. I hope his fiance and her family can lighten up and accept him for who he is. I’m also rooting for the dumb kids Steven and Olga. They definitely have an uphill battle but theres a kid in the mix so I hope it works out. Otherwise I pretty much hate all the dudes from this season. Jonathan is ultra sleazy, Colt is Norman Bates with adorable pets, Jay is a player, and Eric seems in way over his head.
I can’t imagine the culture shock Asuelu will have going from a tropical shack to Orange County.
the traffic was mind-boggling to him, and that’s just the beginning of it. I hope this whole experience doesn’t change him from a sweet island boy to something like a Mohamed or a Luis. That would be horrible. Kalani doesn’t seem very loving to him – if I had that big hunk of burning love walking across the airport towards me, I’d have been a lot more enthusiastic, and I’d have probably booked a nice, private hotel room for the first night together. Oh, maybe she’s still pretending to be a 29-year-old virgin – that would explain it.
I’m late to the party!! Just want to say I’ve watched ever season every show of any of 90 day , so happy Lady C is recapping.
So many on point comments already, that I agree with. So bring on Colt and his mother and the Brazil Bridezilla, Ashley and Jamaican Jay, Eric and Leida sister combo are favorite “messed up couples” too watch..feel sorry for Olga stay in Russia Stephen has nothing to offer you not even a roof over you head..
WOMG! Yes! So happy that you are re-capping this.. I joined the 90 Day World about a month ago after shunning it, thinking it I was above it (Real Housewives was the barometer as to how low I’d go – ha!). Boy was I EVER WRONG! I’ve since become obsessed and watched both seasons of Before the 90 Days, seasons 1-3 of regular 90 Day and season 1 of Happily Ever After all in the last month.
I’m so looking forward to reading your weekly recaps!
I laughed out loud when you said that hopefully Steven and Olga won’t require a home. It worked for David with Annie! The 90 Day franchise is in my top 5 of reality tv. It amazes me that some of these women are fooled into thinking that the Americans are wealthy, such as in the case of Eric and Leida. There haven’t been any truly wealthy men or women on the show yet. The foreigners need to set their gold digging standards to a higher level.
Was there a recap for the second episode?
So sorry. I had some personal obstacles this week but it’s coming…