Oh yah mon! It’s time to go back to Jamaica! This is one country I’ve been to that I have no desire to return to for so many reasons. As the taglines are playing I am reminded that the RHONJ taglines came out today. I tried really hard to give a fuck, but I have very few fucks to give today. Perhaps tomorrow. I’ve been very lazy today. Mostly because my drama of the day involves a sinus issue with stopped up everything, but my ears being stopped up like I’m on a plane or something is the worst. Winter is here in Atlanta and we skipped fall entirely. The leaves haven’t even turned yet. The leaves seem ready to just fall off green. It’s crazy. They say we are in for a super cold winter, which is strange because THEY also say all of our ice caps are melting and we are going to have summer forever until we die. I hate THEM.
The hotel they put the ladies in has no air conditioning. It seems like the housewives accommodations on trips is on the decline. The RHOBH had to stay in a Marriott half an hour from the wedding site and Camille’s house with the crew! Vicki and Shannon are holding up the ride to dinner because they are hot. Isn’t that more reason to get the hell to the restaurant with the air conditioning faster?
At 8:45. the rest of them leave Vicki and Shannon behind to get to dinner. Tamra promises they will see “fun Shannon” tonight. Emily is looking forward to that. I don’t know why they would care so much. I am so very over this one dumb storyline. If Shannon had killed a baby on the first episode, this would still be too long to keep talking about it.
They are eating outside at the restaurant at least it is dark and near the water for an ocean breeze. Wait, a mojito is a rum drink? How did I not know this? I love rum. But I love it too much so I never have it. Oh and spiced rum, could be the death of me if I start drinking that. It’s a bad for me. But I love the taste so much.
Vicki and Shannon have pregamed for dinner. A lot. They were well over an hour late for dinner. Shannon is having a major eye job when she gets back so this is her last night to drink before surgery. So after she talks about that, she starts muttering about how boring everyone else’s conversations are that are not about her. Shannon really doesn’t listen to anyone. She just talks. If she had listened to David she might have figured out he was seeking a relationship outside of their marriage. After I typed that, and hit play, Tamra said the exact same thing.
Then they argue about Shannon not acknowledging them. Shannon’s defense is she has a lot going on in her life. It’s all new to her. Gina points out she is going through the same situation. Emily mentions in her talking heads that Gina is going through a divorce and has three toddlers to raise alone, and yet she still reaches out to Shannon. Then Gina says Tamra is her best friend and she never even asks her about Eddie’s multiple heart ablations. This is a lot of “new” for Tamra too. Tamra suddenly mocks Emily out of nowhere for only having one glass of champagne at dinners. Isn’t she Mormon? I’m surprised she has one! What is the point of mocking someone for not getting wasted? Shannon is pissed and demands that Tamra set Gina straight.
When Tamra doesn’t do that Shannon flees to the bathroom to feel sorry for herself. Tamra goes after her. Shannon starts screaming about herself again. The scenes where all we see are a bathroom door are always the best. Shannon says her divorce is worse than Gina’s. Is this a contest? Vicki wants everyone to go back to the hotel. The sheep agree. Shannon denies that she has a negative attitude. The entire conversation is about Shannon and negative shit. Strangely, everyone agrees that Shannon is a negative Nelly and no fun to be around.
The bus ride home was very awkward. They other five women want to go for a nightcap in the lounge. Shannon storms off to her room and screams at the cameraman to stop following her and threatens to do a Jax like microphone toss. Did I mention how much she drank with Vicki before dinner? Tamra tries to go talk to Shannon and Shannon is stripping down in the parking lot trying to get her microphone off. Not really stripping down but it’s an event.
At the bar the ladies talk about Shannon and her struggles to … well …. be an adult. Shannon is complaining about having to pay bills, and pick the kids up and now she has her first adult “job” selling fish with fucking cream cheese in the middle. That’s pretty much normal life for everyone. We pay bills, we work, we try to keep the house functioning and they yard maintained. This is adulting Shannon. Welcome to it.
The new girls are allowed to go to bed. The other three stick around to talk about how Shannon cries every night. Vicki says she got on an antidepressant during her divorce because she could not stop crying. Shannon is depressed. Kelly says David must have been a saint to do that for so long. The other three go to talk to Shannon. Apparently, Vicki has procured access to a room with airconditioning. I don’t think they are going to make it there. Shannon is furious with all of them and screams at them all. She screams at them all about how she is a good person. All of them have been through a divorce. But Shannon’s is worse. They try to tell her she needs medication and that sends her off on a next level rant. They give up, Tamra says, “Then just keep crying every night, I’m trying to help you!”
Tamra is done with her and her hysterical phone calls and she’s had enough. I am so glad I have a more tolerant lady sitter. 🙂 Tamra is packing her shit.
The housewives moved into new villas with air conditioning. The ladies all go on their bobsledding and waterfall trip without Shannon. Vicki tries to call Shannon and leaves a message and offers to stay behind with her. Some of the other women did too.
Please remember in comments we don’t do the body shame thing on this site. Thanks.
Kelly Dodd seems to think the “Jamaicans won the Olympics.” Good Lord woman, the barely qualified and that was the big accomplishment. People buy them new sleds and send them money because it’s a novelty. I really like Emily. I think she is the most underrated new housewife in ages. This of course means she will go the way of Joyce on Beverly Hills who I also loved.
I don’t understand why Vicki is wear a black lack body stocking (well it is a two piece) to go bob sledding. It’s apparently her swimsuit with some pants. Now that I get that I could see thinking this was a good idea in theory. However, in practice she looks like a hooker and the tan/burn lines are going to be hideous. Vicki apologizes to the camera for getting caught twerking by the Jamaican part employee. She a respectable business woman and a grandmother. Steve is not going to like this.
The “bob sledding” thing is an amusement park ride. Who knew? Vicki is so fucking shady. She wants to buy Shannon a T-Shirt and says multiple times on camera that her friend is an extra large. The clothes are hanging right there. You just have to pick up the one you want and carry it to the register. I am really tired of production fat shaming Shannon.
All the girls think that the reason Vicki was wearing the black lace pants is because she has a Brazilian butt lift, or butt implants. Vicki says when she told Shannon she was moving to the cooler room, Shannon was drinking more vodka. They think she needs help.
Next week: Is Shannon still MIA?