We are almost to the end of this season. Decision day is looming and I almost made it spoiler free to the end. WHY DO PEOPLE THINK WE NEED THEM TO TELL US HOW THE SEASON ENDS? If you want to know, you can Google. I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW because what the fuck is the point of investing so much time into a show and then having someone say “The Hills was a fake reality shows?” It’s the same reason I don’t like recapping Survivor. Idiots always think they are doing some public service by completely ruining our viewing experience. Anyway, let’s see how this week goes. I’m going to guess Dorinda would summarize it as, “not well. bitch.”
But while I am whining about every little thing, if you had to do a shot every time the matchmakers said “married a stranger” you would have alcohol poisoning before the new footage even rolls. Also did Dr. Pepper get an eye lift or something? She looks different.
Mia and Tristan
Tristan is all alone in the hotel room enjoying a drama free breakfast. Mia has left after telling him she wants a divorce. But then, Mia magically shows up to talk to Tristan. I wonder how many people Google “Tristan Thompson” and end up here looking for the basketball player who is Khloe Kardashian’s baby daddy? If that is you, then the latest news is that Khloe is worried that Tristan will cheat again during the upcoming basketball season. Khloe really should have hooked up with this Tristan instead.
Meanwhile, Mia is trying to back pedal on the whole divorce thing in front of the cameras. She literally woke him up out of a dead sleep to tell him she wants a divorce. Suddenly, she says that it is Tristan who wants the divorce and she is the victim. She says she just wanted him to say he didn’t want a divorce. Tristan is going to give it a bit more effort. Sigh. Tristan says he is still all in. Mia is happy. UGH.
They go for a picnic on the lake as if nothing has happened and they are all lovey dovey. If Mia can’t get it together for this relationship, she never will have one. Tristan puts up with A LOT. Later they go out for lobster. Mia talks too much.
Married At First Sight Honeymoon Island?
What fresh hell is this? ” In “Married at First Sight: Honeymoon Island,” past “Married at First Sight” participants get a second chance at finding their soulmate. A group of 16 participants – fan favorites, unmatched candidates from previous seasons and the addition of some new faces, will be invited to an exotic island for the opportunity to make deep connections and work on falling in love. At the end of their stay, couples must decide whether they want to get married or leave the island alone.”
Depending on when it airs, I may be watching. But recording time in the fall is at a premium. Will you be watching?
Amber and Dave
What are these two blabbering on about? Seriously. What is this ridiculous dialogue by the waterfalls supposed to be about? It’s so staged. The next scene is more of the same. Except this time with mimosas and some honesty from Dave. He isn’t sure what he wants to do on decision day. Amber has a new dye job. It looks better. She is still fishing for declarations of love from Dave that he is refusing to give.
My sound keeps going out on my video recordings. I am going to be pissed if I need to get a new DVR box. AGAIN. I have all of my Parts Unknown episodes saved on this one! Oddly it was just the second half of this conversation that was without sound and as soon as they went to the next scene sound was back. It was interesting to watch just the body language. Amber is clearly pissed.
Next we find them wandering through a vineyard. There is a beautiful cheese platter accompanied by lots of whine, courtesy of Amber. Dave is over the constant badgering by Amber to quell her immense insecurities. He’s tired of having the same questions and the same conversation over and over. He’s pissed now. He begs her to stop pressuring her. She’s confused because she is not listening.Later at a beautiful dinner on the river, Amber wants to know why Dave is being cold to her. Probably because she keeps bringing up the same conversations. Then she goes to name calling. Then somehow they both start joking around. WTF?
Danielle and Bobby
Bobby annoys me. He is yammering on about how they will be having cinnamon rolls for breakfast because Danielle loves cinnamon rolls. We get it. You’re pussy whipped. It’s annoying. Meanwhile they barely look at each other a breakfast during a stimulating conversation about trees.
Danielle agrees to go fishing with Bobby. She catches the first fish. It looks like they caught quite a few. Later these two go to a brewery. Bobby confesses that he loves her more than his family because she is his wife. She responds with “it’s nice to know what is going on in your head.” This relationship is so boring. Is that how they are supposed to be? I’m asking for a friend, because I’m bored out of my mind by these two.
Next week is the episode where we think they will make their decisions but the stop the episode right before that part happens.