If you thought Lindsay Lohan was sane again, you thought wrong. Around five years ago, Lindsay Lohan ran off alone to Turkey to “find herself” and/or find a new foreign accent or three. She left Turkey for a stint in London where she picked up a few new accents before landing in Dubai where she currently lives. It is presumably there that she picked up a smattering of Arabic. This will be important later.
While she has been out of the glare of US paparazzi, she’s been anything but bored. She’s started a cosmetics company specializing in lipstick that doubles as blush (as if this isn’t something our great grandmothers taught us) and a fashion line with some Dubai designer (that actually sounds interesting), she’s guest starred on a British comedy (Sick Note) and working on an independent film or two in Dubai.
NEED MORE LINDSAY LOHAN STORIES? I MEAN WHO DOESN’T?
If that were not enough to keep her occupied, she also has two night clubs in Greece, one in Athens, Greece and the other in Mykonos. The one in Mykonos where gay men and real housewives flee for sexual debauchery and excessive drinking with the Europeans kids on Spring Break, is the focus of her new reality show tentatively titled Lohan Beach Club and expected to debut on MTV next year.
I’ve been following all of this and was pleased that Lindsay seemed to be doing a lot better and be a lot happier out of the glare of Hollywood or NYC. I presumed she was sane and healthy again.
I was wrong. Last night, Lindsay took to IG to post from Moscow. I do not know what she was doing in Moscow. I have an idea Lindsay didn’t know what she was doing in Moscow. The video begins with Lindsay videoing herself to get out of her chauffeured car in the middle of traffic and crossing over to the sidewalk where a homeless family was sitting. The parents and their two boys were content and even laughing a bit at Lindsay when she came to”save them.”
REMEMBER THAT TIME OPRAH TRIED TO HELP LINDSAY LOHAN?
“America is watching this. Tell me what you need,” she begins. Then she offers them a hotel and tells the boys they can watch movies. Only it seems she just wants the boys to come away with her to spend the night and leave the parents behind. Then she decides the mother can come, but not the father. I should point out that none of them seem the least bit interested in her, nor is it likely they understand her English interspersed with random Arabic and Spanish phrases. The car is apparently still blocking the street and horns are blaring. She tells the mother she should let her children go with her for a warm bed.
She tells the kids to run to her. She praises Allah in shitty Arabic as the parents are literally laughing in her face. After seven or eight minutes the father decides the crazy woman is never going to leave them alone, so they pack up their cardboard set up and prepare to flee. Lindsay thinks they are finally accepting her invitation to get into her car and gets pissed as they walk off and starts to follow them shouting that they are going the wrong way. The car is still in the middle of the road blocking traffic.
At this point, Lindsay follows the poor family and says she won’t leave until they come with her. Then she gets abusive. “Now I know who you are! Don’t fuck with me!” as they are literally fleeing for their lives. She tries to get the kids to come to her. She screams at the parents that they are not acting like Arabs and are “ruining Arab culture!”
The mother has the youngest boy up off the ground in one hand and the slightly older boy firmly gripped in her other hand. Both boys keep turning around to see if the crazy lady is still following them as they reach the end of an alleyway and try to cross the street. Lindsay is rambling asking if they are her kids or if she is trafficking them. She starts muttering about “Don’t fuck with Pakistan.” Lindsay appeared to reach out to touch the youngest boy and the mother turned around an punched her square in the face!
Lindsay lost all of her accents at the end of the video and the family was able to escape to safety.
Wow, just wow….that is messed up. If she really wants to help folks like that, I hope that someone helps direct her efforts in a better, more positive way. Does she not realize that those people have no idea who she is? lol…She had better check herself before she ends up in trouble with the po po in some foreign country!
Let me just say, looking at that picture of her and Andy, I can’t decide which one is crazier, TT. One of them just plays the came better than the other. But, I can’t wait for his crazy to be exposed. I hope it is sooner rather than later! Thank for the TEA. I’ve been too busy at work to watch the shows or even read your recaps until today. Stellar, as always. Thanks for all you do! : )
That was crazy.. She has lost her mind (again).. And, yes, all her accents (good one, TT).
Fifty Shades of Crazy will probably submit her video as an International Short Film Oscar contender.
I tried to post in Russian, because, why not, lets all be weird like LiLo… but it won’t let me ?
Anyway…
Apparently this is how you throw a party in Moscow, bitches.
This is my favorite post ever.
My thoughts exactly.
Disgusting.
When I was 22 and freshly embarking on a non-descript career in Manhattan, I spent my first ever New Year’s Eve in Times Square. After consuming an enormous amount of giggle-water, I began to lurch home when I saw a crowd of drunken people hurling verbal abuse at two policemen who had rounded up a stray puppy (a German shepherd mix with fetchingly oversized ears) and were taking him away. One of the cops shouted at the crowd, “Look, if one of you numb-nuts wants ta take the friggin’ dawg, be my guest. Otherwise, geddoutta here.” Wherein I sashayed forward and triumphantly slurred “I will take the friggin’ dawg”, and to a smattering of applause, I did. And awakened the next morning with a colossal hangover AND a puppy. All this to say my inclination is always to sympathize with someone who, perhaps after imbibing or inhaling some flavor of mind-altering substance, has a tendency to aggressively embark on a misguided good deed. But then I remember that Lindsay was live-streaming the entire affair to the world, that we all might admire her linguistically dubious humanitarianism, and that when the whole endeavor went south she attempted to drag one of the boys away by the hand while accusing the parents of “trafficking”. So in this instance, I’ll throw my moral lot in with the mother who popped Lindz in the kisser.
May I please be invited to your house for Thanksgiving?
D-Mama… will you adopt me? I promise I am adorable and partying with you sounds FUN.
Huh! I drink copious amounts of “water” on New year’s eve too! See? We already have so much in common! How’d the puppy turn out?
Luv your comments!
Very cool story-did you keep the puppy?
Of all your glorious prose in prior posts and in this one, a simple,
“I will take the friggin’ dawg”
Made me LOL so hard that I woke up my friggin dawg.
Yes, you are all invited for Thanksgiving giggle-water, as long as our Glorious Leader brings her friggin’ dawg, because I suspect he’d keep us all on our toes.
@ Ralee and Kipper, I lived in a no-dog building, and the super somehow instantly gleened the puppy’s presence and gave me 24 hours to find him a home or be taken to the shelter – so I spent New Year’s Day walking my West Village neighborhood trying to arrange a suitable adoption. And bless me if I didn’t eventually do just that – there was a teeny-tiny jewelry store on West Fourth Street, and the proprietor told me she’d recently lost her German Shepherd to old age. She took the puppy then and there, and I got to see him whenever I walked down West Fourth, because he’d sit right at the entrance of the shop. When I left the city ten years later, they were still very happy together. It was a win-win-win-win-win, for the two cops, for me, for the tiny store owner, and of course for the friggin’ dawg.
Truly win win!
Great story! Thanks for sharing! ??
What a great true story!!!!!
Incredible! “Paak-i-staan”, and about six other pronunciations in different accents! She no doubt meant well, but to say that her delivery was a bit off is putting it mildly. The family was actually very polite to her at first, but I’m sure they weren’t happy at being harassed to the point where they had to leave the spot where they were all settled down for the night. Good for the mother for punching her in the face – surprised it took that long with Lindsay being so persistent. Not a doubt she’s not firing on all four cylinders, and being in Moscow makes it even worse – acting like you’re mentally unbalanced st home where they know you is one thing, but in Russia? Hope there’s someone who can step in and check on her mental state, or get her on some meds.
Yes! This family, already displaced and homeless were situated as comfortably and as safe as they can be in that moment and then this person basically attacks them, forcing them to move to protect themselves and their young family.
She verbally assulted them, implied they weren’t good parents, tried to separate them from their husband and father? She then chased them and touched a child? She’s more than lucky she walked away. Those poor children were being carried away in hast! Ugh! So ugly.
I’m embarrassed and disgusted by her behavior. This family has already seen enough! And now Lindsay? I’ll be watching how Lindsay defends herself this time.
Thank you TT.
Wow. Wow. I don’t believe that. That was the best and worst thing I have ever seen. That seems like something a tabloid would post, not Lindsey herself. I can’t believe she would pull that shit in Moscow. Isn’t she afraid? I would be terrified. You can’t do that in a foreign country. Especially one that (despite our President’s wanting to be) is NOT an ally. A communist country! She is way too reckless.
Thanks for posting that. I hope she doesn’t cause an international incident.
Just for the record, Russia isn’t a communist country.
What a sick and terrifying thing to do to that family! That was horrible to watch. The mom should have punched her much sooner- I would not allow her to take my child, dog or anything I cared about.
The fact that she posted this and does not see the huge error of her behavior is shocking.
To be honest,I’ve never been s LL fan. Don’t really know anything about her, other than she’s crazy. That being said, what a fucking but job. No the hell does she think she is? Mother Theresa??? She’s sniffling, not from the cold but because she inhaled so much ‘happy time who’s that she killed about 10 million more brain cells. Those parents weren’t trafficking those kids, and she was attempting s kidnapping. I hope the Russian authorities sees this and charges her dumb ass! Give her a grub test and lock her up for a few years. This made me really mad. We don’t know what kind of horrors these people went through so that they are living on the streets. And here comes crazy white girl, high on drugs trying to take their children away. Can see report her??????
What a fucking but job is sooooo funny & perfect for this scenario. I love wild typos that make us laugh out loud. ?
I agree ?. I am going to try and use buttjob in a sentence today.
Might I recommend the Michael Darby comment section?
ROFL??? I didn’t even see that. And I was trying so hard not to make any typos!!! Jokes on me…LOL
OMG. That’s called attempted kidnapping! She’s lucky she only got punched when she tried to grab that kid!
The only thing I know about this person – Ben Mankiewicz declared that TCM will never run her version of the movie Parent Trap.
I actually really love her version of The Parent Trap. Mostly for Dennis Quaid & the late Natasha Richardson who was one of my favorite actresses.
I like that one. But I love the Haley Mills version.
OMG! The accent! It’s insulting IMO.
She’s an idiot and should be thanking the mother for JUST punching her.
Entertaining if nothing else.
I for one just want to thank TT for watching the entire thing and giving us a play by play so that I didn’t have to. Legit cringe.
I recently read an article on Lindsey and it appeared she had her life on track-not perfect but she seemed to be in a better place. I am sorry to see her this way; those pathetic jokes she had as parents are to blame. They will both probably use that as an opportunity to obtain publicity for themselves instead of trying to help her.
Me too! I was so happy for her! Perhaps it was a random night of blow and she’s learned her lesson? Oh who an I kidding! Lol
Thanks for the links TT here I go down a Lindsay rabbit hole.
P.S. to Andy Cohen: the trick is to get eight veneers, not six.
Don’t ask me how I know. 🙂
Oh my!!!! Hilarious post! Mama bear knocked those accents right out of her mouth! THAT WAS the oddest part! Like a new person was commenting. I think I’m stunned!
I feel like when people read the title they must think “Oh, Tamara is exaggerating again…” And then they read the post and watch the video and it’s like, “OMG! The bitch really did try to steal someone’e CHILDREN!”
Tamara STFU!! Im dying. I literally thought you were exaggerating just like you said!!! I did not even think it was possible. I just watched the video and I am in shock. You’re hilariou. This is probably the funniest post Ive ever read in the past 5 years from reading you. My jaw is on the ground. Im so happy this mother punched her square in the mouth
I knew everyone would think that! Because who the hell tries to kidnap refugee kids from their parents? AND WHO LIVE STREAMS AND ATTEMPTED KIDNAPPING WHEN THEY ARE THE KIDNAPPER?
The knocking the accents right out of her mouth was amazing. There should be a go fund me for that mom, she’d be rich. lol.
Wow! That must have been some good blow!! I remember that all-powerful feeling but not to the point of THAT!! Crazy. Just crazy. That punch was EVERYTHING!!
I hope she get help, I’ve seen interviews with both mom and dad, one nuttier than, no one could turn out sane in that household. This is so bad, maybe it will wake her up.
Crackhead MESS. She probably picked up a few phrases jere and there from her johns. Allegedly, of course.
SMDH
Tamara I love you and your wit. I’ll be laughing about this all day
“and then Lindsay lost all her accents at the end of the video”
literally made me spit out my coffee laughing.
Thank you for that.
To her behavior I say… W T F???
Im still baffled at the sheer absurdity stupidity, and just plain ignorance of it all. Tamara I had to copy your reply to my notes so when I need to laugh I’ll pull it up (pure gold) :
Because who the hell tries to kidnap refugee kids from their parents? AND WHO LIVE STREAMS AND ATTEMPTED KIDNAPPING WHEN THEY ARE THE KIDNAPPER?
Im so glad I read this here first. Tamara your sense of humor and narrative of this whole mess deserved an Emmy! Had I read or heard this elsewhere it just wouldn’t be the same.
I just can’t believe this dumb a$$ had the balls to get irate when this family was “literally fleeing for their lives”
I dont think she meant well at all.
#1 she wouldnt have recorded it (but thank God she did)
#2 she could have handed them money and walked away.
Or bought them blankets food etc.
No.
Instead she continues to harasses them and becomes incensed because they walk away from her.
But in the biggest shock, to me anyway, she posts the video “for the world to see”
What the hell is wrong with her?
I can’t for the life of me wrap my head around this.
Is her ego so huge she can’t see her wrong in this? Did she want people to feel sorry for her?
I’m usually good at spotting people’s MO’s but I can’t get ahold of this one.
Ok I exceeded my post limit for the day. Im a long long time stalker ? but I dont post much. No reason why.
Your site is a much needed relief in this crazy fecked up world.