If you thought Lindsay Lohan was sane again, you thought wrong. Around five years ago, Lindsay Lohan ran off alone to Turkey to “find herself” and/or find a new foreign accent or three. She left Turkey for a stint in London where she picked up a few new accents before landing in Dubai where she currently lives. It is presumably there that she picked up a smattering of Arabic. This will be important later.
While she has been out of the glare of US paparazzi, she’s been anything but bored. She’s started a cosmetics company specializing in lipstick that doubles as blush (as if this isn’t something our great grandmothers taught us) and a fashion line with some Dubai designer (that actually sounds interesting), she’s guest starred on a British comedy (Sick Note) and working on an independent film or two in Dubai.
If that were not enough to keep her occupied, she also has two night clubs in Greece, one in Athens, Greece and the other in Mykonos. The one in Mykonos where gay men and real housewives flee for sexual debauchery and excessive drinking with the Europeans kids on Spring Break, is the focus of her new reality show tentatively titled Lohan Beach Club and expected to debut on MTV next year.
I’ve been following all of this and was pleased that Lindsay seemed to be doing a lot better and be a lot happier out of the glare of Hollywood or NYC. I presumed she was sane and healthy again.
I was wrong. Last night, Lindsay took to IG to post from Moscow. I do not know what she was doing in Moscow. I have an idea Lindsay didn’t know what she was doing in Moscow. The video begins with Lindsay videoing herself to get out of her chauffeured car in the middle of traffic and crossing over to the sidewalk where a homeless family was sitting. The parents and their two boys were content and even laughing a bit at Lindsay when she came to”save them.”
“America is watching this. Tell me what you need,” she begins. Then she offers them a hotel and tells the boys they can watch movies. Only it seems she just wants the boys to come away with her to spend the night and leave the parents behind. Then she decides the mother can come, but not the father. I should point out that none of them seem the least bit interested in her, nor is it likely they understand her English interspersed with random Arabic and Spanish phrases. The car is apparently still blocking the street and horns are blaring. She tells the mother she should let her children go with her for a warm bed.
She tells the kids to run to her. She praises Allah in shitty Arabic as the parents are literally laughing in her face. After seven or eight minutes the father decides the crazy woman is never going to leave them alone, so they pack up their cardboard set up and prepare to flee. Lindsay thinks they are finally accepting her invitation to get into her car and gets pissed as they walk off and starts to follow them shouting that they are going the wrong way. The car is still in the middle of the road blocking traffic.
At this point, Lindsay follows the poor family and says she won’t leave until they come with her. Then she gets abusive. “Now I know who you are! Don’t fuck with me!” as they are literally fleeing for their lives. She tries to get the kids to come to her. She screams at the parents that they are not acting like Arabs and are “ruining Arab culture!”
The mother has the youngest boy up off the ground in one hand and the slightly older boy firmly gripped in her other hand. Both boys keep turning around to see if the crazy lady is still following them as they reach the end of an alleyway and try to cross the street. Lindsay is rambling asking if they are her kids or if she is trafficking them. She starts muttering about “Don’t fuck with Pakistan.” Lindsay appeared to reach out to touch the youngest boy and the mother turned around an punched her square in the face!
Lindsay lost all of her accents at the end of the video and the family was able to escape to safety.